Hanging By a Thread

Taking Responsibility {Who’s to Blame in Steubenville?}

Parents' Responsibilities

It is my opinion that each of us has control over our actions and how we conduct ourselves and the situations we put ourselves in and the people we associate with. As parents, it's our responsibility to teach this to our children, both boys and girls.

It is also my opinion that there will always be evil; there will always be someone ready to take advantage of whom and what he or she can. As parents, it's our responsibility to teach our children to be watchful for this evil, both boys and girls.

And it is my opinion that with proper attention, love, discipline, responsibility and instruction kids will not act in ruthless, savage and criminal ways. But we as parents must be giving this attention, love, discipline, responsibility and instruction to the kids of the world, both boys and girls.

"Steubenville Boys"

From what I can tell, a number of high school football players from Steubenville, OH, ran around doing exactly what they pleased at all times of day and night and not taking responsibility for any of their actions; in other words, they were hoodlums, hooligans, ne'er-do-wells, thugs, losers, except for perhaps on the football field.

One night their partying turned into a terrible crime against another person, a teen-aged girl. She was incapacitated by alcohol after drinking heavily at a party. Her friends knew she was quite drunk; so drunk she couldn't walk; in fact, she passed out. And her friends still let her leave the party with several of the teen aged boys.

These boys assaulted her, took demeaning photos and videos of her naked body while she was unconscious, posting these along with crude comments on social media sites. Clearly, they were unconcerned with whether what they were doing was wrong, much less criminal.

They were found guilty this past week. And there has been a flood of articles and opinions on this issue.

Placing Blame

So, who's to blame for this situation? Are the boys at blame? Absolutely! 100% yes! Are the girl's friends to blame? I think so. I've been in that situation in the long-ago past of my late teen and early 20s self. I did take the stance that it was my responsibility as a friend, as a female, to stop an overly drunk friend, or even mere acquaintance, from doing something that she would regret or would make her look like a fool. Was the girl to blame? Yes, in that she was drinking and kept drinking until she was incapacitated to the point that she couldn't walk or make responsible decisions regarding her health and safety.

I know there are many who will gasp at this, but let me be clear, there is nothing excusable about how these boys acted. In my opinion, they are getting off easy, because of their ages, spending only 4 to 5 years in a juvenile facility. Their superior, puffed-up attitudes thinking they could do anything they wanted and get away with it makes me raging mad. They are the worse kind of criminal; callous, uncaring, without any morals.

And yet, as a woman, I feel that this girl had a responsibility to herself to remain in control of her faculties and able to make decisions that kept her in a safe place among friends. Females are not always victims without any power over a situation. And in this situation, she could have had control of what was happening to here and where she went and with whom she left the party.

I also think that we, as a society, as parents, are also to blame. We have let down these out-of-control kids. It's our responsibility to mold and teach and reward and discipline them as they grow and mature.

The Scoop

These kids weren't born like this; they grew into these attitudes and failed to develop any morals, responsibility or conscience. Kids who aren't guided to the right path and supported along the way, taught by example and loved beyond measure won't magically grow into model citizens. Left to their own devices, many will rot at the stump and end up just like these kids.

It is my hope that this young girl can recover from the humiliation and mental anguish she has had to suffer throughout this ordeal. Clearly, she's no weakling having come forward and reported this crime to the police; having testified in court; and having endured the videos, texts and photos shared online and seen by friends, schoolmates and so many more now. My hope for her is that she will never again make the mistake to drink too much that she loses control of her faculties, that she finds new, more supportive friends to hang out with and that she can heal and move on from this experience.

In the end, we must each take responsibility for ourselves, take care of each other, whether friends or strangers, and teach our children well to be respectful, loving, honorable, decent, responsible beings. Over and out...

Anna

Crossing the Line: To Train Up a Child

A Different Point of View

Isn't it funny how time and age and experience change the way we see our favorite books and movies from our childhoods?

The other day some friends and I were discussing reading the Little House on the Prairie series to our own children. The series was a favorite of ours as children and aside from the nostalgia of reading these books there is a different perspective now; that of a parent.

We were musing over how well behaved the children were and how well they listened to their parents and followed directions; carrying out many difficult chores day in and day out; and all with just a few handmade toys and no DVDs. What made these children so hard-working and obedient?

Of course, times have changed...a lot. But for one thing, there was corporal punishment; and the kids knew this and expected it. There was a certain amount of fear mixed with respect when it came to their parents.

Today, as I discussed in yesterday's post, there are many different schools of thought about the best way to discipline and raise a fine, upstanding, well-behaved child. However, there is a point where so-called discipline crosses the line and becomes abuse; even murder. There is a book that has been the cause of concern for parents, social workers and prosecutors in the last several years.

Excuse to Abuse

This book advocates for using spankings on children as young as 6 months old to train them to submit to authority; to essentially break children in the same style that the Amish break their stubborn mules. Michael Pearl self-published his book, To Train Up a Child, and it has become popular in ultra-conservative homes, especially in Christian homeschooling households.

This book, which suggests using a switch for spanking a child in one example, describes how to use a quarter-inch flexible plumbing line for hitting the arms, legs or back and even advocates for periodic fasting for children, has now been linked to the deaths of several children. These children all died at the hands of their parents after being systematically beaten, most with the plumbing tubing mentioned by Pearl, having food withheld from them and subjected to other means of "discipline" supported by Pearl. Pearl's book was found in the homes of each of these children.

When Discipline Becomes Abuse

This is not to say that the book is to blame for these parents lashing out and killing their kids in an attempt to train them to submit to their authority. The parents are to blame. However, these parents had been led to believe that such behavior is acceptable. It is not.

Pearl has said it's not his fault if delusional, mentally ill parents took the wrong idea from his book. I think they understood his general principles and they just took it a step further, which resulted in the death of their children.

I would say it is never, not even once, acceptable to hit your child on the arms, back and legs with a switch, rubber tubing or any other instrument. This is abusive behavior that will only teach your child to fear and hate you.

The parents who followed Pearl's book, albeit extreme cases of following his teachings, were indicted for murder and are serving prison sentences now. Their discipline was most certainly actually physical and mental abuse. Their praying during or in between beatings does not make it alright either.

The Scoop

There is a wide expanse between parents who use spankings as a way to discipline their children and parents who withhold food and use various instruments to hit their children in the name of discipline. If you feel that you need clarification of where the line is drawn between discipline and abuse, see this link to the U.S. Administration for Children and Families.

Abuse in the name of discipline is still abuse. Abuse is a criminal offense. Abuse hurts everyone.

Teaching respect, trust and reason makes for a stronger, kinder, more confident child and adult. Over and out...

Anna

For Traci: Drink Responsibly

The Phone Call

On November 12, 1993, I received a gut wrenching phone call in the early morning hours of that Friday. I was a freshman at Midwestern State University in Wichita Falls, TX, about a 4.5 hour drive from my family. I was living in the dorm that year and was awakened by the phone ringing.

At first I thought it was my alarm going off, but quickly realized it was still dark and much too early for my summons to wake. I was so out-of-sorts from this abrupt awakening that I didn't even have that feeling of foreboding telling me something was terribly wrong.

A Death in the Family

It was my mother on the line; she was crying. It was hard to make out her words, but I soon understood what she was saying. My cousin, Traci, had been killed the night of November 11^th on the way home from dinner with a friend.

The Crash

She was the passenger in the vehicle. My cousin and her friend were traveling on a small rural highway heading back home and another vehicle on a side road pulled out hitting my cousin broadside. My cousin was killed instantly.

Her friend survived the crash albeit with multiple injuries. The woman driving the vehicle was drunk {and I should add that she did survive and without catastrophic injuries}. This was not the first time she had been caught operating a vehicle while drunk. She shouldn't have been on the road. In fact, I believe her license was suspended at the time of this accident. That woman shouldn't have been there that night....but she was and she took the life of a beautiful person.

Loss of Innocence

Traci was one of the best people I have ever known. She was pure, sweet, funny, thoughtful and very bright. She loved her family and it was her purpose in life to be a "window to God's love." She excelled academically, was very involved in her church, the Salutatorian of her high school, won scholarships, graduated with honors with multiple degrees and had just begun her career as a Process Engineer.

Traci's life was cut tragically short at a very young age. Traci had celebrated her 25^th birthday just 17 days prior to this accident. Her life was just beginning. Ironically, my cousin didn't even drink alcohol and yet it was because of the abuse of alcohol {of another} that she was taken from her friends and family.

All of this happened in a split second. My cousin and her friend were probably chatting and laughing as friends do. I pray that Traci never saw or felt the impact that fractured her skull and took her life. Her friend was knocked unconscious on impact and only later realized the full tragedy that had unfolded.

Interestingly, years later, my cousin and Traci's sister, happened to meet a man who had been a 1^st responder to that accident that claimed the life of Traci. He told my cousin that when he arrived that Traci was deceased and was not suffering. He was able to give my cousin details of the crash that comforted her and the family.

The Scoop

This woman who drank too much and climbed into her vehicle behind the wheel that night never intended to take anyone's life. She didn't contemplate whether she would injure someone; shatter lives; and crush families. She was simply selfish and irresponsible.

I can still hear Traci's voice as she tells a funny story and her happy laughter that follows. Traci was always full of optimism and had a sunny disposition. Her death left a gaping hole in our family.

Our family will never be the same. We will always miss her. To know Traci was to know God's love. While her life was short, without doubt I can say that she did achieve her life's goal.

Don't let this happen to you after a few drinks. Call a cab; call a friend; stay the night; don't go out; be responsible. Over and out....

Anna

Motherly Advice: When Parenting Brings Out the Worst in a Person

They say parenting brings out the best in a person. Parenting has brought out a lot in me; sides of me I had never seen before and hope to never see again. I sure hope that's not the best of me because if it is at best I'm crabby, irrational and always tired.

Yesterday I finished up my shopping. I was at Target in the kids' shoes looking at boys' slippers. There was another mom there with her three sons. They were also looking at boys' slippers. One of the sons, in particular, was being difficult about choosing a pair of slippers that fit correctly. And the mom was being just as difficult. Later, I heard her again; still being difficult in the boys' clothes department. She had had enough; she needed a break.

Years ago, before I had kids, I would have judged her a bad mom. I would have felt sorry for her boys. I would have thought how I would do it differently. Today, she got no judgment from me. I have been there....many times...many, many times.

In fact, every parent has been, and if you can't admit to it, then you or your children are angels disguised as humans or you or your children are robots. The mom I saw today needed some time alone and perhaps a glass of wine or a cup of tea or a whole bag of chocolate kisses or a hot shower or a good night of sleep or something else, but she'll get over her funk; I can't guarantee that the difficult son will go over his mood, but she will. And this doesn't mean she's a bad parent; this just means she's human.

Parenting is always a challenge; life is often difficult; and life in Minnesota during the very short days and long, dark nights of December is cruel. Getting upset with your child is normal, but there is never, never, never a time that punching your child in the face is alright. Sadly, this past week, a Twin Cities man did just this to his 8^th grade son.

The man and his son were walking out of school after the son's basketball game and he began punching his son repeatedly in the face. I don't know this man's story, but I don't have to. There is simply never a time that it's OK to punch your child; not at home in private; not at school in public; not anywhere; not ever.

Other parents restrained this man and called the police. The man was arrested and spent the night in jail, but was bailed out without any conditions the following day. Fortunately, the son did not need medical attention and will recover; that is, his physical wounds will heal. Unfortunately, this public display of abuse was probably not the first, nor the last, violence this child will suffer at the hand of his parent.

During this time of joy and festivities, let us not forget that the best gift we can give our children is a good example. Of course, this is harder than it sounds. So, let us also not forget that the best gift we can give ourselves is time; time away; time alone; time to relieve stresses; time to rejuvenate; time to forgive our shortcomings and disappointments; time to remember why we love our children. Over and out...

Anna

Rudolph The Rich Reindeer: A Quite Different & Slightly Legal Version of Rudy the Red-Nosed Reindeer

You Only Think You Know This Story

You may be familiar with the story of a little reindeer named Rudolph who happened to be born with a birth defect. His nose, instead of being black like other reindeer, was big and red and even glowed like a light bulb.

His red nose didn't bother him or hinder him in any way. Rudy grew and developed just like any other little reindeer, but then one day he went to play with the others. Well, you can imagine how the young reindeer girls and boys teased Rudy about his nose. They had never seen such a nose before and they treated him as an outcast.

Reindeer Have Feelings Too

Well, actually it was even worse than making him feel like an outcast. They didn't ever leave him alone. They made jokes about him; they taunted him; they butted him with their little antlers; and they called him names. They were ruthless in the way they bullied poor Rudy. The other cruel reindeer basically cut him off from all reindeer contact; completely isolating him from society.

His father, Donner, was one of Santa's top reindeer. He didn't understand his son with the red nose and didn't think much of the teasing. Donner, a big, strong jock buck, simply told his son to "buck up" and butt back, which really wasn't very supportive.

Rudy ended up quite depressed. He wouldn't eat; he had trouble sleeping; he felt hopeless; and he refused to go to school or out to play with the other young reindeer. Instead, he spent all of his time in his room listening to Britney Spears' Blackout album over and over, which just made him feel worse about his troubles. He sat on his bed with his lights off and his red nose lighting the room.

Santa owned all of the reindeer and he was aware of Rudy's red nose and the physical and mental bullying that went on. In all his years of reindeer ownership he had never seen such a nose. He considered him to be a weak link, an embarrassment and just didn't care how he was treated. In fact, he himself, that right jolly old elf, even gave a hearty "ho, ho, ho" over some of the cruel jokes and nicknames for Rudy, which Rudy heard. Having Santa against him was the last nail in the coffin.

The Lawsuit

Rudy decided to consult with the outcast elf, Hermey, who originally wanted to be a dentist, but after realizing that you have to stick your hands in other elves' mouths, decided to become an attorney and represent the down trodden and outcast characters in the World of Fiction. Hermey decided that Rudy had a good case for Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress.

While this cause of action is typically quite difficult to prove, Hermey felt that with the specific instances of ridicule and Rudy's doctor certified bouts of depression, Rudy had a good case. Hermey had to show:

1. Santa and his reindeer, hereinafter referred to as Defendants, acted intentional or recklessly; and
2. Defendants' conduct was extreme and outrageous; and
3. Defendants' actions were the cause of the distress; and
4. Rudolph T. Reindeer, hereinafter referred to as Plaintiff, suffers severe emotional distress as a result of Defendants' conduct.

Hermey was a very good attorney with a very convincing argument, and Rudy won the lawsuit.

Part of the damages awarded to Rudy included the right of first refusal to lead Santa's team of reindeer on foggy Christmas Eves as long as he is able. Additional damages included having a Christmas song, children's story and movie written about Rudy's plight as an outcast reindeer due to his uniqueness. The movie must be played on every television channel at least once during the Christmas holiday season for eternity. Of course, Santa had to pay 3.4 million dollars in damages, as well.

The Scoop

So, what happened to poor Rudy? Why he went down in history as the first {but not the last} reindeer to sue Santa and win. But the newly wealthy Rudy didn't let it all go to his nose....er, um, I mean head. No, he became an advocate for all special needs and bullied cartoon and book characters.

Rudy went on to work the speaker's circuit, charging half a million to speak. He became the wealthiest, best known reindeer ever. And Hermey....why, he never wanted for clients again. He became the Gloria Allred of fictional characters. And they all lived happily ever after....except for Santa, perhaps. Over and out...

Anna

Sexual Harassment Among the Elementary School Set {On a Soapbox}

Name Calling

The first time I remember hearing the phrase "sexual harassment" was the fall of 1991 during the Clarence Thomas confirmation hearings. I was in high school. It seems to me that since that time, the phrase "sexual harassment" gets tossed around quite a bit. Of course, some of these accusations are warranted; others are not. Just recently, we've heard that term over and over again in conjunction with Herman Cain, a would-be Republican candidate for the office of President. Generally, that term is not referred to when discussing elementary school students.

A friend alerted me to two distressing news stories from the past week. Both incidents involve young children being accused of sexual harassment. Both are absurd allegations aimed at a 7 year-old and 9 year-old, respectively.

The 9 year-old boy in Gastonia, NC, was suspended after he called a teacher "cute" and "fine" and his actions were labeled as sexual harassment. The 7 year-old boy in Boston, MA, kicked a boy in the groin after he was attacked by a bully on his school bus who was trying to steal his gloves. These are not instances of sexual harassment.

After the story went viral, the NC school district directed that an apology be sent to the 9 year-old and his family and gave the principal the choice of quitting or being fired. The principal chose to step down and retire, while disputing his actions as being termination worthy. The school district reported that the child could immediately return to school and would receive any additional instruction necessary to get caught up with his classmates after missing a week of school.

The youngster from Boston told his mother that the bully on his school bus was choking him and he couldn't breathe. So, he kicked him in the groin to make him stop choking him. The mother reported that this boy has repeatedly bullied her son. This time he was after the 7 year-old's gloves. The mother reiterated that her son doesn't know anything about sexual harassment; he was merely trying to defend himself.

The school told the boy's mother, "Your son kicked a little boy in the testicles. We call that sexual harassment." The mother said that given the facts, she calls that self defense. After a disciplinary hearing on Monday, it was decided that the 7 year-old and his sibling would transfer to another Boston elementary school. The school has determined that no charges will be filed concerning this matter.

Flawed System

Surely, the school administrators have better things to do with their time and better ways of sorting out disagreements between students or minor infractions of school rules. Just how is it that men like Jerry Sandusky get away with abusing child after child for years, but a 7 year-old trying to stop a fellow student from choking him and a 9 year-old who says a teacher is "fine" get labeled as sexual harassers? 

Clearly, we are hyper-sensitive in some instances and willing to pull the wool over our eyes in other instances. Sexual harassment/offender labels shouldn't be taken lightly. When there is truly sexual harassment, action should be taken to stop it immediately.

Sexual harassment is defined as unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors or other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature that tends to create a hostile environment. The above-referenced instances certainly do not appear to be sexual harassment.

Overly Litigious Society

School administrators and other organizations have become so sensitive about getting sued that they tend to jump the gun in many instances; as was the case in these two accounts. And yet, I often see headlines about schools missing the in-school abuse of a special needs student or violence occurring between boyfriends and girlfriends on school property, etc.

The system seems to be flawed. However, should the principal in NC have been forced to retire or be fired? I'm not so certain. Unless there had been other issues with his judgment and leadership, the split decision to eliminate him seems a bit over-the-top.

The mother of the suspended 9 year-old said that she would likely pursue a legal action over this. Is that the right answer to this issue? Absolutely not. That response only perpetuates snap decisions and knee jerk reactions in an attempt to avoid lawsuits. Indeed, the termination of the principal may very well have been caused by the school district's fear they would be sued regarding this issue. 

The Scoop

Can't we call it what it is; a bully getting what he deserves and a young boy making an inappropriate, but not harassing, statement about a teacher. So, maybe the bully will stop messing with that boy {& others}. And someone can sit the 9 year-old boy down and talk with him about appropriate and inappropriate statements at school. School administrators don't need the fear of a lawsuit hanging over them at all times; clearly it inhibits their abilities to make good decisions and teach proper lessons to the students. Over and out...

Anna

Child Obesity: What’s in the Child’s Best Interest?

Truly a Growing Problem?

I came across an interesting article earlier this week, and I'm not even sure what my opinion is regarding this matter. It has to do with weight. Weight is a touchy issue; very few of us, have never struggled with a weight issue, whether the issue was to lose weight or gain weight. At various times of my life I have been on both sides of this issue.

Let me also preface this subject by saying that I have tall, muscular, broad kids (both built like their daddy) who both tip the scales at the top of their age ranges; they also rank in the top of height percentiles, as well. In fact, at the last well-check of each Darling Boy the pediatrician explained that based on their weights alone, he was forced to check them off as "obese" for insurance purposes. This reporting is done anonymously in a large pool of all kids who have well-checks, based on specific ages.

My children are not obese for any other purpose (check out those sweet, skinny boys above & don't let the 3 year-old's pudgy cheeks fool you; he's the skinniest). I, of course, spoke up and argued this point. While my sons' pediatrician agreed with me, he told me that his hands were tied because this "mandatory" reporting is linked to insurance companies paying the doctors for their services to patients. He went on to tell me that every big, strong high school athlete he had recently seen for school physicals were also labeled as "obese" for the insurance reports.

Now, this makes me think twice when I see the reports of the high percentages of obese kids; and all of the reports, studies, groups and grants concerning this issue. At the same time, I know there are kids who are obese and who need to learn how to eat a nutritional, balanced diet and exercise on a daily basis. There are also kids who have a genetic predisposition to weight gain. And now for the story I read. Then, you can decide where you stand on this topic.

200 Pound Third Grader

This subtitle reads like a tabloid article, and you can just picture the photo running with the headline in the newsprint placed next to the bubble gum at the checkout counter, but this is sadly true. A boy in third grade weighing 200 pounds was removed from his mother's custody and placed with a foster family due to his weight related health issues. The mother had taken her son to a hospital last year when he started to have breathing problems; clearly, a concerned parent. It was determined that he has sleep apnea. At that time, the hospital enrolled him in program aimed at reducing his weight. Through that program, he was being monitored by social workers and had been losing some weight, but had recently begun to gain weight again.

When he started putting pounds on, the social workers asked a juvenile court to remove the boy from his mother's custody based on his obesity as a medical neglect issue. The boy's mother claimed that she was following the dietary guidelines provided by the hospital program and was doing her best to help her child.

Obesity as Neglect

This may seem extreme, but remember the court's duty is to do what is in a child's best interest. So, is this in the child's best interest? What if the child was severely underweight instead of grossly overweight? How would you feel about this issue then? If the child appeared to be starving, the court would remove the child in this instance too. The court must do its best to ensure that any child that comes to its attention has a clean, safe and healthy environment with adequate nutrition and direction in which to live and grow.

Clearly, this is an extreme case, but it has happened before. The article I read from ABC News cited a 90 pound 3 year old girl who was removed from her parents' home for two months due to her large size and inability to lose weight in her parent's care. She was returned to her parents when it was determined that she had a genetic predisposition and she did not lose any weight while in foster care despite following strict guidelines.

The Scoop

Are we going overboard on the subject of obese kids? Is obesity a legitimate cause for concern and reason to lose custody of your child, even temporarily? For me, this is hard question. How do you feel about this issue? No matter which way you view this story and others like it, it's very sad for the child and the parents involved. Over and out...

Anna

Losing It: Mental Illnesses and Child Custody Issues {A Post from the Past}

Some Days

There are some days; days that I feel that I am one step away from completely losing my marbles. The chaos, the lack of sleep, the stress, the ups and downs of life, it can be overwhelming. But I keep it together...for the most part. I know that these days are just that; one day ever so often in a life full of many days. I don't have a mental illness, and I have a spouse who can take the helm for a bit while I sort through my feelings, get some rest and move past the funk.

Mental Illnesses

And yet, there are parents out there who do struggle with mental illnesses. For some of these parents just making it through each day is a challenge; every day. For other parents with mental illnesses, medication can alleviate the symptoms and bring balance back to that parent's life; and the family's lives, for that matter.

Some of these parents have to find a way to cope with their illnesses and handle divorce and/or custody issues too. And other parents struggling with mental diseases are single parents dealing with everything on their own; work, finances, illness, parenting, medications. Many questions arise in these situations.

Custody Issues

For parents with severe mental illnesses the rate of losing custody is between 70 – 80%. Some states have laws that list mental illness of a parent as a condition for losing custody. The severity of the illness, combined with the symptoms of the particular mental illness, side effects from medications and the absence of another parent in the home are among the determinants for removing a child from the house of a mentally ill parent.

While all parents have a right to raise their children without government interference, the courts must weigh what's in the best interest of a child with a parent's mental disabilities and the impact on the family. If it's clear to the court that a child will be endangered by the parent's incapacity to care for his or her child, the court must remove the child from that parent's home and award custody to the other parent {in a divorce situation}, a grandparent or another competent adult.

In order for a court to determine what's in the best interest of a child, extensive mental health evaluations are ordered for the parent. The mere presence of a mental illness does not determine whether that parent will completely lose custody rights. In some cases, the court will find that based on all the evidence presented, a parent with a mental illness is still capable of caring for his or her children, at least some of the time.

A court's concern is that a child living with a mentally ill parent may suffer from neglect or abuse, be subjected to unsafe conditions or situations or be forced to take care of the parent instead of the other way around. Courts take these situations very seriously.

Due to these concerns of the courts and the high chance of losing custody, some parents in this situation may attempt to hide the illness or minimize the effects of the disease or the medications. Parents may even avoid needed treatment for mental diseases for fear of losing custody. While this is understandable considering how painful it would be to lose custody of a child, the parent must keep his or her focus on the child's safety and general well-being.

It's important to be forthright with any investigation, whether you are the parent being assessed; or the parent being evaluated is your spouse or soon-to-be ex-spouse, a friend or a family member. Again, the focal point must always be the best interest of the child.

The Scoop

No matter the determination or outcome of any case involving a parent and/or child with a mental illness, it's a heartbreaking situation; and not one taken lightly by the courts. Termination of parental rights is final, but a custody situation is changeable, depending on circumstances. For instance, if a parent seeks treatment, becomes stable on medication, etc. the parties could revisit the custody arrangements, if so desired.

No matter how you look at it, a case involving a parent suffering from a mental illness is never easy for anyone involved. Over and out....

Anna

Choose Your Side Carefully: A Word to the Students of Penn State {On a Soapbox}

Kill the Messenger?

Hold the stinkin' phone. I just found my soapbox. I had been planning to note the various sad, ludicrous state of affairs repeated over and over again on every news medium concerning myriad subjects. Then, I read that Mike McQueary, the one-time grad student who gave the most damning testimony before the grand jury, had been sidelined and won't be at tomorrow's Penn State game due to threats. In fact, PSU has now placed him on administrative leave.

I was already quite disappointed to read how a number of the PSU student body reacted to the firing of Head Coach Joe Paterno by rioting in the streets. This demonstration was ridiculous. Paterno may have met his legal obligation, but his moral compass was off....perhaps for a good many years, with regards to Jerry Sandusky.

What I can't find is additional information about the threats received by McQueary, and who is threatening him. My assumption is that it's past and/or present students and diehard fans who have misplaced their fury involving this far reaching university shakedown.

Making Sense of It All

The anger, resentment and disgust should be placed firmly on the shoulders of Sandusky. The disappointment falls to the PSU administrators who knew of these sick and illegal actions perpetrated by Sandusky, but did nothing to stop it and failed to alert authorities to these crimes. Sadness shelters these vulnerable boys, known as victims 1 – 8. The utter disbelief goes to students who reacted so inappropriately at the news of the PSU Trustees' decision to fire Paterno and the University President.

How deep with festering sore reaches into the heart of this University is yet to be seen, but this must serve as a reminder to all of us that when we see or hear of an injustice, an inappropriate action or questionable situation, we must not turn a blind eye simply because we can't believe it, because it might be difficult for a family, a church, a business, the adoring public, a school to accept or that it will bring down a respected, prestigious, wealthy, well-known figure. These are excuses and are irrelevant.

The focus must be on what is right and wrong; whether a person is being harmed; whether some wrongdoing is afoot. It matters not who is committing the crime; no one is above the law. And eventually that person will be exposed for who he or she really is and this might mean bringing down a whole institution, but so be it.

A Message to the Students

To the students of PSU*, don't be fools; stand on the right side of this playing field. It takes a strong person to support the weak, the unheard, the forgotten; it takes weak, insignificant, superficial person to say we don't care about the morals, the crimes, the children; the game must be won at all costs. So, students of PSU, one day when you have children, what will you think of your actions? What will you tell your children about this chapter of your college career? There is still time to rectify your misguided stance. I believe you are better than this; prove me right. Over and out...

Anna

*I realize that PSU is a very large campus and not all of the students are acting in this way, but these few are destroying the image of the student body as a whole.

Budget Cuts Hit Home: Topeka’s Prosecutorial Blunder {On a Soapbox}

No Experience

I usually fight with words. Fortunately, I don't have personal experience with domestic violence. While searching my brain for a personal story to tell involving domestic violence, there is only one that comes to mind, and even it was not necessarily domestic violence, but the potential for it. And it's not my story to tell. It (almost) happened to a friend. And I'm happy to say that she did not marry him in the end.

When I wrote about domestic violence last December, many of my regular readers did not read those posts. Hopefully, this means that domestic violence is not something you have any experience with.

Finding Strength to Report

For those who do live with violence or even the threat of violence from a supposed loved one it's degrading, devastating, depressing and dangerous. For many living with this secret, one of the hardest things they will ever have to do is pick up the phone and call the police on a spouse or significant other.

And yet, many will find the strength to call and report an assault. Some of those will later recant their stories and refuse to testify against their abusers, but some will keep that ire burning, still feeling the sting from the smack dealt to them from some who's supposed to be a protector and supporter. Those people will be willing to testify against their spouses/partners/significant others and aid the prosecution as best they can. Then, hopefully, those people can move on with their lives.

No Aid Available

Well, what if no one could afford to prosecute such cases? What if the city decided to repeal the law making domestic violence a crime? What if the county refused to prosecute these misdemeanors? What would be the point of calling the police? Who would help those in need?

Well, that's exactly what Topeka, Kansas, did. In an attempt to cut budgetary costs, the city government repealed a municipal law making domestic violence a misdemeanor. Back in September the Shawnee County District Attorney stopped prosecuting domestic violence cases due to budget cuts. The city says this is an attempt to get the district attorney to begin prosecuting these cases again. And it worked too.

Reckless Abandon

The way I see it, this is an awfully reckless move on the part of the county and city. If the county and city refused to prosecute misdemeanor domestic violence cases, then it would have been open season for abusers in Topeka. Thankfully, the Shawnee County DA, Chad Taylor, reluctantly agreed to begin prosecuting the domestic violence cases even though they have very few resources and are lacking in staff.

Of course, the dropped cases would have applied only to misdemeanor charges, not felonies. If a domestic violence case had escalated to a felony, let's say murder, then that case would have been prosecuted by the district attorney. Unchecked, unstopped, unprosecuted domestic violence could very well lead to murder, of either the abused or the abuser. And the authorities sure as hell will prosecute an abused spouse/significant other who kills her/his abuser. This is not a situation to take lightly.

Threatening the safety of its citizens to force the hand of the county district attorney's office is heartless and treacherous. I understand that everyone {individuals, small businesses, municipal, county, state and federal government agencies} is struggling to make ends meet, with the exception of the elite top 1% of our country, but taking it out on domestic violence victims is not OK.

The Scoop

Topeka, figure it out. While the Shawnee County DA has taken on these cases once again, there remains a budget issue. This could be a nightmare, both figuratively and literally, for citizens, the city and the county. Cut from an area of the budget that will not affect such a vulnerable, usually mute, segment of the community; perhaps a cut to your own salaries is in order, City of Topeka officials. Priorities must be set; the safety of people must be placed over other city projects. Over and out...

Anna