Motherly Law

The List: Conversation Hearts 4 Facebook & Twitter Peeps

Who hasn't grabbed a handful of Conversation Hearts and enjoyed reading each little stamped-on saying before popping the sugary candy into his or her mouth? I dare say not many. And yet, the taste is not for everyone; these little candies are loved by some and passed over by others. But even still, it wouldn't be Valentine's Day without them. I think that's something we can all agree on.

The Sweetheart Conversation Heart's are made by NECCO {New England Confectionary Co.} They have been producing them since 1866! Talk about tradition. I, for one, had no idea that these brightly colored sassy and sweet hearts had been around that long.

And they really haven't changed much in all those years. Conversation Hearts are about the only thing that the childhoods of a great-grandparent and his or her great-grandchildren have in common.

These candies are made of "90% sugar, a dash of corn syrup, gelatin, gums, and artificial colors and flavorings," according to the NECCO site. For a short time, the hearts were made with natural colors and flavors, but the taste and consistency were changed and sales dropped dramatically. So, they announced in October of 2011 that they would go back to artificial colors and flavors.

These petite hearts are made from late February to early January, producing 100,000 pounds of candy each day. That adds up to 8 billion little stamped candies, which are sold out in just 6 weeks of the year. Pretty amazing, isn't it? A true American icon.

In the early 1990s, NECCO began adding new sayings to the hearts. So, I thought it would be fun to come up with a list of conversation heart sayings that apply to Twitter and Facebook. Here's what I came up with {and a few from DH}.

1. #VDay
2. I like UR Status
3. B My Tweetie Bird
4. Wanna DM?
5. <3 U!
6. RU on Twitter?
7. #LoveSucks
8. #LoveRocks
9. Tweet Me
10. #SweetTweet
11. Wanna MeetNTweet?
12. Can I be on UR Timeline?
13. Poke Me {Per my DH; in his defense it is a FB feature}
14. Like Me!
15. I Follow Back

What are your favorite sayings? Got any good ones for #SM {social media, that is}. Over and out...

Anna

Motherly Advice {I Dreamed a Dream}

I dreamed a dream that

giraffes were twirling in pink tutus

while bears played violins.

 

I dreamed a dream that

I was talking to children from China, Africa and Belgium

and we could all understand each other.

 

I dreamed a dream that

elephants were having high tea

in the low plains.

 

I dreamed a dream that

the long days of summer never ended

and the sky was always blue.

 

I dreamed a dream that

I floated to the moon in a hot air balloon.

 

I dreamed a dream that

Butterflies were singing opera.

 

I dreamed a dream

and you can too....

~Anonymous

These dreams may seem outlandish and a bit like the opium induced images of Coleridge's pleasure dome of Kubla Khan, but to me they merely speak of tapping into one's imagination. I read it as portal to dreams and ideas yet unspoken; a world where anything is possible.

Here, and in one's own mind, there are no limits as to what we can come up with; what we can do. We are resourceful and creative beings. Life is about problem solving and resiliency. We must be able to dream and think without any restraints to creatively and completely resolve every issue that is tossed our way.

When we do this, life is not rocky and uncertain. If we know that no obstacle is too large because we'll find a way to go over it, under it, around it or through it, then we are free to enjoy these pie in the sky kind of dreams that lead to unfettered ideas and solutions.

What dreams have you dared to dream? Over and out...

Anna

Celebrity Watch: Our Emotional Connections {Inspired by Klum v. Seal}

Hollywood Divorce

So, Heidi Klum filed for divorce from Seal this week. Why is this headline news? This is certainly neither the first, nor the last celebrity divorce in the news. We watch them all with interest. Why are we concerned with the affairs of people we don't know; people we have never even met and more than likely will never meet?

The breakup of a marriage and a family is always sad, regardless of who the people are or the reasons why. People are people no matter their profession or social status, and all people feel anger, loss and sadness. But what makes the general public feel such an intense interest in a celebrity's life; whether it's a marriage, a divorce, a birth, a death or other event?

Feeling a Kinship

Clearly, much of the general public does feel this way. There are numerous blogs, publications, televisions shows and books devoted to this very topic. It's a multi-million dollar industry. We love to see what a celebrity is up to; how they live their lives. This seems to be particularly true about certain celebrity couples; couples deemed to be "normal" or "down-to-earth"; couples who stay married more than 5 years; couples who seem private and quiet; couples who seem to be happy and in love.

From all the media coverage sharing the romantic tidbits, the private moments, the glamorous getaways, the special gifts displayed for all to see we think we know them; we connect with them. I think that for many this exposure gives them a feeling of kinship with the celebrity couple; as in "if they can do it, so can we" or "we're rooting for you" sort of way.

Great Expectations

Or perhaps we are projecting our own relationships onto the celebrity couples and relying on them to pull through and make it and live happily ever after just like in the movies. Often that is not the case, especially for those matches made in Hollywood.

We know this. It's always been the case. There aren't many of these marriages that last a lifetime. Celebrities don't usually mate for life; instead many of them change spouses as often as they change movie roles.

Too harsh? Perhaps. But stop and think about the celebrities that we put on pedestals; those whom we feel disappointed in or let down by when we hear that he or she cheated or that he or she was abusive, etc. ; why do we put faith in these people? Why do we expect more from them? Why do we need them to stay married, be good husbands and wives and ride off in the sunset together?

Hollywood Splits Good for Our Marriages?

These celebrity marriages {& dissolutions} have nothing to do with our lives; with our marriages. And yet, we continue to buy People magazine; we continue to tune into to the celebrity gossip sites; and we continue to discuss their engagements, weddings, parenting choices and breakups with our friends and have an opinion about it all.

As it turns out, psychoanalysts say we do identify with various celebrities or perhaps see a particular celebrity couple as having things in common with our own marriages, and we have an emotional connection to them because of these similarities. So, when something like a divorce occurs, we do feel a little like it's happening to us. We feel the sadness and heartbreak as we imagine they are feeling too.

However, experts say this can also encourage us to look at our own marriages and learn positive lessons from the demise of our favorite celebrity couple. These breakups may prompt us to ask questions like, "could this happen to us?" In fact, the report of a celebrity couple filing for divorce could be a good way to bring up issues in your own relationship that are of concern to you or areas that need improvement, etc.

The Scoop

So, if you're feeling a trace of sadness over the announcement that Heidi Klum has filed for divorce after 7 years of marriage to Seal, you're only human and it could actually be good for your marriage. Over and out...

Anna

Focus, Focus: A Head Full of Words and Ideas

Thoughts Tumbling Out

Sometimes my 3 year-old has trouble getting his words out. It's not that he doesn't know what he wants to say; he does. It's that he has so much to say that the words all tumble together and get stuck trying to get out. It's frustrating to him, but with patience {on our part} and focus {on his part} he can communicate his usually complex, thoughtful, interesting words. My 5 year-old went through this same thing.

When you have a lot of observations, creative ideas and long-pondered questions about the world running around in your head it's hard not to lose focus and stumble and wobble a bit. I understand this. I'm feeling like this right now.

Irons in the Fire

I have a number of irons in the fire, so to speak. I tend to do this. I always have. But I thrive on new, fresh activity. I find inspiration in a crammed calendar, back-to-back coffee dates and the need to be resourceful all the while working on about 6 new ideas.

The trouble comes when I try to make all fronts productive simultaneously. It's hard to keep a clear focus on all projects at one time. When I'm going 8 directions something is going to suffer. Right now, it seems it's my baby, Motherly Law.

No worries though. I still have many ideas for this almost 2 year-old venture, but it has been taking a backseat to my brand new baby, Norwex and the blog that goes along with that, State of Clean. I'm really proud of that venture too. {Unabashed Self-Promotion: Same great writing at State of Clean; if I do say so, myself. So, please check that site out too.}

The Scoop

As you know with a new baby, attention must be focused on the baby's schedule and core development. So, Motherly Law has been left to its own devices a bit. I still posting, just not as often as I'd like. However, in just over a month, it'll be time to celebrate Motherly Law's birthday and the focus will be back here.

And the other irons in the fire? Well, you'll have to stay tuned, but I will tell you there are a couple of other blogs I would really like to create and I'm working on 2 books. So, you can see how the words and ideas sometimes get clogged together and make me lose focus on certain projects, but I'm still here; and I still love Motherly Law; it's where I share my heart and soul. I hope you'll have patience with me and that you still love Motherly Law too.

What inspiring activities/ventures are you up to in 2012? Have you got a bunch of irons in the fire too? Over and out...

Anna

When We Kick the Bucket: Finding the File

Life is beautiful and terribly tragic all in one breath. We can't see what the future holds, but must carry on with faith from one day to the next. While dwelling on death and destruction is morbid and depressing, preparing and easing the strain on our loved ones should something happen is one of the best gifts imaginable.

I have written about the documents you need, the discussions you should have and the key decisions to be made should anything happen to you and/or your spouse/partner, but I haven't mentioned that you should also know how and where to find all the key information in this worst case scenario. Of course, this applies to you and your honey, but I'm also talking about knowing where your parents', in-laws' and/or grandparents' important information is stored.

This kind of information is easy to skip over. My parents always tell me where their "file" is when they are about to embark on a trip, but honestly I just don't want to think about their eventual, inevitable absence and kind of just gloss over their explanation. I think I could find it, but don't know precisely what they have said to me over the years. I have a friend whose parents call this file the "When we kick the bucket" file in an attempt to make the subject more light hearted. She and her sister know where to locate this file.

Knowing the account numbers and locations, portfolios, amounts, properties owned, debts, credits due and preferences immediately upon incapacitation or death can be a huge help to those left to handle the situation while grieving a loss. Getting all of this information together is the first step, as I have discussed before, but then next step to discuss where you have the information.

It all sounds very simple and it's something many of our parents have done, but heaven help the person who might have to go through and find our information and accounts. I certainly do not have a "When we kick the bucket" file. I think those of us in our 20s, 30s and 40s are still in the "I'm invincible" phase to a degree when it comes to this topic. We are too busy running to and from work, cooking dinner, helping our kids with their activities and school, paying bills and getting by from day to day to think about the end of our days, until something happens. When that something happens, it might be too late.

It's a difficult topic to discuss altogether, especially when we think of our children and our mortality and our emotions get the best of us, but the hard truth is that we simply don't know what each day holds. Disaster and death can occur at anytime, not just when we are about to embark on a long distance trip to an island across an ocean or to the opposite side of the world. So, start talking and once you have decided the horribly complicated questions about guardianship, executed and signed all the key documents, gathered your information into one place with directions regarding accounts, etc. and have a "When we kick the bucket" file, tell a few people who need to know where it is.

Now, to heed my own advice; that is the difficult part of this issue. Over and out...

Anna

The List: The Fickle World of Toys

Toys that Seemed Like a Good Idea {But Weren't}

1. Moon Sand. Contrary to the description on the package; this is basically colored sand and nothing like clay or play-doh; I don't need colored sand in my house.
2. Card Games. For some children of certain ages, this is probably a great idea, but for two active, young boys, a card game simply ends in a mess of cards scattered all over the table and floor and 4 disgruntled participants.
3. Anything not made of the strongest materials on the market. IT WILL break within 24 hours if bought at the dollar store, in the dollar area or just generally cheaply made.
4. Kid Camera. For the price, you might as well just buy a cheap real digital camera that will actually work.
5. Toy Laptop. They use it to pretend sometimes, but it has never taken the place of one of our real laptops or smartphones.

Toys I Wasn't Sure Were a Good Idea {But Were}

1. Any and Every Costume. They love to get dressed up and play. While I have never paid much for Halloween costumes, we definitely get our money's worth and more from them.
2. Large Cardboard Bricks. At first I thought they were a mistake, but with time the bricks have been used to build structures for the Cars vehicles and Toy Story characters, walls for their "Café" that includes their play kitchen and obstacles to be knocked down.
3. Anything from the Imaginext Line. These toys are large, but inspire creative play. The space shuttle and launch pad, bat cave and airplane carrier and more have been involved in many missions, involving super heroes, cars, animals and more; and what's more, they're sturdy.

Toys that Have Stood the Test of Time

1. Stuffed Animals. Whether being cuddled or caught or re-enacting a Disney movie, the boys' giant pile of stuffed animals remains.
2. Books. A favorite book is a favorite book, no matter how much time has passed.
3. Sports Equipment. Balls, bats, racquets and more have been played with from the time that Darling 1 was a tiny tot and continue to get lots of action.
4. Any kind of connecting blocks. Legos and Duplo Mega Blocks have always been a favorite too. And as the boys grow, they grow into the smaller and more complicated Legos, but still use and incorporate the larger pieces too.

Most toys come {and break} and go, but a few stick around. My mother-in-law still has a number of toys from when her 30 something boys were youngsters that her grandkids now enjoy just as much. Choosing which toys will stand the test of time and be worth your hard earned money is much harder than it appears.

Which toys have stood the test of time in your home? Over and out...

Anna

Motherly Advice {An Investment in Trust}

Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon him and to let him know that you trust him.

~Booker T. Washington

As a parent, you have to know when to push, or at least gently nudge, and when to stand back and let your child make decisions for him or herself and trust those decisions. Some kids are easy going, outgoing and jump right into new activities, groups, etc. Other kids are observant, slow to join or participate, apprehensive, yet curious and attentive.

The latter type can't be forced, cajoled or bribed into doing something or going somewhere he or she doesn't want to do and go. I know this from experience. I am one of these people...and I gave birth to two people of this nature.

The trick is to be patient and know that when the time is right, your child will join in; will do whatever it is you want him or her to do; will follow along or even lead the way. The more you push and pull this person towards the rejected idea, the apprehensive child will shut down and the struggle will take much longer than if you, the parent, had quietly stood alongside your observing child waiting for him or her to make the decision. Again, I know this from experience.

In the last week of school prior to the winter break, Darling 1's school had a Polar Express Day. The kids were going to watch the movie Polar Express. The kids could also wear pajamas to school. It was supposed to be a fun day. It wasn't for my kid.

In the weeks leading up to Polar Express Day, Darling 1 expressed anxiety about the movie he had not seen; he was concerned about wearing pajamas to school; he was really stressed out about the whole idea of the day. I offered to get the movie for him to watch before that day. He told him we could go pick out new pajamas for him to wear. I told him it would be alright.

But he didn't budge on any of his worries. I knew his anxieties were real to him. I knew it was supposed to be fun for the students; a reward at the end of the semester. I knew it wouldn't be fun for my son.

So, I told my son, who had not missed a single day of school from September to December, he didn't have to go to school that day. If he chose, he could stay home. I gave him the power to choose.

He chose to miss that day. I let his teacher know that he was not sick and explained his concerns and his decision. And thankfully, she supported us in this.

I want my son to know he can trust us when it comes to his feelings and thoughts. I want him to know we trust him to recognize his limits and make decisions for himself. It's not just about this one day or one experience; it's about investing in his future; building his confidence and allowing him some power to control his actions and surroundings.

Sometimes there are reasons to gently nudge him toward an activity or opportunity; and we ask him, will you regret this if you miss this chance? He's in touch with his feelings enough to know the answer to this question.

Polar Express Day was not one of these times. There was no reason to cause added stress; there was no reason he had to go to school that day.

Say what you will, but I know that we made the right decision to allow our son to make the choice for himself that day. Over and out...

Anna

House Rules: Dropping the F-Bomb {On a Soapbox}

Dirty Words

Each household has its own version of "Seven Dirty Words." Often words like "shut up" or "poopy head" or "stupid" or "fart" are on this list. Of course, there's the R rated adult versions too; you know the words I'm talking about. I don't think I have to outline George Carlin's list of words you can never say on TV {or in this case, in front of your child}.

This week's episode of Modern Family that aired on Wednesday drew much fire before it aired because it was to have a toddler saying her first expletive. "Lily" is actually saying "fudge." The word was to be bleeped out and her mouth obscured by pixilation during that portion of the episode.

A Parenting Thing

An 18 year old college student who began the "No Cussing Club" in 2007 was asking ABC to pull this episode due to the F word issue. ABC had no comment, but the creator and executive producer of the sitcom told the Television Critics Association that he was "proud and excited" about this plotline. He added that the show is not sexually charged; instead this is a very natural story since most parents have been through this scenario.

I agree. Who among us hasn't experienced an awkward situation when the 2 year old says a naughty word {over and over} while in public or an older child, trying to assert his or her power tries on an adult size naughty word in front of grandma, having overheard it from mom, dad, the babysitter, the TV, older cousins, from classmates, etc. OK, we both know that more than likely the offending source was one of the parents. But, sometimes it's not me {for the record}.

I know I've certainly been there when the toddler won't heed your glares and silent threats to stop the shouts of "poopy head" as you careen up and down the aisles of Target trying to keep your head low and get in and out when nothing works to quell the 2 or 3 year-old's loud outbursts. {And FYI, I don't say poopy head...that one seems to have come from the preschool set.}

Naughty Words

Whether you're one to drop the so-called f-bomb or substitute fiddlesticks or fudgesicles or shitake {mushrooms}, fashizzle or some other word, you still mean the same thing and it carries the same impetus. You're kids aren't dumb; they know what you mean. And in my opinion, it's the same thing, regardless of the word you use. {But that is actually an entirely different argument than the one I mean to make here.}

The point here is that this is a "parent thing"; something the 18 year-old "King of the No Cussing Club" wouldn't know anything about. In fact, if anything, parenthood has actually increased my inclination to use words from Carlin's Dirty Word List; well, parenting and golfing.

Kids will repeat the naughty words you use; no matter what you classify as a "bad word." This is a lesson that you and your child will have to learn; probably many times over through the years. This is an area we've already visited...several times.

The Scoop

Friends, no need to comment about my {sometimes public} lessons I've learned on this topic.... Oh, and Your Royal Highness of No Cussing, all you did was get more people to watch this episode. I don't normally watch Modern Family or any TV for that matter, but you have now drawn attention to this particular episode and the sitcom altogether. In the name of class, I'm resisting the urge to include an expletive laced witty title, but I've got some good ones. Over and out....

Anna

Brave Heart: Wearing Your Heart on Your Sleeve

Courage. A word often associated with soldiers; describing someone facing a difficult mental or physical task; synonymous with bravery and valor. A good word to describe all of those situations. Incidentally, the root of the word courage is the Latin cor, meaning heart.

There is another definition for this word; an obsolete definition. In this definition "Courage" means the heart as a source of emotion; compassion, empathy, spirit. This courage is a matter of speaking, feeling and living what's in one's heart.

Couldn't we all stand to do a little more of this? Living through our hearts. Of course, this is a much more vulnerable way to live life. It will allow one to feel more; more of everything.

This means exposing yourself to criticism, ridicule and fear. It also means being true to one's self; accepting who you and others are and embracing that.

Living life with courage, or heart, is a full life; a more satisfying life in the end. It means truly experiencing empathy and compassion for others. It is an all encompassing emotion.

Few of us can actually live life in this way. Most of us let other trivial things block the vessels leading in and out of our hearts. Most of us can't handle the depths of feeling that living with courage requires.

To live with this "obsolete" courage, one must be willing and able to tap into his or her very core {which coincidentally is also from the Latin word cor meaning heart} and allow those emotions and thoughts to flow through. Imagine the possibilities that opening up one's heart and emotions holds for each of us.

Why has courage lost this meaning and been replaced with the definition of mental or moral resilience to face danger, difficulties, adverse circumstances and fear? Perhaps it was because over time the vulnerability from living through our hearts became too much to bear and those who showed mental and physical strength in sealing off those emotions and forging ahead no matter what began to be revered for their fortitude. And as the years bore down on us, the human race relied upon shutting off the emotions more and more to make it through each day.

I would argue that this is no way to live; I advocate for this "obsolete" courage; this complete feeling; this deep spirit. We must embrace our inner strength by expressing our hearts' inclinations; we must wear our hearts on our sleeves; openly showing the colors of our hearts. And really, a person does have to be brave to live a life that exposes what's in his or her heart. Are you willing to try living life with this "obsolete" courage? Over and out...

Anna

F is for Fear: Bad School Policies Affecting Good Kids {On a Soapbox....on a Tuesday}

School Contraband

I really hate the stories about the students, mostly boys, who once at school discover they have accidently brought a toy gun or small pocket knife in their backpack, book bag, lunch box or coat pocket; who report this to the teacher because the student knows this is contraband that shouldn't be at school; only to be tossed out of school and receive a record of bringing a "weapon" to school and a school suspension.

A boy from Georgia did just this a week or so ago. While in chess club, the 13 year old middle school student, discovered the 1.5 inch knife in the military style bag his aunt bought at a yard sale and gave him as a Christmas gift. The boy, upon discovering this knife, immediately alerted his teacher. His reward for this honest act? A 4-day, in-school suspension.

The Wrong Message

I can't tell you how angry this story and others like it make me. Disciplining an honest, well-meaning child in this way teaches two negative lessons: 1) don't tell the truth and 2) justice is a fraud.

We tell our children to tell the truth; honesty is the best policy. We tell our children that justice will prevail; the innocent will be free and the guilty punished.

And yet, our schools have responded to isolated incidents of evilness with fear. This fear has caused them to write harsh and unfair policies regarding ANY "weapons" brought to school, whether real or perceived, under ANY circumstances.

Lessons Learned

These school policies teach children to hide the truth {and the contraband} should they make such a discovery in their bags or pockets. These policies teach children that mens rea, or intent, doesn't matter, motives are unimportant, they are guilty by association and the school need not have any evidence to present against them to be found guilty of this "crime." These are lessons our students will learn at a young age and take with them all through school and into their adulthood.

We have thrown out the common sense response to the self-reporting of accidently {or unbeknownst to the student, as in this case} bringing a toy weapon or small knife to school. The response in such cases should be kind and appreciative. We should applaud and welcome those who come forward to admit the mistake and turn in the contraband; then remind all the students of the dangers of having any weapons, toy or otherwise, at school for a variety of reasons and tell them to carefully check their bags and remove any such items before coming to school.

The Scoop

Schools, in trying to protect the students, have instead hurt some of the "good" students. These policies are bad. These kinds of stories almost always make the news because they are unjust policies. Why must we punish the truthful, rule-following, upstanding students? The simple answer is Fear.

Fear controls much of how we run our lives. We must overcome fear and recognize the difference between students who are a threat and in need of intervention and students who are well-meaning, good kids, who sometimes make and honest mistake. Over and out...

Anna