Hanging By a Thread

Motherly Advice: A Reflection {A Year of Kindergarten}

The hardest part is trusting that all is as it should be despite all the things that might go wrong.

Where did it go? It seems to have slipped through my fingers like sand in an hour glass. It was fleeting, but will leave an indelible mark on our lives.

Yes sir, we have made it through kindergarten.

Last September we embarked on a journey that will last for the next fifteen years; the school years.

Honestly, I was anxious; I was a little sick to my stomach; I was replaying all my years of school; I was worried it wouldn't go well.

I needn't have worried.

Darling 1's teacher must have been picked by God himself. She was truly an answer to our prayers. Mrs. G is a veteran teacher who hasn't lost her zeal for lovingly, gently teaching her little herd of 5 year olds. She instantly understood my intense, anxious, creative, quiet, but incessant talker all at the same time, deep thinking little clone of a son and deftly guided him through each transition. This is no easy task; I speak from first-hand experience.

The transformation of these shy little lambs of September to the confident, {mostly} well-behaved, mature, happy, nearly 1^st graders is amazing to see; one that kindergarten teachers know and understand will happen from September to May each year.

I know my little lamb still has much to learn and explore, but I'm impressed with his diligence, persistence, cleverness, imagination and confidence. These are all traits he had before he started kindergarten, but his teachers and his school have built upon these. He was not torn down and rebuilt or pushed to conform. Instead, his school allowed each child to grow and learn in his or her own way.

Letting go can be hard to do, but when you do, you'll be amazed at what happens. A metamorphosis occurs, just as with a caterpillar; stand back and watch as your child becomes a beautiful, colorful, soaring butterfly. It's a glorious process. One that can happen many times over, from stage to stage, throughout life.

So, as this year comes to a close and I look at my son, I realize there are few traces of his little boy self remaining. He will soon outgrow me in height and shoe size. He will surpass me in technological knowledge and already uses vocabulary far more advanced than an almost 6 year old. The years will begin to fly faster and faster until we reach the next chapter: the college years.

It's all a little mind numbing, but for now, I'll turn my sights to 1^st grade.

A huge thanks to Mrs. G and all those at STEM who helped to make this 1^st year of school an awesome experience; laying tracks for a successful educational journey. Over and out...

Anna

 

5 Things You Should Know {Kids & Child-Proofing}

1. Kids will lick, touch and taste just about ANYTHING given the chance;
2. If you cover every outlet in your home but 1, your child will gravitate to that outlet like a moth to a flame, and you know how that ends;
3. There are some kids who will be unsupervised and completely on their own but somehow survive every danger and hazard in the book, and sadly there will be other kids whose parents are alert and cautious and mindful, but who will not survive childhood due to some unforeseen accident;
4. Why #3 is the case is something I will always be trying to figure out ; and yet
5. Miraculously, most kids will survive without even becoming seriously injured or ill and grow into careful, child-proofing, more-informed-than-their-parents adults who are disgusted and amazed at the things their own kids put into their mouths.

With this said, child-proofing is still a very good idea! Do your best to think about how your toddler sees the world; {physically} get down on his or her level; be sure televisions, shelves, chests of drawers, etc .are bolted to the wall; store all chemicals completely out of reach and/or locked up {or contact me about switching to Norwex and clean with cloths and water!}; put gates up in front of staircases; lock windows {especially 2^nd floor and higher}; install smoke detectors and carbon monoxide detectors; cover outlets; store electrical cords and extension cords attached to laptops, phones, lamps, etc. out of sight and away from small, inquisitive fingers and mouths; never leave your little tots alone while bathing; check water temperatures; keep pot handles turned in and not sticking out; never allow your children to site on drains in pools or hot tubs; and on and on. I could keep going for ages, but instead you could just read Motherly Law.

Have a happy and safe rest of the week! Over and out...

Anna

 

Unexpected Dangers in the Laundry Room; Because Consumer Safety Issues ARE Important

The Value of My Words

Someone recently told me that parents don't care about laws and consumer safety issues. It may have been well-meaning, but the words stung like poison darts. I didn't let on that my skin had been pricked as I let those words settle in the wound.

I stewed about it for a short while; felt a little silly for ever thinking people would or did care about these important {at least to me} issues and had hurt feelings.

And then, I realized this person is just plain wrong. You do care what I have to say about legal issues that affect families; and you do most certainly care about consumer safety issues and societal issues.

I know this is true because you read my words when I write about these important issues. I know this is true because I get hundreds of hits from search engines from people across the country looking for information about the issues I write about. I know.

Learning a Lesson from YouTube

And this is why when I see a headline about a child who was trapped in a washing machine and came close to drowning because his parents, or perhaps a babysitter, placed him there as a joke, I seize the opportunity and write about it, expound upon it and alert parents to potential dangers.

Here's what happened: A surveillance camera in a Laundromat caught a man putting a toddler inside a front loading washer. He closed the door and stood back laughing. But to his surprise the machine turned on and began to fill with water.

The video shows the man frantically trying to open the locked washer door. A woman, apparently a babysitter, rushes over to help. Finally, an attendant pulls the plug behind the machine, turning the machine off. Thankfully, the toddler sustained only minor injuries in this terribly unfunny incident that rapidly spread through online media once it was uploaded to YouTube.

The county prosecutor was investigating this situation to ensure that the child was safe and to decide whether criminal charges should be filed in this case.

So, you're saying to yourself that you'd never put your child in a washing machine because it certainly isn't funny or safe. Case closed, right?

Not so fast. What about this scenario. Could this ever happen in your house?

An Inquisitive Toddler

We know how inquisitive our children can be. They love to learn by watching and doing just like mom or dad, a big brother or sister or a baby sitter or grandma. Toddlers are big enough to follow along behind us, testing boundaries and trying new things. Well, this is exactly what happened when 21 month old Ollie was trying to help his mom with the laundry. After his mom had left the room for a moment, Ollie climbed into the washing machine and drowned.

The family was devastated, as one can imagine. Ollie's mom said of all the hazards she had carefully guarded against, drowning in the washing machine had never crossed her mind.

I think this is probably true for most of us, until we read of such a tragic incident, such as this. The thing about a toddler is that they're heads are heavy, but they don't have the upper body strength to hoist themselves out of something like a washing machine. And it's important to remember that it takes only a couple of inches of water for someone to drown.

While there are very few actual deaths related to washing machines, there are a number of injuries reported each year. Most of the injuries involve 1 to 2 year olds and include fractures, amputations and other injuries from playing in, on and around washers and dryers.

The Scoop

So, when you are child-proofing your home, remember to include the laundry room and more specifically, the washer in your plan. It only takes a second of turning your back, walking away for a few minutes or putting something up for a child to get in trouble.

In fact, after I had started writing this article, I was in my basement doing some tasks. I didn't even know my 3 year-old had followed me downstairs. Lo and behold, where did I find him? Sitting on the washing machine as it was running.

I sat him down and told him the story of poor Ollie. He immediately went upstairs and told his 5 year-old brother about the boy who got trapped in the washer. I hope they think of this story and this boy every time they go into the laundry room. Over and out...

Anna

5 Things You Need to Know {Aging & Family}

After spending a week with my mom and 2 aunts from Texas in my small post-war rambler, these are the 5 things I know with certainty:

1. You will always be your parents' child, regardless of age;
2. No matter what you do or don't do, you do become just like your mom or dad, aunt or uncle, grandma or grandpa, and that's not necessarily a bad thing;
3. Sometimes 1047 miles is too far away; and sometimes it's not;
4. Silliness, completely absent-minded slips of the tongue, grabby, monkey toes and a sweet tooth are hereditary; and
5. 3 senior citizens, 2 young children, 2 middle-aged adults and 1 very large, old dog can fit in a minivan and survive; yea, even enjoy, a road trip.

And these three old ladies from Texas sure make me miss my Mama Meg {grandma}. Enjoy the long weekend! Over and out...

Anna

Frozen Custard {A Perfect Spring Night}

My mom and my aunts are here from Texas. On their first night in the Twin Cities we watched 5 year-olds play t-ball, ate locally produced, fresh food outside at a picnic table at Wise Acre Eatery and laughed and laughed and laughed on a perfectly beautiful spring night.

One of the highlights of the evening was the frozen custard from Wise Acre, as pictured above. It was thoroughly enjoyed by all.

I'm taking a bit of a hiatus during their visit, but I'll be checking in here and there when I have a chance. I do have so many things I want to write about right now; what I lack is time, but I'll get there.

For now, go ahead and feast your eyes on that delicious frozen custard. It's alright to drool. Have a wonderful weekend! Over and out...

Anna

Making It Through the Dark: Joy Cometh in the Morning

I still remember every minute detail about the day; Friday will mark 12 years. I had just graduated from law school and I was already studying for yet another final exam; the bar exam. We would be moving to Sioux City, IA, in just over a month, and I was starting to cull through our things to ready the house for our big move from Norman, OK.

On this particular day in May of 2000, my brother-in-law was on his way to visit us for a few days, having just completed his sophomore year in college. He had arrived only a few minutes before we received a devastating phone call.

My husband's cousin had been found dead; an apparent suicide. This cousin had also just completed his sophomore year, alongside my brother-in-law. He seemed to have his whole life ahead of him; and yet, there must have been dark demons lurking somewhere just below the surface, unseen and unheard by others.

We were stunned, perplexed and deeply saddened by this completely unexpected news. I still think about him often; I still question the depths of despair he must have felt; and I simply wonder why.

On that day, as I have so often, I turned to my faith. I reached for my devotional; the one I've been reading since March of 1998. And of all the 365 passages in that compact volume, the shortest one of all, dated May 17^th, the day that our cousin drew his final breath, is the one I remember best of all.

This is the entry for May 17^th:

"Sorrow may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."

My bravest are those who can anticipate the morning and feel in the night of sorrow that underlying joy that tells of confident expectations of the morning.

That's it. Nothing more or less.

And every time I read these words, I think if only he had read this; if only he could have found that underlying joy of knowing that the morning light would bring clarity to his thoughts.

But he didn't.

Instead, he sat alone in the dark and decided that he couldn't face another day. He was unable to see even the faintest light beginning to streak across the night sky.

If ever you feel the deep despair as black as the night, please know that everything always looks better in the dawn's golden light. And that's a promise.

There are no second chances with suicide. It doesn't just end one life, but forever leaves all the lives around that person broken like a window that's been smashed with a bat. You can try to tape all the pieces back together, but there will always be a few pieces missing.

If you have final thoughts about ending it all, please reach out to someone; anyone. Help is near. Over and out...

Anna

5 Things You Need to Know {When Bullying Leads to Suicide}

As parents, we have a lot to juggle every single day, and it's easy to miss little signs that could signal big trouble for our kids. Whether you have a child in elementary school, middle school, high school or college, please take a second to read these 5 warning signs; it could save the life of your child.

5 Things That Might Mean Your Kid Needs Help:

 1. Withdrawal from friends and family;

 2. Lack of interest in things they used to enjoy;

 3. Coming up with excuses to be late or miss school;

 4. Change in performance in school or extracurricular activities; and

 5. Talks about or refers to death or dying.

My thanks to my sister-in-law, Susan Berend, who is the Counselor at Burgess Elementary in Wichita Falls, TX, who contributed these 5 Things You Need to Know today. Not only does Susan deal with bullying issues often in her capacity as school counselor, she has also weathered the crushing blow of suicide in her family.

 In the words of Rachel Ehmke, "I'm fine = I wish I could tell you how I really feel." Talk to your kids and find out how they really feel! Over and out...

 Anna

 

 

Putting a Stop to Bullying: Starting with You & Me

An Opinion Piece

A few weeks ago, after the community was rocked by the suicide of a teen who had become the target of bullies, the local newspaper took a bold stance against bullying. The Sioux City Journal in Sioux City, IA, ran a full page editorial advocating for the community to come together to combat bullying.

While the Journal admits the story of 14 year-old Kenneth Weishuhn is far from unique, it was his senseless death committed by his own hand that prompted them to make this statement. Kenneth had recently told his friends and family that he was gay. Soon after that many classmates at his high school soon began bullying and harassing him mercilessly until Kenneth succumbed to the relentless humiliation and pain of being continually attacked for simply being himself.

The Journal places the blame squarely on the shoulders of the whole community who has stood by and not stepped in to stop the bullying and harassing of the youth who have been targeted. The Journal's editorial board asserts that the community must take a firm stance through its actions and words that bullying will not under any circumstances be tolerated.

Community Action

Sioux City is a tri-state area of hard-working, community-oriented people. I know these people and this city. We lived in Sioux City right after I graduated from law school. I worked in the courts there. We have dear friends there. They are no different than any other community across the country.

I agree with these editors. It is a community issue. The war against bullying must be fought in the trenches, at home, on the street, in school, online and anywhere else that it rears its ugly head.

The state laws governing bullying are notoriously weak and ineffective. The battle will not be won with laws; not in this case.

But the battle can be won by adults and teens standing tall against those who are weak and feel they must act out in hatred, in violence and in depravity to look and feel strong. We can show them a better way of dealing with fear, weakness and misunderstanding. We can show them that everyone matters and our differences can be our strong points.

The Scoop

So, don't sit idly by when you see a youngster acting out in violence, taunts or threats. Do something. Say something. Be the positive change. Get help for the bullied and the bullies. Make a difference.

Kenneth was targeted for being gay, but bullying can happen to any person for any reason. Bullies can even make up a reason for their purposes, just as in the case of Rachel Ehmke {from Monday's post}. And there is not one single reason that makes bullying OK.

This evening I will post 5 Things You Need to Know regarding bullying leading to suicide. Over and out....

Anna

“I’m Fine = I Wish I Could Tell You How I Really Feel” {Bullies Strike Again}

A Heartbreaking Tale

Sometimes I read stories that make me reach back to my own pubescent years to try to understand the young girls who are still so immature in thought and feelings, but are pushing hard on the doors leading to maturity, not yet grasping what that term truly means. Sometimes I can put myself in their places and remember how it felt to be teased or to tease; even if it was only good-natured kidding. Sometimes I can't understand their actions at all.

As a woman and a mom, my heart breaks across two different fault lines when I hear about the bullying of a young girl that was so vicious that she could not see past it and felt that taking her own life was her only option.

I was deeply saddened to hear of the death of 13 year-old Rachel Ehmke in Kasson, MN, on April 29th. According to the articles, Rachel was athletic, outgoing and friendly. All of the stories are accompanied by the school picture of a pretty young teen with a radiant smile and shining eyes. There is not sadness or defeat in that face; not yet.

Rachel's Story

Apparently, the taunting began in the fall; somehow she became the focal point of a group of mean-spirited, hateful, immature female classmates. They called her a slut and a prostitute; she had never even kissed a boy. Rachel and a friend had begun eating their lunches in the locker room to avoid the ridicule in the cafeteria during lunch.

These girls defaced Rachel's locker and textbooks with vulgar words and chewing gum. And most recently, they had sent an anonymous text out to many students saying that Rachel should be made to leave the school, calling for all students to force her out.

It would appear that these girls won. Rachel has left the school...permanently.

So, where were her parents during all of this? Where were the school officials? They were aware of the incidents and the harassment that was taking place, but they thought she was handling it is what they have said.

Punishment, or Lack Thereof

The last incident had warranted school officials to contact law enforcement to investigate the incident. While no charges have been filed, the investigation is still pending.

Interestingly enough, Rachel's father insists they don't want to see these girls charged. He feels that it's enough to have Rachel's death hanging over their heads as they continue on with their own.

I disagree. People like these mean girls don't see things as their fault; they don't feel remorse for their actions; they don't care about others they have deemed less worthy. It's likely that the ringleaders of these mean girls will do the same thing to another girl they deem to be a weak link, whether it's next year, 3 years from now or 7 years from now.

Minnesota has a very weak, unsubstantial anti-bullying law. It doesn't fully address the issue or how to deal with it. Regardless, I don't think there are any anti-bullying laws that will stop this problem. Young teens don't think about whether their actions are within the state law or not. Teens operate on unwritten social laws to determine whether certain actions, hairstyles, clothing, etc is acceptable or not.

Often the teens' actions are covert and not easily traced. The person being bullied is often silent about the harassment in order to avoid being further ostracized. So, even if the laws were stricter and called for reporting every incident, counseling for all parties, etc. it's likely that the school officials would not be made aware of many such incidents.

The Scoop

How do you stop the taunting, the harassment, the pure hatefulness of young, immature teens? Well, I'll tell my thoughts about this subject tomorrow and share how one community is handling it.

For now, I will leave you with this. Rachel left a note for her parents that said "I'm fine = I wish I could tell you how I really feel." Oh, the heartbreak! If you think your child isn't telling you everything about the hurt he or she is feeling and the turmoil swirling around in his or her world, don't let him or her tell you otherwise. You may not get another chance to help your child through this prickly, but relatively short period of time in his or her young life. Over and out...

Anna

Mom; An Altered State of Being {Mother’s Day}

Do you remember back in the 90s when the malls were full of vendors selling those large prints that looked like nothing more than computer generated patterns, but then if you stood and stared and let your eyes relax and lose focus, you could make out a hidden picture within that pattern?

In the beginning, large groups of people would stop and congregate around each print and try to make out the picture within. There were always some who got it right away; others had to stand there for a few minutes before they could see it; and a few just never could see the hidden picture. And for those people, the prints held no value at all; there was only a mystery of wondering what the others could see and why.

In the last month or so, several long-time friends have had babies. Thanks to Facebook, I was aware of their arrivals, regardless of the space and miles that distances us. I was excited for my friends; some becoming moms for the first time and others rounding out their families.

I anxiously awaited the first photos, invariably snapped by phones and shared to Facebook from the delivery room. And as I gazed at their tiny features and plump cheeks, I thought they were beautiful; absolutely, perfectly beautiful.

I've noticed that I think this about every newborn baby photo now, whether I am closely connected to the parents of the child or not.

Now, perhaps they are beautiful to all, but I remember a time when I thought a newborn baby was not so handsome. I recall when I saw newborns as wrinkled and squished and bloated.

I also remember a time that I could not make heads or tails of the dark and light, blobby and grainy ultrasound photos. And yet, since early March of 2006, after seeing my own first child via ultrasound, I have been able to clearly identify all baby parts displayed in baby's first portraits. And I think, those alien-like images are also amazingly lovely.

So, what has changed? The way I view these tiny, innocent, sweet, cuddly bundles is from a different perspective.

Since July of 2006, I have seen each new baby with the eyes of the new mom. I remember the love beyond words, the bursting with pride, the beaming with an outward glow from the inner joy, the relief that all had gone according to plan, the peace of knowing that for this little moment of time all was well in the world and the wholeness as a family for the first time. And now, I can forever see the beauty that every new mom sees in her new babe.

Now, the ultrasounds photos, I think that just comes with experience. The experience one gains while staring for endless hours at the few existing photos of her growing baby; the experience one gains analyzing each and every part of the baby's body and any visible facial features day after day and wondering at the miracle of it all.

Once a mom, always a mom. Mom is not just a description or a title; it's a physical and mental change. Her heart, her brain, her eyes, her ears, her hands, her ability to hold and not hold her tongue and the speed with which she can move and catch and save {and let's face it, her tummy} are forever altered on the day she becomes a mom.

These changes may not be apparent to her immediately, but they are there and bit by bit she realizes she is no longer just a woman; she is a MOM. And to her children, that word is synonymous with WONDER WOMAN and PRINCESS and HOME.

Happy Mother's Day to all the MOMs out there today! Over and out...

Anna