Motherly Law

Child Obesity: What’s in the Child’s Best Interest?

Truly a Growing Problem?

I came across an interesting article earlier this week, and I'm not even sure what my opinion is regarding this matter. It has to do with weight. Weight is a touchy issue; very few of us, have never struggled with a weight issue, whether the issue was to lose weight or gain weight. At various times of my life I have been on both sides of this issue.

Let me also preface this subject by saying that I have tall, muscular, broad kids (both built like their daddy) who both tip the scales at the top of their age ranges; they also rank in the top of height percentiles, as well. In fact, at the last well-check of each Darling Boy the pediatrician explained that based on their weights alone, he was forced to check them off as "obese" for insurance purposes. This reporting is done anonymously in a large pool of all kids who have well-checks, based on specific ages.

My children are not obese for any other purpose (check out those sweet, skinny boys above & don't let the 3 year-old's pudgy cheeks fool you; he's the skinniest). I, of course, spoke up and argued this point. While my sons' pediatrician agreed with me, he told me that his hands were tied because this "mandatory" reporting is linked to insurance companies paying the doctors for their services to patients. He went on to tell me that every big, strong high school athlete he had recently seen for school physicals were also labeled as "obese" for the insurance reports.

Now, this makes me think twice when I see the reports of the high percentages of obese kids; and all of the reports, studies, groups and grants concerning this issue. At the same time, I know there are kids who are obese and who need to learn how to eat a nutritional, balanced diet and exercise on a daily basis. There are also kids who have a genetic predisposition to weight gain. And now for the story I read. Then, you can decide where you stand on this topic.

200 Pound Third Grader

This subtitle reads like a tabloid article, and you can just picture the photo running with the headline in the newsprint placed next to the bubble gum at the checkout counter, but this is sadly true. A boy in third grade weighing 200 pounds was removed from his mother's custody and placed with a foster family due to his weight related health issues. The mother had taken her son to a hospital last year when he started to have breathing problems; clearly, a concerned parent. It was determined that he has sleep apnea. At that time, the hospital enrolled him in program aimed at reducing his weight. Through that program, he was being monitored by social workers and had been losing some weight, but had recently begun to gain weight again.

When he started putting pounds on, the social workers asked a juvenile court to remove the boy from his mother's custody based on his obesity as a medical neglect issue. The boy's mother claimed that she was following the dietary guidelines provided by the hospital program and was doing her best to help her child.

Obesity as Neglect

This may seem extreme, but remember the court's duty is to do what is in a child's best interest. So, is this in the child's best interest? What if the child was severely underweight instead of grossly overweight? How would you feel about this issue then? If the child appeared to be starving, the court would remove the child in this instance too. The court must do its best to ensure that any child that comes to its attention has a clean, safe and healthy environment with adequate nutrition and direction in which to live and grow.

Clearly, this is an extreme case, but it has happened before. The article I read from ABC News cited a 90 pound 3 year old girl who was removed from her parents' home for two months due to her large size and inability to lose weight in her parent's care. She was returned to her parents when it was determined that she had a genetic predisposition and she did not lose any weight while in foster care despite following strict guidelines.

The Scoop

Are we going overboard on the subject of obese kids? Is obesity a legitimate cause for concern and reason to lose custody of your child, even temporarily? For me, this is hard question. How do you feel about this issue? No matter which way you view this story and others like it, it's very sad for the child and the parents involved. Over and out...

Anna

Losing It: Mental Illnesses and Child Custody Issues

Some Days

There are some days; days that I feel that I am one step away from completely losing my marbles. The chaos, the lack of sleep, the stress, the ups and downs of life, it can be overwhelming. But I keep it together...for the most part. I know that these days are just that; one day ever so often in a life full of many days. I don't have a mental illness, and I have a spouse who can take the helm for a bit while I sort through my feelings, get some rest and move past the funk.

Mental Illnesses

And yet, there are parents out there who do struggle with mental illnesses. For some of these parents just making it through each day is a challenge; every day. For other parents with mental illnesses, medication can alleviate the symptoms and bring balance back to that parent's life; and the family's lives, for that matter.

Some of these parents have to find a way to cope with their illnesses and handle divorce and/or custody issues too. And other parents struggling with mental diseases are single parents dealing with everything on their own; work, finances, illness, parenting, medications. Many questions arise in these situations.

Custody Issues

For parents with severe mental illnesses the rate of losing custody is between 70 – 80%. Some states have laws that list mental illness of a parent as a condition for losing custody. The severity of the illness, combined with the symptoms of the particular mental illness, side effects from medications and the absence of another parent in the home are among the determinants for removing a child from the house of a mentally ill parent.

While all parents have a right to raise their children without government interference, the courts must weigh what's in the best interest of a child with a parent's mental disabilities and the impact on the family. If it's clear to the court that a child will be endangered by the parent's incapacity to care for his or her child, the court must remove the child from that parent's home and award custody to the other parent {in a divorce situation}, a grandparent or another competent adult.

In order for a court to determine what's in the best interest of a child, extensive mental health evaluations are ordered for the parent. The mere presence of a mental illness does not determine whether that parent will completely lose custody rights. In some cases, the court will find that based on all the evidence presented, a parent with a mental illness is still capable of caring for his or her children, at least some of the time.

A court's concern is that a child living with a mentally ill parent may suffer from neglect or abuse, be subjected to unsafe conditions or situations or be forced to take care of the parent instead of the other way around. Courts take these situations very seriously.

Due to these concerns of the courts and the high chance of losing custody, some parents in this situation may attempt to hide the illness or minimize the effects of the disease or the medications. Parents may even avoid needed treatment for mental diseases for fear of losing custody. While this is understandable considering how painful it would be to lose custody of a child, the parent must keep his or her focus on the child's safety and general well-being.

It's important to be forthright with any investigation, whether you are the parent being assessed; or the parent being evaluated is your spouse or soon-to-be ex-spouse, a friend or a family member. Again, the focal point must always be the best interest of the child.

The Scoop

No matter the determination or outcome of any case involving a parent and/or child with a mental illness, it's a heartbreaking situation; and not one taken lightly by the courts. Termination of parental rights is final, but a custody situation is changeable, depending on circumstances. For instance, if a parent seeks treatment, becomes stable on medication, etc. the parties could revisit the custody arrangements, if so desired.

No matter how you look at it, a case involving a parent suffering from a mental illness is never easy for anyone involved. Over and out....

Anna

Mississippi Underestimated: Answering the Question of Personhood

Free Choice

I recently saw a quote from a conservative governor stating that he had vetoed a particular bill because he didn't want to micromanage the actions of adults. This quote struck me as odd for a number of reasons. To name one, it's conservatives who typically are trying to take away the choice of abortions for all women. Isn't this also micromanaging adult women's actions?

Let me be clear. I am not a proponent of abortions. I don't know a single soul who is. I am a proponent of free choice. Abortion is not something that I would choose, as far as I know. But then again, I've never been in a position to have to make this decision; so I can't say for certain. I am certain that I cannot make that decision for anyone else though; it's not for me to say what others do with their bodies.

I think that a woman or a man should have the choice of making decisions regarding her or his body without the state interfering with this choice because someone else living in that state may disagree with the choice that person makes. The decision to have an abortion for any reason is one of the most personal choices I can think of.

An Argument for Conservatives

I liken my argument to that of gun rights. I, personally, don't think that people should own guns for personal safety or hunting. I, personally, think that people with guns make our society less safe. However, not everyone agrees with me. There are those who think it's vitally important to have firearms in the home in order to protect the family. There are others who enjoy the sport of hunting.

I will leave them to their sport and their sense of security. I will not tell them they can't own guns, even if they are safe with them and follow all the laws regarding firearm ownership and don't threaten others or commit crimes with their firearms. That is their right.

MS 26

Well, it's also a woman's right to decide what happens to her body. Yesterday, the people of Mississippi went to the polls to vote on a number of items, one of which was Initiative 26. "MS 26" as it was termed may have been on the MS ballot, but it was an issue that could have affected all women across this country. I spent my evening watching my Twitter stream with the hashtag #MS26 {I met some lovely ladies from MS too.} and monitoring MS election results.

If MS 26 had succeeded it could have opened the flood gates rushing toward the eventual overturn of Roe v. Wade. Well, it didn't. The people of Mississippi came through in the name of women's rights.

The exact wording of MS 26 is this:

Should the term 'person' be defined to include every human being from the moment of fertilization, cloning, or the equivalent thereof?

57% of the voters in MS answered this question with a resounding, "NO" despite the time and money spent by Personhood USA in hopes of a "yes" vote.

Personhood USA

Personhood USA is a Colorado based "Christian" nonprofit organization that "serves the pro-life community by assisting local groups to initiate citizen, legislative, and political action focusing on the ultimate goal of the pro-life movement: personhood rights for all innocent humans."

What this means is that a grassroots team showed up in MS and planted the idea of putting this question to the vote of the people in hopes of stirring the pot into a frenzy that could lead other ultra conservative states to do the same. The Personhood Mississippi website says if the vote was yes, a legal challenge would be set up to challenge Roe v. Wade. Of course, the website also says that the most important reason to vote yes is that it will honor God and show love to their neighbors in the law system. Clearly, Personhood USA was appealing to the conservative Christian voters of that state.

Strong Southern Women

Mississippians responded with their own grassroots fight, explaining to would-be voters that MS 26 could have more far reaching effects, such as infertility treatments, access to contraception and women's health, in general. Personhood USA thought it could appeal to the deeply conservative, Christian, low-income and uneducated citizens of MS. They were wrong. Mississippians are smarting than that.

The idea of the personhood question evolved from U.S. Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart's observation during Roe v. Wade oral arguments when he said, "If it were established that an unborn fetus is a person, you would have an impossible case here." Now Personhood USA is trying to do just that. 

The Scoop

There are a number of laws in place that regulate the how, when and where abortions are performed, by whom and upon whom. It's not a spur of the moment, lightly taken, frivolous decision....ever. And the laws in place protect those who for whatever reason have come to a clinic for an abortion. Without these laws, providing this right, abortions would still take place, but behind the scenes, without safeguards, without regulating the who or what or when or where.

In the past I wrote about laws with unintended results. If the voters' answer to MS 26 had been yes, this would have been one of those laws. This issue is not about choosing abortion; this issue is about choosing for one's self. The people of Mississippi have chosen for themselves. Over and out...

Anna

 

Budget Cuts Hit Home: Topeka’s Prosecutorial Blunder {On a Soapbox}

No Experience

I usually fight with words. Fortunately, I don't have personal experience with domestic violence. While searching my brain for a personal story to tell involving domestic violence, there is only one that comes to mind, and even it was not necessarily domestic violence, but the potential for it. And it's not my story to tell. It (almost) happened to a friend. And I'm happy to say that she did not marry him in the end.

When I wrote about domestic violence last December, many of my regular readers did not read those posts. Hopefully, this means that domestic violence is not something you have any experience with.

Finding Strength to Report

For those who do live with violence or even the threat of violence from a supposed loved one it's degrading, devastating, depressing and dangerous. For many living with this secret, one of the hardest things they will ever have to do is pick up the phone and call the police on a spouse or significant other.

And yet, many will find the strength to call and report an assault. Some of those will later recant their stories and refuse to testify against their abusers, but some will keep that ire burning, still feeling the sting from the smack dealt to them from some who's supposed to be a protector and supporter. Those people will be willing to testify against their spouses/partners/significant others and aid the prosecution as best they can. Then, hopefully, those people can move on with their lives.

No Aid Available

Well, what if no one could afford to prosecute such cases? What if the city decided to repeal the law making domestic violence a crime? What if the county refused to prosecute these misdemeanors? What would be the point of calling the police? Who would help those in need?

Well, that's exactly what Topeka, Kansas, did. In an attempt to cut budgetary costs, the city government repealed a municipal law making domestic violence a misdemeanor. Back in September the Shawnee County District Attorney stopped prosecuting domestic violence cases due to budget cuts. The city says this is an attempt to get the district attorney to begin prosecuting these cases again. And it worked too.

Reckless Abandon

The way I see it, this is an awfully reckless move on the part of the county and city. If the county and city refused to prosecute misdemeanor domestic violence cases, then it would have been open season for abusers in Topeka. Thankfully, the Shawnee County DA, Chad Taylor, reluctantly agreed to begin prosecuting the domestic violence cases even though they have very few resources and are lacking in staff.

Of course, the dropped cases would have applied only to misdemeanor charges, not felonies. If a domestic violence case had escalated to a felony, let's say murder, then that case would have been prosecuted by the district attorney. Unchecked, unstopped, unprosecuted domestic violence could very well lead to murder, of either the abused or the abuser. And the authorities sure as hell will prosecute an abused spouse/significant other who kills her/his abuser. This is not a situation to take lightly.

Threatening the safety of its citizens to force the hand of the county district attorney's office is heartless and treacherous. I understand that everyone {individuals, small businesses, municipal, county, state and federal government agencies} is struggling to make ends meet, with the exception of the elite top 1% of our country, but taking it out on domestic violence victims is not OK.

The Scoop

Topeka, figure it out. While the Shawnee County DA has taken on these cases once again, there remains a budget issue. This could be a nightmare, both figuratively and literally, for citizens, the city and the county. Cut from an area of the budget that will not affect such a vulnerable, usually mute, segment of the community; perhaps a cut to your own salaries is in order, City of Topeka officials. Priorities must be set; the safety of people must be placed over other city projects. Over and out...

Anna

A Case of Misidentification: Ultrasound Mistake Leads to Court

A Sneak Peek

Some of the best parts of my pregnancies with Darling 1 and Darling 2 were the ultrasounds. I vividly recall each of them; a sneak peek at my tiny baby. I had two ultrasounds with each son. We were anxious to get a look at them, but mostly we wanted to know if everything was developing correctly and working properly.

At Darling 1's first ultrasound we thought everything was perfect. He was active, had all his limbs and organs and his heart and kidneys were functioning well. Then, the obstetrician told me that the there was one "soft marker" for chromosomal defects, a Calcium buildup in his heart. We were referred to a perinatal specialist obstetrician for a more detailed, second ultrasound.

At the second ultrasound, the doctor assured us all was well. She had seen at least 5 others with the same issue just that day. She said our doctor was just erring on the safe side. She explained that this phenomenon was relatively new and it was thought that perhaps these Calcium blips have always been there are now showing up due to our advanced technology. It causes no problems and often is absorbed later.

A Shattering Thought

We were so incredibly relieved to know our unborn baby was healthy, and grateful to have another look at our mover and shaker. However, the first night after the first ultrasound with the possibility that something was wrong with my baby hanging over my head was excruciating. It was so painful that I tried to forget about it; I tried to ignore the constant nagging in my brain; I tried to talk the worry away with Dear Husband; I tried to fill my mind with positive research information concerning this tiny bit of Calcium.

To no avail; I cracked in the middle of the night that night. All of my fears and concerns came rushing out, flooding the room with sadness, as if a dam had broken in the dark of night without any warning to the town below the dam. After letting all my terrors escape out of my brain, I was able to wait the two weeks until the second ultrasound that set us free. And 4.5 months later, my baby was born and was perfectly formed.

What Would You Do?

There are many opinions about what one should/would do if met with a severe disability, abnormality, medical condition or other conundrum during an ultrasound or subsequent amniocentesis. If you could or would have known something would you have decided to end the pregnancy? Would you ever choose to end a pregnancy?

I know some who felt certain about terminating a pregnancy should a disability be detected. I know others who would have never terminated a pregnancy, regardless of the prognosis or issue found. Thankfully, I never had to make this decision or even think about it. No matter which way you view it, there are no easy answers.

Large Award for Defects

I just read about a case out of Florida that awarded 4.5 million to Ana Mejia and Rodolfo Santana, the parents of a child born with severe defects, back in September. This child was born with no arms and only one leg. The couple had two ultrasounds performed during the pregnancy and were told everything was fine with the baby. They were told there was an extremely minor chance of a chromosomal disorder; the same remote chance that most people have.

When their son was born so severely disabled they were shocked and terribly upset that this information that escaped the ultrasound technician and obstetrician. They were saddened for their son who faced a life of hardship. They sued the two obstetricians they felt were responsible for this oversight and negligent in failing to provide such important information.

The couple claims they would have terminated the pregnancy had they had this information in hand after the ultrasounds. The couple sued in order to provide the care and medical procedure and prosthetics for their young son, now 3 years old.

They asked for 9 million, but the jury came back with a 4.5 million dollar award that will provide for his needs for the rest of his estimated 70 years of life, even if something happens to his parents.

A Case of Negligence

Now, perhaps you fall in the same camp as Mejia and Santana; or maybe you'd accept the fate of your child and the cost of caring for this severely disabled child and not blame the doctors for dropping the ball and neglecting to detect these very obvious defects. Whether you would have sued or not, it's clear {to me and the jury, at least} that these doctors were negligent.

As illustrated from my experience with Darling 1 and the tiny Calcium buildup in his heart, ultrasound technology is quite advanced these days, and my ultrasounds were 5.5 years and 3.5 years ago. It should be quite clear to a trained ultrasound technician whether a child is missing limbs. And even if a technician missed it, then an obstetrician reading the films should for sure catch such a grave defect.

However, this case is not for you or for me to decide. It was for the jury. And the jury found the obstetricians at fault and decided this award of damages was in order, based on the testimony heard, evidence presented and instructions provided by the court.

A Call for Humanity

I happen to find the lawsuit, the jury finding and the award in order. What surprised me were the 159 comments {OK, I didn't read all 159, but I read a number of them}. The majority of the comments were hateful, rude and disrespectful. The comments were overwhelmingly against these parents. Some comments remarked that the parents should have been aborted. Other comments made the parents out to be gold diggers, trying to win big money for themselves. And on and on, the comments attack these parents.

I was surprised and shocked by these comments. I know, I shouldn't have been, but I'm a bit Pollyanna-ish when it comes to humanity. I always expect people to treat others with more respect and kindness than they do. But it seems that the anonymity of leaving a comment online seems to bring out the worst in people.

If we could put ourselves in other's shoes and understand that we don't know what's it's like to live someone's life until we walk a mile in someone else's shoes. If you have not seen your idea of having a perfectly formed child dashed against the rocks, watched your horribly disfigured child, knowing he will never experience life like other children and realized that for the rest of your life you will be caring for this child, then you have not walked a mile in their shoes. I know I have not.

The Scoop

There are many overly-litigious lawsuits out there. I'll be the first to admit it. But a lawsuit such as this is not one of them. A lawsuit such as this will help ensure these doctors and hopefully others don't make this kind of mistake again. Over and out....

Anna

Falsely Accused & Wrongly Convicted {On a Soapbox}

The Wrong Person

Have you ever been falsely accused of something? Something you DID NOT do. I don't mean something that was a misunderstanding; I'm not talking about a miscommunication. I mean something you simply had nothing to do with; a case of mistaken identity. Well, I have; and it's terrible.

I was not accused of a crime or civil wrong; it was a more personal wrong. Someone very close to me accused me of something that I did not do. It was frustrating; it was baffling; it made me very sad. There was nothing I could do to convince this person otherwise. It was mind-boggling to me that I had to stand in judgment for something that I never did in the first place and would not have done.

Found Guilty

Now imagine that you have been wrongly accused of a grisly murder. You're put under arrest; you're brought to trial; damning evidence is presented against you and the jury believes you committed this horrible act; you're found guilty; you're sentenced to life in prison, or worse, you're sentenced to death.

You maintain your innocence throughout the ordeal never wavering from your claim of misidentification, but to no avail. Your days are numbered. You appeal and appeal and appeal. And then your last appeal is denied; your day to die is set. You've spent years in prison and now you're about to take your last breath and all the while you've been innocent.

If you think this rarely happens, you're wrong. How many times have innocent people been put to death? Well, your guess is as good as mine. But the real question is how many is too many? How many innocent people put to death are we as a society willing to allow before we feel like it's a problem?

We feel safer knowing that someone has been caught and punished for the gruesome crime. Does that give us the right to sacrifice a few innocent people along the way?

Capital Punishment

I'm a native daughter of the "King of the Death Penalty" aka Texas. I went to law school in Oklahoma, a state with capital punishment, just a few years after Timothy McVeigh destroyed downtown Oklahoma City which also destroyed America's naiveté of domestic terrorism. And then I moved to a state without it and worked in the judicial system. And now live in another state where there is no death penalty. So, where do I stand on this issue now?

Honestly, I don't know if I'm pro or con on the issue of capital punishment. The turning point of questioning the value of the death penalty came during law school when I took a course on Capital Punishment which was taught by two people who were strongly against the death penalty. That class drastically changed my views of capital punishment. And yet, I was not completely opposed to it; just more exposed to the issues surrounding capital punishment.

Too Late

As science and technology have progressed and we have been able to identify DNA through analysis the playing field has shifted. More people have been exonerated of their crimes. For those working their way through the criminal justice system now, this is great news. For others whose supposed crimes were committed years ago, this evidence has come too late; too late for them to see their children grow to adulthood; too late for them to have careers and provide for their families; too late for them to see their parents again; too late for them to live their lives in peace. For a few, this evidence has come too late for life at all.

And this is where I have a bone to pick. Recently, I have read a number of articles and seen a number of headlines about prisoners, with many years of incarceration under their belts, some of them on death row, having their convictions thrown out due to DNA evidence. These are heartbreaking stories.

While the falsely accused shed tears of joy and smile and make statements of "thanks be to God' on the day of release, surely those good feelings turn to bitterness and anger after a few weeks of freedom. Surely, after the realization of what has been taken from them sinks in, there are tears of sadness and rage toward the system that allowed this cruel injustice to occur.

Freed At Last

Much has been in the news about Troy Davis and Amanda Knox in the last few weeks. One case that stood out to me this week was the Texas case of Michael Morton. Mr. Morton was accused of bludgeoning his wife to death in 1986, in Austin, Texas. Despite evidence to the contrary, Morton was convicted on circumstantial evidence of this horrible crime. Morton has spent the last 25 years behind bars.

The Innocence Project run by Barry Sheck took on Morton's case and eventually found key evidence that the prosecution had never shared with the defense team, including an eyewitness account of the murder from Morton's 3 year-old son and information that Morton's wife's credit card was used 2 days after the murder. The Innocence Project also won the battle to have a bloody bandana found near the Morton's house tested for DNA, a technique that was not available in 1986. The DNA analysis identified Morton's dead wife and another man who had since been convicted in multiple states.

This Tuesday Morton was freed; after 25 years of declaring his innocence; after missing 25 years of his son's life; after 25 years of his life was wasted behind bars he's free. Now authorities are investigating a similar murder of a woman in Austin from 1988 in light of his new DNA evidence from the Morton case.

The Scoop

Now put yourself in Morton's shoes and think about how you would feel about walking out of those prison gates at the age of 57, after 25 years of incarceration. What can be done to stop this from happening? Well, in this case the prosecution could have played by the rules. And with DNA analysis available this kind of mistake should not be happening in courts today.

I'm a proponent of our justice system; that is, if everyone abides by the rules of procedure and professional responsibility. However, sometimes that system fails us. So, we must all be ever vigilant to never make assumptions based on biases or media; and never forget or dismiss those who adamantly claim their innocence, even to the dying breath, as Troy Davis did. Over and out...

Anna

Animal House: Legal Issues and the Family Pet Part I

For the Love of Animals

On most days it's a regular zoo around here. My two Darlings Boys are loud and boisterous alright and sometimes pretend to be monkeys named George or lions or dinosaurs or even Clifford the Big Red Dog and his friends, but we also have two real giant dogs and 3 aging cats. The cats came first starting back in college, then the dogs and finally the kids. Each new addition has been an adjustment for the beings already residing in our household, and each has done beautifully.

I have always been an animal lover. There are very few animals I don't have some kind of affinity for. I talk to all animals, no matter the genus, breed or size as if they are 10 pound floppy, warm, cuddly, sweet, yellow lab puppies. I have never been able to read Call of the Wild or Black Beauty. I hate animal cruelty and cannot take it. I will step in to stop abuse to an animal if I see it happening.

DH loves our animals and has grown to be an animal lover after 17 years with me. His family members are pets belong outside and never in the house and absolutely not on your bed and pets are pets and nothing more kind of people. It's more of a farming community view and is quite a common view of pets.

My family is crazy about animals. In my entire life there have been only two years that I lived without an animal: my freshmen and sophomore years of college. My brother and his wife have 3 dogs and 2 cats. We are animal people. My Darlings seem to be following suit.

Our House

My kids are constantly monitored by our Leonberger who greets them with a lick to their heads upon each return home, as if mentally checking off that the boys are once again safe and sound and under her guard. She adores us all, but she is particularly protective of the boys. It drives her mad if the boys are in the front yard without her, especially if Darling 2, her baby, is darting about and in her opinion too close to the street. She watches from the front window her head going back and forth as they traverse the yard playing soccer or tag or baseball; and she eventually talks me into letting her outside on her leash so that she can be near them.

My boys learned to pull-up and cruise on our Saint Bernard. I am convinced there has never been and will never be a sweeter, more gentle animal on this earth. He is quite large and in his prime weighed 160 pounds. When the boys were babies, he would patiently lay in the living room while the baby grasped two handfuls of his thick coat and held on, laughing and babbling all along. He carefully sidestepped toys, baby gear and the boys themselves. He ignored their crying, loud singing and crashing and bashing of cars and other toys.

Now the cats, being cats, pretty much avoid the boys as much as possible, especially the older they get and the more rambunctious they become. And yet, they have completely accepted the boys (and the dogs). The oldest of all is the most social with them. After all, he's had to adjust to a lot in his 16 years.

Recent Headlines

With that said, I also hate to see tragic headlines about a dog attacking a baby or a pet tiger attacking its owner or a visitor or a monkey getting away from its owner or a python escaping and killing a child.

    Exotic Pets

It seems that exotic pet incidences have been on the rise, which could be indicative of the increase of exotic pet ownership. One such horrible story recently had its final day in court when a young mom, Jaren Hare and her boyfriend were sentenced to 12 years of prison each, after Hare's two year-old daughter, Shaiunna, was strangled to death in her crib by the family's pet python in the summer of 2009.

The snake, Gypsy, an 8.5 foot albino Burmese python, was poorly housed in a makeshift cage in the family's living room. Gypsy had escaped several times. In fact, on the night of the little girl's death, the snake had been found in the hallway of the home. The next morning they found the snake wound around Shaiunna's head in her crib.

The snake had not been fed in over a month and was severely underweight. Apparently, Gypsy had slithered past two other children sleeping in the living room and down the hall to the toddler's room.

The couple were found guilty of manslaughter. The snake had escaped the poorly constructed cage 1o times in the previous two months. The aquarium was covered by a quilt and fastened to the sides with safety pins.

    Domestic Pets

Just last week I saw a gut-wrenching headline about the family dog mauling a tw0-week old infant to death. The baby was sitting in his infant seat in a room in the family home. The mom was keeping an eye on her baby through a window while she was outside. The family dog, a 100 pound Labrador mix, was in another room separated by double French-style doors.

Apparently, the dog pushed its way through the doors into the room where the baby was. The dog began sniffing the infant and then lunged at the helpless baby mauling him before anyone could pull him back. The baby died about 5 hours later after being airlifted to a hospital.

The dog was quarantined by animal control. There was no history of violence from this dog. Animal control has not decided what will happen to the dog. The incident is under investigation to see if there was any negligence on the part of the parents or purely a tragic accident.

The Scoop

The problem is that you don't know how a particular animal might react to a baby, a child or any stranger, regardless of size or age. I know I have been surprised a few times by my animals by the way they have reacted to a particular situation, not necessarily in a negative way and not necessarily involving kids, but nonetheless surprised.

We certainly weren't going to get rid of our pets when he had kids, but we did follow a few guidelines. When I returned home from the hospital after giving birth I greeted the animals alone. Prior to coming home with our baby, DH had brought home and offered for sniffing a blanket and piece of clothing that was used by the baby. Then, we slowly introduced the animals to the baby with one of us holding the baby and the other holding onto the pet. We never left the animals alone with kids when they were babies and we always closed the baby's room door. We had no issues at all.

This is not to say that all results would be the same if another person with other pets took all of these precautions. I think you do have to think about it in advance, prepare for having kids and pets and then be cautious and never just assume your gentle loving pet is OK with kids. I'll be back with more on pets and the law tomorrow. Over and out...

Anna

 

 

On A Soapbox: Suing Mom?

Worst Mommy in the World

I am not the most patient mom in the world. I'll admit it. I have been known to lose my temper. It's true. I have, at times, been called "the worst mommy in the WORLD!" by my hot-headed, tantrum-throwing offspring. I've been judged and sentenced to time out or prison, whatever that is to a 5 year-old. I have sometimes agreed with the sentences pronounced upon me...sometimes.

But my children are still young, impetuous and unschooled in life, and I expect that in time they'll grow and mature and understand that life isn't fair; they don't get everything they want whether they deserve it or not; and that they won't always deserve, or need, the things they may think they simply cannot live without.

Extreme and Outrageous Behavior

I pray that my kids will understand these things and love me regardless of how much {or how little} I spend on them. I sincerely hope my kids don't ever sue me because I wasn't the "world's best mommy" in their view every day.

You think it's absurd that I would hope such a thing? Because seriously, what kind of values am I teaching my kids, right? What kind of brat would sue a parent over such trivial and unimportant issues? Who, indeed? Well, I'll tell you precisely who: Stephen A. Miner II and Kathryn Miner, now 23 and 20, respectively, of Barrington Hills, a wealthy Chicago suburb.

These spoiled, rotten brats {in my opinion}...ahem...siblings sued their mother. What did they claim she did to them as children? Were there allegations of locking them in the closet; leaving them in the car until 2 a.m. while she sat in a bar drinking; physically, sexually or mentally abusing them, withholding food or shelter from them? No, these two claimed emotional distress and sought damages for her alleged "extreme and outrageous" behavior. Here are some of the specific instances that lead to these claims by said Plaintiffs: The Respondent, a.k.a. Mom, allegedly:

• Told Steven when he was 7 that she would call police if he didn't buckle his seat belt.
• Failed to send college care packages and birthday cards for many years, and when she sent cards, failed to include cash.
• Changed her last name, causing distress at school events.
• Sent Steven a birthday card showing a bunch of tomatoes, one with googly eyes, with the caption: "Son I got you this birthday card because it's just like you … different from all the rest!"
• Haggled over the amount spent on Kathryn Miner's party dresses.
• Called Kathryn Miner at midnight while she was at homecoming and told her to come home.
• Played favorites with the kids.

~Source: ABA Journal, August 29, 2011

Family Dynamics

So, where was the father of these shallow kids when they were contemplating suing dear ol' mom? Where, indeed? Why he was one of the attorneys who helped to bring this suit to court. Their father represented them in this lawsuit. Ah, this is starting to make more sense, isn't it?

When little Steven and Kathryn were and 7 and 4, their parents divorced. Steven Miner, Sr., their father, was awarded full custody of young Steven and the two parents shared custody of their young daughter. Clearly, there are still some issues that should probably be resolved in therapy or during long, open-hearted, emotional conversations with each other.

This week, an Illinois appellate court dismissed this case finding that the mother's alleged conduct was neither extreme nor outrageous. The Court further stated that a ruling in favor of the children "could potentially open the floodgate to subject family child rearing to ...excessive judicial scrutiny and interference" as quoted in the ABA Journal, August 29, 2011.

The Scoop

This frivolous, petty, overly litigious claim not only wasted the time and money for all involved, but as nj.com points out it also lessens the very real and tragic stories of kids who are truly abused and mistreated by their parents.

The mother, Kimberly Garrity, other than perhaps having her heart broken by her malcontent offspring, also could have gone broke fighting this lawsuit. From several articles I read, it looks like Ms. Garrity will not recoup her attorney fees in this matter. And yet, the Plaintiffs, who supposedly lost this battle, won't have to pay much, if anything, considering Daddy was their attorney. So, who really won?

Hmmmm, something stinks here. Clearly, there was some abuse here. The Miners, all three of them, abused the judicial system in trying to settle a personal and very petty score. Over and out...

Anna

The List: 11 Ways Moms are Like Criminal Defense Attorneys

1. Moms know how to ask the right questions to get the evidence they need;
2. Moms can think on their feet with lightning speed without giving away too much information;
3. Moms know how to sweet talk someone in authority and get what they want;
4. Moms can quickly and easily hide disappointment when they don't get what they want;
5. Moms can read between the lines when hearing "testimony" from one of their "witnesses" on the "stand."
6. Moms know when to call for a recess;
7. Moms always have an agenda for the day;
8. Moms put in lots of "billable" hours; they just don't get paid much for their work;
9. Moms know when to cut their losses and move on to Plan B when Plan A goes awry;
10. Moms always have to have extra clothes on hand in case their little charges get dirty or aren't projecting the right image; and
11. Moms will work like hell to protect their kids and make sure no untruth is pinned on them.

     

Everyone loves to hate an attorney; and who doesn't know a lawyer joke {besides me}, but when it comes down to it, moms are a lot like attorneys. And let's face it, most of us need our moms and most will need an attorney at some point.

I think moms are especially like criminal defense attorneys. Criminal defense attorneys get a bad rap for defending those charged with a crime, but that is their job. They feel that everyone deserves to be tried in a court of law with evidence presented against them, have the chance to counter that evidence, question that evidence and in some cases, tell their side of the story. It wasn't until law school that I truly understood how or why someone would choose to go that route in the field of law.

Moms get picked on, judged and blamed if they're kids are acting up, look sloppy, aren't polite, etc. Moms have a lot on their plate and we each must do our best; just as a criminal defense attorney does. And the long and short of it is, if you, your spouse or your kids were charged with a crime you or they didn't commit, you'd want that criminal defense attorney working on your case with the dedication of a mom. Over and out....

Anna

Coffee with Anna Vlog Edition #3: Python Kills Toddler; Teacher Fired for Pumping Breast Milk, Failure to Report Child Missing a Felony & a Giveaway

  

Good Morning! On the agenda today:

• In the vlog I discuss several articles and I've got links for you in case you want to read more:
  • Python Kills Toddler; Mother Convicted of Manslaughter
  • Teacher Fired for Pumping Breast Milk
  • Proposed Legislation for Felony Charge for Failing to Report Child Missing
• If you haven't read this week's posts on bouncy house safety and liability, go read them. It's important! It could save your child's life and your savings account; or both.
• By the way, I'm giving something away tomorrow at 10 a.m. Listen to the whole vlog to find out what it is and how to enter. 
• It's much easier to write than to vlog. So, I'm going to do 1 more and then evaluate whether to continue with this format. Your feedback is greatly appreciated.

Have a great weekend! Over and out...

Anna