Motherly Law

Pulling Permits: Doing it Right if You’re DIY

Design Choices

We stood for what seemed like hours looking at the choices. There were various sizes, designs and materials to choose from. I knew what I wanted, but still once we got it and began cutting that was it. Will didn't quite see my vision and was concerned about the cuts.

We did finally choose base boards for our dining room. Then began the process of measuring, cutting, fitting, re-cutting and fitting again, painting, etc. It was a long process. We got better at cutting trim for corners, but this was our first experience, and of course, we went big with it.

It's about twice the height of most trim and I think it makes the room. I love the way it turned out. It was a labor of love, as was picking out the paint colors for each room of the house, changing the light fixtures out to match our style and breathing new life into an old, dark breezeway. That's the beauty of doing it yourself.

Doing-It-Yourself

We're generally do-it-yourself kind of folks. And that isn't because we're experts in home repair/remodeling, it's because I think we're industrious and resourceful enough {notice the stress on I. I always have to convince Will of this fact}; and we don't have the extra money to spend for someone else to do the work. That is, until it goes beyond our "expertise."

There are a few things we don't mess with. We have hired real experts to put in new windows, repair the heating and air systems and we do call the plumber when the problem is beyond our limited knowledge.

And yet, I am pretty proud of the work we've done in our house; mostly painting, adding trim and putting in new flooring and other things of that nature. Of course, this was all accomplished pre-kids and the house is now in sore need of a refreshing coat. We did take the first step and have sanded our doors and trim in an attempt to propel ourselves into this project, although that is the extent of the second round of the house re-do, so far.

We'll get around to it again....eventually.

We aren't alone in the DIY camp. As the economy crunches down on Middle America many homeowners opt to remodel instead of sell and buy again. A simple or complex re-do or new-do to your home can increase the worth of your home when you do sell or can make you, the homeowner, more content when it comes to living in this space that has either become a tight space for your family or just deteriorated with your day-to-day living.

Permits

But do you know when you should "pull a permit"? And do you realize that not knowing this could land you in a heap of trouble? Yep, you could end up owing a ton in fines or even wind up in court over failing to get permits for certain construction/remodel jobs in your home.

The good news is that it's simple to stay on the right side of the law. Here's what you need to know:

What Projects Require a Permit?

1. It's always a good idea to check with your municipality, but generally projects that involve structural changes, demolition, electrical or plumbing changes, etc. require a permit.
2. Often, large projects like a kitchen remodel and the like require more than 1 permit for the whole project.

Why Bother Getting a Permit?

1. If you don't get a permit and you get caught, you could pay a large fine; which will cost you much more than the original permit would have cost.
2. If you didn't get a permit/have an inspection {and should have} and later have a need to file an insurance claim regarding that work, they may not pay the claim.
3. Failure to get permits may even risk insurance coverage/rates.
4. You may have trouble with an inspection when/if you try to sell your home.

When Should the Permit be Obtained?

1. The first thing to do, before beginning the project, is to obtain a permit.
2. If a contractor is performing the work, it's probably best to have the contractor pull the permit; some cities even require that.
3. Be sure to properly display the permit while the work is being performed.
4. If work is started without a permit and the city notices this, all work will be halted until a permit is obtained, and a fine will be assessed.

The best rule of thumb? When in doubt, always check. In this case, it's better safe than sorry. Knowing this information and following the law will save you time and money down the road, especially if the work is not up to code when an inspector comes through when you're trying to sell.

In the Name of Safety

The purpose behind requiring permits is safety. If you have a permit, the work must be inspected by a city official when completed in order to close the permit. This requirement insures that the work was done correctly and is up to Code. If it wasn't, it can be fixed right away before causing damage, which could potentially harm the inhabitants of the home and perhaps even neighbors, etc.

The Scoop

If you choose to ignore your local government's code, you will be breaking the law; and in the end your project will cost you much more than you anticipated. It may seem like a hassle to have to "pull permits" and pay the permit fee(s) and have an inspector come, but in the long run, you'll be glad you did. Over and out...

Anna

 

A List: Boys at Play {Sounds}

Do you ever listen to your kids playing? I mean when they're completely immersed in another world and totally in character; when they aren't arguing with each other or trying to get attention from mom or dad and just creatively and joyfully playing?

Well, sometimes I stop what I'm doing and sit listening to their sounds. Boys make such interesting sounds. Whether playing Cars or super heroes, special agent super spies, pirates or a combination of all of these there is no shortage of screeching motors, explosions, shooting, crashing and bashing. Perhaps girls do this too, but there was no need for those kinds of sounds as I played with Barbies and dolls {I admit I was a total girlie girl} and that's the extent of my knowledge of girls; my own experience.

Last night I took the time to record the sounds in this list, as best I could through letters instead of actual sounds, as the boys played out sequences of Cars 2, both from the movie and of their own creations.

They were oblivious to my eavesdropping as they fired off various sounds and dialogue back and forth between their legions of Cars {We have quite a collection of little Pixar Cars}. Their talent in making such interesting and complex sounds amazes me {many I could not adequately capture with letters; I hope you can translate these and use your imagination}.

• Da da da, da da da {the background music to their play – they always add music to their play}
• Hiyah!
• Grrrr
• Pow!
• Boom!
• Aaaaahhhhh
• Pee yow yow, peyow peyow!
• PShoo, Pshoo
• Mrrrrrrrr
• Rerererere
• Sputter
• Bam!
• Neenenenenene
• Crash!
• Bang!
• Kablooey!
• Pshhhhhhhhhh
• Rrrrrrrmmmmmmm
• Wwawwawwa
• SHhhhhh Bing!

Aren't kids interesting? I wonder if they'll retain these sound making skills as they grow and mature. Or do they lose this skill as they leave their little boy toys and games behind for big boy toys and games? I hope they always recall these happy sounds of play; I know I will. Over and out...

Anna

Motherly Advice: Speaking the Language {& Color} of Love

I love you as much as I love Green.

~Darling 1 to me, his Mommy

This might not sound like much to you, but you don't know how much this kid loves the color Green. He told me this the night before I left to go to Texas for a week. I knew what he was telling me. It melted my heart.

I have never been one to have a favorite color. For me, it all depends on what we're talking about. I have favorite color for clothes; a favorite lipstick color; favorite color schemes in rooms, etc. But I do not have a favorite end-all, always gonna pick it color.

For as long as Darling 1 could differentiate between colors, he has been choosing Green. Varying shades of Green are fine, but a true, bright Green is his favorite. Regardless of whether picking a coat, a sucker, or a crayon, I know which color he'll want. It's actually kind of nice; something predictable about a very unpredictable kid.

Then, last night Will and I were watching Green Lantern {the movie} and Hal Jordan, new to Planet OA, asked his fellow Green Lantern guide, "What's with all the Green?" And his guide, said "Green is the color of will." Will is what gives them their strength.

Now, I know that this is just a movie {even though in our house the world of Super Heroes sure seems like real life}, but suddenly Darling 1's choice of color all made sense. Darling 1 is full of will; his strong will is the source of his mental power.

Darling 1 refuses to take No for an answer. He negotiates; he makes good, strong arguments; he won't give up. He is undeterred by authority. He has the power of words on his side. His resourcefulness is unending.

While these traits are frustrating and challenging from a parent's point of view, I am so proud of his determined, willful nature. I know this innate stubborn will will serve him well as he grows, faces challenges of his own and searches for the answers in life.

Darling 2 has chosen his favorite color now. He says it's Green, as well. Little Brothers often follow in the tracks of Big Brothers, but I can confirm that Darling 2 certainly has the same level of sheer will power as Darling 1, if not more; and he's working on developing his persuasive arguments too.

I think I've got two strong Green Lanterns on my hands; and their strength, will, resourcefulness and love will only grow with time. It's my job to make sure their wills are not crushed, broken or twisted along the way.

I stand as a Guardian to these two Lanterns {to make another Green Lantern reference}, helping shape them and challenging them to push limits and grow. So, when Darling 1 tells me he loves me as much as Green, I'll take that and cherish it! Over and out...

Anna

The View from the Passenger’s Seat: Distracted Driving {On a Soapbox}

Dallas Morning Traffic

As we sped along in the Dallas morning traffic, my mom noticed that he seemed to be texting. I was seated directly behind him and couldn't see his phone. She spoke up; prompted by all the information she's absorbed from Motherly Law over the last two years.

She kindly, but firmly explained {our} strict no phone use while driving policy. She told him I'd been on a national panel on distracted driving; I had done research; I'd written articles; and we were serious. He said he wasn't texting. He seemed surprised by our hard line stance. He said he wouldn't use it.

He still answered the phone and then placed a quick call while he drove on the highway. He wasn't even using a hands-free device; not that it matters to me. My rule is NO PHONES while DRIVING...Period. Later, he fussed and fiddled with his GPS mechanism that had stopped working en route to my destination.

I didn't say anything after our first explanation of no phones while driving. All the while I was wrestling with myself as to what to say; what to do. Here I was a passenger in a vehicle where the driver was using his handheld phone, texting or checking email or something that looked like that, messing with his GPS settings, and I felt trapped.

Paying Passenger

Here's the part that really bothered me; I was in a taxi. I was paying this person to drive me. Shouldn't I be able to tell him if I didn't like the way he was driving if he was being reckless or distracted; driving too fast or going out of the way or missing a turn, etc.?

I'm not speaking about legal issues here. Civil and criminal negligence involving a crash and injuries or death are one thing and laws cover those issues. What I'm pondering is while riding as a passenger is it considered rude or overstepping to tell a paid driver whether or not he can use the phone while driving me?

Part of me says absolutely not. I have a right to be safe while in a vehicle regardless of who is driving. In fact, part of me says that I have even more right to tell him how to drive since I'm paying him to drive me. The other part of me doesn't want to anger the stranger driving me by having strict rules regarding his driving habits.

By the by, in the end, I had to use my GPS on my phone to direct him to my destination since his GPS locked up. I felt safer and in control; two things I like.

Federal Government's Crusade

Incidentally, on Thursday the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) proposed guidelines for vehicle manufacturers that would aid in their development of electronic devices and in-vehicle technology; helping to balance what the consumers want with sufficient safety.

These guidelines also suggest disabling a number of the electronic devices available while the vehicle is in motion with exception to passenger devices or those that can't be reached or viewed by the driver, including "visual-manual text messaging, Internet and social media browsing, 10-digit phone dialing, navigation system destination entries by address and displaying more than 30 characters of text unrelated to the driving task."

While these proposed guidelines are voluntary, the Alliance of Automobile Manufacturers, a coalition of 12 car and light truck manufacturers, helped craft these guidelines and are not expected to be burdensome to the manufacturers.

If you have an opinion regarding these proposed guidelines published in the Federal Register, the public has 60 days to comment before public hearings are held in D.C., L.A. and Chicago to discuss the proposed guidelines.

U.S. Transportation Sec. LaHood has been on a crusade for the last several years, as have I, to raise awareness to the reckless, needless tragedy of distracted driving. Over 3000 people died in 2010 as a result of distracted driving. President Obama has called for $330 million over 6 years to aid distracted driving awareness programs.

The Scoop

It's my position that while this is an extremely important issue it shouldn't take a single dime to convince drivers to do the right thing; the thing that saves lives; lives that could be theirs or their families' lives. That is, simply put the phone away while driving. Nothing is more important than a life. These are words I have repeated over and over in the last two years, and I stand by them. Words to live {& not die} by: Phone Down, Eyes Up! Enough Said.

Psst! Grab my Phone Down, Eyes Up Button {copy the code under the distracted driving button on the top right column and put it on your blog/website} and check out the links to all my distracted driving posts from the past two years, plus my 2012 Phone Down Eyes Up Challenge. Thanks for your support. Over and out...

Anna

Standing Still While Time Passes in a Blur: Laws of Time & People

On my recent trip to Texas I have come up with a few "laws" concerning the passage of time and its effect on people. As I've mentioned in the past, Texas is my homeland; where my people reside. I was fortunate enough to have the chance to visit with family, both young and old, by blood and by marriage, as well as see friends from college; even more importantly, my sorority sisters.

I have known these people at most for my entire life and least for several decades. I am not a stranger to them and they are certainly not unfamiliar to me. These are people I have shared my life with, the good times and bad times. There have been many laughs and just as many tears. These are some of the most important people in my life.

As time marches on, much seems to stand still. We all move along the continuum of time entering new phases of life as we leave other stages behind, and yet some things just never change. Here are the observations I've made on the "Laws of People and Time":

1. People don't really change; time softens the hard edges or chisels deep, sharp chasms into the soul; and sometimes life does both at various times;
2. Even though time, life {and kids} have long since ravaged our young, svelte, wrinkle free bodies, we still look the same to each other;
3. Those close knit friendships forged during those formative college years are friends for life;
4. No matter how old you are, you are always your mom's child;
5. Old wounds can be as raw as when the dagger first struck if flooded with old memories;
6. Family ties don't have to be broken by divorce;
7. We are products of our roots, surroundings and experiences;
8. Our love for such friends and family is not diminished by time, distance or circumstances, but remains for a lifetime.

We can't stop time from ticking away second by second, minute by minute, day by day, or year by year, but that's alright because there are some things that time can't take away or ever change. These things simply define who we are, strive to be or have overcome.

Clearly, I'm still feeling nostalgic after my trip to Texas. Over and out...

Anna

Love: Always the Best Answer

On this, the day we celebrate Love above all other days of the year, I have been thinking about what LOVE means. Of course, there are different kinds of love: parental, romantic, self, etc. My focus here is on general love of others.

I have been thinking about love a lot lately. And this is what I believe about love.

 

Love is NOT Limiting, Restricting or Conditional.

Love is NOT Prejudicial or Judgmental.

Love is NOT a Bargaining Chip.

Love is Pure.

Love is Simple and yet Complicated all at the same time.

Love is Accepting even when there is not understanding.

Love is Forgiving.

Love is Ongoing.

Love is a Gift to yourself.

Love is Liberating.

It actually takes much less energy to love than to hate or judge. It's not our job to decide whether a person is a sinner or a saint; yet often times that is our first reaction. Though some may be harder to love than others, everyone is worthy of love.

Decisions made or left undecided; mistakes committed; roads taken or abandoned; words spoken or left unsaid; all of these things can destroy love or make it much harder to love. But with much soul searching and thoughtful discourse, love will always be the easiest and best answer.

Happy Valentine's Day. Here's to love; whatever that means to you. Over and out...

Anna

A Motley Crew: Resources for Travel Insurance Information

Travel Crews

I love a motley crew. It generally makes me feel good about mankind. And it always makes for an interesting story. By definition, a motley crew is a non-uniform group characterized by characters of conflicting personality, varying backgrounds and a wide array of methods for overcoming adversity.

I love a group of unconnected people coming together and joining forces to make the most of an adverse situation; strangers becoming their own community. Very often these little communities are formed around weather-related disasters, travel inconveniences or other drastic situations.

Boise to Salt Lake City

My last year of law school, Will and I traveled to Boise, ID for a job interview with a federal court judge on January 1, 2000. We were prepared for computer-related pandemonium as Y2K unfolded. But there were no inconveniences on the way there other than the fact that I was sick and flying, which is never a good thing. Our stay and the interview were pretty inconsequential.

On our last day we headed to the airport, ready to get back home to OK. Our first flight to Salt Lake City was delayed for an undetermined time. The minutes turned into hours...and hours...and hours. Apparently, our airplane was experiencing mechanical difficulties and had never even taken off from Salt Lake. We were resigned to get home whenever we got there; making necessary phone calls and sitting back to read while we waited.

There was a young soldier there waiting too. He was from ID and was going back to his base. He was very young and very concerned he wasn't going to make it back in time. He happened to be stationed in Lawton, OK.

As the hours slipped by, the very accommodating and kind gate agent worked to rebook all of our flights. A few were dispatched to other flights leaving at other gates in the airport, but a fair number of the group remained at the mercy of this one flight. We were re-booked to leave Boise late that night, spend the night in Salt Lake City and fly to OKC the next day.

Working Together

This young soldier pleaded with the lady behind the desk, telling her there were no excuses. He simply had to be on his base by 8 am the next morning. He was running out of time. Neither he nor the gate agent was familiar with alternate airports in the area to get him to Lawton in time.

Will and I were very familiar with that area. The four of us began working together to get him on flights that would take within reach of his destination. We finally found connecting flights on a different airline that had him flying all night, then taking a cab for the last hour of his trip and arriving no later than 8 a.m.; that is, as long as we made it out of Boise on the last flight.

We began talking to other passengers; hearing their stories and sharing ours. In the end, there were 5 of us, flying to Salt Lake, staying the night at the same hotel {without our luggage} and then catching the shuttle back to the airport early in the morning to fly to our various destinations.

We did finally make it on the last flight leaving Boise that night with the best flight crew I've ever encountered. The pilots flew as fast they could go to get our young soldier to Salt Lake to his connecting flight. The flight attendant plied us with as many snacks as she could muster up in her little compartments since we hadn't had dinner and the Boise airport isn't full of restaurants.

When we landed, we made room for our young soldier to run off the plane, calling out well-wishes and bidding him to RUN! I've always wondered if he made it, and I like to think he did. After all, we were all working together to get him there.

The remaining five members of our group made our way to the airline office to request our "overnight toiletry bags" and waited for each other to go out to the hotel shuttle. On the way to the hotel, we chatted as if we were traveling together.

The next morning we traveled back to the airport with a few of them since we were all traveling to different destinations and were on flights leaving at different times. Of course, we would never cross paths with these people again; and yet, they have a place in my memory forever.

Travel Delays

I'm pretty good at dealing with traveling bumps and hiccups. I've had my fair share over the years. It's the actual flying that gives me pause. However, once I step across the gap between the jet way and the airplane, I'm resigned to whatever the outcome is to be.

Everyone has different feelings about flying. Some love it; some hate it; and others don't care one way or the other. I have a love/hate relationship with flying, and it's difficult to explain.

Lately, I've started buying travel insurance when I purchase my airline ticket. It's surprising to me that I haven't always purchased travel insurance in my years of traveling. I have a penchant for getting sick at the wrong times and can easily conjure up perceived trouble relating to airplanes.

Travel Insurance

Apparently, I'm not alone in this change of heart regarding travel insurance. Since the 9/11 tragedy, the percent of travelers purchasing travel insurance has gone from 10% to 30% or more.

Here are a couple of articles with great information about when to purchase travel insurance and what type is best for what type of trip:

1. Do You Need Travel Insurance? This article from Today Travel is an older one, but I think the information is good with lots of points to ponder;

2. Advice on Buying Travel Insurance and Travel Insurance Tips from Travel Sense does a good job of explaining the types available and the coverage provided, plus gives advice on when to buy, etc.

The Scoop

When I fly I am always a little amazed and quite relieved when the plane I'm on safely touches down from the flight. Paranoid? A little. But you'd never know it if you encountered me on a flight. And, if you need someone to join your motley crew to help make it through a travel delay or snag in your travel plans, I'm just the person for that. Over and out...

Anna

On the Road Again: Texas Roots & a Sisterly Bond

Texas My Texas

No matter how long I live in another state, going to Texas will always feel like going home. This is not because I miss living there or dislike where I live now; I don't. I love Minnesota and all it has to offer my family. But our roots are in Texas.

Texas is where our families are. Texas is where my native tongue is free to relax and fall lazily into the slow, twangy drawling cadence of Texans. Texas is where 22 years of my memories reside. Texas is friendly and welcoming to this Native daughter. Texas is where I can get great Mexican food and great BBQ. And Texas is where I avoid absolutely any discussion of politics.

My Greek Sisters

Texas is also where all my sisters live. I may not have any biological sisters, but I do have a number of beautiful, sweet, funny sisters; my sorority sisters, that is. For me, college began with Sorority Rush and my experience with the Greek system has left an indelible mark on my life.

My Alpha Phi sisters from Midwestern State University are still some of my closest friends. We may not get to see each other very often, but when we do it's as if we were never apart. Over the years there have been a few trips for weddings, baby showers, reunions and such, but not many. And yet, we keep up.

As I travel to Texas this week, I am very much looking forward to seeing many of these "Lovely Girls" who are so graciously taking time out of their busy schedules to chat and laugh and remember our glory days.

My Brother

Texas is also where my brother lives again after an extended foray in Alaska. My brother, who I haven't seen in three years, is picking me up from the airport today. We chat on the phone, but we haven't physically been in the same location for THREE YEARS. I used to wonder how it was that families went years without seeing each other, and now I know. It's called limited finances, tight schedules and long distances. He lives in southeast Texas and that makes for a great many miles between these two siblings.

My brother still calls me Sis or Sissy more often than he calls me Anna. He's my little brother, and there have been many times over the years he has thought me boring. He likes to think we are quite different, but we're not.

We both have a charming wit about us {it's true}. We both have a sense of adventure and realize the importance of pursuing our passions, if we could just figure out how to make money while exploring these passions. We both have hair of the darkest brown just right before brown turns to black; this color is the combination of our two parents' genes, neither of which has such rich brown hair. We both analyze, question and have opinions about everything. This causes a few good-natured clashes between the two of us every now and then.

We both love animals. We feel emotions deep in our souls even when it doesn't show on our faces. We have inside jokes about our parents and each other. We are sister and brother, bonded for life. But I'll always be the big sister.

So, here I come, Texas; home of the 10 gallon hat and personalities to match; land of some of the friendliest people in the world, matched only by the good people of Tennessee and the countrymen of Greece, based on my limited, but genuine experience.; my homeland; my heritage. Over and out...

Anna

The Decision of a Life or Two or Three: What You Need to Know about Organ Donation

Checking the Box

It's not something I often think about, but every four years I briefly ponder it. It may or may not actually ever affect me, but should something happen to me or my loved ones, it will supply the clear answer to a very pressing question. The answer is a five letter word. What is this word I speak of?

On my driver's license there is a small red-lettered word. It is "Donor." It's been on my driver's license for years now when I had license issued from Texas, then Oklahoma, then Iowa and now Minnesota. It's something that as a young, teenage driver I barely thought about; honestly, the whole I idea of donating my organs was freakish to me back then.

In fact, I did not check the box for the 1^st or 2^nd license issued to me. But as I aged and gained wisdom and life experience I realized the importance of providing the gift of life, if possible.

Saving Lives

The stories are too many and all far too tragic of those who wait on the never-ending lists of organ donation. A few people are able to find matches among friends, family or strangers, but so many depend upon someone else losing a life in order to gain their lives back.

As joyous as it is for one family knowing that a loved one is being given a renewed and sustained life with the help of another's undamaged organ, it's equally devastating for someone else's family because one's gain is another loss. It's a cruel twist of fate. And yet, I imagine it can be comforting knowing that some part of their loved one is still living.

The statistics surrounding organ donation are astounding. Here are a few of them:

• 18 people will die each day waiting for an organ;
• 1 donor can save up to 8 lives;
• An avg. of 79 people receive organ donations each day;
• In 2010, 62% of living donors were women;
• In 2010, 67% of all deceased donors were White, 16% were Black, 13% were Hispanic and 2.3% were Asian

From the U.S. Govt. Information on Organ and Tissue Donation and Transportation website.

Clear Choices

Of course, there are also laws and regulations that control when and how organs can be donated. The Revised Uniform Anatomical Gift Act of 2006 made it possible for more people to be donors by allowing more family members to make such a decision when the patient can no longer do so. The RUAGA also explicitly says that no one can revoke the expressed decision to be an organ donor other than the patient. And the RUAGA provides for an organ donor registry through driver's licenses and donor cards in an attempt to increase organ donations.'

However, in doing so, the Act actually creates a conflict of interest. If a person has a donor card/driver's license designating him or her as a donor, but also has a signed directive expressly setting out end-of-life care, the donor card trumps the directive.

Organs must be "kept alive" as long as possible to continue to be viable until a transplant can be accomplished. Therefore, the Act has created this ethical issue regarding life support and "Do Not Resuscitate" orders and other medical care issues.

In 2008, the Commissioners of this Act did add revised wording to this section in an attempt to work out the kinks and resolve this problematic issue.

"Under this revised wording, if there is a conflict between the express wishes for end-of-life care and maintaining the viability of an organ for transplant, the patient-donor and the physician must confer to resolve that conflict. If the patient is incapacitated (a most likely scenario), then a patient's agent, if there is one and if "reasonably available," must resolve the conflict. Otherwise, "another person authorized by law other than" the UAGA will be asked to make that decision."

Section 21 of the RUAGA (2008).

This process must be accomplished as quickly as possible and the medical care of the patient will continue during this time to ensure medical suitability for the organs should they donated. This revised wording would seem to fix the problem, but many states that enacted the 2006 version of the UAGA have not enacted this language. {Note: Not every state has enacted the 2006 version either though.} 

This distinction is relevant only to those who have advance directives in place. If a person hasn't expressed end-of-life care wishes in a signed, notarized document, but has chosen to be a donor those are the wishes that will be honored. If a person has neither an advance directive nor a donor card, the person's agent or person designated in the RUAGA (a spouse, adult siblings, parents, adult children and grandparents) can make the final decision.

This information is not meant to discourage you from choosing to donate, rather I mean to make you aware of the issues surrounding these choices that can be discussed with loved ones, included in any advance directives and resolved before there is a need for an expeditious decision in the midst of emotion. Clarifying one's end-of-life choices is kind and considerate.

The Scoop

I, for one, do have "Donor" on my license and my loved ones know that's my choice. I always think about how I would feel as a mom if one of my boys needed an organ or tissue from a stranger and this was the only way to save his life, then I'd be praying that everyone was choosing to donate. Over and out...

Anna

Motherly Advice: NO FAIR! {For Robert}

As a child, how often did you whine, "That's not fair!" only to be met with a sensible "Life's not always fair." from a parent or teacher or other adult? And how often, do you as a parent, now dole out this sound, if not satisfactory, sentiment to your own whining, discontented children?

And while it's true, life simply is not fair, sometimes there is a time for a resounding "NO FAIR, NO FAIR, NO FAIR!" I'm experiencing one of those times now.

My cousin was diagnosed with cancer about 5 months ago. No Fair. His sister, my cousin, died from cancer almost 16 years ago. No Fair. He had just started a new job that he lost because he couldn't work. No Fair. He's been deathly ill throughout chemo. No Fair. His 12 year-old son has to watch him go through this. No Fair! This is the second child my aunt has watched wage battle on this devastating disease. NO FAIR!

My cousin, Robert, is a few years older than me. He was stuck between the older cousins and the younger cousins {me and my brother}. When we were young he was always teetering between wanting to be like the teenage cousins and his siblings and playing with us. It's a tricky spot to be in. He managed it well.

He's one of the funniest, most clever persons I know. His sharp wit has always cracked me up. We haven't always communicated much over the years. From the time I was 12 until I graduated from high school we lived in the same town/area. But those are awkward years. I do wish we had hung out more and really known each other better.

And yet, there are a number of memories of him that stick out in my collection of childhood memories. He and another cousin bought my brother and me Candyland on one summer visit to our home and then played it with us over and over, disregarding the fact that they were much too old for it. On that same visit, he came up with the idea of a 4^th of July parade down our long drive and all family members participated {still one of my favorite childhood memories}. He helped me and my brother build a snowman one Christmas; he had all the expertise having always lived in the panhandle of Texas.

Robert once let me drive his brand new bright yellow Geo Storm when I was in high school. He very briefly dated my friend {thank goodness it was brief}; He hated that I knew all the words to Back to the Future and would say all the lines as we watched it; and Robert introduced me to MTV {ya know, when it was just music videos}. It's the little things that last a lifetime in our memories.

Robert has been the most outstanding father to his son, even though he certainly didn't learn this from his own childhood experiences. And his child, Josh, is the best cousin to my boys; so witty, so fun, so creative; so sweet and caring. My boys adore Josh, just like my brother and I always adored Robert.

But this is NOT the end of the story. Please join me as I lift him up in prayers this weekend and next week. Robert has finally finished a very aggressive routine of cancer treatment and is going in for a scan on Monday. We are praying for a clear scan. He NEEDS a clear screen.

Robert has been weighing heavily on my heart these last few months. He is never far from my thoughts. Our family knows tragic loss. I believe that life isn't fair, but our God is just and loving. I also believe that the power of prayer is real and awesome.

Please drop me a line {and I'll pass it on to Robert} letting me know that you are lifting him up in prayer; sending positive energy his way. He needs this support and encouragement, and I want to give it to him.

Robert, you are not alone. Love ya. Over and out...

Anna