Motherly Law

The View from the Passenger’s Seat: Distracted Driving {On a Soapbox}

Dallas Morning Traffic

As we sped along in the Dallas morning traffic, my mom noticed that he seemed to be texting. I was seated directly behind him and couldn't see his phone. She spoke up; prompted by all the information she's absorbed from Motherly Law over the last two years.

She kindly, but firmly explained {our} strict no phone use while driving policy. She told him I'd been on a national panel on distracted driving; I had done research; I'd written articles; and we were serious. He said he wasn't texting. He seemed surprised by our hard line stance. He said he wouldn't use it.

He still answered the phone and then placed a quick call while he drove on the highway. He wasn't even using a hands-free device; not that it matters to me. My rule is NO PHONES while DRIVING...Period. Later, he fussed and fiddled with his GPS mechanism that had stopped working en route to my destination.

I didn't say anything after our first explanation of no phones while driving. All the while I was wrestling with myself as to what to say; what to do. Here I was a passenger in a vehicle where the driver was using his handheld phone, texting or checking email or something that looked like that, messing with his GPS settings, and I felt trapped.

Paying Passenger

Here's the part that really bothered me; I was in a taxi. I was paying this person to drive me. Shouldn't I be able to tell him if I didn't like the way he was driving if he was being reckless or distracted; driving too fast or going out of the way or missing a turn, etc.?

I'm not speaking about legal issues here. Civil and criminal negligence involving a crash and injuries or death are one thing and laws cover those issues. What I'm pondering is while riding as a passenger is it considered rude or overstepping to tell a paid driver whether or not he can use the phone while driving me?

Part of me says absolutely not. I have a right to be safe while in a vehicle regardless of who is driving. In fact, part of me says that I have even more right to tell him how to drive since I'm paying him to drive me. The other part of me doesn't want to anger the stranger driving me by having strict rules regarding his driving habits.

By the by, in the end, I had to use my GPS on my phone to direct him to my destination since his GPS locked up. I felt safer and in control; two things I like.

Federal Government's Crusade

Incidentally, on Thursday the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) proposed guidelines for vehicle manufacturers that would aid in their development of electronic devices and in-vehicle technology; helping to balance what the consumers want with sufficient safety.

These guidelines also suggest disabling a number of the electronic devices available while the vehicle is in motion with exception to passenger devices or those that can't be reached or viewed by the driver, including "visual-manual text messaging, Internet and social media browsing, 10-digit phone dialing, navigation system destination entries by address and displaying more than 30 characters of text unrelated to the driving task."

While these proposed guidelines are voluntary, the Alliance of Automobile Manufacturers, a coalition of 12 car and light truck manufacturers, helped craft these guidelines and are not expected to be burdensome to the manufacturers.

If you have an opinion regarding these proposed guidelines published in the Federal Register, the public has 60 days to comment before public hearings are held in D.C., L.A. and Chicago to discuss the proposed guidelines.

U.S. Transportation Sec. LaHood has been on a crusade for the last several years, as have I, to raise awareness to the reckless, needless tragedy of distracted driving. Over 3000 people died in 2010 as a result of distracted driving. President Obama has called for $330 million over 6 years to aid distracted driving awareness programs.

The Scoop

It's my position that while this is an extremely important issue it shouldn't take a single dime to convince drivers to do the right thing; the thing that saves lives; lives that could be theirs or their families' lives. That is, simply put the phone away while driving. Nothing is more important than a life. These are words I have repeated over and over in the last two years, and I stand by them. Words to live {& not die} by: Phone Down, Eyes Up! Enough Said.

Psst! Grab my Phone Down, Eyes Up Button {copy the code under the distracted driving button on the top right column and put it on your blog/website} and check out the links to all my distracted driving posts from the past two years, plus my 2012 Phone Down Eyes Up Challenge. Thanks for your support. Over and out...

Anna

The Decision of a Life or Two or Three: What You Need to Know about Organ Donation

Checking the Box

It's not something I often think about, but every four years I briefly ponder it. It may or may not actually ever affect me, but should something happen to me or my loved ones, it will supply the clear answer to a very pressing question. The answer is a five letter word. What is this word I speak of?

On my driver's license there is a small red-lettered word. It is "Donor." It's been on my driver's license for years now when I had license issued from Texas, then Oklahoma, then Iowa and now Minnesota. It's something that as a young, teenage driver I barely thought about; honestly, the whole I idea of donating my organs was freakish to me back then.

In fact, I did not check the box for the 1^st or 2^nd license issued to me. But as I aged and gained wisdom and life experience I realized the importance of providing the gift of life, if possible.

Saving Lives

The stories are too many and all far too tragic of those who wait on the never-ending lists of organ donation. A few people are able to find matches among friends, family or strangers, but so many depend upon someone else losing a life in order to gain their lives back.

As joyous as it is for one family knowing that a loved one is being given a renewed and sustained life with the help of another's undamaged organ, it's equally devastating for someone else's family because one's gain is another loss. It's a cruel twist of fate. And yet, I imagine it can be comforting knowing that some part of their loved one is still living.

The statistics surrounding organ donation are astounding. Here are a few of them:

• 18 people will die each day waiting for an organ;
• 1 donor can save up to 8 lives;
• An avg. of 79 people receive organ donations each day;
• In 2010, 62% of living donors were women;
• In 2010, 67% of all deceased donors were White, 16% were Black, 13% were Hispanic and 2.3% were Asian

From the U.S. Govt. Information on Organ and Tissue Donation and Transportation website.

Clear Choices

Of course, there are also laws and regulations that control when and how organs can be donated. The Revised Uniform Anatomical Gift Act of 2006 made it possible for more people to be donors by allowing more family members to make such a decision when the patient can no longer do so. The RUAGA also explicitly says that no one can revoke the expressed decision to be an organ donor other than the patient. And the RUAGA provides for an organ donor registry through driver's licenses and donor cards in an attempt to increase organ donations.'

However, in doing so, the Act actually creates a conflict of interest. If a person has a donor card/driver's license designating him or her as a donor, but also has a signed directive expressly setting out end-of-life care, the donor card trumps the directive.

Organs must be "kept alive" as long as possible to continue to be viable until a transplant can be accomplished. Therefore, the Act has created this ethical issue regarding life support and "Do Not Resuscitate" orders and other medical care issues.

In 2008, the Commissioners of this Act did add revised wording to this section in an attempt to work out the kinks and resolve this problematic issue.

"Under this revised wording, if there is a conflict between the express wishes for end-of-life care and maintaining the viability of an organ for transplant, the patient-donor and the physician must confer to resolve that conflict. If the patient is incapacitated (a most likely scenario), then a patient's agent, if there is one and if "reasonably available," must resolve the conflict. Otherwise, "another person authorized by law other than" the UAGA will be asked to make that decision."

Section 21 of the RUAGA (2008).

This process must be accomplished as quickly as possible and the medical care of the patient will continue during this time to ensure medical suitability for the organs should they donated. This revised wording would seem to fix the problem, but many states that enacted the 2006 version of the UAGA have not enacted this language. {Note: Not every state has enacted the 2006 version either though.} 

This distinction is relevant only to those who have advance directives in place. If a person hasn't expressed end-of-life care wishes in a signed, notarized document, but has chosen to be a donor those are the wishes that will be honored. If a person has neither an advance directive nor a donor card, the person's agent or person designated in the RUAGA (a spouse, adult siblings, parents, adult children and grandparents) can make the final decision.

This information is not meant to discourage you from choosing to donate, rather I mean to make you aware of the issues surrounding these choices that can be discussed with loved ones, included in any advance directives and resolved before there is a need for an expeditious decision in the midst of emotion. Clarifying one's end-of-life choices is kind and considerate.

The Scoop

I, for one, do have "Donor" on my license and my loved ones know that's my choice. I always think about how I would feel as a mom if one of my boys needed an organ or tissue from a stranger and this was the only way to save his life, then I'd be praying that everyone was choosing to donate. Over and out...

Anna

Expensive Plastic: Tips for Recycling Car Seats {Not Buying/Selling Used}

Finding the One

It took me a while to get it right when it came to car seats for my Darlings. In the last 5.5 years we have had 7 car seats/boosters between our 2 children. I resisted spending the money on a Britax in the beginning. I shouldn't have because in the end I spent more money buying multiple car seats before relinquishing and buying the Britax (s) that I loved.

I learned my lesson. When it comes to car seats and shoes, I should just spend the money and I won't regret it {I'd love to buy my kids cheap shoes, but they both have extra wide feet that just don't fit in cheap shoes}.

But before I learned my lesson I dabbled in less expensive, less cooperative, less comfortable, less ease on the part of the mommy car seats. So, this meant in the end I had more car seats to get rid of too.

Don't Buy/Sell Used

Now, car seats should never be re-used, unless it was first used by your own older child or a close relative or friend and you know exactly what conditions it has had to withstand, how it has been used, whether it was in any kind of accident and how long it has been used. One should not shop for car seats on ebay or craigslist or other online ads site for used items.

You simply can't know the conditions the car seat endured prior to you acquiring the used car seat. Even if it looks like it's in perfect condition, it could have been in a car that was involved in an accident and be damaged or weakened in a way that you can't readily see.

Additionally, car seats should not be used longer than 5 years from the date manufactured, which can be found stamped onto the car seat. After 5 years, the plastic and belts may begin to break down due to extreme temperatures in vehicles, repeated use, etc.

Therefore, a car seat is something that you should neither buy used nor sell used. It's just not wise for either party to do so. There are other baby items that are fine to buy used, but not car seats. Your child is much too precious cargo to gamble with his or her safety while riding in the car.

Disposing of Car Seats

So, how should you dispose of the old or outgrown car seats? A family will at the least likely have an infant seat and an additional base, a rear facing/forward facing child seat or two and a booster seat or two, depending on the number of cars in the family, the number and spacing of children in the family and the family's commute schedule.

When I went to the fire station to have Darling 1's infant seat tested to ensure we had it securely placed and fastened, I distinctly remember the fireman telling me to cut the straps before I put the car seat out with the trash when we were finished using it. And this is what we have done when disposing of the first few.

However, I recently read an article in Parents on recycling car seats. No, I don't mean for you to make a planter out of the seat, although my Darling Boys have been using our old Britax car seats for rocket blaster seats for a while now. What I mean is that there are a number of states with locations, agencies and organizations that will take the seats and recycle the plastic.

Parents magazine mentions a website that actually doesn't list this information, but I found a "list" of sorts that does list recycling information for a number of states. The list is actually a forum of parents weighing in from various cities and states with their area's information, but the information is good and the best, most comprehensive information I could find listed in one place. You can also check with your waste disposal company or city and/or state government offices to find out if your area recycles car seats.

The Scoop

However, again, it's important to remember that if you do put your old car seat/booster seat out on your curb or in your dumpster {in the garbage or to be recycled}, you should cut the straps and/or remove the padding. This will prevent someone from picking it up for their own use. Do this especially if the car seat has been damaged in some way, whether in a car accident or otherwise.

You don't want someone else's child to be injured after using your used car seat. While this is a long shot, there could be liability issues, and unless you are an expert, you may not realize that your seat is too old or is damaged. Over and out...

Anna

Anna the Enforcer: PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN {2012 Distracted Driving Challenge}

A New Job

A few months ago, Darling 1 and I were out running errands. I was pulling out of a parking lot when a car almost backed into my vehicle. I honked, and I stared at the rearview mirrors to get a good look at the driver. That's when I saw it. The driver was too busy talking on the phone to notice that my vehicle was directly behind hers when she started backing up; she was a Distracted Driver.

At this point, she had backed out and was now directly behind me. I slowed down and glared at her via the side mirror and then slowly proceeded to the corner. All the while, Darling 1 was aware what was going on. When I got to the corner, I stopped and intended to turn right. The woman who nearly backed into me intended to turn left; therefore, at the stop sign she was directly next to my car.

I looked straight at her, as she continued chatting away into her handheld phone. She was looking at me when I slowly and firmly said the words, "Put Your Phone Down!" to her through my rolled-up window. She saw me and gave me a completely shocked look. Then, I turned the corner.

At this point, Darling 1 said to me, "I think you need a new job, Mom." I said, "Oh yeah, what kind of job should I have?" to which Darling 1 responded. "I think you should a policeman." And I said, "Why is that?" and he said, "Because you have a big mean voice to tell people what to do."

The Absence of Distracted Driving Laws

I suppose I had sounded like a policeman, saying, "Put Your Phone Down" in a loud, authoritative voice, but it made me laugh. And yet, I am quite good at enforcing laws and rules; and I have always been very authoritative {just ask my brother}. In fact, I'm quite certain I'd do a good job enforcing a no phone use while driving policy.

However, I'm afraid that is one law that will never be passed and enforced. I don't think that we will ever see the day that all cell phones, both handheld and hands free are banned while driving in every state.

We are too connected to our technology; too convinced that we have to multi-task while doing anything and everything. We have persuaded ourselves that we are safe; we are able to focus on the road and the conversation; we are invincible. And lawmakers recognize this fact. It is my personal opinion that lawmakers themselves don't want to be held to such a standard as they race from location to location, meeting to meeting and "need" to use the phone while driving.

{No} Common Sense Safety

For me, this is not about a law. This is about common sense; this is about safety for ourselves, our families and strangers we come in close contact with on roadways. Why should we have to have a law to tell us to do the safe and reasonable thing?

Well, we had to have laws that tell us that we can't exceed certain speeds; we had to have laws that tell us we must wear seatbelts to protect us from injuries if there is an accident; we had to have laws that tell us to securely buckle our babies and young children into car seats and now booster seats; and we had to have laws that tell us that we can't drive while intoxicated. Clearly, we aren't capable of protecting ourselves from danger without laws to regulate our activity.

Interestingly enough, TX Gov. Rick Perry vetoed a bill last summer that would have banned texting in the state of TX. His reason for the veto: a law banning texting while driving would be micromanaging the behavior of adults; something he didn't want to do.

Pardon me if I don't see the difference between banning texting while driving and forcing drivers and passengers to use a seat belt while in the vehicle or limiting the speed of a vehicle or the amount of alcohol in one's bloodstream when it comes to driving. If it's micromanaging, so be it; apparently, that's what we need to be safer drivers.

When it comes to driving a vehicle on public roadways, it's not all about the driver. It's about taking care not to injure, cause harm or damage other people or their property. We must be considerate of the laws, but we must also use common sense in the way we operate our vehicles, weighing a ton or more; for our own sakes and for the sakes of others.

Phone Down Eyes Up Button

For those of you who are as serious as I am about distracted driving and putting your phone down and your eyes up on the road, I do now have a button that you can copy the code to place it on your website or blog too. You will notice it just to the upper right hand side with my slogan for this campaign; Phone Down Eyes Up. Thanks to my friends at Black Elephant Studios for creating it for me. If you click on the button, you will be taken to my Phone Down Eyes Up post.

I encourage you to spread the word about the dangers of distracted drivers. I see it over and over on the road; drivers chatting on the phone and driving too slowly, weaving in and out of lanes, not paying attention to the rate of traffic, not seeing a stop sign or a red light or failing to see the vehicle directly behind them as they back up.

The Scoop

Remember, I hit a kid with my car, and I wasn't distracted at all. Although, years ago, one evening while driving home from work and talking to my mom about a troubling issue, I drove 30 minutes south of my exit. When I finally became aware that I wasn't focused on my driving, I realized I had no idea where I was. I was, in fact, miles from home. I had not seen any exits or even noticed any of the cars around me; I had simply been on autopilots for miles upon miles.

This frightened me. And it should frighten you too. We should all be frightened at our often low levels of focus on the road. My 2012 challenge to you? You guessed it: Phone Down Eyes Up. Prove to me, to yourself and everyone you come in contact with on the roadways {and I hate to say it, but prove Gov. Rick Perry right too} that we don't need laws to wizen up and be safe about how and when we use our cell phones.

Tomorrow I will be addressing new distracted driving laws for 2012. Oh, and don't forget to grab the distracted driving button. Over and out...

Anna

New Beginnings: State Laws Taking Effect January 1, 2012

Happy New Year

January 1^st....the start of a new year, a day a big sales at retail giants, the first day of a new diet for many and the day a number of new state laws take effect. January is definitely the month of new beginnings and that rings true for many laws too.

While I haven't surveyed every state, I did take a look at some of the new state laws from around the country. I have highlighted the new laws {or absence of pertinent new laws} that have just taken effect that concern parents, kids and/or families.

While you may think this is unimportant information, take a look; there may be a few that concern you and your family. With almost 40,000 new laws going into effect on January 1, 2012, there must be something that affects you or someone you know.

A Few New State Laws

Minnesota

No news laws that pertain to families. {Let it be noted that it was quite an argumentative year in MN.}

Texas

College students attending school in Texas to get a meningitis vaccine. This law is applicable to all state universities, community colleges and junior colleges. TX is the first state mandate this. The students must have had this vaccine within the last 5 years.

Texas homeowners will be protected from aggressive homeowner associations that try to foreclose on homes based on late dues, fees and fines.

New York

Hookahs, water pipes, and shisha (a product made of primarily tobacco and smoked) shall not be sold to minors.

A new law will strengthen DEC's authority to ban products that contain mercury.

Middle class tax cuts will reduce tax rates on middle to their lowest levels in more than 50 years About 4.4 million middle class taxpayers will receive a total of  $690 million in personal income tax relief.

California

Open carrying of guns is banned;

Children under 8 and those who are too small to wear regular seat belts must use a child safety seat or booster seat.

Florida

The federal government will no longer have a hand in control the Florida school meal programs This will allow the state of Florida to use more Florida-grown fresh fruit and vegetables on school menus.

Illinois

Hotels are now required to be equipped with at least one smoke detector within 15 feet of every room that is used for sleeping purposes. (HB 1398/ PA-97-0447)

Allows local school boards to, if federal grants are available, opt in to a full-year pilot plan if a school is on academic watch status for more than 2 years. Schools that opt in must increase their school calendar by 35 days, and requires students attend a minimum of 215 days. This pilot program affects only schools in Sen. James Meeks' district.

Requires criminal background information on an employee that has been obtained by a school district within the last year to be shared, upon request, with any other school district.

Changes legislation to reflect the current criminal penalty for making a false report of child abuse to DCFS, and updates the required posted warning to reflect that a false report is a Class 4 felony violation.

Allows people in divorce situations to use life insurance as a security for child support and maintenance obligations.

Requires all employees of licensed child care facilities who care for newborns and infants to complete training every 3 years on sudden unexpected infant death (SUID), sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) and on the safe sleep recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Requires adult passengers in the back seat of a vehicle to wear a seat belt, and also requires those 18 and younger riding in a taxi cab for school-related purposes to wear a seat belt.

Colorado

Coaches must not allow players as young as 11 to continue playing a sport if a head injury is suspected. In order to return to play, the athletics will be required to have medical clearance. Furthermore, coaches in public and private schools and even volunteer coaches of Little League and Pop Warner football are required to take a free annual online training to learn the symptoms to recognize a concussion.

Delaware

Same-sex couples can now enter into a civil union or domestic partnerships, which give them the same state rights and obligations of those who are married.

The Scoop

Does your state have any new laws worth checking out? I'll be touching base regarding distracted driving issues in this New Year on Wednesday and Thursday of this week. Over and out...

Anna

For Traci: Drink Responsibly

The Phone Call

On November 12, 1993, I received a gut wrenching phone call in the early morning hours of that Friday. I was a freshman at Midwestern State University in Wichita Falls, TX, about a 4.5 hour drive from my family. I was living in the dorm that year and was awakened by the phone ringing.

At first I thought it was my alarm going off, but quickly realized it was still dark and much too early for my summons to wake. I was so out-of-sorts from this abrupt awakening that I didn't even have that feeling of foreboding telling me something was terribly wrong.

A Death in the Family

It was my mother on the line; she was crying. It was hard to make out her words, but I soon understood what she was saying. My cousin, Traci, had been killed the night of November 11^th on the way home from dinner with a friend.

The Crash

She was the passenger in the vehicle. My cousin and her friend were traveling on a small rural highway heading back home and another vehicle on a side road pulled out hitting my cousin broadside. My cousin was killed instantly.

Her friend survived the crash albeit with multiple injuries. The woman driving the vehicle was drunk {and I should add that she did survive and without catastrophic injuries}. This was not the first time she had been caught operating a vehicle while drunk. She shouldn't have been on the road. In fact, I believe her license was suspended at the time of this accident. That woman shouldn't have been there that night....but she was and she took the life of a beautiful person.

Loss of Innocence

Traci was one of the best people I have ever known. She was pure, sweet, funny, thoughtful and very bright. She loved her family and it was her purpose in life to be a "window to God's love." She excelled academically, was very involved in her church, the Salutatorian of her high school, won scholarships, graduated with honors with multiple degrees and had just begun her career as a Process Engineer.

Traci's life was cut tragically short at a very young age. Traci had celebrated her 25^th birthday just 17 days prior to this accident. Her life was just beginning. Ironically, my cousin didn't even drink alcohol and yet it was because of the abuse of alcohol {of another} that she was taken from her friends and family.

All of this happened in a split second. My cousin and her friend were probably chatting and laughing as friends do. I pray that Traci never saw or felt the impact that fractured her skull and took her life. Her friend was knocked unconscious on impact and only later realized the full tragedy that had unfolded.

Interestingly, years later, my cousin and Traci's sister, happened to meet a man who had been a 1^st responder to that accident that claimed the life of Traci. He told my cousin that when he arrived that Traci was deceased and was not suffering. He was able to give my cousin details of the crash that comforted her and the family.

The Scoop

This woman who drank too much and climbed into her vehicle behind the wheel that night never intended to take anyone's life. She didn't contemplate whether she would injure someone; shatter lives; and crush families. She was simply selfish and irresponsible.

I can still hear Traci's voice as she tells a funny story and her happy laughter that follows. Traci was always full of optimism and had a sunny disposition. Her death left a gaping hole in our family.

Our family will never be the same. We will always miss her. To know Traci was to know God's love. While her life was short, without doubt I can say that she did achieve her life's goal.

Don't let this happen to you after a few drinks. Call a cab; call a friend; stay the night; don't go out; be responsible. Over and out....

Anna

Tis the Season: PSA on Female Drinking and Driving

In a Flash

One minute you're having a blast and not thinking about the grand scheme of life and perhaps being a bit reckless in your revelry and the next minute something happens that changes lives forever. It's like when you're watching a movie and everyone is having a great time laughing and full of bliss and life is just perfect, but you know something bad is about to happen to end all that happiness because you have the benefit of observing the whole scene from the outside, plus the soundtrack usually gives it away too. This is what having too much to drink and then choosing to drive home could look like.

A Focus on Women    

Much of the emphasis on drinking and driving has traditionally been put on teens and men. However, this is an issue that can affect both female and male; both young and old, including parents.

While both parents should use extreme caution when drinking and getting behind a wheel, this post is focused on women who have a drink and drive later. In 2008, women drivers who were drunk were involved in 1,837 road deaths.

A mom is less likely to take risks when his or her children are present than after a night of fun out on the town with friends, coworkers or a spouse. And generally, a mom out of the house without her children wants to relax, cut loose and perhaps have a drink. I certainly understand that and consume in a drink or two when out with my friends or my husband.

Consider these scenarios: a woman out to dinner with her friends misjudges how much she had to drink or how it affected her; or stops by for happy hour with co-workers at a bar on the way home and has several drinks on an empty stomach; or mom and dad leave the kids with a sitter and go out to dinner for a much needed date night and a bottle wine. These situations are probably easy to imagine because you have more than likely experienced them first hand.

In each of these scenarios, there is the possibility that the person will drink enough to become intoxicated and unfit to drive a vehicle. And in each case, the person is highly likely to drive home anyway. This issue is a problem at any time of the year, but here we are just a few days from New Year's Eve; one of the most alcohol saturated nights of the year. So, I thought this was especially on-point this week.

Women and DWIs

The number of women arrested for DWIs and/or involved in alcohol related accidents has dramatically increased over the years. The Century Council reports that in the 80s women accounted for only 9% of those arrested for DWIs, but from 1997 to 2007 that number had risen to 29%; and in the past decade has increased to 36%. So, what is causing this increase?

The social culture of our country and the role of women has changed significantly since the 80s. More women have full-time jobs in addition to the family duties at home. The pressure to be a super mom often manifests itself through alcohol consumption. There are books, blogs, twitter handles, and twitter parties devoted to a mom's need for a drink at the end of the day.

While our society has become more accepting of mom's Facebook post or tweet suggesting that she can't wait for her #wine, women are still quite adept at hiding actual addictions to alcohol and drugs. Most women are multi-taskers by nature and it appears that drinking is one of the things that women can do without anyone at home or work really noticing.

Studies show that women arrested for DWIs tend to be middle-aged or older, more educated and single, separated or divorced. The average female first time offender is 31 years old.

Affect of Alcohol on a Woman's Body & the Law

Addictions are one thing (& quite another blog post) and driving after drinking is quite another. It doesn't matter if you are drunk every night or once a year, women must be cognizant of that fact that our bodies are not the same as a man's and the effects of alcohol can be different too.

Women have less body water to dilute alcohol as it passes through the digestive tract; less of the liver enzyme, dehydrogenase, that metabolizes alcohol; and are therefore, more exposed to the alcohol and its harmful effects longer than males. Source: The Fix

Alcohol is tricky; its effects can depend on weight, gender, genetics, amount of food consumed, amount and type of alcohol consumed, medications taken, lack of sleep, stress levels etc. What many of us don't realize is how much {or how little} alcohol our bodies can handle when it comes to being intoxicated and unfit to drive, depending on all of these factors and more.

Blood Alcohol Level (BAL), or Blood Alcohol Concentration (BAC), means the amount of alcohol in the bloodstream. All 50 states and the District of Columbia have laws that say a person is too intoxicated to drive when his or her BAC is .08 % or higher, which is .08 g of alcohol per 100 ml of blood.

When you drink an alcoholic beverage, the alcohol goes from your stomach into your blood, then to the liver heart and brain. Alcohol is not digested, but absorbed. Interestingly enough, an older adult consuming an alcoholic beverage raises the BAL 20% more than it does for a younger adult. However, a younger person with a .10 % BAL has a significantly higher risk of being involved in a fatal crash than an older adult with the same BAL.

As noted above, women have less water in their bodies, but they also have more fat. Alcohol does not enter fat cells as easily as other types of cells, which mean that the alcohol stays in a woman's bloodstream longer. And this can mean that a woman may still be drunk at the end of the evening out with friends, even though she stopped drinking long before.

Even our states of mind or menstrual cycles can have an affect on our level of intoxication. In fact, if it's a person's intention to drink to get drunk, it will take that person less alcohol to feel the impairment, as is also the case with a person who is overly tired or overly stressed. We can't fool our bodies.

The Scoop

As my husband's family has joked about for many years now, "Tis the Season" to drink during this month of holidays. Whether it's a cocktail over apps, a glass of wine with dinner and liquored up coffee or cocoa or simply 2 glasses of wine during a meal with friends or a beer on an empty stomach or an overly exhausted parent consuming one cocktail, we need to think twice before consuming alcohol and getting behind the wheel.

Don't let this happen to you. One careless mistake after a night of fun and laughter can fracture your world and forever alter the lives of your kids, spouse and perhaps someone else's family forever.

Think ahead, think twice, monitor the number of drinks you have consumed and don't be ashamed to call a cab, your spouse or a friend to drive you home. We must also not be timid about telling a friend that is clearly too drunk to drive that you are taking her keys and offering a ride, having her spend the night or calling a cab.

This is something we can control, whether before or after the drinks have been drunk. Drink responsibly; drive sober or not at all. Over and out...

Anna

 

I Hit a Child with My Car: Distracted Driving {On a Soapbox}

A Birthday Request

Today is my birthday. I've been thinking about what I really want, and I've come up with something that won't cost you a cent. But first I want to share this story with you.

This is a difficult story to tell. This is a story that I've never shared with anyone. To my knowledge only my mom and my husband know this story other than those involved.

My Story

Several years ago, my mom and I had a chance to go to dinner alone. Since the Darlings were born, we so rarely have time alone together since she's in TX and I'm in MN. We chose a low-key, elegant, local spot; we got dressed up; and we left Will with the Boys for the evening.

As I drove, we casually chatted. A few blocks from my house I noticed an ice cream truck parked on the side of the street, but didn't see anyone else nearby. As I drove past the ice cream truck a child suddenly appeared around the front of the truck. He was running...fast.

The next few seconds are a blur in my mind and always have been. I'm aware that my mom was screaming. I don't recall screaming, but she said I was. I remember pushing the brake pedal as hard as I could. I recall pleading with God not to allow this to happen. And I saw my children flashing before my mind's eye.

As I was practically standing on my brake pedal, willing my minivan to stop, I hit that kid with my car. He must have been about 10 years old. He seemed tall and skinny. My vehicle struck him at his waist. He was running so fast that he couldn't stop even after he saw me. He was at the front center of my vehicle at the time of impact. He must have turned toward us as he realized he was about to be hit because I hit the front of his body. He was thrown back about eight feet from my car and hit the asphalt.

As long as I live, I will never forget the look on his face at the moment of impact. It was a look of horror as he realized he was being hit by a car; it was a look of utter betrayal; his questioning eyes imploring why I would do this to him. It all happened within seconds, but in my mind it felt like an eternity; his face seems to stay frozen staring at me.

What happened next is utterly amazing. The boy flew back onto the asphalt, and then immediately leaped up and continued running across the street to his house. I and his family, standing in their yard, called 911; an ambulance came; police came; the boy was examined and found to be totally without injury save for a few minor bruises. The ambulance left; the police left; we left, completely rattled, but thanking God everyone was fine.

An Accident

How it happened that I hit this child while he was running, he was thrown back and popped up immediately can be explained in my mind only as a miracle from God.

This event and this memory are painful to me. I do not speak of it; I do not drive down that street. I tell you this story because I want to point out to you that I was merely driving down a street I drove down every day, having a casual conversation with my mom who was sitting in the passenger seat next to me. I had seen the ice cream truck, but I could not see the kids on the other side of the parked truck. I was not distracted in the least. I quickly reacted to the situation the instant the child emerged from the blind side of the truck.

I did not do anything wrong. I was not criminally or civilly at fault. I was abiding by all traffic laws. I was not having a phone conversation. I was not reading a text or typing out a text. I was not distracted. A child simply darted out in front of my moving vehicle.

What If

What if I had been lost in conversation on the phone? What if I had been looking at my phone and not the road when the boy ran out into the street? What if I had not looked up in time to even begin to brake? If any of these "what ifs" had been reality that day that child would have more than likely been killed.

A Risk Too High

A child, a biker, a runner, a person walking a dog, a person pushing a stroller, another car; if you are using your phone for talking, texting, checking information or any other purpose while driving a heavy metal vehicle you have a high risk of hitting, injuring and/or killing another human being. That human being could be a stranger; it could be your child; it could be you.

Do you want to take the risk of killing another human being just because you thought of something "important" to tell someone or felt the need to check the text you just received or find an email that has the address you're searching for? I think not.

There is nothing more important than life. There is NOTHING more important than life.

The Scoop

Please pledge today to take my Phone Down, Eyes Up Challenge. This is what I ask of you for my birthday gift today. It's not a hard decision to make. When you think about picking up your phone while driving, just think of me and my story and what might have been if I had been distracted that day. Do it for me; do it for youself; do it for your child(ren); do it for all the other drivers on the road; just do it now.

Distracted driving kills. End of Story. Over and out...

Anna

You might also be interested in the rest of my distracted driving posts:

Challenge Reissued: Simulated Distracted Driving & Teens

Phone Down; Eyes Up: Distracted Driving Statistics Update & Driver Challenge

Distracted by Technology: Are Hands-Free Devices in SYNC with Safe Driving?

Driving to Distraction: The Hazards of Texting While Driving and the Laws Restricting This Habit

Old Habits Die Hard: Must Read Tips and Web Sites to Help Break the Habit of Texting While Driving

Driving to Distraction Part II: Why Using Your Cell Phone While Driving is as Dangerous as Driving Drunk

The Distracted Parent: Must Read Tips and Websites for Staying Focused and Driving Safely

Soapbox: Hot Cars and Free-Range Parenting

Making Choices

On one weekend morning last winter while getting ready to head out for errand running and romping at an indoor playground, Darling 1 insisted on wearing blue and green sweat pants, a blue turtle neck, a colorful short-sleeve t-shirt and a navy, green and purple v-neck sweater. He certainly didn't match, but he chose the items and put them on himself.

I was proud of him. DH was concerned. He didn't want him to wear the mismatched outfit out in public. I said it didn't matter; drop it. He didn't. I said it's clear he dressed himself, the clothes are clean and not worn out and who cares what anyone thinks. He rolled his eyes; he let out a big, "I know I won't win this battle" sigh; and he dropped it, letting Darling 1 go out in his colorful get-up. It was fine. No one laughed. No one noticed. No one cared.

This actually happens frequently. Sometimes he's mismatched; sometimes he's in costume; sometimes he's wearing his clothing backwards. I let it go. It's fine. This is a way he is asserting himself and taking control of his life and expressing himself. And it's one less thing I have to do when frantically, scurrying around to get us out the door {and yes, I'm always frantically scurrying from room to room, and frequently barking orders, when getting ready}.

If my kids can assert themselves in various ways that harms no one and doesn't put them at risk of injury or death, I'm all for it. I let them see how far they can go and how much they can do, as long as it's safe. Safety is the operative word here.

Not a Free-Range Parent

I'm not a free-range parent though. I hold my kids' hands in parking lots. I stand near enough to spot them should they fall from the towering playground equipment they love to scramble up on. I keep a constant visual on them at the crowded indoor play areas. They don't play in the front yard unattended. Clearly, not a free-range parent, but I'm also not a helicopter parent either.

The term free-range parenting basically means hands-off parenting; allowing your kids to do things on their own at a young age that others may or may not agree with. On the other hand, helicopter parenting is an extremely hands-on parenting style; never allowing your kids the freedom to make choices of their own, being right there to handle any problem or difficulty. I fall somewhere in the middle. For me, it depends on the situation and the location and how my kids feel about the situation and the location.

Children Unattended in Vehicles; OK or Not?

You may recall that in June of 2010, I wrote an article on the dangers of leaving kids unattended in vehicles and I reposted that article at the beginning of this summer too. Every year children die of hyperthermia after being left (intentionally and unintentionally) in vehicles or playing in vehicles. Within a matter of minutes a vehicle can become a big metal oven even when the temperatures aren't that high. Hypothermia can also be a concern in the winter.

This week I happened upon an article written by the queen of free-range parenting, Lenore Skenazy, entitled "Yes, You Can Leave Your Kids in the Car for a Few Minutes." This article was originally published August of 2010.

Lenore argues that parents should be able to leave their kids in the car while running quick errands. She states that people shouldn't call the police if they see a child left unattended in a vehicle. Lenore even goes as far as saying leaving a child in a vehicle all day is different from running a quick errand and running back to the car where your child is waiting.

I was saddened to read this article. I completely disagree with her. It's not OK. No, not even for a minute. How many times have you run an errand that should have taken only a few minutes and it turned into 15 to 20 minutes? Or how many times have you run into a store to get one item and then gotten distracted when you see a friend or neighbor and stop for a chat, then return to shopping and again spending at least 20 to 30 minutes inside? It happens.

Hot Cars

And, no, Lenore, leaving a child all day is not different from leaving a child unattended for a few minutes. In just 10 minutes the temperature in a car rises 19 degrees on average; in 20 minutes the temperature rises 29 degrees on average. So, on a mild 70 degree day, the inside of a vehicle could be 89 degrees in 10 minutes and 99 degree in 20 minutes. Think about a hot day, a 90 degree day; in 10 minutes it's 109 degrees; in 20 minutes it's a 119 degrees in the vehicle. It doesn't take leaving a child in a vehicle all day for it to become a life and death situation; it takes a matter of minutes.

Being a hands-off, carefree parent may seem less intrusive for the parents and the kids, better for preparing kids for the "real world" and cool, but being a negligent, uneducated parent can endanger your child's health and life; and perhaps others too.

So, maybe it will take you only 3 to 5 minutes to go in and pick up a prescription or buy a gallon of milk or drop off a payment, etc. But why even take a risk with your child's health; with your child's life? There is no point at all in taking such a risk. You can take a risk that the ice cream you just bought might melt or that your hot coffee might get cold or that a balloon might escape out a window or flowers might wilt when you leave them in the car while running an errand, but DO NOT RISK YOUR CHILD'S LIFE. PERIOD. THAT'S NOT OK.

Fast Facts:

• A Child's thermoregulatory system is not as efficient as an adults and warms 3 to 5 times faster;
• A core body temperature of 107 is lethal; cells are damaged and internal organs shut down;
• Heatstroke (or hyperthermia) occurs when a person's temperature exceeds 104 degrees and the body's thermoregulatory mechanism becomes overwhelmed; and
• 19 states have laws regarding leaving a child unattended in a vehicle (see updated post).

Source: Department of Geosciences, San Francisco State University

The Scoop

Have fun. Be relaxed. Be careful. Be smart. Never leave your child unattended in a vehicle; not even for a minute. Best intentions are not good enough when it comes to your child's life. At least 25 children have died so far in 2011 after being left in vehicles. In 2010, 49 children died; from 1998 to September 2011, 519 children died. These are preventable deaths.

A free-range egg? Sure. A free-range parent? Not so much. Over and out...

Anna

Motherly Advice: Life's a Fickle Thing

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life.  But there was always some obstacle in the way.  Something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid.  Then life would begin.  At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. 

~Fr. Alfred D'Souza

This week, one of my husband's childhood friends was killed by a drunk driver as he drove home from work at 5:30 p.m. on a Tuesday evening. Matt was heading home to his wife and two kids. It happened in an instant. The two-time convicted drunk driver crossed the center line of a two-lane highway and hit Matt head-on. In one instant there is life; in another instant there is not.

Matt was pronounced dead upon arrival at the hospital. The drunk driver extricated himself from the wreckage and was promptly arrested after being checked out at the hospital, as is so often the cruel reality of such accidents.

I didn't know Matt. I don't know his wife or his two kids. I won't pretend to know or understand what they are going through losing a husband and father. But I do know this, I stand supporting her; crying silent tears inside for her and for her kids; my heart breaking for her; and sad memories flooding my mind.

I do know what it means to lose a family member at the hands of a drunk driver with multiple convictions. I do know the despair of sudden death; I do know the anger of knowing this person should have never been behind the wheel; I do know the sadness of forever missing that family member whose promising life was cut horribly short. I do know that these feelings never go away; I do know my memories of that person's voice, that person's innate goodness and that person's sense of humor will be with me always. I do know that the raw, gaping hole is never filled.

Life's cruel; life isn't fair; life's unpredictable; life's uncertain; life's a bitch. We can't change any of these things. But we can make sure we live every moment to the fullest. It's cliché, but it's true. We can laugh together. We can love each other. We can spend time making memories. We can spend time with people who truly matter to us. We can spend less time arguing, pouting, being irritated, doing the mundane. It's nothing more than a waste of our limited, precious time.

I am aware of 36 deaths this week, including the 31 troops killed in the Afghanistan helicopter crash, one of whom was my cousin's cousin; some lived many years on this earth; other's lives were cut far too short. But there is a silver lining too. My friend, Elle, gave birth to a beautiful little girl yesterday. Welcome to the world, Lila Jane! It's a beautiful place!

This post is dedicated to the lives of Matt Armstrong and Traci Ann Reynolds and the scores of others who've lost their lives because of the selfish, reckless actions of drunk drivers.

To the person whose actions killed Matt, whom I won't dignify by even mentioning by name: May God have mercy on your soul.

Please take a stand against drunk driving! None of us are immune from its effects. Can you tell this is not the last you are going to hear about this topic from me? My dander is up....hold on ya'll. Over and out...

It's Saturday…. Go eat some chocolate {this actually applies to everyday}. It's good for you, and you deserve it!

Anna

Nota Bene: I hold these truths to be self-evident, that all parents and kids are not created equally, but are wholly individual in personality and style. Regardless of these differences, the basic needs of love, patience and support remain constant. Here are the weekly affirmations, tips and reminders. Unless otherwise noted, these are entirely my opinion. Take them with a grain of salt, or not!