Motherly Law

Rudolph The Rich Reindeer: A Quite Different & Slightly Legal Version of Rudy the Red-Nosed Reindeer

You Only Think You Know This Story

You may be familiar with the story of a little reindeer named Rudolph who happened to be born with a birth defect. His nose, instead of being black like other reindeer, was big and red and even glowed like a light bulb.

His red nose didn't bother him or hinder him in any way. Rudy grew and developed just like any other little reindeer, but then one day he went to play with the others. Well, you can imagine how the young reindeer girls and boys teased Rudy about his nose. They had never seen such a nose before and they treated him as an outcast.

Reindeer Have Feelings Too

Well, actually it was even worse than making him feel like an outcast. They didn't ever leave him alone. They made jokes about him; they taunted him; they butted him with their little antlers; and they called him names. They were ruthless in the way they bullied poor Rudy. The other cruel reindeer basically cut him off from all reindeer contact; completely isolating him from society.

His father, Donner, was one of Santa's top reindeer. He didn't understand his son with the red nose and didn't think much of the teasing. Donner, a big, strong jock buck, simply told his son to "buck up" and butt back, which really wasn't very supportive.

Rudy ended up quite depressed. He wouldn't eat; he had trouble sleeping; he felt hopeless; and he refused to go to school or out to play with the other young reindeer. Instead, he spent all of his time in his room listening to Britney Spears' Blackout album over and over, which just made him feel worse about his troubles. He sat on his bed with his lights off and his red nose lighting the room.

Santa owned all of the reindeer and he was aware of Rudy's red nose and the physical and mental bullying that went on. In all his years of reindeer ownership he had never seen such a nose. He considered him to be a weak link, an embarrassment and just didn't care how he was treated. In fact, he himself, that right jolly old elf, even gave a hearty "ho, ho, ho" over some of the cruel jokes and nicknames for Rudy, which Rudy heard. Having Santa against him was the last nail in the coffin.

The Lawsuit

Rudy decided to consult with the outcast elf, Hermey, who originally wanted to be a dentist, but after realizing that you have to stick your hands in other elves' mouths, decided to become an attorney and represent the down trodden and outcast characters in the World of Fiction. Hermey decided that Rudy had a good case for Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress.

While this cause of action is typically quite difficult to prove, Hermey felt that with the specific instances of ridicule and Rudy's doctor certified bouts of depression, Rudy had a good case. Hermey had to show:

1. Santa and his reindeer, hereinafter referred to as Defendants, acted intentional or recklessly; and
2. Defendants' conduct was extreme and outrageous; and
3. Defendants' actions were the cause of the distress; and
4. Rudolph T. Reindeer, hereinafter referred to as Plaintiff, suffers severe emotional distress as a result of Defendants' conduct.

Hermey was a very good attorney with a very convincing argument, and Rudy won the lawsuit.

Part of the damages awarded to Rudy included the right of first refusal to lead Santa's team of reindeer on foggy Christmas Eves as long as he is able. Additional damages included having a Christmas song, children's story and movie written about Rudy's plight as an outcast reindeer due to his uniqueness. The movie must be played on every television channel at least once during the Christmas holiday season for eternity. Of course, Santa had to pay 3.4 million dollars in damages, as well.

The Scoop

So, what happened to poor Rudy? Why he went down in history as the first {but not the last} reindeer to sue Santa and win. But the newly wealthy Rudy didn't let it all go to his nose....er, um, I mean head. No, he became an advocate for all special needs and bullied cartoon and book characters.

Rudy went on to work the speaker's circuit, charging half a million to speak. He became the wealthiest, best known reindeer ever. And Hermey....why, he never wanted for clients again. He became the Gloria Allred of fictional characters. And they all lived happily ever after....except for Santa, perhaps. Over and out...

Anna

Sexual Harassment Among the Elementary School Set {On a Soapbox}

Name Calling

The first time I remember hearing the phrase "sexual harassment" was the fall of 1991 during the Clarence Thomas confirmation hearings. I was in high school. It seems to me that since that time, the phrase "sexual harassment" gets tossed around quite a bit. Of course, some of these accusations are warranted; others are not. Just recently, we've heard that term over and over again in conjunction with Herman Cain, a would-be Republican candidate for the office of President. Generally, that term is not referred to when discussing elementary school students.

A friend alerted me to two distressing news stories from the past week. Both incidents involve young children being accused of sexual harassment. Both are absurd allegations aimed at a 7 year-old and 9 year-old, respectively.

The 9 year-old boy in Gastonia, NC, was suspended after he called a teacher "cute" and "fine" and his actions were labeled as sexual harassment. The 7 year-old boy in Boston, MA, kicked a boy in the groin after he was attacked by a bully on his school bus who was trying to steal his gloves. These are not instances of sexual harassment.

After the story went viral, the NC school district directed that an apology be sent to the 9 year-old and his family and gave the principal the choice of quitting or being fired. The principal chose to step down and retire, while disputing his actions as being termination worthy. The school district reported that the child could immediately return to school and would receive any additional instruction necessary to get caught up with his classmates after missing a week of school.

The youngster from Boston told his mother that the bully on his school bus was choking him and he couldn't breathe. So, he kicked him in the groin to make him stop choking him. The mother reported that this boy has repeatedly bullied her son. This time he was after the 7 year-old's gloves. The mother reiterated that her son doesn't know anything about sexual harassment; he was merely trying to defend himself.

The school told the boy's mother, "Your son kicked a little boy in the testicles. We call that sexual harassment." The mother said that given the facts, she calls that self defense. After a disciplinary hearing on Monday, it was decided that the 7 year-old and his sibling would transfer to another Boston elementary school. The school has determined that no charges will be filed concerning this matter.

Flawed System

Surely, the school administrators have better things to do with their time and better ways of sorting out disagreements between students or minor infractions of school rules. Just how is it that men like Jerry Sandusky get away with abusing child after child for years, but a 7 year-old trying to stop a fellow student from choking him and a 9 year-old who says a teacher is "fine" get labeled as sexual harassers? 

Clearly, we are hyper-sensitive in some instances and willing to pull the wool over our eyes in other instances. Sexual harassment/offender labels shouldn't be taken lightly. When there is truly sexual harassment, action should be taken to stop it immediately.

Sexual harassment is defined as unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors or other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature that tends to create a hostile environment. The above-referenced instances certainly do not appear to be sexual harassment.

Overly Litigious Society

School administrators and other organizations have become so sensitive about getting sued that they tend to jump the gun in many instances; as was the case in these two accounts. And yet, I often see headlines about schools missing the in-school abuse of a special needs student or violence occurring between boyfriends and girlfriends on school property, etc.

The system seems to be flawed. However, should the principal in NC have been forced to retire or be fired? I'm not so certain. Unless there had been other issues with his judgment and leadership, the split decision to eliminate him seems a bit over-the-top.

The mother of the suspended 9 year-old said that she would likely pursue a legal action over this. Is that the right answer to this issue? Absolutely not. That response only perpetuates snap decisions and knee jerk reactions in an attempt to avoid lawsuits. Indeed, the termination of the principal may very well have been caused by the school district's fear they would be sued regarding this issue. 

The Scoop

Can't we call it what it is; a bully getting what he deserves and a young boy making an inappropriate, but not harassing, statement about a teacher. So, maybe the bully will stop messing with that boy {& others}. And someone can sit the 9 year-old boy down and talk with him about appropriate and inappropriate statements at school. School administrators don't need the fear of a lawsuit hanging over them at all times; clearly it inhibits their abilities to make good decisions and teach proper lessons to the students. Over and out...

Anna

Mountains Out of Molehills: The Power of Overreacting Re: Social Media

The Right to Express an Opinion

I have always been of the opinion that respect is earned; it is not simply applied to someone based on age and experience. There are those whose opinions on this matter differ from mine. But it is my opinion that sometimes a person of little experience and only a decade or so of years on this earth may have more common sense and intellect than a person with a great many years of life under the belt.

I have also always valued my constitutional rights, especially freedom of speech. I like to express myself through speech; and I don't like to be held back when articulating my opinion, as is often made clear here on Motherly Law. Social media platforms, in general, afford many opportunities for using our freedom of speech in ways our founding fathers would have never dreamed of.

A person enjoys this right regardless of education, background, age or financial status. Of course, some of these rights are lessened or restricted when dealing with minors, particularly when dealing with students. And yet, students must not be muzzled or taught that they are not free to stand up for what they believe in or agree with and express their opinion.

While there is not a lawsuit involved in this instance, it does allow for an interesting case study.

@emmakate988

The week of Thanksgiving, Emma Sullivan, a senior in high school, and her classmates from Shawnee Mission East High School in Prairie Village, KS, visited the Kansas State Capitol. Apparently, while on the tour of the capitol, Sullivan tweeted to her 60 or so friends following her on Twitter this statement:

"Just made mean comments at gov brownback and told him he sucked, in person #heblowsalot"

Sophisticated? No. Polite? No. Funny? Inappropriate? I guess it depends on your age and opinion of Gov. Brownback. Something to make a fuss over? Not in my opinion.

To be clear, Sullivan did not actually make any mean comments, in person, to Brownback, but Sullivan doesn't agree with some of Brownback's policies and was particularly disappointed by the recent cuts to state aid to schools.

After some of her friends were joking about what they would really like to say about Brownback, she took out her phone and sent this tweet. She says she merely wished to get a laugh from her friends on Twitter. That was it. She didn't think much about it.

The Overreaction

This statement would have been seen only by Sullivan's 60 followers on Twitter, if that many, if Brownback's Director of Communications, Sherienne Jones-Sontag, had not made a stink of it after running a routine search of Brownback's name on Twitter.

Instead, Jones-Sontag contacted Sullivan's principal and reported her tweet to him because it wasn't respectful. Based on this statement, I am assuming that if Sullivan had tweeted something along the lines of, "Wow, I am in awe of our amazing governor; what an honor it is to meet him" Jones-Sontag wouldn't have contacted the high school.

However, it wasn't and she did. Sullivan was then called into the principal's office and told to write an apology letter to the Gov. Brownback, the school's Youth in Government sponsor, the districts social studies coordinator and others. Sullivan reported to the Wichita Eagle that her principal had said it was embarrassing and that she had created a huge controversy.

Jones-Sontag felt that the tweet was inappropriate and thought the organizers of this school-sponsored state capitol visit should be aware of what was being said by a student in the group.

The school district spokesperson, Leigh Anne Neal, issued a statement to the Wichita Eagle explaining the school district's policy, in general, prior to being fully apprised of this incident,

"...students on school-sponsored field trips, in which they are representing the school, would be expected to conduct themselves in accordance with school district policies, including use of electronic devices. Students may express their personal beliefs, views and opinions, as long as they do so appropriately and in accordance with school policies."

Ironically, just a few days after this incident and the media coverage across the country, Sullivan had several thousand followers on Twitter. She now has almost 16,000 followers. So, is Sullivan one of these young, teen pundits spouting off about candidates and politics? No, not in the least. In fact, before this incident on November 21^st, Sullivan was like most teens, conversing with friends about teen topics, with a number of tweets regarding the new Twilight movie.

Playing Nice

And yet, even after all of this media attention and the 15,000 plus followers, Sullivan is still not using her voice simply for the sake of getting attention. She has tweeted only a few statements regarding this issue.

In another ironic twist, it was Gov. Brownback, not Sullivan, who issued the apology last Monday. Brownback stated that his staff had overreacted to this tweet and was sorry for that. Sullivan decided not to write the letters of apology and the school backed down from their demand that she do so because they felt that she had a constitutional right to express her opinion regarding the governor and did not break any rules.

The Scoop

According to the New York Daily News, Jones-Sontag had this gem of wisdom to offer, "It's also important for students to recognize the power of social media, how lasting it is. It is on the Internet."

Now, isn't that really a lesson for Jones-Sontag to learn? After all, if Jones-Sontag had simply left well-enough alone and never brought Sullivan's tweet to the attention of her principal and the school trip organizers, Sullivan would still have 60 followers on Twitter and neither the national media nor I would know the names Sherienne Jones-Sontag or Emma Sullivan.

So, yes, Sherienne, social media can be powerful and viral, if a statement is made by a celebrity of some sort or if an obscure tweet is brought to the attention of the country. In this case, Jones-Sontag's overreaction to an obscure 18 year-old girl's completely harmless tweet, ended up heaping negative attention on herself.

In the end, Sullivan and Brownback came out looking good. Sullivan stood her ground and won; and Brownback realized the overreaction and quickly put a stop to damaging his own name and reputation by issuing an apology. Fortunately, all legal action has been avoided in this account; and all ended well.

Except, that is, that students in Sullivan's school are now harassing and bullying her over this tweet and the ensuring media attention. She seems to again be standing her ground and taking it all in stride, saying in one tweet, "let's move on." Her original tweet that started this episode may not have been elegant, but Sullivan seems to have conducted herself very appropriately in handling this matter. Over and out...

Anna

Occupiers: Go Home {On a Soapbox}

Honestly, when I read the accounts of what's happening at various Occupy {Take your pick of cities} all I see if a bunch of unruly kids acting poorly. Let me stress that I am nowhere near being included in the 1% of the wealthy Americans. I join the protesters in their frustrations of Wall Street and all it has come to represent. We work hard and never seem to get anywhere; gas, groceries, clothes, healthcare and everything else just keep rising in cost, even when income does not.

That being said, I don't think this protest is the way to accomplish anything. I see people trashing public streets, parks and plazas; I see police being called away from other areas of the various cities where police presence is essential to protect people from crime; I see criminal activity, such as drug use and even a drug overdose at the "campsites"; I see rudeness and crudeness to employees who are simply trying to get inside a building to their offices and do their jobs so that they can make a living; I see people injuring police officers who are just following their orders so that they may keep their jobs; I see people who may have started with good intentions looking a lot like the bad guys now.

The destruction of public property and need for extra police detail is only using up precious taxpayer money; money that could have gone to help those who go to bed hungry; those who can't afford heat in the winter; those who have no coats; those who have no shelter; those who are searching for jobs; those who are trying to make ends meet despite working countless hours day in and day out; those who are the furthest from the elite 1%.

When it's all said and done, when we move on and this is but a vague memory, will Occupy Wall Street and its offspring Occupies have accomplished anything positive? I think not.

I'm disappointed in the way these people, who I think mean well, have conducted themselves. While I agree with the idea with which they hatched this plan, I don't condone how they have gone about trying to make a statement. They are beginning to harm those whom they are technically representing; police, those "fighting for the cause", employees who are not part of the 1%, but happen to work in the financial districts and industries, etc.

So, Occupiers, I speak to you. Pick up your water bottles, coffee cups, sleeping bags, tarps, pillows, bullhorns and cardboard signs, repair any damage you have done to publicly owned statues, benches, roads or paths, replace any uprooted or smashed flowers, shrubs or trees, leave things as they were when you arrived and go home. There are other ways. You're creative and inventive; you can think of something more peaceful and less destructive. Over and out...

Anna

 

 

Uniting in Orange: Celebrating National Bullying Prevention Month

Friends

Yesterday I picked up my Kindergartener a few minutes early to take him to a doctor appointment. Several of his buddies came over to see where he was going and why he was leaving school early. One girl rushed over and gave him a huge hug. Darling 1 awkwardly hugged her back. Then, his two best buddies, followed suit and each gave him a hug. It was really heart-warming to see the camaraderie and support between them after just a little more than a month of school.

With each passing day I meet more kids from his class. Each one has been friendly and interesting, and my son refers to each of them as his friends. So far, this is the case. They are all friends; genuinely interested in learning about each other, helping each other and playing/learning together.

When does that change? When does that innocence and kindness disappear? When do they become competitors; each vying for a top spot in the hierarchy of popularity? I don't know the answers to these questions, but I do know it hasn't started yet, and I will relish these naive times for as long as they last.

Unity Day

Today is Unity Day, a day to come together in support of preventing bullying in all forms. Wear orange today to show that you are standing up and joining forces to stop bullying.

If we join together, teaching our children how to respond to bullying, aimed at them and at others around them, and how to treat one another; and we, as adults, act accordingly to each other, then we can unite together to snuff out bullying.

You may think of bullying as a schoolyard scuffle or "mean girls" sending rude emails that don't mean much to anyone, but the truth is bullying can feel like total defeat, the end of the world, a hole with no way out to kids of all ages.

Bullying can and does lead to depression, suicide or in some cases even murder. Bullying should not be ignored, regardless of whether your child is the target of a bully or doing the bullying. Bullying is a serious issue that should never be taken lightly.

The Scoop

Unity Day is sponsored by PACER. PACER is a parent training and information center for families of children and youth of all disabilities from birth to 21 years of age. Today and Wednesday, October 26, 2011, are devoted to bully awareness and prevention during October, National Bullying Prevention Month. PACER is sponsoring a Unity Dance Day on October 26^th.

Tomorrow I will discuss ways of handling bullying if your child is the target or the aggressor. Today put on orange, visit PACER's bullying information page and find out how you can help prevent bullying and talk about bullying with your child. You'll probably be surprised how much they already know.

My son's school is participating in this PACER campaign. Find out if your child's school has an anti-bullying policy and how they implement it. (Um, I know the jack-o-lantern on the t-shirt looks a little menacing, but it's Darling 1's only orange shirt, and he doesn't think the pumpkin is mean). Over and out...

Anna

 

 

 

 

Standing Up for What’s Right: Cyberbullying Prevention Part II

Bullying is NOT OK

As I sat watching my own two Darlings scamper about at the indoor mall play area, I noticed a boy about 7 years old talking to another boy who was probably around 4 years old. The 4 year old looked distressed and the 7 year old kept running after him and getting in him face, saying something to him that I couldn't hear. I watched the two for a while and decided they were probably brothers.

I glanced at the parents sitting in the play area, trying to figure out who the kids belonged to. No one seemed to be paying any attention to them but me. The older boy seemed to be trying to get the younger boy to leave the play area, but then the older boy wouldn't give the younger boy his shoes.

Now, the younger boy was crying. Again, I looked around for a mom, dad, grandma or nanny to come to the younger boy's rescue. There was no one. I know how brothers act together, and after closer observation, I decided the boys were merely together; under the care of the same person, perhaps.

I got up and walked over to the older boy. I was beside him. I bent low to his ear and said, "Give the boy his shoes. It's not OK to bully." He looked at me for a moment as if trying to comprehend my words; as if no one had ever said anything like that to him before. He started to say something that sounded like an excuse. Again, I repeated, "Give the boy his shoe." He handed the boy his shoes; the younger boy put them on; and the two ran out of the play area to a store across the way.

No other parent in the play area even noticed this exchange. Darling 1 noticed though. I'm not one to keep my mouth shut when I see mistreatment of a child, an animal or another who appears to need my help. And my children know this. They have seen me do things like this before. I'm hopeful this lesson of standing up for the downtrodden, mistreated and bullied will resonate through them and spur them to act when they see a fellow student, friend or stranger in need of assistance.

Causes of Cyberbullying

Bullying occurs at all ages, starting from very young and continuing all through life. It's a part of life. Learning how to deal with bullies is important, although often bullying escalates to a degree that a parent, school administrator and/or law enforcement officers must be brought in to aid the situation.

The same is true of cyberbullying except that it usually doesn't start until the teen years. This is when kids are more likely to have less limited access to computers at home, schools and public libraries and perhaps even have his or her own cell phone with texting, Internet and photo capabilities.

This is the age that parents may be less vigilant and less controlling about what their kids are doing online and on their phones. Just as with physical and mental in-person bullying, there are many degrees of cyberbullying. In many instances the kids can either ignore it or deal with it themselves by simply calling out the bully or blocking the bully. In other instances, it's severe, on-going or escalating and parents, school administrators and/or law enforcement officers should be brought into the picture.

Why Pick on Someone

In most instances, the bully is a classmate or "friend" who uses email, social media platforms and/or text messages to spread rumors, issue threats or publicly humiliate a person. It can be baffling to the person being bullied. Anything, even seemingly trivial events or attributes, can bring about cyberbullying; a would-be bully may perceive a classmate as being too fat, too pretty, too smart, too skinny, too athletic, or having too many friends or stealing the bully's friends or stealing someone's boyfriend or girlfriend or having too many freckles or not enough money or too much money or not wearing the right clothes or wearing black or making the cheerleader squad or running for student council.

There is no end to the reasons why a kid might choose to pick on another kid. And teens can be very creative and irrational when it comes to their wrath. Some of the threats are no laughing matter at all. Some cyberbullies threaten death to the classmate and his or her family; or what may be seen as worse than death they threaten to {or do} disclose information that could destroy a teen's social standing or reputation, which is of vital importance to a teen.

Warning Signs

Kids may be reluctant to tell a parent or teacher because they are ashamed about the bullying or concerned about a parent or teacher finding out about the embarrassing and/or hurtful information shared by the bully. With this in mind, it's important to watch for signs that your child is enduring cyberbullying or is the cyberbully.

If you notice your child:

• changing his or her computer and/or phone habits;
• ignoring the phone or incoming texts;
• becoming withdrawn from the family, friends, school or life, in general;
• getting in trouble at school or acting out at home;
• performing poorly at school;
• acting nervous, upset, depressed or moodier than normal; and/or
• changing sleep patterns or suffering a loss of appetite

It's a good time to talk to your teen and check the computer and phone for signs of cyberbullying.

And if you notice your child

• shielding his or her computer screen from you;
• quickly changing/closing screens when you or others go near;
• urgently monitoring online accounts;
• using additional accounts for email and social media; and/or
• acting particularly elusive about his or her online/phone activities and/or contacts

it's also a good time to talk to your teen and check the computer and phone for signs that your child is the cyberbully.

The Scoop

Teens are excellent about hiding information from their parents. It may be difficult to know whether cyberbullying is an issue, but it could be critical to your child's physical and mental well-being to know for sure whether your child is a victim of cyberbullying. I'll discuss what to do if your child is experiencing cyberbullying in my next article this week. Over and out...

Anna

Times Have Changed: Cyberbullying Prevention Part I

The Dark Ages of the '80s & '90s

When I was a young teen there were no smart phones, no texting, no Internet, no wifi, no Facebook, no Twitter, no email, but we did have landlines. It sounds strange to think that we were once limited by the length of the cord on our phones.

My friends and I used our phones constantly. We called each other, and we called boys; sometimes we talked to them; sometimes we called on each other's behalf, which made it very difficult for the boy to ever figure out exactly who did like him; but mostly we hung up in fits of laughter, over and over again. And we could do this because Caller ID had not been invented yet. Ah, the freedoms of the dark ages.

We were limited in our methods of communications: we had a phone at home, pen and paper and we actually talked person to person too. There was no way to spread messages to the masses; for good or evil purposes. Cyberbullying had not been invented either.

It was a different time. Kids didn't have to worry that something they told a friend would be spread to the whole school in a matter of minutes. When I was a teen cameras still had film that had to be developed at a photo booth; there was no instant sharing of this or that. We still passed handwritten notes. I'm sure you remember these days too.

Tech Savvy Teens

Today is a different story. Kids as young as 10 have cell phones and most cell phones have texting capabilities and a camera. Many phones are smart phones that are connected to the Internet and in turn connected to Facebook, Twitter and other social media platforms. Sharing and spreading information for the good of the world or to take down a fellow student deemed "easy prey" is at a child's fingertips.

And kids take full advantage of this opportunity. Kids can be ruthless and compassionless; they can be brutal and relentless; they can push and push and push until the target feels utterly alone and begins to believe the things being said about him or her; and that's when it can become deadly. These cruel, heartless acts are called cyberbullying. October is National Bullying Prevention Month. So, it's a great time to talk about this issue, although really anytime is a good time to discuss how to stop bullying.

No one is immune. Cyberbullying is a team sport. It takes only one to start it, but teens If no one paid attention to rumors or laughed at the jokes being made about a fellow student or made comments online regarding these hateful statements or if a student stood up to the bully and sided with the one getting bullied, then cyberbullying would not make an impression on anyone. But it does.

Cyberbullying

But the truth is cyberbullying does hurt...a lot. The worst part is that there is no reprieve from it; cyberbullying happens at school; it happens at home; it happens on the bus; it happens at anytime and anywhere thanks to our constantly expanding technologies.

So, what exactly is cyberbullying? Cyberbullying is using technology to target another person through harassment, embarrassment, humiliation and/or threats. Cyberbullying may not cause physical injuries, but it can be even more devastating since the person being bullied may not know who the bully is, why the bully is focusing on him or her, and the bullying is often witnessed and shared by a large number of students.

Even if there is only one person behind a cyberbullying campaign against another, generally the bullying is perpetuated by other students sharing the comment or photo posted by the bully, forwarding emails started by the bully or by others merely viewing the photos or comments posted and not doing anything to stop this.

Cyberbullying can be very difficult to track and stop since it can be done remotely without the bully ever facing the target in person. It's a cowardly act to bully at all, but cyberbullying is the most cowardly.

Anti-Bullying Laws

While most states now have laws to prevent and/or punish bullying, most do not have provisions that cover cyberbullying. According to the Cyberbullying Research Center, only 8 states have laws that include the term cyberbullying. However, 34 states do have laws covering electronic harassment; check your state for specific terms and provisions. You can find your state anti-bullying law here.

For the most part, as mentioned in my article on anti-bullying laws last October, these laws are not very substantive. The majority of the laws consider bullying a school issue, and many state laws merely require school districts to develop an anti-bullying policy and discipline offending students.

Cyberbullying is more difficult to catch and enforce by the very nature of what cyberbullying is. School officials often don't see or even know about the cyberbullying going on since much of it takes place outside of school on personally owned devices; i.e. cell phones and computers.

The Scoop

Preventing and stopping cyberbullying is challenging and takes the vigilance and cooperation of students, parents, school personnel and law enforcements officers/agencies. As a parent, you must be informed about what cyberbullying looks like; what your state/local laws, if any, say about bullying, in general, and cyberbullying, specifically; keep an open line of communication with your child regarding this issue; and properly monitor your child's email communications and the social media sites your child and others his or her age frequently use. I'll have more on educating yourself and others about cyberbullying and ways to prevent and combat it in the next several days. Over and out...

Anna

 

A Matter of Policy: The Repeal of DADT

Bad Policies

In the wee hours of the morning the pitter patter of little feet can be heard making their way to our bed. This happens twice every night; Darling 2 and then Darling 1, until our bed is crowded and cramped. I don't know how or why it began, but more than likely we allowed it to preserve our sleep and theirs. Sleep is a much sought after, hot commodity in our household.

Plus it was sweet to cuddle up with my little, sleeping Darlings. Now, it's still sweet, but they have grown...a lot; and it's more irritating than anything else to have a knee sticking in my back and an elbow jabbed into my neck. It's a bad policy to have, and we should do something to put an end to it, but that would mean less sleep for me.

Much like our little morning bed crashers, the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" (DADT) military policy has gone on too long. DADT prohibits military personnel from discriminating against or harassing homosexual or bisexual service members or applicant and bars openly gay, lesbian or bisexual persons from military service.

Time for Change

It seems as though talk of repealing this policy has gone on forever. Finally, in Dec. 2010, this policy was repealed by Congress. Just last week, President Obama certified that the repeal would not harm the military's readiness, which means that after 17 years, it will be repealed on Sept. 20, 2011.

Months ago, after Congress passed the repeal of this policy the military branches began the process of preparing the soldiers for this change in policy by training staff and soldiers. The chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Navy Adm. Mike Mullen, has assured Pres. Obama that the military is ready to implement this change in policy without missing a beat.

The Undersecretary of Defense for Personnel and Readiness stated that this change "is all about leadership, professionalism, discipline and respect" for the military. Pres. Obama stated, "Our military will no longer be deprived of the talents and skills of patriotic Americans just because they happen to be gay or lesbian."

What Does It Mean?

So, what exactly does the repeal mean? It means that men and women will be able to serve our country and be true to who they are at the same time. Sexual orientation will no longer be an issue in regards to military service, and those who were discharged solely under DADT may reapply for re-entry into the military.

Pentagon staff will be taking a close look at sexual orientation neutral benefits. Service members can designate partners as beneficiaries on life insurance policies, thrift savings plans and survivor benefits. However, the Defense of Marriage Act does prohibit extending some military benefits to same-sex couples.

For gay and lesbian service members with partners and/or children from a same-sex relationship this means that they will be able to say goodbye to their loved ones before deployments; be greeted by family and loved ones upon arriving back home; freely talk about their families and friends with other service members; stop living in fear that their carefully maintained heterosexual façade might slip and expose who they truly are; and provide for their loved ones in the event of death. Essentially this repeal will afford gay or lesbian soldiers the same freedoms as heterosexual soldiers.

For future generations of service members this means that our children who feel the call to serve their country can do so without feeling shame, inadequacy or fear regarding his or her sexual orientation. The repeal of DADT means that children of gay and lesbian service members can feel pride and honor about their parents who serve and protect their country.

The Scoop

Why should people who want to serve their country and protect their fellow compatriots be limited, confined, punished, harassed, abused or shunned because of their sexual orientation? They shouldn't be. I'm glad there are citizens who feel the need to serve their country and join the military. I feel deep appreciation for all service members; and I thank them for their dedication. Over and out...

Anna

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Some Call It Worrying, I call it Accident Prevention

Mommy Brain

As a mom, part of my brain is dedicated to coming up with worse-case scenarios of what might happen to my Darling Boys if.... and then devising plans and solutions to avoid and/or survive such imagined occurrences.

Much has been written, spoken and tweeted about the death of Osama bin Laden this week. I'm thrilled he is out of the picture and that the U.S. has been able to thwart so many terrorist plots over the last 10 years, but interestingly enough, as much as I'm horrified of being caught in a terroristic attack, that's not the kind of scenario that usually pops into my head.

It's the everyday, freakish, what-are-the-odds-of-that-happening kind of catastrophic event that really concerns me.

Here's What Really Scares Me:

I'm scared to death of the day they are old enough to take off on their bikes {wearing well fitting, undamaged bike helmets} on adventures up and down and across streets; streets with no sidewalks or shoulders where drivers recklessly careen about in their vehicles without concern for the well-being of my children.

I'm petrified my Boys will choke on popcorn, marshmallows, tomatoes, small Lego pieces, Star Wars figurine heads {why, oh why do they detach from the body} or a million other items. Darling 2 did choke on a tomato just a few weeks ago. I did not freeze up and was able to perform the Heimlich maneuver on him and get the tomato unstuck. Thank God! I have played this scene over and over and prayed I would be able to do what I needed to do out of instinct; and I did.

I worry that my children won't get the proper servings of veggies per day or enough of the right kind of veggies or that the veggies they do eat will be contaminated with pesticides which will lead to cancer in the prime of their lives.

I contemplate what I will say when they come to me with broken hearts because their true loves don't love them back or kids they thought were their friends did something or said something that was not at all friendly. I fret about whether they will be well liked, well mannered, well accepted, well adjusted and happy as they grow and mature and become young men who never think this world is too much and contemplate their own demise.

I pray that a driver distracted by sending a text, reaching for coffee, putting on makeup, looking for a CD or having an in depth discussion over the phone does not cross into the lane I'm driving in and smash us to smithereens, but should this happen I pray that I will not die or be critically injured and leave my babies; and that the hand of God would protect my precious boys securely and lovingly strapped into their seats behind me.

I hope they never ride their bikes or run while listening to music through earphones that could muffle the sound of a trash truck, train or rapid dog fast approaching.

I take measures to ensure they don't accidentally ingest a poisonous plant or mistake a bleach bottle for a milk bottle or have access to brightly colored pills of medicine that look eerily like candies.

Crazy Lady?

Whew! I said it. Sometimes I even worry that by actually voicing these fears, they could come true. This list is not exhaustive and it changes as they grow, but this is how my heart and brain work; this is how I get through the horrible things that happen all in our world. And then I can focus on the beautiful, wonderful, magical things that also happen every day.

I think through these things; I take precautions; I implement plans; I teach my boys safety; and I pray a lot! Now don't mistake me for saying that I dwell on these things constantly and am all-consumed by tragedy and disaster. I'm not. Intense; paranoid; empathetic; analytical; planner; prayer: yes.

The Scoop

I cannot always be there. I cannot stop everything from happening to them; and nor would I want to. In the words of a spunky, blue fish named Dory, "Well, you can't never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him. Not much fun for little Harpo. {Nemo}" From Finding Nemo.

I want them to take risks; the kind of risks that lead to innovation, creativity, discovery, love, laughter, success and sometimes failure. After all, it's from good, bad, happy, sad, interesting, boring, small and big happenings that a person learns and grows and experiences. These are good things, but, Please Lord, no shattering events that would break my heart in two forever!

You can tell by the links in this post that I've written posts about many of my motherly fears. What do you worry about? Or maybe you don't! Here's to a safe Thursday! Over and out...

Anna

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Cyberstalking: Stalking Awareness Month Part IV

They Say Change is Inevitable

Fifty percent of our four-member household is pretty much anti-change. Care to guess which 2 family members I'm referring to? I speak of myself and Darling 1. Darling 2 and DH are generally more go with the flow kind of guys. I wish I could say the same about the whole family.

When faced with change we, the anti-change advocates, first think about the proposed change for a week or two; just mull it over in our heads. Next, we question the reasoning behind the change and necessity of it for the next several weeks. Then, we promptly reject the change. When told the change is not an option, but a reality, we dig our heels in and prepare for all out war. Being forced to accept the change only strengthens our resolve to maintain our position. Life goes on. We might begin to realize the change is not so bad, maybe even a good thing after 6 months to a year. I wish I could say I'm exaggerating about this.

The Dawning of a New Age

Well, this is how I felt about the Internet and email back in the day. I did not grasp the whole concept. Very few people had email. Even fewer businesses had websites. I had just gotten used to a cell phone for Pete's sake. When I graduated from college I had never even used the Internet. When I entered law school West Publishing (still just West then, not Thomson West, and certainly not Thomson Reuters West) still sent the law students CDs to download the new caselaw, statutes, regulations, etc. rather than going online to their database. It all seems so absurd now, but then it's what I was familiar with and it was comfortable; why change?

Fast forward 10 or 15 years, I have now totally accepted the Internet and all the information it has to offer; Facebook was taking off, but I was not on board. I was being bombarded by friends requesting me to join, repeatedly asking why I was not on Facebook. I resisted wholeheartedly. I did not need to be putting that kind of personal, mundane or silly information out for the world, or the world as I chose it to be, for viewing and commenting. I finally gave up the good fight and relented, joining Facebook in December 2009. I was never an overzealous member, but I did connect with a few old friends from high school and college.

How Did I Get Here?

Then, in March of 2010, I launched a blog? What was I thinking? Didn't I know that I was going to have to share all kinds of personal information with not only family and friends, but also total strangers (if I was a success)? {Gasp} Didn't I know I was going to have to create not only a Facebook fan page, but also join Twitter? {Double Gasp} Well, I have done it, and I have enjoyed it too. Who knew?

What I have noticed is that the longer I am at this social media thing, the more relaxed I am about divulging personal thoughts, feelings and facts. Which brings me to my point...This might come as a shock to some of you who feel as comfortable as I do surfing the World Wide Web, but there are some who do harm through these portals. I'm talking about cyberstalking.

Cyberstalking

If you read last week's posts, you know that January is Stalking Awareness Month. Last week I discussed stalking laws, resources for dealing with stalkers, and a stalking awareness television program onInvestigation Discovery Channel this week. This post is about cyberstalking laws and resources.

Cyberstalking is a relatively new crime, developing right along with the information super highway. The National Center for Victims of Crime (NCVC) defines cyberstalking as threatening behavior or unwanted advances directed at another using the Internet and other forms of online and computer communications. Just about everyone has access to a computer, which provides a stalker with access to victims without ever having to leave home or make physical contact with a victim.

Cyberstalking Statistics

WHOA (Working to Halt Online Abuse) has been keeping Cyberstalking statistics since 2000 and the numbers tell a somewhat different story from that of the traditional stalking crimes:

• 72.5% of cyberstalking victims are female (similar to traditional stalking stats);
• 70% of cyberstalking victims are Caucasian (again similar to traditional stalking stats);
• 40.5% of cyberstalking victims are 18-30 years old (still similar)
• Here's where the story changes, only 50.5% of the cyberstalking victims had a relationship of any kind with the stalker;
• 49% of the stalkers were male; 29% were female; 1.5% multiple people/gangs; and 21.5% unknown;
• Email was the most common form of stalking, but these statistics were based on the years 2o00-2009. Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and other applications were just beginning to take root and grow and don't even show up in the list until 2008 (My Space) and 2009 (Facebook). Twitter isn't even in the list. I expect these numbers to change in the next few years;
• 68% of the cyberstalking victims reported the crime (in general, traditional stalking crimes don't get reported until the contacts have escalated quite a bit); and
• Only 27.5% of the cyberstalking victims report the stalking to have escalated offline, but 63.75 % of the victims say that the stalking activity did escalate online.

Source: www.haltabuse.org

Cyberstalking Laws

According to the National Conference on StateLegislatures (NCSL), 16 states don't have cyberstalking laws, including TX and MD. However, these states do have cyberharassment and/or cyberbullying statutes. All states have at least one of the cyber crime laws on the books. You can access your specific state's law(s) by clicking NCSL above. Cyberstalking crimes are included in the general stalking statute(s) of most states, although some states, like WA State, have separate cyberstalking statutes.

Tips and Resources

The NCVC provides a list of tips and resourcesfor victims of cyberstalking. Another site with good resource information is CyberGuards.com. Some of the information is basic common sense: Don’t post personal, confidential information online; Don’t share your address, birthdate, and in many cases, real name; Do pick strong passwords with letter, numbers and special characters; Do use good judgment before agreeing to meet a person in real life that you have corresponded with online; Do notify law enforcement agencies if you are fearful for your safety. Both sites have additional detailed information about what to do if you are a victim of cyberstalking.

The Scoop

Technology has grown and changed by leaps and bounds over the last 20 plus years. My Darling Boys don't know a world without the Internet or Smart phones. I can only imagine what the world will look like by the time they are adults. The Internet has brought the world into our homes. We can experience culture, war, music, TV, movies, sports, minute-by-minute coverage of ground-breaking news; we can play games; we can communicate with family, friends or strangers without ever leaving the comfort of our home. It's an amazing world we live in, but sometimes these conveniences are used in a way that causes harm to another, and this is a crime. So, be aware as you cruise along the information super highway. Over and out…

Anna

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