Hanging By a Thread

Inked: Minor Obstacles

Tattoo Collection

I have a small junk drawer in my kitchen. In it you will find a few markers, some twist ties, a variety of small notepads, a few old corks, some outlet covers left over from when there were toddlers in the house, a battery or two, a small screwdriver, myriad other odds and ins and a number of temporary tattoos. This collection of tattoos includes butterflies, animals, Pixar character, pizza joint logos and more.

We've been accumulating this collection for the last 5 years. They've come from Valentine's cards, birthday parties, restaurants, nannies, trick-or-treating, various community events, etc.

My kids love tattoos. I can't remember when it started or where the first tattoo came from, but what I do know is that they quickly figured out how to apply them by themselves & they wear them with great pride; the bigger and more colorful the better.

Allure of Ink

I have never understood the allure of tattoos; whether temporary or permanent. This is certainly something I will never do. The pain alone is enough to stop me. I almost didn't have children solely based on the pain of childbirth. And yet, I find other's tattoos very interesting; the colors, the design, the statements being made. They are pieces of art on living canvasses.

Lately, I've been seeing more and more people with tattoos; many with several tattoos, bright and big and covering large parts of their bodies; people shopping at Target; the baristas at my favorite coffee shop; parents at t-ball games; at the pool. In fact, as I write this, while seated at a coffee shop, a man with tattoos reaching out from his short sleeves, peeking out from his collar and dotting his forearms came in and sat at the table next to mine. I don't know what's responsible for this societal shift, but there appears to have been one.

Protection for Government Interference?

It's fine for an adult who understands and accepts that permanent ink displayed on body parts that may be visible even when dressed from head to toe may not be looked upon favorably in certain professionals, may not always be in vogue and most certainly may not always fit one's personal style and preferences to make that decision to get a permanent tattoo, but how much liberty should a minor have in making this decision?

According to National Conference of State Legislatures, as of December 2011, there were 39 states with laws restricting tattooing minors. Many of these laws include body piercing, as well. Note that I used the word "restricting" not "prohibiting." Many of these laws provide that a minor under 18 is prohibited from getting a tattoo or body piercing unless there is parental consent.

Should it be in the parent's control? Is this an issue of cultural, societal and personal preferences?

Most parents aren't suggesting that their children get inked or pierced or giving in to such requests from their tweens or teens. And yet, if mom and/or dad are covered in tatts or cultural and societal norms aren't mainstream and the parents and/or guardians think it's fine for junior to get a tattoo at age 5 or pierced bellybutton at 15, is that OK?

Or would that be abuse to be reported to child protective services?

Well, in Florida, whose law changed in January 2012, a grandfather with custody of his grandson found himself in hot water when he allowed the 10 year-old to get a tattoo of his initials on his leg; a family tradition.

The FL law had previously allowed minors under 16 to get a tattoo with parental consent. It now restricts minors under 16 from getting tattoos except for medical or dental reasons and minors 16 to 18 are permitted to go forward with the inking with the consent of a parent.

The grandfather lost custody of his grandson based on his decision to allow the tattoo, regardless of the law restricting this action.

Often it's the tattoo artist who gets in gets in trouble with the law, as well as the parent.

The Scoop

I'm not a fan of tattoos; permanent or temporary. And I hope my boys never decide they should mark their skin with ink of the permanent kind, at least. But if they do want to get a tattoo or pierce through their skin and add ornamentation of some sort, I can guarantee you it will not be while they are minors and are required to seek parental consent.

As for the law, there may be those who see this as government interference into the rights of parents to make decisions for their kids, but I see it as protection from parents who may not quite appreciate the full repercussions of allowing minors to make body modifications at such a young age. Over and out...

Anna

Crossing the Line: To Train Up a Child

A Different Point of View

Isn't it funny how time and age and experience change the way we see our favorite books and movies from our childhoods?

The other day some friends and I were discussing reading the Little House on the Prairie series to our own children. The series was a favorite of ours as children and aside from the nostalgia of reading these books there is a different perspective now; that of a parent.

We were musing over how well behaved the children were and how well they listened to their parents and followed directions; carrying out many difficult chores day in and day out; and all with just a few handmade toys and no DVDs. What made these children so hard-working and obedient?

Of course, times have changed...a lot. But for one thing, there was corporal punishment; and the kids knew this and expected it. There was a certain amount of fear mixed with respect when it came to their parents.

Today, as I discussed in yesterday's post, there are many different schools of thought about the best way to discipline and raise a fine, upstanding, well-behaved child. However, there is a point where so-called discipline crosses the line and becomes abuse; even murder. There is a book that has been the cause of concern for parents, social workers and prosecutors in the last several years.

Excuse to Abuse

This book advocates for using spankings on children as young as 6 months old to train them to submit to authority; to essentially break children in the same style that the Amish break their stubborn mules. Michael Pearl self-published his book, To Train Up a Child, and it has become popular in ultra-conservative homes, especially in Christian homeschooling households.

This book, which suggests using a switch for spanking a child in one example, describes how to use a quarter-inch flexible plumbing line for hitting the arms, legs or back and even advocates for periodic fasting for children, has now been linked to the deaths of several children. These children all died at the hands of their parents after being systematically beaten, most with the plumbing tubing mentioned by Pearl, having food withheld from them and subjected to other means of "discipline" supported by Pearl. Pearl's book was found in the homes of each of these children.

When Discipline Becomes Abuse

This is not to say that the book is to blame for these parents lashing out and killing their kids in an attempt to train them to submit to their authority. The parents are to blame. However, these parents had been led to believe that such behavior is acceptable. It is not.

Pearl has said it's not his fault if delusional, mentally ill parents took the wrong idea from his book. I think they understood his general principles and they just took it a step further, which resulted in the death of their children.

I would say it is never, not even once, acceptable to hit your child on the arms, back and legs with a switch, rubber tubing or any other instrument. This is abusive behavior that will only teach your child to fear and hate you.

The parents who followed Pearl's book, albeit extreme cases of following his teachings, were indicted for murder and are serving prison sentences now. Their discipline was most certainly actually physical and mental abuse. Their praying during or in between beatings does not make it alright either.

The Scoop

There is a wide expanse between parents who use spankings as a way to discipline their children and parents who withhold food and use various instruments to hit their children in the name of discipline. If you feel that you need clarification of where the line is drawn between discipline and abuse, see this link to the U.S. Administration for Children and Families.

Abuse in the name of discipline is still abuse. Abuse is a criminal offense. Abuse hurts everyone.

Teaching respect, trust and reason makes for a stronger, kinder, more confident child and adult. Over and out...

Anna

Bad Behavior: Discipline of a Child

Spankings

As a child, I was spanked. In my recollection, it was quite often, as I was a precocious child, and I talked back quite frequently. My brother and I didn't think much of it. All of our friends were spanked too. Generally, it was the mother who took care of routine wrongs, but it was the father who came into the picture when there was major misbehavior or when the mama was done dealing with the kids.

Of course, I grew up in Texas. There, no one is shocked by a parent spanking a child as a part of discipline. In fact, the shocking part is if a kid is not spanked by his parents.

I was recently reminded of this during a trip to Texas. As old friends and I, now all moms, discussed parenting techniques, I realized that the spanking is still alive and well down in Texas.

Differences in Direction

Up in Minnesota, parents must be at the end of their ropes and then some before ever even considering spanking his or her child. A spanking is of last resort only; a move they hope to never have to make. And perhaps would never even consider.

Minnesotans would point to study after study that says that spanking a child could increase aggressive tendencies in children and even as adults. Texans will point out that if you spare the rod, you'll spoil the child.

Now, I realize this may not account for the mindset of every parent in TX or every parent in MN. I'm definitely making generalizations based on my own experience as a child in Texas and a parent in MN. I'm not saying that I think the MN parent is right and the TX parent is wrong, or vice versa; I'm simply pointing out the difference in cultures from south to north.

Passive Discipline

The discipline of a child has become a controversial issue over the years. It wasn't always such a big deal. Even when I was a child, not that many years ago, it was more acceptable for a teacher to spank a child in school. Well, at least at my extremely strict, private, Christian school it was. When I was in kindergarten, I got a spanking for speaking {to the teacher} without raising my hand. {Truly}

But things have changed. There is no corporal punishment at all in public schools now. Positive re-enforcement, re-direction, detention, etc is used instead. Discipline today is rather passive and whether it works better than corporal punishment is debatable. Putting the fear of God into me in kindergarten sure worked for me; I was never in trouble in school ever again. So, when one reads of a kindergartner being cuffed and taken from school to the police station, it makes an impression.

Cuffing a Child

Last week, police in Milledgeville, GA were summoned to an elementary school after a fit-throwing kindergartener could not be contained. The 6 year old girl had been sent to the principal's office after she pushed several classmates and threw items from her teacher's desk.

School personnel struggled to get her to the principal's office and once there she became even more combative throwing furniture, hitting the principal with one piece of projectile furniture; biting the door handle, jumping on a paper shredder and trying to break items on the principal's desk all in an attempt to escape from the office.

When they could not get control of her, the school called the police for help. The school tried to contact the girl's parents, but weren't able to reach them. The police stand by their decision to cuff the girl, saying they tried to calm her down, but could not. And their standard protocol for transporting a person in the backseat of a police cruiser to the police station is to cuff the person, regardless of the age of the person.

Once at the station, the girl was uncuffed, placed in a briefing room and given a drink. They were then able to reach an aunt who agreed to pick up the girl.

The girl was charged with simple assault and criminal damage to property, but won't be prosecuted because she is 6 years old; instead her case will be turned over to social services for any aid she and her family may need. She has also been expelled from school for the rest of the year.

The girl's parents are furious, saying this was a school issue, not a law enforcement issue. They think the principal, counselors and social workers at the school should have dealt with her mood swings.

Now, clearly this is an extreme case of misbehavior; the police do not normally get involved with the misconduct of a 6 year old. However, I am wondering if this was the first outburst of this kind from this girl or if this particular incident just escalated above and beyond all the others. I'm also wondering if the child is suffering from a psychological malady.

The Scoop

Often, I think the issues surrounding discipline are about respect. If a child respects the adult, the child is less likely to misbehave. I'll be the first to admit that I'm no expert about child discipline, but it seems to me that one of the biggest problems with the youth of today is respect for adults.

When we, as adults, see another child misbehaving at the park, at a store, walking down the street, etc. do we say anything or just ignore it? Often, it is ignored. That isn't the way it always was.

I've never been one to bite my tongue and I've been known to say something to the child pushing another child at the park or to the child harassing the geese at the zoo or to the child taunting another child at the mall play area, etc., etc., etc. If it's something that I wouldn't accept from my children, I say something when no one else is. Maybe I shouldn't, but I don't think adults should sit idly by and let kids run amuck bullying other kids and adults alike.

I actually have more to say on this subject; I'll be back tomorrow. Over and out...

Anna

New Beginnings: State Laws Taking Effect January 1, 2012

Happy New Year

January 1^st....the start of a new year, a day a big sales at retail giants, the first day of a new diet for many and the day a number of new state laws take effect. January is definitely the month of new beginnings and that rings true for many laws too.

While I haven't surveyed every state, I did take a look at some of the new state laws from around the country. I have highlighted the new laws {or absence of pertinent new laws} that have just taken effect that concern parents, kids and/or families.

While you may think this is unimportant information, take a look; there may be a few that concern you and your family. With almost 40,000 new laws going into effect on January 1, 2012, there must be something that affects you or someone you know.

A Few New State Laws

Minnesota

No news laws that pertain to families. {Let it be noted that it was quite an argumentative year in MN.}

Texas

College students attending school in Texas to get a meningitis vaccine. This law is applicable to all state universities, community colleges and junior colleges. TX is the first state mandate this. The students must have had this vaccine within the last 5 years.

Texas homeowners will be protected from aggressive homeowner associations that try to foreclose on homes based on late dues, fees and fines.

New York

Hookahs, water pipes, and shisha (a product made of primarily tobacco and smoked) shall not be sold to minors.

A new law will strengthen DEC's authority to ban products that contain mercury.

Middle class tax cuts will reduce tax rates on middle to their lowest levels in more than 50 years About 4.4 million middle class taxpayers will receive a total of  $690 million in personal income tax relief.

California

Open carrying of guns is banned;

Children under 8 and those who are too small to wear regular seat belts must use a child safety seat or booster seat.

Florida

The federal government will no longer have a hand in control the Florida school meal programs This will allow the state of Florida to use more Florida-grown fresh fruit and vegetables on school menus.

Illinois

Hotels are now required to be equipped with at least one smoke detector within 15 feet of every room that is used for sleeping purposes. (HB 1398/ PA-97-0447)

Allows local school boards to, if federal grants are available, opt in to a full-year pilot plan if a school is on academic watch status for more than 2 years. Schools that opt in must increase their school calendar by 35 days, and requires students attend a minimum of 215 days. This pilot program affects only schools in Sen. James Meeks' district.

Requires criminal background information on an employee that has been obtained by a school district within the last year to be shared, upon request, with any other school district.

Changes legislation to reflect the current criminal penalty for making a false report of child abuse to DCFS, and updates the required posted warning to reflect that a false report is a Class 4 felony violation.

Allows people in divorce situations to use life insurance as a security for child support and maintenance obligations.

Requires all employees of licensed child care facilities who care for newborns and infants to complete training every 3 years on sudden unexpected infant death (SUID), sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) and on the safe sleep recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Requires adult passengers in the back seat of a vehicle to wear a seat belt, and also requires those 18 and younger riding in a taxi cab for school-related purposes to wear a seat belt.

Colorado

Coaches must not allow players as young as 11 to continue playing a sport if a head injury is suspected. In order to return to play, the athletics will be required to have medical clearance. Furthermore, coaches in public and private schools and even volunteer coaches of Little League and Pop Warner football are required to take a free annual online training to learn the symptoms to recognize a concussion.

Delaware

Same-sex couples can now enter into a civil union or domestic partnerships, which give them the same state rights and obligations of those who are married.

The Scoop

Does your state have any new laws worth checking out? I'll be touching base regarding distracted driving issues in this New Year on Wednesday and Thursday of this week. Over and out...

Anna

Motherly Advice: When Parenting Brings Out the Worst in a Person

They say parenting brings out the best in a person. Parenting has brought out a lot in me; sides of me I had never seen before and hope to never see again. I sure hope that's not the best of me because if it is at best I'm crabby, irrational and always tired.

Yesterday I finished up my shopping. I was at Target in the kids' shoes looking at boys' slippers. There was another mom there with her three sons. They were also looking at boys' slippers. One of the sons, in particular, was being difficult about choosing a pair of slippers that fit correctly. And the mom was being just as difficult. Later, I heard her again; still being difficult in the boys' clothes department. She had had enough; she needed a break.

Years ago, before I had kids, I would have judged her a bad mom. I would have felt sorry for her boys. I would have thought how I would do it differently. Today, she got no judgment from me. I have been there....many times...many, many times.

In fact, every parent has been, and if you can't admit to it, then you or your children are angels disguised as humans or you or your children are robots. The mom I saw today needed some time alone and perhaps a glass of wine or a cup of tea or a whole bag of chocolate kisses or a hot shower or a good night of sleep or something else, but she'll get over her funk; I can't guarantee that the difficult son will go over his mood, but she will. And this doesn't mean she's a bad parent; this just means she's human.

Parenting is always a challenge; life is often difficult; and life in Minnesota during the very short days and long, dark nights of December is cruel. Getting upset with your child is normal, but there is never, never, never a time that punching your child in the face is alright. Sadly, this past week, a Twin Cities man did just this to his 8^th grade son.

The man and his son were walking out of school after the son's basketball game and he began punching his son repeatedly in the face. I don't know this man's story, but I don't have to. There is simply never a time that it's OK to punch your child; not at home in private; not at school in public; not anywhere; not ever.

Other parents restrained this man and called the police. The man was arrested and spent the night in jail, but was bailed out without any conditions the following day. Fortunately, the son did not need medical attention and will recover; that is, his physical wounds will heal. Unfortunately, this public display of abuse was probably not the first, nor the last, violence this child will suffer at the hand of his parent.

During this time of joy and festivities, let us not forget that the best gift we can give our children is a good example. Of course, this is harder than it sounds. So, let us also not forget that the best gift we can give ourselves is time; time away; time alone; time to relieve stresses; time to rejuvenate; time to forgive our shortcomings and disappointments; time to remember why we love our children. Over and out...

Anna

Child Obesity: What’s in the Child’s Best Interest?

Truly a Growing Problem?

I came across an interesting article earlier this week, and I'm not even sure what my opinion is regarding this matter. It has to do with weight. Weight is a touchy issue; very few of us, have never struggled with a weight issue, whether the issue was to lose weight or gain weight. At various times of my life I have been on both sides of this issue.

Let me also preface this subject by saying that I have tall, muscular, broad kids (both built like their daddy) who both tip the scales at the top of their age ranges; they also rank in the top of height percentiles, as well. In fact, at the last well-check of each Darling Boy the pediatrician explained that based on their weights alone, he was forced to check them off as "obese" for insurance purposes. This reporting is done anonymously in a large pool of all kids who have well-checks, based on specific ages.

My children are not obese for any other purpose (check out those sweet, skinny boys above & don't let the 3 year-old's pudgy cheeks fool you; he's the skinniest). I, of course, spoke up and argued this point. While my sons' pediatrician agreed with me, he told me that his hands were tied because this "mandatory" reporting is linked to insurance companies paying the doctors for their services to patients. He went on to tell me that every big, strong high school athlete he had recently seen for school physicals were also labeled as "obese" for the insurance reports.

Now, this makes me think twice when I see the reports of the high percentages of obese kids; and all of the reports, studies, groups and grants concerning this issue. At the same time, I know there are kids who are obese and who need to learn how to eat a nutritional, balanced diet and exercise on a daily basis. There are also kids who have a genetic predisposition to weight gain. And now for the story I read. Then, you can decide where you stand on this topic.

200 Pound Third Grader

This subtitle reads like a tabloid article, and you can just picture the photo running with the headline in the newsprint placed next to the bubble gum at the checkout counter, but this is sadly true. A boy in third grade weighing 200 pounds was removed from his mother's custody and placed with a foster family due to his weight related health issues. The mother had taken her son to a hospital last year when he started to have breathing problems; clearly, a concerned parent. It was determined that he has sleep apnea. At that time, the hospital enrolled him in program aimed at reducing his weight. Through that program, he was being monitored by social workers and had been losing some weight, but had recently begun to gain weight again.

When he started putting pounds on, the social workers asked a juvenile court to remove the boy from his mother's custody based on his obesity as a medical neglect issue. The boy's mother claimed that she was following the dietary guidelines provided by the hospital program and was doing her best to help her child.

Obesity as Neglect

This may seem extreme, but remember the court's duty is to do what is in a child's best interest. So, is this in the child's best interest? What if the child was severely underweight instead of grossly overweight? How would you feel about this issue then? If the child appeared to be starving, the court would remove the child in this instance too. The court must do its best to ensure that any child that comes to its attention has a clean, safe and healthy environment with adequate nutrition and direction in which to live and grow.

Clearly, this is an extreme case, but it has happened before. The article I read from ABC News cited a 90 pound 3 year old girl who was removed from her parents' home for two months due to her large size and inability to lose weight in her parent's care. She was returned to her parents when it was determined that she had a genetic predisposition and she did not lose any weight while in foster care despite following strict guidelines.

The Scoop

Are we going overboard on the subject of obese kids? Is obesity a legitimate cause for concern and reason to lose custody of your child, even temporarily? For me, this is hard question. How do you feel about this issue? No matter which way you view this story and others like it, it's very sad for the child and the parents involved. Over and out...

Anna

Choose Your Side Carefully: A Word to the Students of Penn State {On a Soapbox}

Kill the Messenger?

Hold the stinkin' phone. I just found my soapbox. I had been planning to note the various sad, ludicrous state of affairs repeated over and over again on every news medium concerning myriad subjects. Then, I read that Mike McQueary, the one-time grad student who gave the most damning testimony before the grand jury, had been sidelined and won't be at tomorrow's Penn State game due to threats. In fact, PSU has now placed him on administrative leave.

I was already quite disappointed to read how a number of the PSU student body reacted to the firing of Head Coach Joe Paterno by rioting in the streets. This demonstration was ridiculous. Paterno may have met his legal obligation, but his moral compass was off....perhaps for a good many years, with regards to Jerry Sandusky.

What I can't find is additional information about the threats received by McQueary, and who is threatening him. My assumption is that it's past and/or present students and diehard fans who have misplaced their fury involving this far reaching university shakedown.

Making Sense of It All

The anger, resentment and disgust should be placed firmly on the shoulders of Sandusky. The disappointment falls to the PSU administrators who knew of these sick and illegal actions perpetrated by Sandusky, but did nothing to stop it and failed to alert authorities to these crimes. Sadness shelters these vulnerable boys, known as victims 1 – 8. The utter disbelief goes to students who reacted so inappropriately at the news of the PSU Trustees' decision to fire Paterno and the University President.

How deep with festering sore reaches into the heart of this University is yet to be seen, but this must serve as a reminder to all of us that when we see or hear of an injustice, an inappropriate action or questionable situation, we must not turn a blind eye simply because we can't believe it, because it might be difficult for a family, a church, a business, the adoring public, a school to accept or that it will bring down a respected, prestigious, wealthy, well-known figure. These are excuses and are irrelevant.

The focus must be on what is right and wrong; whether a person is being harmed; whether some wrongdoing is afoot. It matters not who is committing the crime; no one is above the law. And eventually that person will be exposed for who he or she really is and this might mean bringing down a whole institution, but so be it.

A Message to the Students

To the students of PSU*, don't be fools; stand on the right side of this playing field. It takes a strong person to support the weak, the unheard, the forgotten; it takes weak, insignificant, superficial person to say we don't care about the morals, the crimes, the children; the game must be won at all costs. So, students of PSU, one day when you have children, what will you think of your actions? What will you tell your children about this chapter of your college career? There is still time to rectify your misguided stance. I believe you are better than this; prove me right. Over and out...

Anna

*I realize that PSU is a very large campus and not all of the students are acting in this way, but these few are destroying the image of the student body as a whole.

On A Soapbox: Suing Mom?

Worst Mommy in the World

I am not the most patient mom in the world. I'll admit it. I have been known to lose my temper. It's true. I have, at times, been called "the worst mommy in the WORLD!" by my hot-headed, tantrum-throwing offspring. I've been judged and sentenced to time out or prison, whatever that is to a 5 year-old. I have sometimes agreed with the sentences pronounced upon me...sometimes.

But my children are still young, impetuous and unschooled in life, and I expect that in time they'll grow and mature and understand that life isn't fair; they don't get everything they want whether they deserve it or not; and that they won't always deserve, or need, the things they may think they simply cannot live without.

Extreme and Outrageous Behavior

I pray that my kids will understand these things and love me regardless of how much {or how little} I spend on them. I sincerely hope my kids don't ever sue me because I wasn't the "world's best mommy" in their view every day.

You think it's absurd that I would hope such a thing? Because seriously, what kind of values am I teaching my kids, right? What kind of brat would sue a parent over such trivial and unimportant issues? Who, indeed? Well, I'll tell you precisely who: Stephen A. Miner II and Kathryn Miner, now 23 and 20, respectively, of Barrington Hills, a wealthy Chicago suburb.

These spoiled, rotten brats {in my opinion}...ahem...siblings sued their mother. What did they claim she did to them as children? Were there allegations of locking them in the closet; leaving them in the car until 2 a.m. while she sat in a bar drinking; physically, sexually or mentally abusing them, withholding food or shelter from them? No, these two claimed emotional distress and sought damages for her alleged "extreme and outrageous" behavior. Here are some of the specific instances that lead to these claims by said Plaintiffs: The Respondent, a.k.a. Mom, allegedly:

• Told Steven when he was 7 that she would call police if he didn't buckle his seat belt.
• Failed to send college care packages and birthday cards for many years, and when she sent cards, failed to include cash.
• Changed her last name, causing distress at school events.
• Sent Steven a birthday card showing a bunch of tomatoes, one with googly eyes, with the caption: "Son I got you this birthday card because it's just like you … different from all the rest!"
• Haggled over the amount spent on Kathryn Miner's party dresses.
• Called Kathryn Miner at midnight while she was at homecoming and told her to come home.
• Played favorites with the kids.

~Source: ABA Journal, August 29, 2011

Family Dynamics

So, where was the father of these shallow kids when they were contemplating suing dear ol' mom? Where, indeed? Why he was one of the attorneys who helped to bring this suit to court. Their father represented them in this lawsuit. Ah, this is starting to make more sense, isn't it?

When little Steven and Kathryn were and 7 and 4, their parents divorced. Steven Miner, Sr., their father, was awarded full custody of young Steven and the two parents shared custody of their young daughter. Clearly, there are still some issues that should probably be resolved in therapy or during long, open-hearted, emotional conversations with each other.

This week, an Illinois appellate court dismissed this case finding that the mother's alleged conduct was neither extreme nor outrageous. The Court further stated that a ruling in favor of the children "could potentially open the floodgate to subject family child rearing to ...excessive judicial scrutiny and interference" as quoted in the ABA Journal, August 29, 2011.

The Scoop

This frivolous, petty, overly litigious claim not only wasted the time and money for all involved, but as nj.com points out it also lessens the very real and tragic stories of kids who are truly abused and mistreated by their parents.

The mother, Kimberly Garrity, other than perhaps having her heart broken by her malcontent offspring, also could have gone broke fighting this lawsuit. From several articles I read, it looks like Ms. Garrity will not recoup her attorney fees in this matter. And yet, the Plaintiffs, who supposedly lost this battle, won't have to pay much, if anything, considering Daddy was their attorney. So, who really won?

Hmmmm, something stinks here. Clearly, there was some abuse here. The Miners, all three of them, abused the judicial system in trying to settle a personal and very petty score. Over and out...

Anna

The List: Countering Tragedy with Information

Birthday Wishes

For our family, this week was a week of celebrating Darling 1's 5^th Birthday; having fun with family in Texas and cross-country driving. We laughed and played and ate and soaked up the hot, dry heat. Even though the last leg of our trip home was a difficult one with all of us worn and wearied from our road trip adventures, we did not suffer any tragedies; we endured and we made it home safely.

Sadness Abounds

And yet, this week there were a number of headlines that deeply saddened me. Young lives were lost and put at risk due to misjudgment, ignorance or pure accident. Despite every precaution, thoughtful planning and protective measure taken, tragedies still do occur, but parents should continue do their best to educate themselves and their children about safety issues in order to reduce the risk associated with merely living life and growing up.

I have written past posts about the issues surrounding each of these tragedies. Please take a moment to refresh your memory and remind your kiddos of these safety measures regarding guns, becoming separated from a parent and leaving children unattended vehicles.

A Hot Topic

It's been exceedingly hot in numerous areas of the country lately. While you should never leave a child unattended in a vehicle for both health and safety reasons regardless of what the weather conditions are, it is particularly vital to be completely mindful of whether your child is in the vehicle during these scorching hot days. It takes only a matter of minutes for hot metal car out in the sun to become a hot metal oven.

In St. Louis, MO, this week a mother and two companions left a 5 month-old infant and 21 month-old twins in a hot car with one window partially down on a day when there was a high heat advisory issued. The trio left the kids in the car to go into a restaurant and place a t0 go order. All three sat and waited for their order, drinking soft drinks and eating an appetizer. Fortunately, witnesses quickly called authorities and these three screaming, dehydrated, sweat drenched kids were rescued.

Clearly, these people knew what they were doing, but didn't care or realize the consequences. Most often it's purely a slip of the mind that causes this kind of catastrophe.

Not Even for a Minute: Children Left Unattended in Vehicles

There but for the Grace of God, Go I: Tips and Websites for Keeping Your Child Safe In and Around Vehicles

Guns Kill

Guns in homes scare me; particularly when there are youngsters in a home. Whether it's your own home, your parents' home or a friend's home, if there are any guns in the home make sure they are all secured. By secure I mean unloaded and locked away in a case that cannot be accessed by little hands.

Also in St. Louis, Lilianna Moore, 3 year-old little girl, found a loaded gun between two mattresses in her home and accidentally shot and killed herself this week. Strangely enough, on the very same day, two other kids were also injured in separate instances, also in St. Louis. These shooting appear to be related to gang activity.

In my opinion, it's not worth the risk to have a gun in your home. I realize that some people don't have a choice, as in the case of law enforcement personnel, etc., but there are ways to ensure that accidental shootings do not happen in your home or anywhere your children are visiting or playing.

The Right to Bear Arms in Your Home: McDonald v. City of Chicago

The Cautious Approach to Life: Tips for Teaching Your Kids Gun Safety

A Parent's Greatest Fear

At what age a child is old enough to be on his or her own walking to a park, a community pool, a friend's house, or in the case of Leibby Kletzky, to meet his mother after leaving a day camp is a decision that each parent and child must determine for themselves, but it's certainly a question on the minds of many parents this week.

Little Leibby's story is almost unspeakable. I read one article that said the fact that we are all shocked about it is a good thing because that means it isn't something that happens often. In my opinion, if even one child is walking down a street, asks a stranger for help with directions and is then stolen away and murdered, as was the case with Leibby, then it is happening too often...period.

Regardless of whether your child becomes separated from you in a public place or doesn't arrive home at the designated time after school or from visiting a friend, etc., you and your child should know what to do in the case of being lost or separated. This is something to be practiced and talked about in a matter-of-fact manner often. This way, if you ever become separated, neither of you will overly panic {at least that is the hope} because you will both know what to do in such a circumstance; and you will know what your child will do, as well.

Holding on Tight: What to Do if Separated from Your Child

The Scoop

My heart breaks each time I hear such horribly sad stories as these. My prayers go out to each family involved in these tragedies. Let information be your sword and shield, and do your best to protect your family through informing and educating them. Over and out...

Anna

Beyond a Reasonable Doubt: The Casey Anthony Verdict

The Verdict

You probably won't agree with me on this, but this is my perspective of the Casey Anthony verdict.  I think that justice was served from a legal perspective.  Take note that I am referring to the jury's verdict; I did not say that I believe Anthony is innocent.

Neither you nor I sat through every minute of testimony, examined every bit of evidence and applied the instructions from the court to the evidence presented. The jurors chosen for the Anthony trial did do these things, and in the end they decided the evidence did not show beyond a reasonable doubt that Anthony murdered her 2 year old daughter, Caylee, in the summer 2008. The jury did find Anthony guilty of four counts of providing false information to the police.

Emotional Reaction

As you most likely know from the heavy media coverage, the jury returned its verdict on July 5, after more than 10 hours of deliberation and after weeks of hearing evidence during the trial. The not guilty verdict was met with anger, frustration, confusion and tears all across the country. People in almost every state have rallied, representing little Caylee, an innocent child who was murdered three years ago, and felt that justice was not served in this case.

I read one article that mentioned a woman who had started a petition to have the judge overturn the verdict. Many people say that they are certain Anthony is a murderer; other articles and comments called the jurors incompetent; and absolute outrage has erupted across the Internet following this verdict.

The Jury

These 12 jurors, 7 women and 5 men, in Orlando, FL, were charged with weighing the evidence presented and determining whether beyond a reasonable doubt Anthony murdered her daughter. They have done their job. They were not asked to go with their gut instincts; they were not asked to decide based on popular public opinion; they were not asked to listen to legal talk shows "experts" and opt for their legal spinnings; they were told to listen to the evidence presented and follow the instructions given to them in order to decide this case based on legal principles. They have done their job.

Standard of Proof

Florida's standard of proof for felony murder is beyond a reasonable doubt. Black's Law Dictionary defines "Reasonable Doubt" as "not a mere possible doubt; because everything relating to human affairs, and depending on moral evidence, is open to some possible or imaginary doubt. It is that state of the case, which, after the entire comparison and consideration of all the evidence, leaves the minds of jurors in that condition that they cannot say they feel an abiding conviction, to a moral certainty, of the truth of the charge."

Black's further provides, "In deciding whether guilt has been proved beyond a reasonable doubt, the jury must begin with the presumption that the defendant is innocent." This is not something the general public, media or legal pundits must do. Anyone, who is not on the jury, is free to form his or her own opinion about any given person, incident, evidence or verdict. The jury must stick to the evidence presented.

While the state had an abundance of evidence, there was no "smoking gun" and due to the severely decomposed body, there was a loss of physical evidence, according to State Attorney Lawson Lamar. Beyond a reasonable doubt is the highest standard of proof in the law. The State had the burden to prove the guilt of Anthony beyond a reasonable doubt. They were unable to do that, based on the verdict delivered.

The Justice System

As to the woman who started a petition for the judge to overturn the verdict; that is not how our justice system works. If the prosecution or defense feels there have been errors made during the trial, either party may be able to make an appeal to a higher court.

Our justice system is not arbitrary; it is not based on popular opinion or belief. It is based on evidentiary rules; court rules; and precise legal standards and laws. And if you were the one sitting in the defendant's chair, you wouldn't want it any other way.

Many people have gone to prison maintaining their innocence and years later it's proven they were indeed telling the truth; sometimes far too late for the wrongly convicted and sentenced, but always a horrible tragic injustice...for all of us.

So, was justice serviced in the Anthony case? Yes. It was served because the jury decided the case based on the evidentiary standard of proof of beyond a reasonable doubt and did not simply go with an emotional response. Did Casey Anthony murder her child, know who murdered her child or assist the murderer? I don't know. And that is something we may never know, but in order for our justice system to work we must trust our juries.

The Scoop

Regardless of how you feel about Casey Anthony and the verdict, clearly justice was not served for little Caylee. I recall reading an article about the disappearance of Caylee back in July of 2008, soon after she had been reported missing. I, too, had a 2 year old in July of 2008. I couldn't imagine losing my child; not knowing where he was; what had happened to him. What kind of mother wouldn't report her child missing immediately...immediately?

If I lose sight of my Darling Boys for even a few seconds, my heart begins to pound, my insides feel weak and I do my best not to let my voice go shaky and shrill as I call for them. I have not ever actually, truly lost either of my Boys for more than a few seconds thankfully, but if I did, I would be contacting authorities within minutes of them going missing.

My son who was 2 years old the summer of 2008 when little Caylee lost her life, is 5 years old today, and I thank God for him every day. I'll have more on juries and the justice system this week. Over and out...

Anna