Holding on Tight: What to Do if Separated from Your Child

The Zoo

Last week, the Darlings and I visited Como Zoo in St. Paul. We don't often go to this zoo. I was completely surprised to find that it was absolutely packed with visitors. To begin with, the parking lots were full and we had to park a million miles away. This should have been my first tip off, but we relentlessly continued on our quest to get to the gate. Secondly, the fact that this zoo is essentially free, with a suggested donation of $2 for adults and $1 for children, should have made me realize this zoo would be chock full of people on any warm, sunny, summer day, but it didn't. Thirdly, connected to one side of the zoo is a small amusement park for little tikes, which was also brimming with people.

We did finally make it to the doors. Once inside, we began to navigate our way through the animal enclosures. The exhibits inside buildings were nearly impossible to wield my giant double stroller through and around all the people clambering to get a look at the polar bears or the seals or other creatures, especially considering there was a giant, soundly-sleeping 2.5 year old tucked inside the stroller {He was asleep before we even got to a parking spot despite being very excited to go to a new zoo. That's how long it took for us to wind through the various parking lots looking for a spot, and then walk several miles, or at least it felt like it, to the zoo}

Somehow we made it through the throngs of people and managed to see everything and stick together even after Darling 2 woke up and both boys wanted to walk along with me. Fortunately, my Darlings are very watchful and cautious and want to hold my hand in situations such as this, especially Darling 1.

Losing Sight

If Darling 1 ever thinks he has been separated from me, he begins scanning the people looking for me, calling out for mommy; and I am constantly watching the two of them if they are loose and playing at the park or frolicking nearby or walking along through an exhibit area, but even then sometimes they can slip from my view.

In those few seconds that I can't see them, my heart rate quickens and my voice gets a tad bit shrill as I call out for my boy. And then, all is well again, as my eyes lock onto their eyes again. But the "what ifs" are terrifying in that scenario. I don't like to dwell on those at all.

And yet, here we are smack in the middle of summer; the time for family outings and trips to baseball games, the State Fair, amusement parks, tourist attractions, large cities, remote areas, airports, etc. All of these places are filled with strangers; some with a great number of strangers and others with just few strangers. Either way, with young kids on the loose, this could be a recipe for disaster if you don't talk to your children about the dangers of strangers and come up with a family plan for dealing with such situations.

Tips for What to Do if Separated

First of all, these tips from National Center for Missing and Exploited Children are quite helpful if your child is suddenly missing:

• If your child is missing from home, search the house checking closets, piles of laundry, in and under beds, inside large appliances, and inside vehicles, including trunks—wherever a child may crawl or hide. {I would add check any and all areas with standing water; pools, spas, beaches, fountains, etc. first.}
• If you still cannot find your child, immediately call your local law enforcement agency.
• If your child disappears in a store, notify the store manager or security office. Then immediately call your local law-enforcement agency. Many stores have a Code Adam plan of action— if a child is missing in the store, employees immediately mobilize to look for the missing child.
• When you call law enforcement, provide your child's name, date of birth, height, weight, and any other unique identifiers such as eyeglasses and braces. Tell them when you noticed that your child was missing and what clothing he or she was wearing.
• Request that your child's name and identifying information be immediately entered into the National Crime Information Center (NCIC) Missing Person File.
• After you have reported your child missing to law enforcement, call the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children (NCMEC) on our toll-free telephone number: 1-800-THE-LOST).

Source: Missing Kids

Additionally, Kiwi Magazine offers some great tips for what to tell your 4 to 5 year olds about what to do if they get separated from the family:

• "Don't help an adult you don't know." Yes, you should teach your child to be polite and friendly, but well-meaning adults don't ask kids to help them do anything. Well-meaning adults know better, and if they truly need help, they will ask another adult.

   

• "If you're lost, don't try to find me." Kids will typically freak out and keep moving, wandering and looking for their parents if they become lost or separated. It's important to teach your child to stop moving and stay in one place. If a stranger offers to help, your child should refuse and ask the person to get a police officer or security guard to come and help instead.

Source: Kiwi Magazine Online

Here are some of my own tips:

• If you have more than one child, dress them in the same colored shirts and pants or shorts, this way you will have only one color to look for in the crowd of kids on the park, etc. Also, it's helpful if you also wear the color the kids are wearing so your kids can easily remember what color to look for when trying to spot you in a crowd of parents. Bright or unique colors are best.
• Snap a photo of your kiddos with your cell phone camera or other camera if you are taking it along too. This way, if a child turns up missing, you will have a very current photo of your child with the same clothing he was wearing at the time.
• Write your cell phone number on your child's arm in an area that won't be rubbed off from sweat, hand-washing or sunscreen application. This way, if your child is too young to have your cell phone number memorized, he can still show a police officer or other authority the phone number to call.
• Order temporary tattoos to be applied to your child any time you go out to places where you and your child might become separated. These tattoos can be ordered blank and information written on them or ordered with pre-printed information on them. You can even order some with QRs that can be scanned with smartphones to provide additional information about your child.
• Order an ID bracelet for your child to wear with the important contact information on it. You can order reusable, more permanent bracelets from Vital ID or temporary, disposable wristbands from Mabel's Labels. Both can be customized to include not only contact information, but also relevant medical information, such as food allergies, etc.
• Talk to your kids over and over about stranger dangers and the importance of sticking together when in public. Don't try to scare them, but be frank with them about the dangers.
• I once read that kids don't realize that their parents can't see them if they wander to the next aisle or on the other side of a large exhibit, etc. So, the parent should remind the child, "If you can't see me, then I can't see you." The child will then be cognizant of staying near enough to see the parent. I try to use those words with my boys.
• My friend tells her kids if they become lost to look for another mom with kids to ask to get help. She reasons that another mom is probably not going to harm her child, but will sympathize with the situation and know to contact authorities right away. I think this is reasonable advice.

The Scoop

This subject of lost or missing kids is a scary one, and it's not my intention to frighten you at all. I intend to inform you only and discuss ideas of prevention. If you have a plan of action if becoming separated; if you have discussed this issues; if you plan ahead to avoid such a scenario, it's more likely that you and your kids won't be separated when out and about.

What tips do you have about playing it safe and staying together in public? Over and out...

Anna

 

Comments

[Missy @ Marketing Mama]

When we are going to super busy places like the zoo or mall of america, we always talk about what to do if they can't find me. I point out what the "workers" look like. They also know they can go to any Mom OR Dad for help. You know them because they have kids with them.

I also use brightly colored plastic bracelets (like the kind you can get at Target in the party section) and write "My mom's cell: 555-555-5555" on them. I keep extras in my backpack.

To your point re: food allergies - children with severe food allergies should be wearing a medical alert bracelet 24/7, this isn't something to be reserved for times they may get lost.

I also suggest all parents read "The Gift of Fear" -- it suggests NOT putting fear into kids of getting lost or "taken" by children. The worst thing you can do is have a panicked, vulnerable kid who is paralyzed by fear in that situation. That is when they are more likely to get abducted.

[Heidi]

We now do the phone number on the arm trick. Unfortunately, my husband never thinks anything bad will ever happen. So...he took the kids to the zoo a couple weeks ago and lost one of our boys. Zoo personnel were brought in and they found him beyond the zoo exit gate. To this day my DH won't tell me how long our child was missing. TERRIFYING! I've shared these tricks with DH and hope he uses them from now on.

[Anna]

Missy - Good point about the medical info. I didn't mean to imply they should only be worn in large groups of people, but only that what products are available by those companies. Great advice about talking about what the employees look like in stores or large area like a zoo, museum, etc. Thanks for your comment, & thanks for reading.

Anna

[Anna]

OMG, Heidi! How scary! I'm surprised he told you at all! So, glad all is OK!!! Perfect example of why we need to talk to our kids about what to do and take precautions by writing phone numbers on arms, etc.!

Thanks for sharing!
Anna