Motherly Law

New Beginnings: State Laws Taking Effect January 1, 2012

Happy New Year

January 1^st....the start of a new year, a day a big sales at retail giants, the first day of a new diet for many and the day a number of new state laws take effect. January is definitely the month of new beginnings and that rings true for many laws too.

While I haven't surveyed every state, I did take a look at some of the new state laws from around the country. I have highlighted the new laws {or absence of pertinent new laws} that have just taken effect that concern parents, kids and/or families.

While you may think this is unimportant information, take a look; there may be a few that concern you and your family. With almost 40,000 new laws going into effect on January 1, 2012, there must be something that affects you or someone you know.

A Few New State Laws

Minnesota

No news laws that pertain to families. {Let it be noted that it was quite an argumentative year in MN.}

Texas

College students attending school in Texas to get a meningitis vaccine. This law is applicable to all state universities, community colleges and junior colleges. TX is the first state mandate this. The students must have had this vaccine within the last 5 years.

Texas homeowners will be protected from aggressive homeowner associations that try to foreclose on homes based on late dues, fees and fines.

New York

Hookahs, water pipes, and shisha (a product made of primarily tobacco and smoked) shall not be sold to minors.

A new law will strengthen DEC's authority to ban products that contain mercury.

Middle class tax cuts will reduce tax rates on middle to their lowest levels in more than 50 years About 4.4 million middle class taxpayers will receive a total of  $690 million in personal income tax relief.

California

Open carrying of guns is banned;

Children under 8 and those who are too small to wear regular seat belts must use a child safety seat or booster seat.

Florida

The federal government will no longer have a hand in control the Florida school meal programs This will allow the state of Florida to use more Florida-grown fresh fruit and vegetables on school menus.

Illinois

Hotels are now required to be equipped with at least one smoke detector within 15 feet of every room that is used for sleeping purposes. (HB 1398/ PA-97-0447)

Allows local school boards to, if federal grants are available, opt in to a full-year pilot plan if a school is on academic watch status for more than 2 years. Schools that opt in must increase their school calendar by 35 days, and requires students attend a minimum of 215 days. This pilot program affects only schools in Sen. James Meeks' district.

Requires criminal background information on an employee that has been obtained by a school district within the last year to be shared, upon request, with any other school district.

Changes legislation to reflect the current criminal penalty for making a false report of child abuse to DCFS, and updates the required posted warning to reflect that a false report is a Class 4 felony violation.

Allows people in divorce situations to use life insurance as a security for child support and maintenance obligations.

Requires all employees of licensed child care facilities who care for newborns and infants to complete training every 3 years on sudden unexpected infant death (SUID), sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) and on the safe sleep recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Requires adult passengers in the back seat of a vehicle to wear a seat belt, and also requires those 18 and younger riding in a taxi cab for school-related purposes to wear a seat belt.

Colorado

Coaches must not allow players as young as 11 to continue playing a sport if a head injury is suspected. In order to return to play, the athletics will be required to have medical clearance. Furthermore, coaches in public and private schools and even volunteer coaches of Little League and Pop Warner football are required to take a free annual online training to learn the symptoms to recognize a concussion.

Delaware

Same-sex couples can now enter into a civil union or domestic partnerships, which give them the same state rights and obligations of those who are married.

The Scoop

Does your state have any new laws worth checking out? I'll be touching base regarding distracted driving issues in this New Year on Wednesday and Thursday of this week. Over and out...

Anna

Motherly Advice: When Parenting Brings Out the Worst in a Person

They say parenting brings out the best in a person. Parenting has brought out a lot in me; sides of me I had never seen before and hope to never see again. I sure hope that's not the best of me because if it is at best I'm crabby, irrational and always tired.

Yesterday I finished up my shopping. I was at Target in the kids' shoes looking at boys' slippers. There was another mom there with her three sons. They were also looking at boys' slippers. One of the sons, in particular, was being difficult about choosing a pair of slippers that fit correctly. And the mom was being just as difficult. Later, I heard her again; still being difficult in the boys' clothes department. She had had enough; she needed a break.

Years ago, before I had kids, I would have judged her a bad mom. I would have felt sorry for her boys. I would have thought how I would do it differently. Today, she got no judgment from me. I have been there....many times...many, many times.

In fact, every parent has been, and if you can't admit to it, then you or your children are angels disguised as humans or you or your children are robots. The mom I saw today needed some time alone and perhaps a glass of wine or a cup of tea or a whole bag of chocolate kisses or a hot shower or a good night of sleep or something else, but she'll get over her funk; I can't guarantee that the difficult son will go over his mood, but she will. And this doesn't mean she's a bad parent; this just means she's human.

Parenting is always a challenge; life is often difficult; and life in Minnesota during the very short days and long, dark nights of December is cruel. Getting upset with your child is normal, but there is never, never, never a time that punching your child in the face is alright. Sadly, this past week, a Twin Cities man did just this to his 8^th grade son.

The man and his son were walking out of school after the son's basketball game and he began punching his son repeatedly in the face. I don't know this man's story, but I don't have to. There is simply never a time that it's OK to punch your child; not at home in private; not at school in public; not anywhere; not ever.

Other parents restrained this man and called the police. The man was arrested and spent the night in jail, but was bailed out without any conditions the following day. Fortunately, the son did not need medical attention and will recover; that is, his physical wounds will heal. Unfortunately, this public display of abuse was probably not the first, nor the last, violence this child will suffer at the hand of his parent.

During this time of joy and festivities, let us not forget that the best gift we can give our children is a good example. Of course, this is harder than it sounds. So, let us also not forget that the best gift we can give ourselves is time; time away; time alone; time to relieve stresses; time to rejuvenate; time to forgive our shortcomings and disappointments; time to remember why we love our children. Over and out...

Anna

Child Obesity: What’s in the Child’s Best Interest?

Truly a Growing Problem?

I came across an interesting article earlier this week, and I'm not even sure what my opinion is regarding this matter. It has to do with weight. Weight is a touchy issue; very few of us, have never struggled with a weight issue, whether the issue was to lose weight or gain weight. At various times of my life I have been on both sides of this issue.

Let me also preface this subject by saying that I have tall, muscular, broad kids (both built like their daddy) who both tip the scales at the top of their age ranges; they also rank in the top of height percentiles, as well. In fact, at the last well-check of each Darling Boy the pediatrician explained that based on their weights alone, he was forced to check them off as "obese" for insurance purposes. This reporting is done anonymously in a large pool of all kids who have well-checks, based on specific ages.

My children are not obese for any other purpose (check out those sweet, skinny boys above & don't let the 3 year-old's pudgy cheeks fool you; he's the skinniest). I, of course, spoke up and argued this point. While my sons' pediatrician agreed with me, he told me that his hands were tied because this "mandatory" reporting is linked to insurance companies paying the doctors for their services to patients. He went on to tell me that every big, strong high school athlete he had recently seen for school physicals were also labeled as "obese" for the insurance reports.

Now, this makes me think twice when I see the reports of the high percentages of obese kids; and all of the reports, studies, groups and grants concerning this issue. At the same time, I know there are kids who are obese and who need to learn how to eat a nutritional, balanced diet and exercise on a daily basis. There are also kids who have a genetic predisposition to weight gain. And now for the story I read. Then, you can decide where you stand on this topic.

200 Pound Third Grader

This subtitle reads like a tabloid article, and you can just picture the photo running with the headline in the newsprint placed next to the bubble gum at the checkout counter, but this is sadly true. A boy in third grade weighing 200 pounds was removed from his mother's custody and placed with a foster family due to his weight related health issues. The mother had taken her son to a hospital last year when he started to have breathing problems; clearly, a concerned parent. It was determined that he has sleep apnea. At that time, the hospital enrolled him in program aimed at reducing his weight. Through that program, he was being monitored by social workers and had been losing some weight, but had recently begun to gain weight again.

When he started putting pounds on, the social workers asked a juvenile court to remove the boy from his mother's custody based on his obesity as a medical neglect issue. The boy's mother claimed that she was following the dietary guidelines provided by the hospital program and was doing her best to help her child.

Obesity as Neglect

This may seem extreme, but remember the court's duty is to do what is in a child's best interest. So, is this in the child's best interest? What if the child was severely underweight instead of grossly overweight? How would you feel about this issue then? If the child appeared to be starving, the court would remove the child in this instance too. The court must do its best to ensure that any child that comes to its attention has a clean, safe and healthy environment with adequate nutrition and direction in which to live and grow.

Clearly, this is an extreme case, but it has happened before. The article I read from ABC News cited a 90 pound 3 year old girl who was removed from her parents' home for two months due to her large size and inability to lose weight in her parent's care. She was returned to her parents when it was determined that she had a genetic predisposition and she did not lose any weight while in foster care despite following strict guidelines.

The Scoop

Are we going overboard on the subject of obese kids? Is obesity a legitimate cause for concern and reason to lose custody of your child, even temporarily? For me, this is hard question. How do you feel about this issue? No matter which way you view this story and others like it, it's very sad for the child and the parents involved. Over and out...

Anna

Choose Your Side Carefully: A Word to the Students of Penn State {On a Soapbox}

Kill the Messenger?

Hold the stinkin' phone. I just found my soapbox. I had been planning to note the various sad, ludicrous state of affairs repeated over and over again on every news medium concerning myriad subjects. Then, I read that Mike McQueary, the one-time grad student who gave the most damning testimony before the grand jury, had been sidelined and won't be at tomorrow's Penn State game due to threats. In fact, PSU has now placed him on administrative leave.

I was already quite disappointed to read how a number of the PSU student body reacted to the firing of Head Coach Joe Paterno by rioting in the streets. This demonstration was ridiculous. Paterno may have met his legal obligation, but his moral compass was off....perhaps for a good many years, with regards to Jerry Sandusky.

What I can't find is additional information about the threats received by McQueary, and who is threatening him. My assumption is that it's past and/or present students and diehard fans who have misplaced their fury involving this far reaching university shakedown.

Making Sense of It All

The anger, resentment and disgust should be placed firmly on the shoulders of Sandusky. The disappointment falls to the PSU administrators who knew of these sick and illegal actions perpetrated by Sandusky, but did nothing to stop it and failed to alert authorities to these crimes. Sadness shelters these vulnerable boys, known as victims 1 – 8. The utter disbelief goes to students who reacted so inappropriately at the news of the PSU Trustees' decision to fire Paterno and the University President.

How deep with festering sore reaches into the heart of this University is yet to be seen, but this must serve as a reminder to all of us that when we see or hear of an injustice, an inappropriate action or questionable situation, we must not turn a blind eye simply because we can't believe it, because it might be difficult for a family, a church, a business, the adoring public, a school to accept or that it will bring down a respected, prestigious, wealthy, well-known figure. These are excuses and are irrelevant.

The focus must be on what is right and wrong; whether a person is being harmed; whether some wrongdoing is afoot. It matters not who is committing the crime; no one is above the law. And eventually that person will be exposed for who he or she really is and this might mean bringing down a whole institution, but so be it.

A Message to the Students

To the students of PSU*, don't be fools; stand on the right side of this playing field. It takes a strong person to support the weak, the unheard, the forgotten; it takes weak, insignificant, superficial person to say we don't care about the morals, the crimes, the children; the game must be won at all costs. So, students of PSU, one day when you have children, what will you think of your actions? What will you tell your children about this chapter of your college career? There is still time to rectify your misguided stance. I believe you are better than this; prove me right. Over and out...

Anna

*I realize that PSU is a very large campus and not all of the students are acting in this way, but these few are destroying the image of the student body as a whole.

On A Soapbox: Suing Mom?

Worst Mommy in the World

I am not the most patient mom in the world. I'll admit it. I have been known to lose my temper. It's true. I have, at times, been called "the worst mommy in the WORLD!" by my hot-headed, tantrum-throwing offspring. I've been judged and sentenced to time out or prison, whatever that is to a 5 year-old. I have sometimes agreed with the sentences pronounced upon me...sometimes.

But my children are still young, impetuous and unschooled in life, and I expect that in time they'll grow and mature and understand that life isn't fair; they don't get everything they want whether they deserve it or not; and that they won't always deserve, or need, the things they may think they simply cannot live without.

Extreme and Outrageous Behavior

I pray that my kids will understand these things and love me regardless of how much {or how little} I spend on them. I sincerely hope my kids don't ever sue me because I wasn't the "world's best mommy" in their view every day.

You think it's absurd that I would hope such a thing? Because seriously, what kind of values am I teaching my kids, right? What kind of brat would sue a parent over such trivial and unimportant issues? Who, indeed? Well, I'll tell you precisely who: Stephen A. Miner II and Kathryn Miner, now 23 and 20, respectively, of Barrington Hills, a wealthy Chicago suburb.

These spoiled, rotten brats {in my opinion}...ahem...siblings sued their mother. What did they claim she did to them as children? Were there allegations of locking them in the closet; leaving them in the car until 2 a.m. while she sat in a bar drinking; physically, sexually or mentally abusing them, withholding food or shelter from them? No, these two claimed emotional distress and sought damages for her alleged "extreme and outrageous" behavior. Here are some of the specific instances that lead to these claims by said Plaintiffs: The Respondent, a.k.a. Mom, allegedly:

• Told Steven when he was 7 that she would call police if he didn't buckle his seat belt.
• Failed to send college care packages and birthday cards for many years, and when she sent cards, failed to include cash.
• Changed her last name, causing distress at school events.
• Sent Steven a birthday card showing a bunch of tomatoes, one with googly eyes, with the caption: "Son I got you this birthday card because it's just like you … different from all the rest!"
• Haggled over the amount spent on Kathryn Miner's party dresses.
• Called Kathryn Miner at midnight while she was at homecoming and told her to come home.
• Played favorites with the kids.

~Source: ABA Journal, August 29, 2011

Family Dynamics

So, where was the father of these shallow kids when they were contemplating suing dear ol' mom? Where, indeed? Why he was one of the attorneys who helped to bring this suit to court. Their father represented them in this lawsuit. Ah, this is starting to make more sense, isn't it?

When little Steven and Kathryn were and 7 and 4, their parents divorced. Steven Miner, Sr., their father, was awarded full custody of young Steven and the two parents shared custody of their young daughter. Clearly, there are still some issues that should probably be resolved in therapy or during long, open-hearted, emotional conversations with each other.

This week, an Illinois appellate court dismissed this case finding that the mother's alleged conduct was neither extreme nor outrageous. The Court further stated that a ruling in favor of the children "could potentially open the floodgate to subject family child rearing to ...excessive judicial scrutiny and interference" as quoted in the ABA Journal, August 29, 2011.

The Scoop

This frivolous, petty, overly litigious claim not only wasted the time and money for all involved, but as nj.com points out it also lessens the very real and tragic stories of kids who are truly abused and mistreated by their parents.

The mother, Kimberly Garrity, other than perhaps having her heart broken by her malcontent offspring, also could have gone broke fighting this lawsuit. From several articles I read, it looks like Ms. Garrity will not recoup her attorney fees in this matter. And yet, the Plaintiffs, who supposedly lost this battle, won't have to pay much, if anything, considering Daddy was their attorney. So, who really won?

Hmmmm, something stinks here. Clearly, there was some abuse here. The Miners, all three of them, abused the judicial system in trying to settle a personal and very petty score. Over and out...

Anna

The List: Countering Tragedy with Information

Birthday Wishes

For our family, this week was a week of celebrating Darling 1's 5^th Birthday; having fun with family in Texas and cross-country driving. We laughed and played and ate and soaked up the hot, dry heat. Even though the last leg of our trip home was a difficult one with all of us worn and wearied from our road trip adventures, we did not suffer any tragedies; we endured and we made it home safely.

Sadness Abounds

And yet, this week there were a number of headlines that deeply saddened me. Young lives were lost and put at risk due to misjudgment, ignorance or pure accident. Despite every precaution, thoughtful planning and protective measure taken, tragedies still do occur, but parents should continue do their best to educate themselves and their children about safety issues in order to reduce the risk associated with merely living life and growing up.

I have written past posts about the issues surrounding each of these tragedies. Please take a moment to refresh your memory and remind your kiddos of these safety measures regarding guns, becoming separated from a parent and leaving children unattended vehicles.

A Hot Topic

It's been exceedingly hot in numerous areas of the country lately. While you should never leave a child unattended in a vehicle for both health and safety reasons regardless of what the weather conditions are, it is particularly vital to be completely mindful of whether your child is in the vehicle during these scorching hot days. It takes only a matter of minutes for hot metal car out in the sun to become a hot metal oven.

In St. Louis, MO, this week a mother and two companions left a 5 month-old infant and 21 month-old twins in a hot car with one window partially down on a day when there was a high heat advisory issued. The trio left the kids in the car to go into a restaurant and place a t0 go order. All three sat and waited for their order, drinking soft drinks and eating an appetizer. Fortunately, witnesses quickly called authorities and these three screaming, dehydrated, sweat drenched kids were rescued.

Clearly, these people knew what they were doing, but didn't care or realize the consequences. Most often it's purely a slip of the mind that causes this kind of catastrophe.

Not Even for a Minute: Children Left Unattended in Vehicles

There but for the Grace of God, Go I: Tips and Websites for Keeping Your Child Safe In and Around Vehicles

Guns Kill

Guns in homes scare me; particularly when there are youngsters in a home. Whether it's your own home, your parents' home or a friend's home, if there are any guns in the home make sure they are all secured. By secure I mean unloaded and locked away in a case that cannot be accessed by little hands.

Also in St. Louis, Lilianna Moore, 3 year-old little girl, found a loaded gun between two mattresses in her home and accidentally shot and killed herself this week. Strangely enough, on the very same day, two other kids were also injured in separate instances, also in St. Louis. These shooting appear to be related to gang activity.

In my opinion, it's not worth the risk to have a gun in your home. I realize that some people don't have a choice, as in the case of law enforcement personnel, etc., but there are ways to ensure that accidental shootings do not happen in your home or anywhere your children are visiting or playing.

The Right to Bear Arms in Your Home: McDonald v. City of Chicago

The Cautious Approach to Life: Tips for Teaching Your Kids Gun Safety

A Parent's Greatest Fear

At what age a child is old enough to be on his or her own walking to a park, a community pool, a friend's house, or in the case of Leibby Kletzky, to meet his mother after leaving a day camp is a decision that each parent and child must determine for themselves, but it's certainly a question on the minds of many parents this week.

Little Leibby's story is almost unspeakable. I read one article that said the fact that we are all shocked about it is a good thing because that means it isn't something that happens often. In my opinion, if even one child is walking down a street, asks a stranger for help with directions and is then stolen away and murdered, as was the case with Leibby, then it is happening too often...period.

Regardless of whether your child becomes separated from you in a public place or doesn't arrive home at the designated time after school or from visiting a friend, etc., you and your child should know what to do in the case of being lost or separated. This is something to be practiced and talked about in a matter-of-fact manner often. This way, if you ever become separated, neither of you will overly panic {at least that is the hope} because you will both know what to do in such a circumstance; and you will know what your child will do, as well.

Holding on Tight: What to Do if Separated from Your Child

The Scoop

My heart breaks each time I hear such horribly sad stories as these. My prayers go out to each family involved in these tragedies. Let information be your sword and shield, and do your best to protect your family through informing and educating them. Over and out...

Anna

Beyond a Reasonable Doubt: The Casey Anthony Verdict

The Verdict

You probably won't agree with me on this, but this is my perspective of the Casey Anthony verdict.  I think that justice was served from a legal perspective.  Take note that I am referring to the jury's verdict; I did not say that I believe Anthony is innocent.

Neither you nor I sat through every minute of testimony, examined every bit of evidence and applied the instructions from the court to the evidence presented. The jurors chosen for the Anthony trial did do these things, and in the end they decided the evidence did not show beyond a reasonable doubt that Anthony murdered her 2 year old daughter, Caylee, in the summer 2008. The jury did find Anthony guilty of four counts of providing false information to the police.

Emotional Reaction

As you most likely know from the heavy media coverage, the jury returned its verdict on July 5, after more than 10 hours of deliberation and after weeks of hearing evidence during the trial. The not guilty verdict was met with anger, frustration, confusion and tears all across the country. People in almost every state have rallied, representing little Caylee, an innocent child who was murdered three years ago, and felt that justice was not served in this case.

I read one article that mentioned a woman who had started a petition to have the judge overturn the verdict. Many people say that they are certain Anthony is a murderer; other articles and comments called the jurors incompetent; and absolute outrage has erupted across the Internet following this verdict.

The Jury

These 12 jurors, 7 women and 5 men, in Orlando, FL, were charged with weighing the evidence presented and determining whether beyond a reasonable doubt Anthony murdered her daughter. They have done their job. They were not asked to go with their gut instincts; they were not asked to decide based on popular public opinion; they were not asked to listen to legal talk shows "experts" and opt for their legal spinnings; they were told to listen to the evidence presented and follow the instructions given to them in order to decide this case based on legal principles. They have done their job.

Standard of Proof

Florida's standard of proof for felony murder is beyond a reasonable doubt. Black's Law Dictionary defines "Reasonable Doubt" as "not a mere possible doubt; because everything relating to human affairs, and depending on moral evidence, is open to some possible or imaginary doubt. It is that state of the case, which, after the entire comparison and consideration of all the evidence, leaves the minds of jurors in that condition that they cannot say they feel an abiding conviction, to a moral certainty, of the truth of the charge."

Black's further provides, "In deciding whether guilt has been proved beyond a reasonable doubt, the jury must begin with the presumption that the defendant is innocent." This is not something the general public, media or legal pundits must do. Anyone, who is not on the jury, is free to form his or her own opinion about any given person, incident, evidence or verdict. The jury must stick to the evidence presented.

While the state had an abundance of evidence, there was no "smoking gun" and due to the severely decomposed body, there was a loss of physical evidence, according to State Attorney Lawson Lamar. Beyond a reasonable doubt is the highest standard of proof in the law. The State had the burden to prove the guilt of Anthony beyond a reasonable doubt. They were unable to do that, based on the verdict delivered.

The Justice System

As to the woman who started a petition for the judge to overturn the verdict; that is not how our justice system works. If the prosecution or defense feels there have been errors made during the trial, either party may be able to make an appeal to a higher court.

Our justice system is not arbitrary; it is not based on popular opinion or belief. It is based on evidentiary rules; court rules; and precise legal standards and laws. And if you were the one sitting in the defendant's chair, you wouldn't want it any other way.

Many people have gone to prison maintaining their innocence and years later it's proven they were indeed telling the truth; sometimes far too late for the wrongly convicted and sentenced, but always a horrible tragic injustice...for all of us.

So, was justice serviced in the Anthony case? Yes. It was served because the jury decided the case based on the evidentiary standard of proof of beyond a reasonable doubt and did not simply go with an emotional response. Did Casey Anthony murder her child, know who murdered her child or assist the murderer? I don't know. And that is something we may never know, but in order for our justice system to work we must trust our juries.

The Scoop

Regardless of how you feel about Casey Anthony and the verdict, clearly justice was not served for little Caylee. I recall reading an article about the disappearance of Caylee back in July of 2008, soon after she had been reported missing. I, too, had a 2 year old in July of 2008. I couldn't imagine losing my child; not knowing where he was; what had happened to him. What kind of mother wouldn't report her child missing immediately...immediately?

If I lose sight of my Darling Boys for even a few seconds, my heart begins to pound, my insides feel weak and I do my best not to let my voice go shaky and shrill as I call for them. I have not ever actually, truly lost either of my Boys for more than a few seconds thankfully, but if I did, I would be contacting authorities within minutes of them going missing.

My son who was 2 years old the summer of 2008 when little Caylee lost her life, is 5 years old today, and I thank God for him every day. I'll have more on juries and the justice system this week. Over and out...

Anna

Holding on Tight: What to Do if Separated from Your Child

The Zoo

Last week, the Darlings and I visited Como Zoo in St. Paul. We don't often go to this zoo. I was completely surprised to find that it was absolutely packed with visitors. To begin with, the parking lots were full and we had to park a million miles away. This should have been my first tip off, but we relentlessly continued on our quest to get to the gate. Secondly, the fact that this zoo is essentially free, with a suggested donation of $2 for adults and $1 for children, should have made me realize this zoo would be chock full of people on any warm, sunny, summer day, but it didn't. Thirdly, connected to one side of the zoo is a small amusement park for little tikes, which was also brimming with people.

We did finally make it to the doors. Once inside, we began to navigate our way through the animal enclosures. The exhibits inside buildings were nearly impossible to wield my giant double stroller through and around all the people clambering to get a look at the polar bears or the seals or other creatures, especially considering there was a giant, soundly-sleeping 2.5 year old tucked inside the stroller {He was asleep before we even got to a parking spot despite being very excited to go to a new zoo. That's how long it took for us to wind through the various parking lots looking for a spot, and then walk several miles, or at least it felt like it, to the zoo}

Somehow we made it through the throngs of people and managed to see everything and stick together even after Darling 2 woke up and both boys wanted to walk along with me. Fortunately, my Darlings are very watchful and cautious and want to hold my hand in situations such as this, especially Darling 1.

Losing Sight

If Darling 1 ever thinks he has been separated from me, he begins scanning the people looking for me, calling out for mommy; and I am constantly watching the two of them if they are loose and playing at the park or frolicking nearby or walking along through an exhibit area, but even then sometimes they can slip from my view.

In those few seconds that I can't see them, my heart rate quickens and my voice gets a tad bit shrill as I call out for my boy. And then, all is well again, as my eyes lock onto their eyes again. But the "what ifs" are terrifying in that scenario. I don't like to dwell on those at all.

And yet, here we are smack in the middle of summer; the time for family outings and trips to baseball games, the State Fair, amusement parks, tourist attractions, large cities, remote areas, airports, etc. All of these places are filled with strangers; some with a great number of strangers and others with just few strangers. Either way, with young kids on the loose, this could be a recipe for disaster if you don't talk to your children about the dangers of strangers and come up with a family plan for dealing with such situations.

Tips for What to Do if Separated

First of all, these tips from National Center for Missing and Exploited Children are quite helpful if your child is suddenly missing:

• If your child is missing from home, search the house checking closets, piles of laundry, in and under beds, inside large appliances, and inside vehicles, including trunks—wherever a child may crawl or hide. {I would add check any and all areas with standing water; pools, spas, beaches, fountains, etc. first.}
• If you still cannot find your child, immediately call your local law enforcement agency.
• If your child disappears in a store, notify the store manager or security office. Then immediately call your local law-enforcement agency. Many stores have a Code Adam plan of action— if a child is missing in the store, employees immediately mobilize to look for the missing child.
• When you call law enforcement, provide your child's name, date of birth, height, weight, and any other unique identifiers such as eyeglasses and braces. Tell them when you noticed that your child was missing and what clothing he or she was wearing.
• Request that your child's name and identifying information be immediately entered into the National Crime Information Center (NCIC) Missing Person File.
• After you have reported your child missing to law enforcement, call the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children (NCMEC) on our toll-free telephone number: 1-800-THE-LOST).

Source: Missing Kids

Additionally, Kiwi Magazine offers some great tips for what to tell your 4 to 5 year olds about what to do if they get separated from the family:

• "Don't help an adult you don't know." Yes, you should teach your child to be polite and friendly, but well-meaning adults don't ask kids to help them do anything. Well-meaning adults know better, and if they truly need help, they will ask another adult.

   

• "If you're lost, don't try to find me." Kids will typically freak out and keep moving, wandering and looking for their parents if they become lost or separated. It's important to teach your child to stop moving and stay in one place. If a stranger offers to help, your child should refuse and ask the person to get a police officer or security guard to come and help instead.

Source: Kiwi Magazine Online

Here are some of my own tips:

• If you have more than one child, dress them in the same colored shirts and pants or shorts, this way you will have only one color to look for in the crowd of kids on the park, etc. Also, it's helpful if you also wear the color the kids are wearing so your kids can easily remember what color to look for when trying to spot you in a crowd of parents. Bright or unique colors are best.
• Snap a photo of your kiddos with your cell phone camera or other camera if you are taking it along too. This way, if a child turns up missing, you will have a very current photo of your child with the same clothing he was wearing at the time.
• Write your cell phone number on your child's arm in an area that won't be rubbed off from sweat, hand-washing or sunscreen application. This way, if your child is too young to have your cell phone number memorized, he can still show a police officer or other authority the phone number to call.
• Order temporary tattoos to be applied to your child any time you go out to places where you and your child might become separated. These tattoos can be ordered blank and information written on them or ordered with pre-printed information on them. You can even order some with QRs that can be scanned with smartphones to provide additional information about your child.
• Order an ID bracelet for your child to wear with the important contact information on it. You can order reusable, more permanent bracelets from Vital ID or temporary, disposable wristbands from Mabel's Labels. Both can be customized to include not only contact information, but also relevant medical information, such as food allergies, etc.
• Talk to your kids over and over about stranger dangers and the importance of sticking together when in public. Don't try to scare them, but be frank with them about the dangers.
• I once read that kids don't realize that their parents can't see them if they wander to the next aisle or on the other side of a large exhibit, etc. So, the parent should remind the child, "If you can't see me, then I can't see you." The child will then be cognizant of staying near enough to see the parent. I try to use those words with my boys.
• My friend tells her kids if they become lost to look for another mom with kids to ask to get help. She reasons that another mom is probably not going to harm her child, but will sympathize with the situation and know to contact authorities right away. I think this is reasonable advice.

The Scoop

This subject of lost or missing kids is a scary one, and it's not my intention to frighten you at all. I intend to inform you only and discuss ideas of prevention. If you have a plan of action if becoming separated; if you have discussed this issues; if you plan ahead to avoid such a scenario, it's more likely that you and your kids won't be separated when out and about.

What tips do you have about playing it safe and staying together in public? Over and out...

Anna

 

The Keys to Child Care Success: Laws Regarding Licensing, Facility & Staff Requirements

Best Choices

Would you go to a dentist who had a revoked license? Would you get your nails done at a salon who had been cited for unsanitary conditions? Would you take your car to an auto repair shop to get new brakes if you'd heard negative things about the mechanic's abilities to repair vehicles? I'm guessing your answer would be no to each of these questions.

And yet, how many know parents who continue to send their kids to daycares with questionable safety issues, unqualified staff, citations or past revoked licenses? How many parents actually check the licensure of a center or in-home daycare or know what a particular state mandates regarding such licensure issues?

When it comes to child care and finding a reputable, safe, loving, educational environment for a child, parents should accept nothing but the best. Just what is "best" may vary from family to family based on location, curriculum, schedules, cost, etc. as I pointed out in yesterday’s post, but "best" in terms of safety, sanitary conditions, licensure, staff qualifications, etc. is easier to pinpoint.

State Requirements

Each state sets out very specific regulations regarding just about every aspect of a child care facility's physical building, meals provided, schedules, toys, care in general, first aid, diaper changes, ages and ratios of children provided for, staff experience and requirements, and on and on. Not much is left to chance.

Click here for a list of state requirements, based on each state's laws as listed on OwnADaycare.com. Another resource for licensing and other information on child care is the National Child Care Information Center (NCCIC) site under the Administration of Children and Families and the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

These laws are in place simply to protect children in the care of such child care facilities. At times, the detail of the laws may seem silly or trivial or even difficult for the parents to follow. Case in point: DH complains weekly about having to write the Darlings' names on every single food container, baggie, package or cup that goes in their lunch boxes; and sometimes forgets to label EVERYTHING. I remind him of why this is important; i.e. other student's food allergies, but it still irritates him as he packs the boys' lunches.

The Scoop

Of course, the state is not able to constantly monitor the goings on of every facility on a daily basis. Each state does conduct regular inspections of licensed child care facilities, but in between these checks, the state relies on parents, staff or other observers to report any concerns.

Are these state requirements enough to keep our kids safe? How do you keep tabs on things going on in your kid's daycare or preschool? Over and out...

Anna

You might also like:

The Power of Mom: Preventing Child Abuse

A Change in Circumstance: Modification of a Child Support Order

Birds of a Feather: Tips for Choosing the Best School for Your Child

Trusting Parental Instincts: Tips for Choosing a Child Care Facility/Preschool

Baby Steps

There are many parts of parenting my young fellas that tug at my heartstrings, keeping me up at night, searching the Internet, flipping through parenting books, polling friends and strangers alike trying to find the right answer, if there is one, to whatever the issue is. One such issue that has been a recurring theme in the tug o' war match between my heart and brain is child care/schools.

Early on, I felt secure in choosing a part-time nanny. We've had great experiences with most of those nannies, staying close to several over the years. Then, there came a time that choosing a preschool was prudent. I languished over the many choices, advice and recommendations from parents who had chosen or who had been there before. Then, I backed off and waited another 6 months before making a decision and sending Darling 1 to preschool.

Preschool

While it was just a few mornings a week, it was a huge step for our family. My Darling Boys do NOT separate well from me. But Darling 1 was ready and happy in his class. Darling 1 moved on to a Pre-K class in September at the same school. Unfortunately, we have been underwhelmed and frustrated in a few instances with this class, but after changing classes early in the school year for several reasons, we have been reluctant to make any additional changes. Let me be clear, our issues and concerns have never been questions of safety or well-being.

Darling 2 also started preschool in September at the same school. Darling 2 has had a wonderful experience with fabulous teachers. And yet, based on Darling 1's experiences with the older classrooms, we are again on the prowl for a new school for Darling 2.

The Never Ending Search

I began searching a few months ago for a summer program for Darling 1. Before that, I was consumed with finding the "right" kindergarten for Darling 1. And prior to that, I was pondering whether we should send Darling 1 to kindergarten next year or wait until the following year.

The quest for the "best" schools and/or child care for my Darlings seems to be an on-going issue and will be for some time. I am excited about the choices we, as a family, have made for Darling 1's summer plans and kindergarten in the fall, but I am perplexed as to where to go next in pursuing Darling 2's social/educational development.

Placing the educational, social, psychological and physical needs of your child in the hands of strangers can be unnerving. We have all read the stories of day care gone horribly wrong or the safety hazards cited, licensing issues reported or mistreatment documented at child care facilities, large and small. Clearly, it's an area that, we as parents, must be vigilant in noticing potential issues or inconsistencies in care or reports, and not be hesitant to speak up and question the care of our children and/or report these issues to authorities.

When I held my little guys in those very early hours of life, I made a promise to myself and to them that I would always advocate for them in all situations. The well-being of our children must be a primary concern, always.

Tips for Finding "The One"

Here are tips for choosing the "right" child care/school for your child:

1. Decide what your choices are considering your city, neighborhood, work location, etc. How important is the location, nearness to work or home, etc. Make a list of what you want the facility to offer or focus on, etc.
2. Search online for centers, schools and churches with child care/preschools in the area you are looking. Then, talk to friends, parents at the park, your pediatrician, the school district or anyone else who might have suggestions about which options are best and why.
3. Once you have a list of potential choices, call and talk to the admissions director, curriculum director or center/school director. Don't be afraid to ask questions regarding cost, fees, schedules, teacher experience and tenure, educational approach, potty training, snacks and meals and anything else that's important to you.
4. Based on your phone conversations, choose a few to visit with your child. If you would rather visit alone first, that's fine too, but make sure to bring your child for a visit before choosing a school. You will be able to "feel" the climate of the school right away, and so will your child. Your child's initial reaction to the school's environment is a good indicator of how the school "fits" your child.
5. While visiting ask questions or make a list of questions to ask at a later time. It's important that you have a thorough understanding of the school's philosophy regarding families, kids, education and care. Never feel silly about asking a question.
6. Ask for and check references. If it's an in-home or small center with only a few on staff, you should also have background checks run for criminal history. You can also check for proper licensure and whether there have been any citations by the State.
7. Trust your instinct when it comes to choosing child care. If you don't have a good feeling about a facility or person, go with it, even if other's rave about the school. A center might be right for one family, but not another, and that's OK.

Additional Resources

Here are other resources for finding the "best" child care/preschool for your child:

• The New Parents Guide to Choosing a Daycare Center
• Kids Health Choosing Child Care
• University of Minnesota Extension Finding Child Care: Questions to Ask
• Douglas County, Kansas, Child Development Association's Questions to Ask When Choosing Child Care

The Scoop

It's important to find a safe, secure, nurturing environment for your child when you aren't there, but don't torture yourself about finding the very best in all areas, highly sought after child care learning center. The most important criteria are that you feel good about your pick and your child is happy there. If you change your mind regarding facilities for whatever the reason, that's alright. You can certainly move on to another learning center if one doesn't end up suiting your family.

I'm flip-flopping the order in which I'm writing this week. Later this week, I'll provide legal information on licensure, etc. and what to look for in choosing child care regarding. Meanwhile, I'll be calling a few potential preschools for Darling 2 and asking lots of questions. Over and out...

Anna

You might also like:

 

"Choosing" Work over Baby: The Reality of Parental Leave in the United States

There but for the Grace of God, Go I: Tips and Websites for Keeping Your Child Safe In and Around Vehicles

A Happy Home: Tips for Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce