Motherly Law

Making Ends Meet; Moms Turning to Phone Sex Industry {On a Soapbox}

Have you ever had to choose between paying the mortgage and buying groceries? Have you ever had to swallow your pride whole and ask family for financial help? Have you ever looked at the amount in your bank account and prayed that nothing went through until you had a check or known that you were at the bottom of the barrel and if even one unplanned and unforeseen expense came up, you were done for? Have you ever tasted the bitterness of desperation?

If you have, then you know what this dark, swirling vortex feels like when it begins to pull you under? If you haven't, then say a prayer of thankfulness.

In this economy, there is a lot of need; a number of people without jobs or in a low paying job; without resources; losing ground every day. These are people like you and me; they are not lazy, good-for-nothing bums looking for a handout. I'm talking about hard working, educated people; young graduates, parents of young kids, those nearing the years that were supposed to be golden; all ages; all demographics.

I recently came across an astounding statistic that I think is quite telling of the economic state of our country. Good Morning America reported in December 2011, "The number of mothers pursuing sex work has increased by 400 percent over the past 18 months alone, according to Rat Race Rebellion, an organization that specializes in finding jobs for mothers who need to work from home."

A surge of 400 percent is a big deal. Thousands of moms are now working as phone sex operators because the pay is good, ranging between $10 to $50 per hour or much more, the hours are flexible, they can work from home and it's legal. While the phone sex industry has benefitted the most from this demographic, strip clubs and other adult entertainment industries have reported a surge in the number of applications received from women.

Place judgment and blame where you will, but unless you've experienced absolute desperation, not knowing how you're going to support your family, pay bills and keep a roof over your head, don't judge these women. A mom's primary goal is to survive in order take care of her family; this is a survival mechanism. This work, just like any other job, ensures that there are meals on the table, beds to sleep in and clothes on their backs.

Many say that if they could afford to walk away from this work they would, but they simply cannot. When politicians and religious leaders speak of family values, I doubt this is what they have in mind, but these are parents who are doing whatever it takes to keep their family together. To me, that's what family values are about; loving each other and working to make it work; beating the odds; making it to the other side without drowning. Over and out...

Anna

House Rules: Dropping the F-Bomb {On a Soapbox}

Dirty Words

Each household has its own version of "Seven Dirty Words." Often words like "shut up" or "poopy head" or "stupid" or "fart" are on this list. Of course, there's the R rated adult versions too; you know the words I'm talking about. I don't think I have to outline George Carlin's list of words you can never say on TV {or in this case, in front of your child}.

This week's episode of Modern Family that aired on Wednesday drew much fire before it aired because it was to have a toddler saying her first expletive. "Lily" is actually saying "fudge." The word was to be bleeped out and her mouth obscured by pixilation during that portion of the episode.

A Parenting Thing

An 18 year old college student who began the "No Cussing Club" in 2007 was asking ABC to pull this episode due to the F word issue. ABC had no comment, but the creator and executive producer of the sitcom told the Television Critics Association that he was "proud and excited" about this plotline. He added that the show is not sexually charged; instead this is a very natural story since most parents have been through this scenario.

I agree. Who among us hasn't experienced an awkward situation when the 2 year old says a naughty word {over and over} while in public or an older child, trying to assert his or her power tries on an adult size naughty word in front of grandma, having overheard it from mom, dad, the babysitter, the TV, older cousins, from classmates, etc. OK, we both know that more than likely the offending source was one of the parents. But, sometimes it's not me {for the record}.

I know I've certainly been there when the toddler won't heed your glares and silent threats to stop the shouts of "poopy head" as you careen up and down the aisles of Target trying to keep your head low and get in and out when nothing works to quell the 2 or 3 year-old's loud outbursts. {And FYI, I don't say poopy head...that one seems to have come from the preschool set.}

Naughty Words

Whether you're one to drop the so-called f-bomb or substitute fiddlesticks or fudgesicles or shitake {mushrooms}, fashizzle or some other word, you still mean the same thing and it carries the same impetus. You're kids aren't dumb; they know what you mean. And in my opinion, it's the same thing, regardless of the word you use. {But that is actually an entirely different argument than the one I mean to make here.}

The point here is that this is a "parent thing"; something the 18 year-old "King of the No Cussing Club" wouldn't know anything about. In fact, if anything, parenthood has actually increased my inclination to use words from Carlin's Dirty Word List; well, parenting and golfing.

Kids will repeat the naughty words you use; no matter what you classify as a "bad word." This is a lesson that you and your child will have to learn; probably many times over through the years. This is an area we've already visited...several times.

The Scoop

Friends, no need to comment about my {sometimes public} lessons I've learned on this topic.... Oh, and Your Royal Highness of No Cussing, all you did was get more people to watch this episode. I don't normally watch Modern Family or any TV for that matter, but you have now drawn attention to this particular episode and the sitcom altogether. In the name of class, I'm resisting the urge to include an expletive laced witty title, but I've got some good ones. Over and out....

Anna

F is for Fear: Bad School Policies Affecting Good Kids {On a Soapbox....on a Tuesday}

School Contraband

I really hate the stories about the students, mostly boys, who once at school discover they have accidently brought a toy gun or small pocket knife in their backpack, book bag, lunch box or coat pocket; who report this to the teacher because the student knows this is contraband that shouldn't be at school; only to be tossed out of school and receive a record of bringing a "weapon" to school and a school suspension.

A boy from Georgia did just this a week or so ago. While in chess club, the 13 year old middle school student, discovered the 1.5 inch knife in the military style bag his aunt bought at a yard sale and gave him as a Christmas gift. The boy, upon discovering this knife, immediately alerted his teacher. His reward for this honest act? A 4-day, in-school suspension.

The Wrong Message

I can't tell you how angry this story and others like it make me. Disciplining an honest, well-meaning child in this way teaches two negative lessons: 1) don't tell the truth and 2) justice is a fraud.

We tell our children to tell the truth; honesty is the best policy. We tell our children that justice will prevail; the innocent will be free and the guilty punished.

And yet, our schools have responded to isolated incidents of evilness with fear. This fear has caused them to write harsh and unfair policies regarding ANY "weapons" brought to school, whether real or perceived, under ANY circumstances.

Lessons Learned

These school policies teach children to hide the truth {and the contraband} should they make such a discovery in their bags or pockets. These policies teach children that mens rea, or intent, doesn't matter, motives are unimportant, they are guilty by association and the school need not have any evidence to present against them to be found guilty of this "crime." These are lessons our students will learn at a young age and take with them all through school and into their adulthood.

We have thrown out the common sense response to the self-reporting of accidently {or unbeknownst to the student, as in this case} bringing a toy weapon or small knife to school. The response in such cases should be kind and appreciative. We should applaud and welcome those who come forward to admit the mistake and turn in the contraband; then remind all the students of the dangers of having any weapons, toy or otherwise, at school for a variety of reasons and tell them to carefully check their bags and remove any such items before coming to school.

The Scoop

Schools, in trying to protect the students, have instead hurt some of the "good" students. These policies are bad. These kinds of stories almost always make the news because they are unjust policies. Why must we punish the truthful, rule-following, upstanding students? The simple answer is Fear.

Fear controls much of how we run our lives. We must overcome fear and recognize the difference between students who are a threat and in need of intervention and students who are well-meaning, good kids, who sometimes make and honest mistake. Over and out...

Anna

EpiPen Access in Schools: Anaphylactic Emergencies and Common Sense

Food Allergies

While my boys don't have any food allergies that I'm aware of, as a mom, I can understand the fear and anxiety that a parent of a child with food allergies must feel when his or her child is in the care of anyone else. I would imagine going to any public location could be dangerous, especially for those with severe allergies to commonly consumed foods like nuts, eggs and dairy products.

The worry of not knowing if a peanut butter and jelly sandwich had been eaten by the former occupant of a picnic table at the park; if the birthday party your child is attending is serving milk to all the kids; or if all the kids in your child's classroom are aware of the severity of the allergy and the dire consequences if the particular food comes in contact with your child could be all-consuming I would imagine. I would think it would be enough to make a parent obsessed with making sure everyone is aware of these allergies.

A food allergy is not to be taken lightly. A child with a severe food allergy could die very quickly if the allergen has any kind of contact with the child and the child does not have immediate access to epinephrine. This very sad truth has recently been in the news.

Ammaria's Tragic Death

Ammaria Johnson, age 7, died at school on her first day back to school in January after the winter break when a classmate, unaware of her allergy, gave Ammaria a peanut to eat while the girls were out on the playground. Shortly thereafter, after noticing hives and having trouble breathing, Ammaria sought help.

The school clinic didn't have an EpiPen on file for Ammaria. An EpiPen, or an Epinephrine auto-injector, quickly and easily is injected into a person suffering from an anaphylactic emergency, thereby reversing the reaction and saving a life. Instead, Ammaria went into cardiac arrest and died before Epinephrine could be administered to her.

EpiPens

EpiPens are by prescription only. Many kids with allergies keep a prescribed EpiPen with their names on them in the nurse's office at school for such emergencies. However, studies have shown that anaphylactic emergencies at school often occur with no prior knowledge of such an allergy.

However, if a child and/or staff member without a prescribed EpiPen on file with the school nurse's office goes into anaphylactic shock, even if there is an EpiPen available for another child, school personnel cannot administer that life-saving medication due to legal issues. More than likely, there was an EpiPen in the very school clinic where Ammaria died.

This and other such tragedies are too much too bear. When there is a life-saving solution available at one's fingertips, one should have access to it. There should be no "red tape" or threat of lawsuit, criminal prosecution or loss of license stopping anyone from administering this life-giving serum.

School Access to Emergency Epinephrine Act

Last November, a bill that would cut through this red tape and give those in need of an EpiPen at school access regardless of whether there was one on file for that particular child was introduced in the U.S. Senate (S. 1884). And in December, this bill was introduced in the U.S. House of Representatives (HR. 3627). It has now been referred to the Senate Committee on Health, Education, Labor and Pensions and House Committee on Energy and Commerce.

The School Access to Emergency Epinephrine Act would allow for schools to maintain a stock of EpiPens and administer such injections, just as they do bandages. The stock of EpiPens would not be prescribed to any particular students, but would instead be at the ready for any child and/or staff who experienced an anaphylactic emergency while at school.

This bill does allow for protection of school personnel from liability in administering such emergency injection. However, it's worth noting that if epinephrine is administered without need, a child would merely experience light-headedness, rapid heart rate and nausea, which would last only 15 minutes or so. Epinephrine is dangerous only to children with congenital heart conditions, which should be noted in school records. On the flip side, a child in need of epinephrine can die without it.

The Scoop

While this act is too late to save Ammaria, it could be instrumental in preventing many other deaths in similar circumstances. Ammaria is certainly not the first child to die at school due to anaphylactic shock, and she won't be the last if this common sense bill doesn't become law.

The saddest part of this story is that Ammaria's death was preventable, but we have become too restrained by the threat of punitive actions if protocol is not followed precisely. When a child's life is in danger, all protocol should go out the window.

If you feel strongly about this bill, please email your U.S. senators and representatives. This is a nonpartisan issue we can all support. Over and out...

Anna

Too Dangerous to Consume? Hazards of Doing the Dew & Having Some Wip at the Reddi

Considering Junk Food

At this time of year, the start of one year before us and the food-laden holidays and past year behind us, many of us take stock of our diet and exercise routines. We all know which foods we should be filling our diets with, but why is it that ALL seriously delicious, crave-worthy foods are terrible for us? It seems like a really cruel joke.

Although I think that on the whole I eat pretty well, I am often snared by the chocolate traps and can fall very far down in the ooey, gooey, rich chocolate pit {which I don't necessary think of as bad thing}. At least chocolate does have a number of redeeming qualities, which I have mentioned to you before.

However, there are other foods sitting on grocery store shelves looking very innocent, indeed; that are actually deadly {to a mouse} or could be used illegally. How could these corrosive, dangerous items be legal to sell? These junk foods are actually quite often consumed. It might surprise you when you find out what I'm talking about.

Last week, I happened upon two stories regarding food items and the law. Each story is completely different from the other, but both are interesting.

Whipped Topping No Laughing Matter

In the first instance, last week in St. Cloud, MN, a 23 year-old male was arrested driving while impaired from a hazardous substance after he crashed his car into a pole. What was this substance? Well, inside the vehicle were numerous cans of whipped topping.

My first reaction was "what, you can sniff whipped topping?" How crazy is that? Well, as it turns out whipped topping is included on the list of dangerous inhalants.

While the whipped topping contains mostly fat and sweeteners {and no cream}, it also contains nitrous oxide gas. You may be more familiar with its other name, "laughing gas." Yep, that's right; nitrous oxide is the same stuff your dentist might administer to you as an anesthetic. This gas aids in the dispensing of the whipped topping and whipping it at the same time.

There are actually a number of household items that are can be inhaled. Some you are quite aware of, but others may surprise you. They are categorized as gases (nitrous oxide, propane tank gas, chloroform, whipped topping, gases from a refrigerator, etc.) aerosols (contained in spray bottles, such as hair spray, vegetable oil sprays, spray paint, etc.), nitrites (often contained in cleaning products, leather cleaners and scented air fresheners; butyl, amyl and cyclohexyl) and volatile solvents (Often found at home, in schools and in the work place, including glues, paint thinner, degreasers, felt-tipped markers, etc).

Not many consumables on that list. Did you take a good look at other items in the same category as the whipped topping? I bet you'll think twice the next time you spray whipped topping on your pie? But seriously, would you really want to eat this product again?

Do the Dew or Maybe Not

The second story involves a lawsuit. A man alleges he found a mouse in his Mountain Dew. He says he sent the mouse remains he found in his Dew to the folks at PepsiCo for analysis and they destroyed the mouse. The lawyers for PepsiCo came back with an argument that isn't quite what you might expect.

They say that if a mouse had indeed ended up in a Mountain Dew container, the soda would have dissolved the mouse into a jelly-like substance before the consumer ever opened the container; approximately 15 months after bottling. Hmmm. Well, that makes me want to drink this pop.

Let's ponder that for a minute. I'm not talking about a cleaning substance or poison or toxic substance that could dissolve a mouse. I am talking about a consumable; a beverage. OK, so it looks like toxic waste and tastes a bit like what I would imagine Windex might taste like, but still many people do "Do the Dew" quite often.

So, here's the skinny: Mountain Dew contains citric acid that is corrosive enough to destroy teeth and bones in a matter of months {if soaked in the liquid}, as noted by several studies. While citrus fruit juices have more citric acid and the rate of decay of teeth and/or bones would be the same; at least there is vitamin C in the fruit juices. So, will Mountain Dew kill you? Well, it's not going to dissolve your teeth and bones; unless you soak in it for a couple of weeks; and it's not known to be corrosive on your "innards". For the record, I'm not taking any chances.

The Scoop

At the risk of sounding like a food snob, I don't consume these particular foods, and I have to admit I'm really glad I don't'. So, there you have it; a few interesting legal issues involving foods under inconsumable circumstances. Over and out...

Anna

The Land of Opportunity No More {On a Soapbox}

That Which is Lost

Where is this land of opportunity our forefathers have written about? Where is this land of plenty where ingenuity and hard work are rewarded? Where is this land of promise where those who want to work and strive to grow and create and help are given the chance? Once, this place was the United States of America, but I would argue those days are gone.

Gone are the days that bright, young professionals full of dreams and ideas could by chance meet a big wig executive in an elevator on the 1^st floor and have a job working under this exec by the 21^st floor. Gone are the days that a person without exactly the right qualifications, but with the drive and smarts to excel in a particular job applied for and got an {in-person} interview and was hired. Gone are days that people could do something simply because it was the right thing to do and not worry that some red tape somewhere down the road would cause a conflict.

A rather dreary outlook, you say? Perhaps, but would you argue with these statements? I am certainly not saying that these things never happen, but in today's world luck, connections and wealth are the most important components to succeeding in life.

What Has Happened?

I realize that everyone has a different idea of how to define the word "success", but even still stop and think about the most powerful people in our country {and by power I mean influence, dollars paid and amount of control} and you will see what I mean. Ultimately, it comes down to luck, connections and wealth.

The legislators, the courts, corporate America and human resources departments have placed so many limits and restrictions and have driven up costs and requirements and forms to be submitted that we have lost much of our willingness to give people a chance and our spirit of enterprise.

It's unheard of to actually go to an office and drop off a resume in hopes of catching the boss in and having an interview right at that moment or scoring some points based on your appearance or just happening to walk in the right place at the right time. And chances are if you did drop off your resume in person, the receptionist at the front desk sitting in front of the big doors that lead to all the other employees would politely tell you to please fill out the e-application on their website.

Even if you are given a chance at an interview, chances are, you'll first fill out an online "survey", move on to a boiler plate Q &A with the HR rep over the phone and then just maybe score an in-person interview with the most junior person on the team. And if you don't match every single qualification listed; you will never be contacted in any form.

Those Without a Job Need Not Apply

One of the most discouraging, completely lunatic policies recently emerging from the corporate back rooms is that they will not hire someone who doesn't have a job at the time of the interview or have for a very short time been without a job. The argument is that people who have been laid off, fired or have taken some time off for any reason are lazy, dull-headed and overall poor employees, having been out of the work force.

This is utterly ridiculous considering the economy we are living in. I recently read an article that contradicted that assumption. A study had been done that showed that in the first two weeks or so of losing a job for any reason, the person floundered a bit, watched more TV, read books and was basically inactive. After those two weeks, the vast majority of those people began looking for work and/or taking on more house duties, such as cleaning, taking care of kids and elderly family members, doing the laundry and cooking and running errands. Others began volunteering or helping neighbors, working on projects that had been put off due to work schedules, etc. Very few of those without jobs continued to pursue a lazy lifestyle.

It is shocking to me that those who could very well be in that same position the following day, week or year, would introduce such a policy. What kind of message does this send to college students or recent grads; what kind of future are we offering our children if the parents can't get jobs because they are out of a job through no fault of their own or even because of a fault of their own, but are looking for work?

All Hail the Almighty Dollar

To me, this screams of elitism, fascism and narrow-mindedness. For today, our country is still a democracy, at least in name, which means we are still free to think and dream and create our own opportunities.

These entrepreneurs who create their own opportunities are bright, feisty, fresh and diligent, but that's often not enough today. Regardless of how brilliant an idea or how perfect a plan or how amazing a dream NOTHING speaks louder than the Almighty Dollar. And cold, hard cash is something most unemployed, under-employed and freshly graduated would-be leaders of industry do not have enough of.

The Scoop

Which brings me to this question; is the poem inscribed at the base of our Lady Liberty still relevant?

Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. The wretched refuse of you teamming shore. Send these, homeless, tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door.

 

From New Colossus by Emma Lazarus

I would argue no. Those who are in control of our country do not want to deal with those who are wanting of anything, especially those who come from outside our shores. Even those who want to work in order to not be tired, poor and homeless {or those who are nearly homeless, as in the case of foreclosure} will find that they are cast aside by the captains of industry and the "pawns" in the capitols of our country. Over and out...

Anna

New Beginnings: State Laws Taking Effect January 1, 2012

Happy New Year

January 1^st....the start of a new year, a day a big sales at retail giants, the first day of a new diet for many and the day a number of new state laws take effect. January is definitely the month of new beginnings and that rings true for many laws too.

While I haven't surveyed every state, I did take a look at some of the new state laws from around the country. I have highlighted the new laws {or absence of pertinent new laws} that have just taken effect that concern parents, kids and/or families.

While you may think this is unimportant information, take a look; there may be a few that concern you and your family. With almost 40,000 new laws going into effect on January 1, 2012, there must be something that affects you or someone you know.

A Few New State Laws

Minnesota

No news laws that pertain to families. {Let it be noted that it was quite an argumentative year in MN.}

Texas

College students attending school in Texas to get a meningitis vaccine. This law is applicable to all state universities, community colleges and junior colleges. TX is the first state mandate this. The students must have had this vaccine within the last 5 years.

Texas homeowners will be protected from aggressive homeowner associations that try to foreclose on homes based on late dues, fees and fines.

New York

Hookahs, water pipes, and shisha (a product made of primarily tobacco and smoked) shall not be sold to minors.

A new law will strengthen DEC's authority to ban products that contain mercury.

Middle class tax cuts will reduce tax rates on middle to their lowest levels in more than 50 years About 4.4 million middle class taxpayers will receive a total of  $690 million in personal income tax relief.

California

Open carrying of guns is banned;

Children under 8 and those who are too small to wear regular seat belts must use a child safety seat or booster seat.

Florida

The federal government will no longer have a hand in control the Florida school meal programs This will allow the state of Florida to use more Florida-grown fresh fruit and vegetables on school menus.

Illinois

Hotels are now required to be equipped with at least one smoke detector within 15 feet of every room that is used for sleeping purposes. (HB 1398/ PA-97-0447)

Allows local school boards to, if federal grants are available, opt in to a full-year pilot plan if a school is on academic watch status for more than 2 years. Schools that opt in must increase their school calendar by 35 days, and requires students attend a minimum of 215 days. This pilot program affects only schools in Sen. James Meeks' district.

Requires criminal background information on an employee that has been obtained by a school district within the last year to be shared, upon request, with any other school district.

Changes legislation to reflect the current criminal penalty for making a false report of child abuse to DCFS, and updates the required posted warning to reflect that a false report is a Class 4 felony violation.

Allows people in divorce situations to use life insurance as a security for child support and maintenance obligations.

Requires all employees of licensed child care facilities who care for newborns and infants to complete training every 3 years on sudden unexpected infant death (SUID), sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) and on the safe sleep recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Requires adult passengers in the back seat of a vehicle to wear a seat belt, and also requires those 18 and younger riding in a taxi cab for school-related purposes to wear a seat belt.

Colorado

Coaches must not allow players as young as 11 to continue playing a sport if a head injury is suspected. In order to return to play, the athletics will be required to have medical clearance. Furthermore, coaches in public and private schools and even volunteer coaches of Little League and Pop Warner football are required to take a free annual online training to learn the symptoms to recognize a concussion.

Delaware

Same-sex couples can now enter into a civil union or domestic partnerships, which give them the same state rights and obligations of those who are married.

The Scoop

Does your state have any new laws worth checking out? I'll be touching base regarding distracted driving issues in this New Year on Wednesday and Thursday of this week. Over and out...

Anna

Where are you, Christmas Joy? Dealing with the SADness of Seasonal Affective Disorder

The Cruelest Month

December is the cruelest month. I have always loved winter and Christmas, but since moving to Iowa and then Minnesota 11 years ago, I have felt the blues begin to settle in come end of November and beginning of December when the days get exceedingly short and dark and dreary. I drag around completely exhausted, with bags under my eyes. I have no energy or "unction" to do anything. I feel low and down and sad.

Each year it seems to get a little worse. A number of years ago, I began to notice the pattern and acknowledge my blues. I would tell myself I wasn't going crazy; it would pass. And it does...eventually. I have come to realize that I suffer from SAD; that is, Seasonal Affective Disorder.

This year, with Ben's death, one month ago, and the many stresses of 2011, I have really begun to feel the SADness deepen and settle all around me like thick, black fog. I feel as though I am slogging through wet cement, hot tears roll down my cheeks as I drive along running errands or sit typing out articles, I can't get enough rest and I can't muster the joy of the season no matter how much I try.

A Ray of Light

This year is especially low, but this year I have a SAD lamp. Years ago, my brother lived in AK and suffered from SAD too. He now lives in sunny and humid Houston and I am now the proud owner of a big, bulky, very bright and sunny SAD lamp. I have used it only a few times, but I am working on getting into a schedule of using it on a regular basis in an attempt to brighten my mood.

Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD affects people in winter or summer, spring or fall, year after year. It can happen at different times of the year, but often occurs during the winter when a person with otherwise normal mental health suffers from episodes of depression.

SAD occurs more often in women than men, and those who live in places with long, dark winters have the greatest chance of suffering from this type of depression. Apparently, it's estimated that 20% of SAD sufferers are Irish; about 10% of those in Netherland are afflicted with SAD and 8.9% of Alaskans suffer from this disorder. Other factors include hormones, genes, amount of light exposed to each day and body temperature.

Symptoms of SAD

While there is no test to determine if one does indeed suffer from SAD, a health professional can make a diagnosis based on symptoms of the patient and by ruling out other illnesses. A person with SAD usually presents these symptoms:

• Increased appetite and weight gain;
• Irritability and unhappiness;
• Lack of energy;
• Difficulty concentrating and remembering details;
• Fatigue;
• Difficulty sleeping or oversleeping;
• Sad, anxious or empty feelings;
• Social withdrawal;
• Loss of interest in work or other activities; and
• Sense of hopelessness.

Phototherapy

There are a number of treatments that can be very helpful for SAD sufferers. The most common treatment comes in the form of light; a very bright light. It helps to get outside and exercise during the hours with sunlight, but light therapy is best way to get the "sunlight" needed. This is accomplished with a special lamp with fluorescent lights up to 10,000 lux.

Studies have shown that light therapy of 3,000 lux for 2 hours a day for 5 weeks or 10,000 lux for 30 minutes a day for 8 weeks is effective for many. By sitting a few yards away and glancing at the light occasionally, the "rays" can help ease the SAD symptoms.

However, commercial light boxes are not regulated by law in the U.S. So, use caution when selecting a phototherapy lamp. They are not all the same.

And, of course, neither are we humans all the same. Therefore, light therapy does not work for everyone. In fact, 20 to 50% of SAD sufferers do not feel a difference with the light box. If that is the case and the symptoms are severe and unrelenting, other treatment could be sought; that is, vitamins or supplements, occupational therapy or antidepressants. As with any medical diagnosis or treatment, seek the advice of a medical professional before beginning any treatment.

For now, I'm sticking with my light box and trying to find the right time and place to use it each day. I have been told that starting off each dark morning for a 30 minutes of light and/or 30 minutes of phototherapy each evening when it's already dark will be helpful.

The Scoop

I am optimistic, as always, even through this very low time. I give myself pep talks and try to force myself to keep up my social calendar, but it's extremely difficult getting through each day. Much of the time, I feel like I am accomplishing only the mandatory tasks of each day and going through the motions, leaving much undone.

This may sound backwards and crazy to some, but I really feel that some bright and beautiful snow would lift my spirits. There is more light reflected and less darkness when there is snow. Now, where are you snow? Where are you Christmas? Please come to me in Minnesota and light my very dark winter, and lead the way to a soggy spring and beautiful summer.

Does this sound familiar? Do you or someone you know suffer from SAD? How have you dealt with the lack of sunshine during the winter months? Over and out...

Anna

Motherly Advice: When Parenting Brings Out the Worst in a Person

They say parenting brings out the best in a person. Parenting has brought out a lot in me; sides of me I had never seen before and hope to never see again. I sure hope that's not the best of me because if it is at best I'm crabby, irrational and always tired.

Yesterday I finished up my shopping. I was at Target in the kids' shoes looking at boys' slippers. There was another mom there with her three sons. They were also looking at boys' slippers. One of the sons, in particular, was being difficult about choosing a pair of slippers that fit correctly. And the mom was being just as difficult. Later, I heard her again; still being difficult in the boys' clothes department. She had had enough; she needed a break.

Years ago, before I had kids, I would have judged her a bad mom. I would have felt sorry for her boys. I would have thought how I would do it differently. Today, she got no judgment from me. I have been there....many times...many, many times.

In fact, every parent has been, and if you can't admit to it, then you or your children are angels disguised as humans or you or your children are robots. The mom I saw today needed some time alone and perhaps a glass of wine or a cup of tea or a whole bag of chocolate kisses or a hot shower or a good night of sleep or something else, but she'll get over her funk; I can't guarantee that the difficult son will go over his mood, but she will. And this doesn't mean she's a bad parent; this just means she's human.

Parenting is always a challenge; life is often difficult; and life in Minnesota during the very short days and long, dark nights of December is cruel. Getting upset with your child is normal, but there is never, never, never a time that punching your child in the face is alright. Sadly, this past week, a Twin Cities man did just this to his 8^th grade son.

The man and his son were walking out of school after the son's basketball game and he began punching his son repeatedly in the face. I don't know this man's story, but I don't have to. There is simply never a time that it's OK to punch your child; not at home in private; not at school in public; not anywhere; not ever.

Other parents restrained this man and called the police. The man was arrested and spent the night in jail, but was bailed out without any conditions the following day. Fortunately, the son did not need medical attention and will recover; that is, his physical wounds will heal. Unfortunately, this public display of abuse was probably not the first, nor the last, violence this child will suffer at the hand of his parent.

During this time of joy and festivities, let us not forget that the best gift we can give our children is a good example. Of course, this is harder than it sounds. So, let us also not forget that the best gift we can give ourselves is time; time away; time alone; time to relieve stresses; time to rejuvenate; time to forgive our shortcomings and disappointments; time to remember why we love our children. Over and out...

Anna

Sexual Harassment Among the Elementary School Set {On a Soapbox}

Name Calling

The first time I remember hearing the phrase "sexual harassment" was the fall of 1991 during the Clarence Thomas confirmation hearings. I was in high school. It seems to me that since that time, the phrase "sexual harassment" gets tossed around quite a bit. Of course, some of these accusations are warranted; others are not. Just recently, we've heard that term over and over again in conjunction with Herman Cain, a would-be Republican candidate for the office of President. Generally, that term is not referred to when discussing elementary school students.

A friend alerted me to two distressing news stories from the past week. Both incidents involve young children being accused of sexual harassment. Both are absurd allegations aimed at a 7 year-old and 9 year-old, respectively.

The 9 year-old boy in Gastonia, NC, was suspended after he called a teacher "cute" and "fine" and his actions were labeled as sexual harassment. The 7 year-old boy in Boston, MA, kicked a boy in the groin after he was attacked by a bully on his school bus who was trying to steal his gloves. These are not instances of sexual harassment.

After the story went viral, the NC school district directed that an apology be sent to the 9 year-old and his family and gave the principal the choice of quitting or being fired. The principal chose to step down and retire, while disputing his actions as being termination worthy. The school district reported that the child could immediately return to school and would receive any additional instruction necessary to get caught up with his classmates after missing a week of school.

The youngster from Boston told his mother that the bully on his school bus was choking him and he couldn't breathe. So, he kicked him in the groin to make him stop choking him. The mother reported that this boy has repeatedly bullied her son. This time he was after the 7 year-old's gloves. The mother reiterated that her son doesn't know anything about sexual harassment; he was merely trying to defend himself.

The school told the boy's mother, "Your son kicked a little boy in the testicles. We call that sexual harassment." The mother said that given the facts, she calls that self defense. After a disciplinary hearing on Monday, it was decided that the 7 year-old and his sibling would transfer to another Boston elementary school. The school has determined that no charges will be filed concerning this matter.

Flawed System

Surely, the school administrators have better things to do with their time and better ways of sorting out disagreements between students or minor infractions of school rules. Just how is it that men like Jerry Sandusky get away with abusing child after child for years, but a 7 year-old trying to stop a fellow student from choking him and a 9 year-old who says a teacher is "fine" get labeled as sexual harassers? 

Clearly, we are hyper-sensitive in some instances and willing to pull the wool over our eyes in other instances. Sexual harassment/offender labels shouldn't be taken lightly. When there is truly sexual harassment, action should be taken to stop it immediately.

Sexual harassment is defined as unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors or other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature that tends to create a hostile environment. The above-referenced instances certainly do not appear to be sexual harassment.

Overly Litigious Society

School administrators and other organizations have become so sensitive about getting sued that they tend to jump the gun in many instances; as was the case in these two accounts. And yet, I often see headlines about schools missing the in-school abuse of a special needs student or violence occurring between boyfriends and girlfriends on school property, etc.

The system seems to be flawed. However, should the principal in NC have been forced to retire or be fired? I'm not so certain. Unless there had been other issues with his judgment and leadership, the split decision to eliminate him seems a bit over-the-top.

The mother of the suspended 9 year-old said that she would likely pursue a legal action over this. Is that the right answer to this issue? Absolutely not. That response only perpetuates snap decisions and knee jerk reactions in an attempt to avoid lawsuits. Indeed, the termination of the principal may very well have been caused by the school district's fear they would be sued regarding this issue. 

The Scoop

Can't we call it what it is; a bully getting what he deserves and a young boy making an inappropriate, but not harassing, statement about a teacher. So, maybe the bully will stop messing with that boy {& others}. And someone can sit the 9 year-old boy down and talk with him about appropriate and inappropriate statements at school. School administrators don't need the fear of a lawsuit hanging over them at all times; clearly it inhibits their abilities to make good decisions and teach proper lessons to the students. Over and out...

Anna