Sometimes I feel a heaviness in my heart or buzzing in my head or nervous, confused energy. I feel that tonight. There are lots of words and feelings and thoughts bumping around inside. I sit down to write because I know there must be something that needs to come out through my fingertips. I began a sentence and then delete the words. I start another sentence, but that's not right either. I delete again.
Nothing sounds right. Nothing is flowing. There are bits of this and pieces of that; random thoughts that don't go anywhere. I scan the headlines on news sites. I pick up an old paper I've been saving because something had caught my eye for a potential article. I flip through a few magazines and look through a list of story ideas. Nothing.
There is no spark. I'm tired, but I have an energy pulsing through me. There is something I should be writing, but what is it.
I want to tell about how my amazingly creative my kids are and how I can't wait to see what they do with those inventive juices and how I want to be sure that no one and nothing ever crushes that energy and ingenuity because with it they can go far and do interesting, perhaps important things.
I want to discuss why the top job that women hold is still secretary...the same as it was in 1950. Is this OK; not OK; is it surprising; is it the glass ceiling or family duties or by choice or lack of ambition or confidence or something entirely different? I don't know what all it means, but it is interesting.
I want to talk about our flag and why this fabric sewn with stripes and stars is so sacred to some, but not to others. Do we feel the same about our national icons that our parents or grandparents do/did? And should they be protected by law?
I want to write about the fine line the Academy Awards walk between being a ridiculously stupid, self-absorbed, spoiled rich kid and an inspiring, emotional, uplifting, creative, brilliantly gifted kid. And I want to tell you that I didn't know who Seth McFarlane was until I looked him up on Google. And I think the Oscars better keep looking for a host.
But none of those topics are coming together tonight. So, I will sleep with this heaviness, the buzzing and the energy pulses and at the right moment the words will string together properly. Over and out...