Giving from the Heart: Tips for Raising Thoughtful, Generous Kids

Giving My All

My earliest memory of donating my own money was when I was about 8 years old. My family and I were listening to a public radio station and they were having a fund drive. I had a small stash of money, and I remember asking my parents to please call in and donate my meager amount. I think it was less than $10.00, but I gave them everything I had, and I was so proud. My parents have always been thoughtful, sacrificing, charitable people, even during lean times when we ourselves had very little at all. I'm sure that's where I get my charitable nature.

Charitable Lessons

Teaching kids to be charitable, thoughtful, generous people isn't necessarily an easy lesson though. At ages 4 and 2, my Darling Boys are mostly concerned with making sure they get their fair share. Although sometimes out of the blue they do and say the sweetest things. Darling 1 likes to buy me roses, especially when he sees single roses for sale near a check-out counter. Darling 2 loves to cuddle and say "I yove you" and according to his preschool teachers, he is always concerned about the other kids who are upset about something.

When Darling 1 was almost 3 years old, we were at a local mall play area and he played with a cute little girl. After leaving the play area, we went on to do some shopping and Darling 1 spotted an orange butterfly-topped pony-tail holder. He asked to buy it for the girl. I hesitated, thinking we would never see her again, but he was so adamant that I agreed to it. As we were preparing to leave the mall, we did run into the girl and her mom, Darling 1 was so very proud (and shy) when he gave her his little gift. And I was so proud of him thinking of someone other than himself. It's during these times, that the boys pick out and give a gift to someone or actually share snacks or toys with each other, that I feel there's still hope of raising generous, thoughtful men.

Now don't get me wrong, there's still plenty of "gimme, gimme, gimme" and "mine, mine, mine" to be heard in our household. Just the other day, there was a complete smack-down in the kitchen floor over who got to use the Lightning McQueen placemat for breakfast. In fact, neither one got the placemat. We have not used any placemats since that incident last week.

The point is to keep teaching by example, as best we can, by being thankful, giving, generous, understanding, forgiving, and sacrificing to those in our household as well as to those outside of our household. This is not always an easy task; take it from me and my experience with the placemat meltdown.

Tips for Battling Greed

Here are a few tips for weeding out greed and sowing seeds of love, patience, selflessness and generosity:

1. When possible, take your child with you to do volunteer work. If not possible, talk with your child about the volunteer work you did; why you did it; who will benefit; and how you felt after helping someone;
2. When making a monetary or in-kind donation of any kind, talk to your kids about it. Let them help decide how much to give, what to give or where to give;
3. Always be thankful, not just in your heart, but with your voice. Practice makes perfect. By always saying how thankful you are for things in your life; the choices you have, etc. you will truly feel thankful;
4. Talk about areas of your community, country and world where there's disaster, homelessness, hunger, poverty, etc. and how your family could help;
5. Let your kids pick out toys and books for donating;
6. Discuss money and how to save for something you really want, but can't afford right now;
7. Help your child set up a savings account and set goals for the money saved;
8. Assign age appropriate tasks or chores to your child with or without monetary rewards for doing the tasks;
9. Encourage your child to choose and buy or make gifts for siblings, parents, grandparents, godparents, teachers, etc. The gift doesn't have to cost much. It could cost nothing at all. It really is the thought that counts; and the lesson learned about how good it feels to give; and
10. Practice what you preach. Your kids are always watching you and learning by your actions.

Websites

• Here is a great site with information on fighting greed during holidays and gift-getting times: 10 Simple Ways to Combat Greed on www.Parenthood.com;
• This site has some discerning tips for Teaching Kids about Giving to Charities on www.familyeducation.com; and
• Another site with interesting tips is www2.scholastic.com which lists Ideas for Teaching Kids How to Make a Difference in Their World by age groups.

The Scoop

It's normal to want to give your child everything he or she wants. You love your child and you want him or her to be happy. But giving in to every request teaches greed and does not foster patience, diligence, generosity or other highly desirable characteristics. These are lessons that I struggle with every day. I still have lots of pruning, weeding and fertilizing to do when it comes to my Darling Boys, but that's what parenting is all about taking one day at a time, and doing the best you can. There are days we say we wish we could "do-over," and boy am I glad we get the next day to do just that.

How do you teach your kids to be giving, sharing, thoughtful, generous human beings? I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas. On Friday, I will post a bit of Motherly Advice. Over and out…

Anna

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Comments

[Nic]

Great post, Anna! And timely. Even though I knew it would be much easier to shop alone, I took the kids with me to shop for a family we sponsored for Christmas. One little Sisk was much more on board with the project than the other. (Care to guess which?) Also, glad to hear we’re not the only house that’s banished placemats b/c of smackdowns! We’ll laugh about all this one day, right? (Maybe even tonight?) Love the resources, too. Bravo!

[Jen]

Excellent post. I agree with the list of tips. We do most of them, but not the savings and chores one. We probably should start that soon.

My kids LOVE putting money in the little kid envelopes at church and writing their names on it. They are also very good at cooperating when we say it's time to go through their books or stuffed animals and give some away.

The story about your son at the mall was too adorable.

[Kristen]

We play a little game this time of year since both kids & my husband have b-days this month. Pair that with Christmas & the teacher gifts I bring home & we are in gift overload. So, we conquer the rudeness with the PRESENT GAME.

We start on the couch. I give each kid a gift bag & tissue paper. One at a time, they go "shopping" in the house. They can shop for anything, anywhere. It can be something that belongs in the fridge, from their room or the receiver's room, the laundry room, anywhere. Then, we meet on the couch. We take turns who opens first. The receiver must thank the giver before opening then, open the "gift", act surprised, and compliment the gift & say what they will do with it. For example: If son gives daughter a dirty sock, when she opens the gift, she will thank son (once again) for the sock because now she will have a pair & won't have to throw the one sock away. Or she can say she has been looking for that sock & is so happy he found it (for the same reason). If daughter gives son a black licerice (which he hates) he will thank her for giving him an opportunity to try something new. Obviously, if it is something they like, thanking will be much easier.

We do 5 rounds a night until Christmas. It was such a delight to listen to my kids on Christmas when the extended family was here. Daughter was so dramatic. She would hold the present in her lap & say she just knew this one would be her favorite. Or say "How did you know this was what I always wanted?". Son was less dramatic, but would be sincere & always sealed the deal with a hug or a kiss on the cheek.

Then of course, I beamed with pride in the compliments, respect or comedy of their manors. It became a habit that they used at any gift giving moment.

A step farther: I was always taught a gift isn't yours until a thank you note has been written (mailed). And when you write the note, still refer to it as the giver's gift. Example: Your candle smells amazing (delicious, Wonderful,etc.) My house smells as if I've been cooking all day. It reminds me of when______would bake______.Thank you for reminding me of such fond memories.

Try the game. I am so thankful I did!