Hanging By a Thread

Ramblings {Strung on the Wall with Pink Ribbon}

The first rule of blogging....write only when you have something to say. This is something far too many refuse to adhere to.

But what if you have so much to say that the words get caught up and mixed in and come out all jumbled and twisted? What then?

Wait....Wait until each individual story comes together, stringing one word after another, neatly and orderly, as if each letter is attached to the next by smooth pink satin ribbon; a banner strung from nails in the wall, announcing something important; something special.

With sleep and thought and quiet, the stories will march forth from my heart, through my head and out from my fingertips. And those stories will be read and thought on and disagreed with and embraced and forgotten and dwelled upon.

And there will be more stories to follow. There will always be more stories. Each strung up like portraits in an art gallery to be viewed by the spectators; each one subject to acclaim and ridicule and misinterpretation; each one wholly mine; each one completely self-determining.

But have I broken the first rule of blogging here? Never mind. I rarely ever follow the rules... Over and out...

Anna

Year 4: Less Fear, More determined and Forever Optimistic {Are You Ready?}

The End?

Last March I almost pulled the plug. ...on the blog, that is. I almost stopped writing here. I felt alone. I felt adrift. Life was hard and cold and dark. I didn't see much point in pouring my heart out, researching, writing and sharing.

Yes, I had readers; quite loyal ones. Yes, I got tons of hits from search engine queries. But the writing and publishing began to feel like a burden and I questioned its purpose. I took a week off, but then I felt a guiding hand gently pushing towards picking up where I had left off.

New Rules

So, I did, but I began to set my own rules. I write what I want to write, not what I think I should write; not what I think people want. I write when I want to write and when I have time; I can't write every day. There is no pay from this blog. So, this blog can't get in the way of my other work and my family time. I don't do ads or giveaways or endorsements. That's not why you come over to Hanging by a Thread.

You come here for honest commentary, good information and real life. And that's what I was dedicated to giving you this past year. I simplified the design, stripped the sidebars of everything, but my distracted driving button {that one is close to my heart} and I changed the blog's name from Motherly Law to Hanging by a Thread because that's how I feel on most days.

Whew! Year 3 was a year of transition. And I made it through with just a few scrapes and bruises. I took on tough subjects, heated topics, personal feelings and everything in between. When I went back through the posts from the past year, I liked what I read. I felt that each post I read was honest, even if it was brutal or risky or wasn't a popular view or topic or was deeply personal. And that's all I can ask of myself.

The Scoop

As each new year begins, I try to set goals and think about where I want to be in the following March. So far, I haven't had a clue what the year has in store for me. So, this year, I'll stop trying to pretend that I have any control over that.

As I have said many times, I write what's on my heart and try to live that way too. I recently wrote about living fearlessly, and honestly this past year of adversity has giving me a steadfast strength and a resolute focus. I am less fearful, more determined and forever optimist, even when the black clouds move in, I know the winds of truth will come blow the clouds away. Here's to Year 4....Over and out...

Anna

Year 3: Coming into My Own {A Review of the Year}

Much has changed in three years, including the areas and depth of which I write. I am braver with each passing year. I'm not sure whether I trust you more or care less about what you think of me, or perhaps both.

I took the opportunity to scroll through the months of posts from 2012 and skim through the titles, the words, the photos. There are always posts I have forgotten about. Some posts make me laugh and some bring tears, but I always find it interesting to read the words I formed into sentences and paragraphs and remember what I was feeling or thinking when I wrote the article.

Here are a few (OK, quite a few) of my favorites from 2012. Some are deep and others are fluffy. Some are happy and others are bitter. No matter the tone, I am {almost} always hopeful; and I hope that is perceptible.

Introspective

Time Crunch: On a Deadline...Always!

Motherly Advice {In Perspective} Everyone sees the world differently and has different experiences...

5 Things You Should Know {What a Woman Wants...What a Woman Needs} ...It's not what you think!

My Life...So Far {38 Lessons} 38 doesn't seem so old, but this sure is a long list of lessons...

Snow Storms: A Welcome Invasion...Nothing as lovely as the first big snow of the season...

Time for Myself {at the Airport?}...I'll take it anywhere I can get it...

Falling Through the Dark Portal: Seasonal Affective Disorder {SAD}...Oh, these long, dark MN winters...

Family Matters

Motherly Advice: Speaking the Language {& Color} of Love....I love you as much as I love Green....

Ode to A Father ...An often thankless job...

Jazz: The Brightest of Eyes {An Obituary}...My First Baby...

Parenting Challenge: Selfish Kids {During the Season of Giving} ...When I didn't like my kids...

 Collage: Creating Something New from Something Broken {A Lesson in Persistence and Love} There was a marriage before, but it never looked like this.    

Political/Legal Statements

A Holy War: When Women's Health Care Becomes Collateral Damage ...Tough on Texas....

Putting a Stop to Bullying: Starting with You & Me...Bullying also makes my blood boil...

Political Campaign Contributions: A Waste of Money....Definitely on a Soapbox...

Eats, Shoots and Leaves or Eats Shoots and Leaves? {That's the Debate} ...Clever....

On Fried Chicken and Casting Stones...OK, not so much about fried chicken...

A Pledge...for the Unity of Our Nation; Overcoming the Great Divide... Forever optimistic that all people can unite as citizens of our country and see past differences...

God is with Us {Always and Everywhere}... My Thoughts about tragedy and God....

Today, March 1^st, marks the end of Year 3 and the Start of Year 4. Later today I will post about where I've been and where I'm going, as if I know...Over and out...

Anna

Nothing. Nada. Zip. {When the Words Don’t Flow}

Sometimes I feel a heaviness in my heart or buzzing in my head or nervous, confused energy. I feel that tonight. There are lots of words and feelings and thoughts bumping around inside. I sit down to write because I know there must be something that needs to come out through my fingertips. I began a sentence and then delete the words. I start another sentence, but that's not right either. I delete again.

Nothing sounds right. Nothing is flowing. There are bits of this and pieces of that; random thoughts that don't go anywhere. I scan the headlines on news sites. I pick up an old paper I've been saving because something had caught my eye for a potential article. I flip through a few magazines and look through a list of story ideas. Nothing.

There is no spark. I'm tired, but I have an energy pulsing through me. There is something I should be writing, but what is it.

I want to tell about how my amazingly creative my kids are and how I can't wait to see what they do with those inventive juices and how I want to be sure that no one and nothing ever crushes that energy and ingenuity because with it they can go far and do interesting, perhaps important things.

I want to discuss why the top job that women hold is still secretary...the same as it was in 1950. Is this OK; not OK; is it surprising; is it the glass ceiling or family duties or by choice or lack of ambition or confidence or something entirely different? I don't know what all it means, but it is interesting.

I want to talk about our flag and why this fabric sewn with stripes and stars is so sacred to some, but not to others. Do we feel the same about our national icons that our parents or grandparents do/did? And should they be protected by law?

I want to write about the fine line the Academy Awards walk between being a ridiculously stupid, self-absorbed, spoiled rich kid and an inspiring, emotional, uplifting, creative, brilliantly gifted kid. And I want to tell you that I didn't know who Seth McFarlane was until I looked him up on Google. And I think the Oscars better keep looking for a host.

But none of those topics are coming together tonight. So, I will sleep with this heaviness, the buzzing and the energy pulses and at the right moment the words will string together properly. Over and out...

Anna

Lighting the Way: A Year of Hope and Courage

The Ornament

As I removed the ornaments from our tree, I looked at each one, handling it with care. I was moving more slowly than I normally do since I was recovering from the flu. My four year-old son helped with this task, asking questions about each one as he gathered the boxes for me.

As I was putting away one ornament, I found an ornament that had been left behind when the others had been placed on the tree; hidden under a bit of tissue paper. It was one of those Willow Tree Angels.

Each of these angel figurines/ornaments are assigned a particular sentiment; angel of love, peace, joy, motherhood, learning, etc. And each angel carries with her an object to represent her sentiment.

Family

Well, this one was given to me by my sister-in-law on the occasion of her wedding. She gave each of her bridesmaids one; each with a different sentiment. Now, at the time, I didn't think this future sister-in-law even liked me; and to be fair I should say that we barely knew each other at all.

I received the Angel of Hope. So, in my snarky, sassy head, I thought, "yeah, she hopes she likes me someday."

Well, I can't speak for her, but after 9 years of being together in the "Berend Clan", I certainly do like her. She's steadfast, always knows when to hold her tongue and always does the right thing; things that I am not always very good at; and it turns out she's witty and funny too. I am glad to count her as a sister and a friend.

Hope and Courage

As I looked at this Angel of Hope ornament with her hand outstretched, carrying a lantern, I thought of these things and then I read the little tag still attached to the ornament string; "Sharing the light of hope and courage."

And I realized that this is what I endeavor to accomplish through this blog.

I wish to spread hope for a new day, even if the past or present have proved to be dark. The sun will always rise; and we must each keep moving forward.

I wish to inspire courage in my readers; courage to speak, to do, to represent, to build, to take down, to explore. My intent is to convey to my readers that they must never underestimate themselves; they must never feel powerless in a powerful world.

It's my hope that by arming my readers with information; being straight forward with my words and feelings, even when they are not neat or pretty or perfect; and standing up for what I believe in through my written words, that I will encourage others to do the same.

The Scoop

When I created this blog, almost 3 years ago, I wanted merely to inform. I was ignorant about what it would mean to me and I hope what it has meant to others. With each year, I continue to flesh out the being that this blog is becoming, adding more depth and character with each passing year; at least that is my hope.

So, it is with great enthusiasm {despite having just spent the 1^st 7 days of the new year under the influence of a nasty flu} that I choose my words to live by this year. They shall be hope and courage. Coming up soon: health care issues, gun issues and booster seats. Over and out...

Anna    

Hanging On {An Explanation}

Hanging by a thread...this is how I feel on a daily basis, and I'm willing to bet that many of you feel like this too. And since I write what's on my heart whether it's a legal issue, a parenting topic, a consumer safety concern, a favorite recipe, on being a woman, not just a mom and a wife, our family's little adventures, a political or social rant or something else entirely different, I'm changing Motherly Law to Hanging by a Thread: Life and Law by Anna.

Hanging by a thread is not meant to be a negative sentiment. I look at life as one adventure after another, but life isn't easy, at least not for this household. So, it often feels like I am dangling mid-air resolving not to let go, but to keep hanging on until I can feel the ground beneath my feet again.

One of my favorite Mary Engelbreit drawings and quotes from Thomas Jefferson is pictured above and says, "When you reach the end of your rope tie a knot in it and hang on." I have followed this advice through some of the toughest days and weeks of my life.

I write with passion and sincerity, the same way I approach life. Consequently, my posts are often raw and open, exposing my deepest thoughts and ideas. I'm never sure how my writing will be received when I click the Publish button, but I continue to put myself out there day after day...hanging from the knot at the end of my rope.

It is my hope that Hanging by a Thread will inspire and touch those who read here. Over and out...

Anna

Ramblings: A Stream of Consciousness {On Writing}

This I know for sure; I am not a journalist. I am a commentator. It is not my desire to be in the trenches reporting the news. Instead, I wish to analyze it, study it, consider it and then provide a view of what it all means.

Isn't everyone a writer these days? At least it seems to me that just about everyone has a blog, giving him or her license to write and publish the written word. So, what determines who is a writer and who is not a writer?

I recently read a tweet that said, a person writing online is just a blogger until the minute he gets paid for his writing; then he becomes a writer.

By this definition, I am a writer.

What about value of the writing; does it matter anymore? Say, for instance, if someone writes for a small town newspaper and another person has published a few novels and another is paid to write a blog. Are all of these people writers?

Simply being published or getting paid to write does not mean that one writes really well. I've read some really horrid articles, books and blog posts before; of which all of the authors were presumably paid for the work.

To say, "I'm a writer" conjures up romantic visions of dark, smoke-filled bars occupied by the likes of Earnest Hemmingway and Mark Twain or a sunny meadow or bleak heath tread upon by Jane Austin and Charlotte Bronte as they spin hopelessly dreamy tales of love and heartbreak. I am neither of these kinds of writers.

As much as I love to read, I don't recall that magical moment that I knew I could read words, but I do recall the instant I realized I could write letters that became words. That moment is cemented into my memories. I know exactly where I was, what I was writing and how proud I was.

It is the writing and expressing that has always meant so much to me.

I have figured out what I want to be in my next chapter of life. I want to be a writer. But haven't I always been this if I am to be one at all?

Can one become a writer or is one simply born a writer; one day unfurling that bloom that has always been there, but had yet to be opened until the time was right?

Anna

 

A Pinterest{ing} Question: Is it Safe to Pin?

Failing to See the Forest for the Trees

A few weeks ago, we tried one of those do-it-yourself yogurt bars where you choose from 16 some odd flavors of yogurt and then pile on the toppings. You can go crazy or keep it modest. I let the boys choose their flavors and toppings with minimal help from me, allowing them to create their own unique treat. They actually kept it pretty respectable with a balance of fruit and candy.

On the way out the door, Darling 1 dropped his cup, spilling some of the kiwi fruit, gummy bears and brownie chunks out on the sidewalk. He panicked and began to go into hysterics, but I scooped it up and assured him that I had saved most of his delicious concoction. Once seated and chowing down on his frozen yogurt treat, he forgot about those lost gummy bears; and despite this small hiccup and near meltdown, he enjoyed his very distinctive "fro-yo" creation.

Sometimes we lack vision and can't see past a small stone in the path that we mistaken for a giant boulder. When that happens it takes insight from others to realize it's not really such a big deal.

Jumping the Gun

About a month ago, a woman wrote a post explaining her tearful decision to close her Pinterest account over fear of lawsuits regarding the photo links she "pinned" on this social media platform. After reading the Pinterest Terms of Use and considering copyright laws she basically panicked, pulled her boards down and spread her paranoid post across the blogosphere. I've been ruminating on this issue since reading the article. And finally, I have a chance to write about it.

For those who don't know, Pinterest is a relatively new social media platform where users can create virtual bulletin boards with different themes. Each time a user places a photo link on a board, it's called "a pin." Many websites have added buttons titled "Pin This" or other similar statements to encourage readers to post the link with a photo to their Pinterest boards.

I do have a Pinterest account, but I admit that I have barely used it and I'm certainly no expert on Pinterest, but my opinion is that this woman made a mountain out of a molehill. There are two issues to address: 1) Terms of Use; and 2) copyright laws. Neither of these issues are unique to Pinterest.

Terms of Use

The woman who sadly left Pinterest was apparently shocked to find that Pinterest claimed indemnity when it came to copyright issues, including attorney fees. Well, let me tell you that all online platforms who have covered all their bases, dotted every i and crossed every t is going to place all the blame squarely on your shoulders and leave your mess in your lap should you violate someone's copyright. And why shouldn't they?

After all, it's not Typepad's {my blog host} responsibility to make sure that I don't infringe on anyone's copyright, etc. They are merely the paid host of thousands of blogs. They are not the regulators of content, nor the owners of any of the content contained within each blog. Just as it is not Pinterest's obligation to ensure that everyone being pinned is alright with this. So, any legal actions, including any costs incurred, are the user's liability not the platform's problem.

This should not have been a shock to this woman. This is standard language in a Terms of Use policy. I would be shocked if the Terms of Use didn't contain these provisions. There's no reason to quit Pinterest because of this standard and fair language.

Copyrighted Material

As with any social media platform, all users should have at the very least a vague understanding of copyright laws in order to protect their own works and protect themselves from getting in trouble if using someone else's original work. I think, in general, misunderstandings about what constitutes copyrighted material and what is an infringement of such copyright abound in the world of social media.

It's actually quite easy to infringe on someone's copyrighted material if you're pinning content on Pinterest, posting photos that you didn't take or writing articles with liberal use of other's written words without permission from the copyright owner.

Here are a few of the basic concepts:

• What type of material is protected by copyright? {the short answer}
  • Copyright protects original works of authorship including literary, musicals. Dramatic and artistic works.
  • Copyright does not include ideas, systems, facts or methods of operation.
• What constitutes copyright infringement?
  • In general terms, a copyright is infringed when a person makes a derivative work, reproduces, performs, publicly displays or distributes copyrighted material without the permission from the copyright owner.
• What is fair use?
  • Fair use is a doctrine that allows for limited use of copyrighted materials without first acquiring permission from the copyright owner.
  • Under fair use, copyrighted material may be used for news reporting, criticism, commentary, educational uses, research and the like.
  • In determining whether fair use applies, a court will look at 4 factors;
    • Purpose and character of the use;
    • Nature of the original; material made for commercial use is less protected;
    • Amount and substance of original used; and
    • Effect that the use has had on the market of the original material.

Pinning without Permission

While "pinning" a photo that acts as a link to the original source, may or may not be considered copyright infringement {the courts haven't considered this specific issue yet}, most website owners are not going to be upset by this link. The pinning to a board in Pinterest will likely cause increased traffic to the original source's site, which for most will be considered a positive effect.

One exception might be photographers who are showcasing photos of clients or selling their art on their sites. These sites are often protected by passwords and/or have water marks on photos and provide language about the use of their photos.

However, should your "pin" not link the material to the original source, a problem could arise. And yet, most likely the first course of action will not be to file a lawsuit. Most of these issues can easily be corrected by contacting the person who is infringing on another's copyright and demand that the offending person take down copyrighted material immediately.

If that doesn't do the trick, a formal cease and desist letter would follow. And then, if there is still infringement or if there is a gross infringement or habitual infringement, a petition would most likely be filed in federal court.

The Scoop

Few with a heavy online presence haven't had to send a demand to take down a page or post or photo. It happens often, whether on purpose or in ignorance. I don't mean to say it isn't a big deal; it is. But it's usually something that can easily be dealt with without filing a lawsuit.

So, should you close up shop at Facebook, Twitter, your blog, Pinterest, et al? I don't think so. But I do think you should know what the Terms of Use that you have agreed to say and understand the basics of copyright law. When in doubt about whether what you're "taking" from another constitutes copyright infringement be sure to look it up; you can find anything online. Oh, and I'm fine with you "pinning" this on Pinterest, sharing it on Facebook or Retweeting it on Twitter Over and out....

Anna

Getting Unstuck & Taking Inventory

Getting stuck is easily done; it's getting unstuck that takes some doing. I feel a bit like Pooh Bear in Rabbit's hole after a few days of being stuck; I can feel the hold loosening and know that eventually I'll be completely unstuck.

Thank you all for your kind words, support and encouragement in the last week. It's much appreciated.

In all my contemplation at this fork in the road, I have decided to change some things here at Motherly Law. Think of this change as re-arranging furniture in a room.

In my own home, after a while, I get bored with the way things are set up; random papers, magazines and items without any assigned place start to stack up and clutter begins to take over. We all have rooms and spaces like that.

And when that happens, a shift of furniture, a good dusting and vacuuming, sifting through the loose papers and unread magazines and filling a bag for goodwill usually does the trick.

It's the same with a blog, every once in a while you've got to shake things up; try a few new features or just take some things away that aren't working in the space.

So, bear with me while a do a little early spring cleaning. I'm still working out the details. Any thoughts about what you do like or what you don't; suggestions about what you'd like to see more of or less of?

Over and out...

Anna

A Deep Sense of Failure

Advice is always free...

~From a Sign Outside a Computer Repair Store

I'm at a fork in the road. I don't know which path to take. It donned on me that I needed to get some advice from someone.

Then, it hit me like a ton of bricks; I don't have anyone other than my mom and my husband that I go to for advice; to talk things through. While I value their advice, sometimes my mom and my husband are too close to the situation to offer an unbiased opinion; as is the case here.

I'm not usually the one who seeks advice {at least not from other people}; I'm the giver of advice in most cases. This realization made me feel crumpled and alone.

While advice may be free and come from many sources, I need real, honest to God direction; not lip service. It's not always easy to get that kind of support.

I've never been one to reveal all the cards in my hand. I may share various pieces, but I don't let many see the whole picture.

I rely hardily on myself. I apply pressure, criticism and perfectionism by the ton. I don't always provide unbiased advice to myself. I have high expectations; few things ever live up to those expectations.

I often feel that I miss the mark and fail at what I am trying to do; what my aspiration is.

On Saturday morning, while getting a pair of socks from my dresser drawer, I saw my worn and weathered, but always steadfast in its message, devotional book. I keep it in my sock drawer, the top level of my tall dresser, where the two little boys don't often venture with wondering eyes and inquisitive hands.

My devotional has long been without its cover and the pages are yellowing, the spine broken, some pages are unattached and others torn. This little book has been through a lot; including surviving the infancy and toddlerhood of the two curious boys. Yet, each day of each year the message holds true.

On Saturday morning when rifling through hoards of brown socks, searching for 1 pair of matching black socks, I saw my little devotional which had been ignored for the last several days. My fingers flipped through the old pages to find March 3.

In part, it read:

Your very deep sense of failure is a sure sign that you are growing...Remember too, it is only struggle that hurts. In sloth, spiritual or mental or physical, there is no sense of failure or discomfort, but with action, with effort, you are conscious not of strength but of weakness – at least, at first.

So, it is with prayerful and careful soul searching thought that I have decided to continue to write and publish here at Motherly Law.

You see, after reaching the second year milestone this past week, I began to question the purpose of it all. This project takes up a great deal of my time and energy and grows in tiny increments from month to month and year to year, with occasional stagnate periods.

I love to write; I aspire to continue to write much more than this blog. But I began to wonder if all was merely a waste of my time with no point now or in the future; I questioned if my writing is not at a level that is deemed worthy to be shared, as one would a good book or article or blog that has made it to the "bigtime" {for that is how a blog grows and gains ground}.

I still don't know the answers to those questions, but I will continue on unless I find that my questions have merit to them. Over and out...

Anna