Hanging By a Thread

Leaving Children Behind....in the Lunch Room

Feed Their Minds and Bodies

Here's what I think...All children, no matter race, creed, national origin, address, tax bracket or any other factor should have food to eat. No child should be left behind without a meal to eat at school.

Going hungry teaches desperation, heartbreak, bitterness and misunderstanding. Providing school lunches does not teach laziness, greed or a sense of entitlement; they are not handouts. Food is a basic necessity of life.

Children who are fed learn better, listen better and are happier, more focused and participate in class. Children who go hungry are cranky, listless, tired and poor students.

I'm not a dietician, a physician, a psychologist or a social worker. I'm a mom. This is common sense. Kids should have enough food to eat in the "greatest country in the world."

The Politics of Feeding Kids

Politics should not figure into this issue. Unfortunately, it has to if there is to be money to feed kids who do not have food at home to bring to school for lunch, and who more than likely will go without breakfast and snacks too.

Yes, there are programs for free and subsidized lunches, but there are limits regarding who is eligible for those programs. And in our economically depressed country, often the working poor are suffering greatly in reality, but on paper it appears that they are making the ends meet and therefore, do not qualify for these school lunch programs. Or perhaps these kids qualify for the reduced cost lunch program, but even that is just too much for the family. Or maybe there are language or cultural barriers or misunderstandings or miscommunications that cause kids who would qualify for these programs to never become enrolled and end up going without.

Turning Kids Away

Regardless of the situation of why kids are going hungry at school, the point is it is happening. According to a Star Tribune article, Legal Aid along with four Minneapolis law firms conducted a survey of the 182 school districts in Minnesota regarding school lunch policies and here is some of what they found:

"30 Minnesota school districts have some form of 'turn-away' policy, ranging from allowing the child a limited number of hot meals before stopping, to turning even the youngest grade-schoolers away immediately.

Seven districts stamp children's hands as a deterrent to nonpayment. One district issues a 'red card' after four unpaid lunches, while another issues 'purple tickets' for nonpayers.

One district brings a child into the kitchen where the hot lunch is taken away and exchanged for a bag lunch. Another takes the lunch tray away at the end of the line.

Diplomas are being withheld from some nonpaying high school seniors. Bill collectors are going after some of their parents."

According to a MPR article, about 20% of the school districts in MN have some form of turn-away policy.

The Star Tribune reports that Minneapolis, Anoka-Hennepin, Delano, Robbinsdale and Brainerd do provide hot lunches to their students whether the kids have the money to cover the cost or not while St. Paul offers a sandwich to non-paying kids.

Footing the Bill

There are bills moving through the Minnesota legislature that would expand the budget for free school lunches. According to the MPR article, Minnesota currently provides about 250,000 free lunches per school year. Advocates of this bill would like to increase that number by about 62,000.

This is not the first time such a bill has been introduced, but Jessica Webster of Legal Aid, who has been instrumental in putting together this information, getting the word out and gaining support for this issue, is more optimistic with the increased backing by key people.

Part of the problem is that school district budgets are already strapped. Where will the funds come from for these extra meals? Funding is a major concern for many school administrators and yet children going through the school days without enough food in their bellies should be equally vital concern for these administrators.

The Scoop

Sen. Sean Nienow, ranking minority member on the Senate Education Finance Committee, was quoted in MPR article as saying, "That may be tight, but most of those families probably can pitch in."

While this may be the case some of the time, with some of the families, he who has never been in such a situation does not know how very tight it can be on some days, some weeks or some months! When a parent must decide whether to pay the mortgage/rent or the electricity/gas or buy groceries or buy gas to be able to get to work and there is no wiggle room, that's a difficult, gut-wrenching, heartbreaking decision. We must be able to walk in another's shoes and see how the world looks when it's very dim with nowhere to turn in the immediate future.

And we must take care of our children; the children who will grow up and build and govern and create and have families and teach and guide and take care of each other. We focus on "no child left behind" and work to be sure that each child learns the basics of reading, writing and arithmetic, but what about the basic necessities of being fed enough food and being nourished, body and soul.

I have contacted my school district's superintendant to inquire about the policies in my district. I hope you will do the same. Fortunately, there are some angel donors, teachers, principals, lunch room staff, etc. who take matters into their own hands, regardless of what school policy is and reach out to the children without and provide them with sustenance. And to those kind and generous souls I say thank you. But this is not enough. Minnesota, you can do better! Over and out...

Anna

 

Random Tidbits: On a Rampage {Strong Opinions}

New Rules

I've been juggling a lot with work lately, which means that everything else suffers. So, I've decided to make some rules for myself, and I'm really trying to stick with it.

I'm setting weekly office hours. We're holding weekly family meetings with an agenda, a white board and an Angry Bird (that's a whole other post...stay tuned). I'm standing firm on what I can and cannot add to my overly stuffed schedule...and refusing to feel guilty about saying "No" when I need to.

Unfortunately, one of the things that has taken a backseat to being a priority lately has been writing. So, I'm trying this Random Bits style again...cuz you know I have things to say, but just not much time to get them said!

Bits and Pieces

1. Y'all know how I feel about using your phone and driving, right?! If you don't then read this: I Hit A Child with My Car and all the other Distracted Driving posts I've written. Well, my friend, Trina, a dedicated Phone Down, Eyes Up driver sent me this photo that her friend sent to her. I love it! And there's a lot of truth in this statement...believe it.
   
2. In DC, a Councilmember has introduced a bill to curb cheating. If passed, it would make facilitating cheating on standardized tests illegal. Now I'm certainly against cheating, but what troubles me is that there has to be such laws in place to prevent school personnel from tampering with tests.

   Shouldn't this be a given to teachers and administrators? Perhaps, the better answer is to take a look at why there is such a need to "fix" standardized tests in this district and examine the education resources and funding.

3. Apparently there is overcrowding at the Metro Louisville jail in Kentucky. The solution? Well, USA Today reports that "tech-savvy professionals will use technology and data to study the overcrowding," of course. The pros will be trying to find some possible solutions.

   News Flash! I've got a solution. Use that money to study how to get kids off the streets, keep them safe, educate them, and get them out of the cycle of committing crimes-jail-committing crimes-jail that many of their older siblings, parents, aunts and uncles and friends are in instead of employing "tech-savvy professionals." This is not an engineering/spatial problem; this is societal issue, a human interest story that could have happy ending.

4. Lastly, the total cost of the 2012 elections, from federal to state to local offices, was...hold on to your boots, friends... $7.3 BILLION (according to Politico.com)! WHAT A WASTE! Don't get me started on what that could have been spent on. This amount of money could have made a huge impact on many of the very causes and issues and institutions and families addressed by the candidates running for office. So many could have been greatly benefitted by even a fraction of this money being spent in a positive way. Here are more of my thoughts on the subject of political campaign spending.

The Scoop

Hmmm, it turns out I'm full of opinions this Monday morning. Well, there you have it. Over and out...

Anna

Random Tidbits: Completely Unrelated, Useful/Interesting/Semi-Important/You Fill-in-the-Blank Information

You know when you're driving along and your kid pipes up and says something like, "Mom, whatever happened to that stick that I picked up last summer when we were walking around that lake?" and then a few minutes later says, "For my next birthday {which is something like 8 months away, generally}, can I have a birthday cake that has Transformers, Mickey Mouse and Word Girl on it?" And the whole time you're thinking I have no idea and where are these random thoughts coming from.

Well, that's what this post is like.

I've had very few minutes to write lately, but I have a number of random tidbits knocking around in my head. It happens frequently that I have a random thought, save a clipping or jot down an idea that doesn't warrant an entire post, but is still worth mentioning. Sometimes I let them linger until I might have enough to weave the tidbits into something more, but often they simply unravel and these loose ends rot away tucked in a file or pasted on a "sticky note" on my computer desktop or randomly written in a notebook.

So, I decided I'd piece together a quick, unconnected run-down of these various bits of information; some tips, some interesting points, some important notes, some simple observations.

1. Tightening the Belt. For a while I had an internal struggle with trying to figure out whether the strap should be locked or left loose or did it even matter. Booster seats. There's just not the plethora of information about these "tween" seats; that is, "in between" 5 point harnesses and a seat belt without a special seat. I know some parents just leave it loose. I always tighten the seat belt strap.
   1. For one thing, Darling 2 is apt to fall asleep in a moving vehicle and slump forward or sideways. If the belt is loose, he could slip right out of the seat or be injured if the belt snapped tight in an accident or sudden stop.
   2. I dug around online and surprisingly didn't find any definitive answers. So, I asked a resident expert; whom I happened to run into at my Caribou Coffee. She said either way is fine. If you have a sleeper or wiggler then it's best to lock the belt. But if your child is older and is not prone to moving around and getting out of the belt, then loose is fine.
   3. So, there you have it. I still tighten out of habit and because Darling 2 still likes to fall asleep in the car, but Darling 1 likes to remind me that he doesn't have to be locked in now that we know the answer to this question.
2. Mythbusters – Distracted Driving. Do you know about Mythbusters? It's a fun program that we found on Netflix over Winter Break. They take various statements or "facts" and put them to the test. On one program they ran their own test to see whether talking on the phone while driving is as dangerous as driving drunk, as some studies have reported.
   1. Now they weren't legally drunk, but they were as close to it as possible; with police officers overseeing the experiment.
   2. And they weren't recklessly driving around on the roads with other drivers. They were on a driving course with an instructor.
   3. But the tests and testers were serious and the drivers were blown away by how difficult it was to stay on task and not break laws by missing signs, weaving, etc. while talking on the phone and after a few drinks.
   4. Their conclusion was that it is not a myth. Texting/talking on the phone is just as dangerous as driving drunk (or almost drunk), and they did indeed feel out of control {and it's rare that they don't bust the myth}. There you have it. So, Phone Down; Eyes Up! {TAKE MY CHALLENGE!}
3. Teachers Packing Heat. Some teachers may have decided to take matters into their own hands when it comes to "securing" their classrooms.
   1. In the weeks following the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting, according to MotherJones.com, about 600 teachers in some 15 states have signed up for a free firearms training program offered by Buckeye Firearms Association.
   2. MotherJones.com noted that there are only three states in the U.S. that allow concealed weapons in schools: Utah, Kansas and Mississippi.
   3. Now, 600 is a very tiny percentage of the number of teachers in our country, but it's an interesting note.
   4. I'd be curious to know which 15 states those teachers come from; and how many of those 600 are male and how many are female.
   5. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want my kids' teachers packing heat in class.
   6. And on a lighter note, I just pictured Darling 1's amazingly patient, kind and loving kindergarten teacher from last year, with a gun strapped to her hip; now that puts class rules in a very different light.
4. Boo Indeed! Sometimes you miss the ugly, prickly weed when looking for the "Green."
   1. I found a write up for a product called, Bambooee, in MN Parent under Hot Stuff/Go Green. It says this about the products on this page, "Ta-ta, toxins! These products eschew chemicals and/or promote reuse!"
   2. So, the Bambooee is apparently an earth-friendly, sustainable, reusable paper towel. The packaging in the photo says, "Reusable Washable Bleachable." BLEACHABLE? Earth-friendly? No Chemicals? Hmmmm.
   3. Sorry, but why would someone who is choosing to use this product; to be earth friendly, with sustainable, organic products want to or choose to use bleach on this natural, organic, sustainable product?
   4. Bleach is a toxic, harmful chemical, and if you introduce it to your natural, organic, sustainable, bamboo towel, then you're missing the point. I have a better product for you anyway...talk to me {cough, Norwex, cough}
5. Check Your Sources. OK, I am going to expand on this one in another post, but this issue warrants a quick mention here too.
   1. Please check the accuracy and the source of the information you post, Like and share on social media sites. I have noticed an increase in false information and misattributed, made up quotes zipping around on Facebook lately. It's a good rule of thumb to do a quick search to ensure that you are passing good and true information, before you click it out to your hundreds of friends and/or fans.
6. Loose Lips Sink Ships. And along those same lines, not every conversation or thought or situation should be retold or discussed or mentioned on social media sites.
   1. Some things should be left to the imagination; some things should remain confidential; and sometimes "it just wouldn't be prudent" to post every last detail.
   2. So, let your gut instinct be your gauge, but if your gut tells you everything is fair game; then, let's say,
      1. if it's about someone else, especially if you are in any way related or work together;
      2. if it's not nice or puts that person in a bad light;
      3. if there is a contract of any kind involved;
      4. if it sounds like it could be from a red neck reality show
   3. don't post it at all. Instead, call your mom, your spouse, your sibling or best friend and get it off your chest by sharing it with one person rather the 348 of your closest FB friends.

Over and out....

Anna

 

Related articles

God is with Us {Always and Everywhere}

God is with Us {Always and Everywhere}

In the aftermath of this horrible tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School I have seen various posts on Facebook and scattered through articles saying this massacre has nothing to do with stricter gun laws. Instead, these posts, remarks, quotes insist we need to "put God back in schools."

These statements sadden and confound me.

I am a Christian. I love my Lord. It matters not where I go, my God is with me always and everywhere.

To me, these statements imply that since our schools are secular, God abandoned these children and teachers in their hour of greatest need; as if God couldn't step through those shattered glass doors because our government adheres to the separation of church and state, respecting all religions.

Pardon me, but that's not the God I know. No, I know God was in that school on Friday, December 14, 2012 at 9:40 am.

God stood at those locked school doors, weeping as the gunman {whom I refuse to dignify by mentioning his name} made his way toward the school, resolute in his gruesome mission. God was there in the hall giving strength and courage to Principal Dawn Hochsprung and School Psychologist Mary Sherlach as they lunged for the gunman in an effort to protect every child and teacher and staff member in the building.

God was there in each classroom as the teachers realized what those popping sounds in the hall were. God was there guiding the teachers, holding their hands and steadying their voices. God was there wrapping his arms around the frightened children huddled in darkened closets, corners of rooms and cramped bathrooms.

Rest assured God stood with those teachers in those two classrooms where all those young lives were suddenly and tragically taken from this earth. I'm sure God wept as he held their tiny, broken bodies. God was there when barricaded classes quietly prayed at the suggestions of students.

God was there, as the police began to arrive and quickly and efficiently combed through that school. God was there helping to lead the frightened and shocked students and teachers from the building.

God was there waiting for the terrified families to arrive at the school searching for their children, spouses, parents, siblings and friends; looking for the familiar faces; hoping for a comforting word. God was there holding up the parents, siblings and friends when those 26 didn't appear.

God was present at every prayer vigil and service that has been held for these lives taken. God is with the family of the gunman helping them to cope with this terrible burden. God walked alongside those first responders who witnessed the tragic result of a mad man with an assault weapon.

God remains with those families who have been forever wounded and altered. God stands in judgment of the gunman's soul. And God silently waits with us as we, as a nation, ask what can be done to prevent this from happening again.

God is always with us everywhere. That is what I believe as a Christian, and that is what I teach my children.

Evil does lay in wait; looking for the opportune moment to strike and cause us horrible pain; hoping we will say that God has forsaken us; plotting to turn us against one another; pointing out our differences and preying on our weaknesses.

I refuse to give Satan that satisfaction. For Jesus tells us in John 16:33, "In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."

God is with us...always and everywhere!

Anna

5 Things You Should Know: Almost Everything I Needed to Know About Parenting I Learned in College {Around 2 AM After the Bars Closed}

The things you learn outside the classroom can be just as important in life. For instance, there isn't much about an English Lit or Poli Sci class that prepares you for the trenches of Parenthood, but my college years did teach me about making it through those difficult parenting moments:

1. Up All Night. Pulling all-nighters partying or studying, then brushing your teeth, splashing water on your face, downing a coca-cola and going on to class, despite the grogginess and sleep in your eyes and still acing the test; this skill translates well to the early days of infancy of sleep, feed, change a diaper, sleep, feed, change a diaper and then get up and get to work;
2. Toilet Training. During the college years, you're sure to encounter a very drunk friend or stranger turned new friend who needs your help finding the toilet and remaining upright while using the toilet; this skill translates well when you have toddlers new to the toileting system or half-asleep kids who need an extra helping hand.
3. Cleaning Up Puke. Once again, during those partying years, someone dear to you, whether it be you yourself, a friend, roommate or boyfriend, is going to drink too much and puke somewhere that needs to be wiped up right away; this skill translates well when you've got a sick kid puking on you, in the car or in the middle of a store.
4. Crying It Out. Remember when your friend broke up with a boyfriend or worse got dumped and stayed up all night crying and talking it out, and you, the good friend, stayed up too? Yeah, well, this skill definitely translates well through several different baby and toddler stages, and illnesses; related to #1; see above.
5. Feeding the Mind and Body. You can survive on Junk Food (at least for a while). I went through my entire 1^st year of college consuming not much more than French fries and cokes from McDonalds and bean burritos with sour cream (90 cents!) from Taco Bell. And I did quite well academically. Seriously! So, when your picky kid won't touch anything but goldfish and frozen waffles, remember that he'll live and eventually will outgrow this stage.

And then in Law School I learned how to bring a witness {AKA stubborn child not telling the truth} to his apologetic knees.....it works on husbands too. Over and out....

Anna

New School Year: A Prayer

For the Teachers, Lord, Grant them Patience, Understanding and Enthusiasm.

For the Students, Lord, Grant them Confidence, Open Minds and Good Friends.

For the Parents, Lord, Grant them Peace, Assurance and Time.

In Your Name we Pray,

Amen.

Anna

Some Kids Will; Some Won’t {Be Patient}

Some kids will always win the foot races at recess; some kids will be able to dangle from the bars on the playground, criss-crossing, frontwards, backwards, sideways, upside down and right side up.

Some kids will always have a neat desk, keep their papers in a straight stack and have clean and even fingernails.

Some kids will keep their focus on the teacher, on the task at hand and follow the directions to a T; some kids will never push limits or question authority.

Some kids will do these things, but some won't.

Some kids will never run out of questions; some kids will create, design, formulate, doodle and sketch; some kids will daydream, fail to focus on the lesson and almost never follow all the directions, making up their own directions as they go.

Some kids will have a single focus; some kids will have ever-changing obsessions; some kids will have a handful of enduring passions.

Some kids will frustrate, perplex and even irritate their teachers in their individuality, their strong-willed determination to refuse to march to the beat of the masses.

Some kids will not always be understood by teachers and peers; some kids will always be swimming against the current trying to satisfy their curiosity and sense of adventure and their need to fit in and make it through life.

These kids will be game changers; these kids will strive to improve, cure, alter, overhaul, present us with new frontiers, entertain us in new ways and make us ask more questions and seek further than before and their ideas won't ever stop...unless our conforming society squashes the life out of these young inventors and innovators before they have a chance.

To all the teachers who might not see things in this light, I would ask you to be patient; all the basic, rote learning will come with time; for some kids the order of the letters in the alphabet is not important {and it really isn't if you think about it}; let your curiosity be peaked, you just might be witnessing the development of the next Albert Einstein, Benjamin Franklin, Marie Curie, Mark Zuckerberg, Lady Gaga or William Shakespeare; and forgive them if their lack of focus in the classroom and their penchant for making up their own rules when it comes to assignments and projects. They are just being true to themselves. Be Patient.

This is something I often have to remind myself of when I find interesting contraptions taped to my walls, come across strange mixtures frozen in cups in my freezer and must continually come up with places to store bits of this and that, screws and parts from machines and circuits and batteries that will eventually be a part of a small robot being imagined, designed and built by my Darlings and discover my dining table and the surrounding floor covered in paper, stickers, pens, pencils, markers, glitter glue and pencil sharpener shavings after a book writing and illustrating blitz. Be Patient.

And when I'm in a hurry and already experiencing sensory overload and they are full of queries with answers that require deep thought, advanced degrees, a few Google sessions and some honest "I just don't know, honey" answers; when they make tremendous observations and musings; and they aren't focused on the task at hand which happens to be jumping in and out of the car, running in and out of stores and staying on task! Be Patient.

Be Patient. Over and out...

Anna

Once Upon a Time a Boy Went to School {A Mother’s Tale}

Once upon a time, there was a tiny boy who loved his mommy so much he didn't want to let her out of his sight, not even for a moment. That boy grew and grew and got braver and braver and more and more confident.

He got so big that he went off to school one year. And then it was his mama that worried and fretted. She worried the other kids wouldn't understand her singularly unique boy. She fretted that he would be shy or cry or not fit in and be left out, isolated or misunderstood. She was concerned he wouldn't be happy there.

But that mommy kept a smile on her face and prayer in her heart for the first several weeks of school. And lo and behold, that mommy needn't have worried at all. Her prayers were answered.

That boy's teacher was exactly the right one for him. He made friends ...in the first week. He made it through each day, day by day. Eventually, it was just his daily routine and he even looked forward to it.

Well, that boy learned and grew and grew and learned and asked question after question and participated and played and laughed and talked and goofed around and read and counted and experimented and hypothesized. And then, all of a sudden, that year had ended, and it was a success.

And now that boy is going to First Grade. And that mama has many of the same worries and fears, but this time that boy is so much more independent and mature and experienced, and so she knows with the right teacher to guide him through to Second Grade, he's going to do swell. Over and out...

Anna

Not Jen, not Jenny...just Jennifer {She was my Friend}

1Ls

I got there early so that I could watch the others come in. These others would be my classmates for the next three years; I wanted to guess which ones would be my friends.

One girl came in and sat a few rows down from me. She looked nervous; as I imagine we all did. I instantly liked her though, and I decided she would be my friend.

In law school the 1^st year class is divided into sections, and the students in those sections are rarely apart, having the exact same schedule for the whole first year. Each section becomes very close for the whole of law school. When my section number was called to go to the front of the auditorium to get our schedules, etc. this girl, this would-be friend of mine, got up too.

Inseparable Friends

Little did I know then that not only would she be my friend, she would be my very best friend for those very intense years of our lives. We were inseparable; we studied together, laughed together, cried together, encouraged each other, supported each other, and laughed and cried some more. Her friendship is one of the reasons I got through law school.

I once got her a throw pillow for Christmas that said, "It's the friends you can call at 2 a.m. that really matter" and that's how it was with us.

But then, we graduated, took and passed the bar, and I went off to a Judicial Clerkship in IA and she began her career as a family law attorney in OK. I thought of her often, saw her once and spoke on the phone a couple of times. There were many times I started to pick up the phone and try to find her number and call her, but didn't. The distance between the years and our lives made me shy and uncertain; perhaps she never thought of me; perhaps she didn't miss me.

Loss

Last night, I picked up my Oklahoma Bar Journal that I had received sometime last week and started at the back of the volume; for that is where the important information about fellow OK lawyers is printed, the honors, the promotions and the deaths.

As I skimmed through the names, there it was, Jennifer Lee Thompson. The air was sucked out of me for a second, as I quickly flipped the page to be sure I was seeing it correctly. I couldn't read the words properly but my eyes perceptively picked out enough of them to know the awful truth. Jennifer passed away last month.

I'm heartbroken. I haven't seen her or talked to her in about 11 years, but nonetheless she was one of the best friends I have ever had or probably ever will have, even if it was just for those 3 years.

I'm heartbroken that I let all those years stack up thinking that one day I would talk to her; I would see her again. Now, one day will never come.

Being There

Ten days separated our birthdays. We were both sassy, passionate, devoted and determined. We lived just a short drive from each other for those 3 years of law school; it was a drive we each knew well.

I once drove over in the middle night with a cell phone and flashlight in hand after she had called me in tears certain that something or someone was outside her door. I'm not brave in the dark, late at night, or when there is a chance of a prowler seeking to do harm, but her fear made me courageous for her sake; it was a cricket stuck in her door.

The two of us, along with my two cats, huddled under her couch as a tornado ripped through the Oklahoma City area in May of 1999, waiting, listening, praying. We were brave together that time.

When I got married on December 26, 1998, she left her parents' house on Christmas night to stay with me that night before my wedding, knowing I'd be nervous. She did my nails and we laughed the nerves away. On the day of the wedding, she was beside me every minute of the day until I walked down the aisle, again knowing I'd be a nervous wreck. She kept the annoying people away from me, sent her mom to get me lunch and deliver it to the church and held my hand. She was brave for me that time.

One year, when I lamented the fact that my birthday was going to be the worst ever because it was a weekday, Will couldn't drive the 2 hours to see me because he'd be working and I had no plans, Jennifer and another friend hatched a plan sending me on an early morning errand to pick up the other friend and take her to class, even though I didn't have to be in class until hours later, never mind it was my birthday and that I liked to sleep. What I didn't know is that while I was out picking up and dropping off, Jennifer was in my apartment decorating it; it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen when I opened my door.

That is true friendship; being there for each other. I wasn't there for her in the end. I am heartbroken.

For years, I've had a foreboding dread of reading those obituary pages, fearing that one day I would find her name listed. Now, I have. I don't know where this feeling came from, but it was something I couldn't shake.

That premonition alone should have been enough for me to pick up the phone, but I didn't. This is a mistake I hope to never make again.

Jennifer, you shall forever be one of my bright spots on my life's canvas. I shed tears for you last night, and I got on my treadmill to run from the pain and sadness I was feeling. But then, as tears streamed down my cheeks, I remembered the time that you fell off your treadmill and how we laughed as you recounted the story to me as I smeared ointment on your bloody knees. Remember how you made me swear I wouldn't tell anyone what had happened to you?

Anna

 *um, the photo. Well, it's circa late 1997, and I was in costume - there's a mask on the top of my head making my hair look like that. Jennifer refused to go in costume - look how pretty she is.

 

Bad Hair Day: A Mixed Message {Conform/Be Unique}

Jams

I'm a rule follower for the most part. I hate to get into trouble. That may surprise some of you because I often tend to be sassy, bossy and the rule-breaking type here on ML.

The truth is that I have a rebellious, standing-my-ground side and a strict rule-follower side. Somehow those two sides of me have co-existed for almost 38 years.

When I was in junior high, I'm sorry to say that jams were in style. Do you remember jams; the brightly colored over-sized shorts made of wild patterned fabric? Well, we were allowed to wear those hideous shorts to school on certain spirit days, as long as the hem reached to the knees.

I wore them, but I was always worried I'd be called to the office to check for jams length. An absurd concern, I'm sure, but nonetheless, I did. Other apparel and accessory rules I was aware of back in the late 80s and early 90s: no sweats, flip-flops or shorts or skirts shorter than knee length, no combs in back pockets or stuck in hair and no tank tops. I strictly adhered to these rules.

No Self Expression Allowed

I recently read two articles involving hairstyles and school rules. Each very different in style and geography. And as apt as I was to follow the rules of the school, I have to say if it had been my child in either of these stories, I would have fought the school on it.

In this first situation, a 12 year old Texas middle school student was told to shave his head or get an in-school suspension after he had a hairstylist shave the image of San Antonio Spurs player, Matt Bonner, into the back of his hair.

It was an impressive creation. The haircut cost him $75, and it clearly depicts the head of a basketball player about to shoot a basketball.

The school deemed it a distraction and threatened suspension. Never mind that it was an interesting self-expression; never mind that there were only a few days of school left; never mind that it surely wouldn't cause a ruckus at school. I just can't imagine that it could be such a distraction to the students that they couldn't focus on the teacher or their school work. That seems preposterous to me.

Bonner suggested the teachers just move him to the back of the classroom if the back of the boys' head became the star attraction. Gonzales did reluctantly shave his head in order to return to school, but on a positive note, the Spurs gave boy and his family tickets to the playoff game.

Going GaGa for Nothin'

In the second hair related story, a young girl was banned from her school class photo because of her hairstyle. Four year old, Marcella Merino, a British primary student, asked her father, a professional hairstylist to make her look like a princess for her class photo. The result was a Lady GaGa meets Minnie Mouse design. Her hair was transformed into a bow on the top of her head; a tasteful and creative style. And I must admit, she looked really cute, not inappropriate at all.

The school banned her from the photo saying she had violated school dress rules. The dress code requires that hair ribbons be only maroon, black or navy blue and prohibits braids or beads.

Now, really, her hair isn't braided or beaded and the bow isn't made of ribbon, but is her hair. Not sure she actually broke any of the rules.

The Scoop

Both of these situations made me think. If we focus so much on a person's self expression and outward appearance, we're more than likely missing a great deal more.

We tell our kids you can be anyone you want to be; you can do anything you can imagine; think outside the box; be your own person; dream big! But then, we turn around and say conform; don't make a scene; don't be outrageous; don't be different or unique; dress and style your hair like everyone else or you might be a distraction to your friends and classmates and that will spell trouble.

Seems like a mixed message to me. I know there are limits, but these two cases are a far reach from being inappropriate regarding decency issues or infringing on other's rights.

These scenarios are reminiscent of Tinker v. Des Moines Independent Community School District from 1969, in which the U.S. Supreme Court held that students and teachers do not shed their constitutional rights to freedom of speech or expression at the schoolhouse gate. Over and out...

Anna