Hanging By a Thread

5 Things You Should Know {New Parent To-Do-ASAP List}

Parents new to the gig can be overwhelmed by the new schedules, new equipment, new roles, etc. Basically, it's like having your world flipped upside down and learning to live on the ceiling. Fortunately, all the newness quickly wears off and mercifully you can't remember what life was before when you merely tread on the floor, rather than the ceiling.

Well, I've got a few more items to add to your to-do lists, along with putting together the bouncy seat, adding baby to your insurance, getting a Social Security number and birth certificate and sending out the birth announcements.

Here are 5 things that new parents (or parents of any age kids if you haven't done these things) should do ASAP:

1. Stop talking/texting/using phone while driving. DO IT NOW! {You'll thank me when you have teen who doesn't text because of your good example...well, honestly, you'll thank me for many reasons, but that's a big one} #PhoneDownEyesUp
2. Make a Last Will & Testament {or update it if you already have one} and be sure all other estate planning documents are in order, considering you have a child(ren) now {Talk to an attorney};
3. Find a reliable babysitter; someone you pay; someone other than a family member {There are services to help you find one. I use www.sittercity.com};
4. Check {with a professional} to be sure that the car seat is installed properly and learn how to do it yourself.
5. Install CO detectors and smoke alarms, check for Radon, especially if in MN or other Radon hotspots, and be sure your hot water heater is set at a safe temperature {Mayo Clinic says safe is below 120 degrees Fahrenheit.}.

This is a manageable list, no? The biggest, most expensive, most time-consuming point on the list is the Will, but it really is something that should be tackled, but maybe after those crazy postpartum hormones settle down a bit. #1 can be done starting this very minute. PLEASE do not use your phone while you are behind the wheel, especially with your wee one on board. Over and out...

Anna

5 Things You Should Know {Writing an Obituary}

I have always skimmed the obituaries in newspapers, and honestly most leave a lot to be desired, in my opinion. Rarely do I feel sorrow for the family or really any emotion at all when reading the mostly stale recitation of dates, locations and names.

I'm also an avid reader of The Week. Each week there are 2 to 3 obituaries of notable people in the back of the volume. While those people are prominent in some aspect and often of celebrity status, the write-up always includes little known facts or tales and a few well placed quotes. Regardless of what I thought of the person in life, I have found that these obituaries give me a new perspective and appreciation for the person.

Oddly enough, in the past, I've had a subscription to Alaska magazine {it's a long story.} And I did enjoy reading the articles for multiple reasons, but one of the best parts of this publication was the obituaries. These pieces were on life-long, or at least close to it, AK residents, but they were not necessarily widely known or particularly extraordinary individuals. And yet, the details and stories of these people made me wish I had known these men and women for the sense of adventure, bravery, pioneering ways, sense of human, etc. Now that's a sign of a great obituary.

Here are 5 Things You Should Know about Writing an Obituary:

An obituary:

1. Should tell a lively and interesting story of the person's life, complete with anecdotes, both touching and funny, trivial and significant;
2. Should Not just provide the statistics of born, schooled, worked, and is survived by;
3. Should make every person's life seem remarkable, because every person's life is remarkable to those who loved this person and presented well can be remarkable even to those who didn't know the person;
4. Should be written by someone who knew the individual well and deeply loved the person who is no longer on earth; and
5. Should make anyone who reads the writing mourn the loss of this person, regardless of whether the reader knew the deceased.

Who's going to write yours? Over and out...

Anna

 

The Final Act: Custom Made Funerals

Loss

When you lose someone you love are there ever any words anyone can ever say that make you feel better? I don't think so. I think it's just something you have to work out in your own head and heart.

This is one instance when I'm at a loss for words. I feel awkward and inadequate when it comes to saying the "right thing" to someone mourning the death of a loved one.

When a person has been suffering or has lived a long, good life; the loss is bittersweet. There is pain and sadness knowing that you won't be seeing, talking with, living life with this special person for the rest of your life, but there is also a peace of mind, a relief that the person you love is no longer hurting.

For me, that pain trumps the peace for the first few days after the death of a loved one and nothing anyone says to me changes how I feel or how I see things.

This past weekend, my sister-in-law lost her mom to a vicious, hard-fought battle with cancer. There are no words for me to say to her. My heart weeps for her; the pain of losing one's mother is too great to be soothed by words. But even through her own pain and loss, my steadfast, faithful, unselfish sister-in-law is grateful that her mother has now been made whole again and is no longer in pain.

I've written much about death since August of 2011. Our family has experienced a lot of loss this past year. And while I've written about wills and trusts, estate planning, digital legacies and more over the years, I have not discussed funeral planning.

Making Your Wishes Known

I started thinking more about end-of-life provisions after a conversation with a friend. She was telling me how thankful she is that her dad has taken care of all of his funeral provisions and estate planning and took the time to discuss it with her. When the time comes, she and her siblings won't have to worry about figuring out the final arrangements while dealing with their grief and loss.

So, I did a little research, and what I found warmed the heart of this control freak.

I found a way to reach out beyond the hereafter and dictate my last plans; a website that allows me to dictate just about every detail of what happens with my remains and lets me set out exactly what I want said, sung, played, read and done at the service, celebration or memorial of my choosing. I can even write my obituary and upload photos I want my family to use at the service, with the obit, etc. and design my own headstone, if so desired.

My Wonderful Life allows a person to leave letters to loved ones to be received after the person is deceased; list and explain bequeaths; make notes about where important information is located, etc. A person can designate 1 to 6 "angels" to be the "administrators" of the person's "Book" once the person is gone.

The site is password protected and secured with SSL (Secured Sockets Layer) and personal information is encrypted in their database. The information can be accessed by the person with the account at any time to add or change information or the designated angels, upon the death of the account holder.

I love this idea. My Wonderful Life gives each person a chance to express feelings regarding family, death and funerals, etc. without having to discuss this often uncomfortable subject with family and/or friends. Whether someone is 29, 86, 47 or 66, completely healthy, very ill or simply getting on in years, this site allows a person to express thoughts and feelings about death, dying and after death and set out his or her affairs.

The Scoop

Now, to be clear, this site is not meant to replace wills or other legal documents or meeting with an attorney to be sure your affairs are in order, in the legal sense. This website simply allows for more articulation of preferences and feelings and explanations, if needed.

The idea for this website was born from the death of the co-founder's spouse and the need for people to have a place to make these decisions about seemingly mundane aspects of death and the services that followed in addition to leaving notes about various items, relationships, legacies, etc.

So, if you're like my parents who have very definite ideas about how they would like their untraditional send offs to go, this just might be the place for you. Of course, talking to your family members about your wishes, even if you use this website, is still a good idea. Check it out for yourself; it's free to register: www.mywonderfullife.com. Over and out...

Anna

The Decision of a Life or Two or Three: What You Need to Know about Organ Donation

Checking the Box

It's not something I often think about, but every four years I briefly ponder it. It may or may not actually ever affect me, but should something happen to me or my loved ones, it will supply the clear answer to a very pressing question. The answer is a five letter word. What is this word I speak of?

On my driver's license there is a small red-lettered word. It is "Donor." It's been on my driver's license for years now when I had license issued from Texas, then Oklahoma, then Iowa and now Minnesota. It's something that as a young, teenage driver I barely thought about; honestly, the whole I idea of donating my organs was freakish to me back then.

In fact, I did not check the box for the 1^st or 2^nd license issued to me. But as I aged and gained wisdom and life experience I realized the importance of providing the gift of life, if possible.

Saving Lives

The stories are too many and all far too tragic of those who wait on the never-ending lists of organ donation. A few people are able to find matches among friends, family or strangers, but so many depend upon someone else losing a life in order to gain their lives back.

As joyous as it is for one family knowing that a loved one is being given a renewed and sustained life with the help of another's undamaged organ, it's equally devastating for someone else's family because one's gain is another loss. It's a cruel twist of fate. And yet, I imagine it can be comforting knowing that some part of their loved one is still living.

The statistics surrounding organ donation are astounding. Here are a few of them:

• 18 people will die each day waiting for an organ;
• 1 donor can save up to 8 lives;
• An avg. of 79 people receive organ donations each day;
• In 2010, 62% of living donors were women;
• In 2010, 67% of all deceased donors were White, 16% were Black, 13% were Hispanic and 2.3% were Asian

From the U.S. Govt. Information on Organ and Tissue Donation and Transportation website.

Clear Choices

Of course, there are also laws and regulations that control when and how organs can be donated. The Revised Uniform Anatomical Gift Act of 2006 made it possible for more people to be donors by allowing more family members to make such a decision when the patient can no longer do so. The RUAGA also explicitly says that no one can revoke the expressed decision to be an organ donor other than the patient. And the RUAGA provides for an organ donor registry through driver's licenses and donor cards in an attempt to increase organ donations.'

However, in doing so, the Act actually creates a conflict of interest. If a person has a donor card/driver's license designating him or her as a donor, but also has a signed directive expressly setting out end-of-life care, the donor card trumps the directive.

Organs must be "kept alive" as long as possible to continue to be viable until a transplant can be accomplished. Therefore, the Act has created this ethical issue regarding life support and "Do Not Resuscitate" orders and other medical care issues.

In 2008, the Commissioners of this Act did add revised wording to this section in an attempt to work out the kinks and resolve this problematic issue.

"Under this revised wording, if there is a conflict between the express wishes for end-of-life care and maintaining the viability of an organ for transplant, the patient-donor and the physician must confer to resolve that conflict. If the patient is incapacitated (a most likely scenario), then a patient's agent, if there is one and if "reasonably available," must resolve the conflict. Otherwise, "another person authorized by law other than" the UAGA will be asked to make that decision."

Section 21 of the RUAGA (2008).

This process must be accomplished as quickly as possible and the medical care of the patient will continue during this time to ensure medical suitability for the organs should they donated. This revised wording would seem to fix the problem, but many states that enacted the 2006 version of the UAGA have not enacted this language. {Note: Not every state has enacted the 2006 version either though.} 

This distinction is relevant only to those who have advance directives in place. If a person hasn't expressed end-of-life care wishes in a signed, notarized document, but has chosen to be a donor those are the wishes that will be honored. If a person has neither an advance directive nor a donor card, the person's agent or person designated in the RUAGA (a spouse, adult siblings, parents, adult children and grandparents) can make the final decision.

This information is not meant to discourage you from choosing to donate, rather I mean to make you aware of the issues surrounding these choices that can be discussed with loved ones, included in any advance directives and resolved before there is a need for an expeditious decision in the midst of emotion. Clarifying one's end-of-life choices is kind and considerate.

The Scoop

I, for one, do have "Donor" on my license and my loved ones know that's my choice. I always think about how I would feel as a mom if one of my boys needed an organ or tissue from a stranger and this was the only way to save his life, then I'd be praying that everyone was choosing to donate. Over and out...

Anna

When We Kick the Bucket: Finding the File

Life is beautiful and terribly tragic all in one breath. We can't see what the future holds, but must carry on with faith from one day to the next. While dwelling on death and destruction is morbid and depressing, preparing and easing the strain on our loved ones should something happen is one of the best gifts imaginable.

I have written about the documents you need, the discussions you should have and the key decisions to be made should anything happen to you and/or your spouse/partner, but I haven't mentioned that you should also know how and where to find all the key information in this worst case scenario. Of course, this applies to you and your honey, but I'm also talking about knowing where your parents', in-laws' and/or grandparents' important information is stored.

This kind of information is easy to skip over. My parents always tell me where their "file" is when they are about to embark on a trip, but honestly I just don't want to think about their eventual, inevitable absence and kind of just gloss over their explanation. I think I could find it, but don't know precisely what they have said to me over the years. I have a friend whose parents call this file the "When we kick the bucket" file in an attempt to make the subject more light hearted. She and her sister know where to locate this file.

Knowing the account numbers and locations, portfolios, amounts, properties owned, debts, credits due and preferences immediately upon incapacitation or death can be a huge help to those left to handle the situation while grieving a loss. Getting all of this information together is the first step, as I have discussed before, but then next step to discuss where you have the information.

It all sounds very simple and it's something many of our parents have done, but heaven help the person who might have to go through and find our information and accounts. I certainly do not have a "When we kick the bucket" file. I think those of us in our 20s, 30s and 40s are still in the "I'm invincible" phase to a degree when it comes to this topic. We are too busy running to and from work, cooking dinner, helping our kids with their activities and school, paying bills and getting by from day to day to think about the end of our days, until something happens. When that something happens, it might be too late.

It's a difficult topic to discuss altogether, especially when we think of our children and our mortality and our emotions get the best of us, but the hard truth is that we simply don't know what each day holds. Disaster and death can occur at anytime, not just when we are about to embark on a long distance trip to an island across an ocean or to the opposite side of the world. So, start talking and once you have decided the horribly complicated questions about guardianship, executed and signed all the key documents, gathered your information into one place with directions regarding accounts, etc. and have a "When we kick the bucket" file, tell a few people who need to know where it is.

Now, to heed my own advice; that is the difficult part of this issue. Over and out...

Anna

Deciphering Powers of Attorney Documents: Estate Considerations Part III

Daily Life

I tell my husband to get the laundry out of the dryer; I remind him of an appointment for the billionth time this week; I ask him to pick up milk on the way home; we discuss our schedules; we talk about our plans for the weekend or work or what's going on with friends and family; we laugh about something silly the Boys said or did; we exchange "I love yous"; and we go through each day to next to the next. Such is life, right?

Life can be lived only one day at a time, but we must also think ahead and plan for the future. While discussing the "what ifs" of comas and life support and funeral arrangements and organ donation and long term financial issues in case of a tragedy are not my idea of romantic date night conversations, it is necessary and important to talk about these issues.

Not only do we need to talk about them we need to get your thoughts down in writing/on forms, signed, witnessed and/or notarized or whatever makes these documents legal and binding in your state. This is true whether you are a single parent or married couple with kids or a divorced parent or a grandparent raising a grandchild or unmarried parents or simply single or a married couple without kids; you should get these documents in order.

Powers of Attorney

Some of these important documents are called powers of attorney. There are several kinds of powers of attorney. This is a confusing area for many because they don't understand the differences between the various powers of attorney or don't realize they many need more than one until there is a health issue.

Black's Law Dictionary, 9^th Edition defines a power of attorney as "an instrument granting someone authority to act as agent or attorney-in-fact for the grantor." Basically, a power of attorney gives a person the power to act for and make decision for another. A power of attorney is useful when dealing with health care issues, end-of-life decisions and financial issues.

Normally a power of attorney goes into effect at the signing, can be revoked and expires at the death or incapacitation of the grantor. Of course, that's not what you want when you are making estate planning provisions for the future. There are powers of attorney that don't terminate if/when the principal becomes incompetent. This is called a durable power of attorney.

Some states require that a document specify its durability; other states allow a power of attorney document to imply its durability. A durable power of attorney can go into effect on the date signed or at the time of a specified time or event in the future.

Here are a few other types of powers of attorney:

• Irrevocable power of attorney can't be revoked by the principal;
• General power of attorney authorizes the agent to transact business for the principal. The general power of attorney is very broad, giving the agent a great breadth of power in handling business affairs for the grantor;
• Special power of attorney authorizes the agent to transact business limited to a specific topic. That is, the agent has authority to handle a particular business transaction, such as the sale of a property or manage a specific business interest.

Any of these types of powers of attorney can be durable, depending on the provisions of the document.

Powers of Attorney for Healthcare and Finance

It's important to realize there is a difference between a healthcare power of attorney and a finance power of attorney. It's advisable to have both documents. The financial power of attorney won't allow the agent access to the grantor's medical records or allow the grantor to make medical care decisions. At the same time, a healthcare power of attorney won't give the agent access to account information or allow the agent to act on behalf of the grantor when it comes to paying bills, buying or selling property, etc.

A power of attorney for healthcare is very important should the grantor become incapacitated. Regardless of the relationship, without a power of attorney for healthcare, the medical staff won't discuss medical procedures, allow access to the records or permit anyone to make decisions for the patient. This is often surprising to spouses of patients.

Choosing an Agent

A person does not have to choose the same person to be named as the agent for both the power of attorney for healthcare and the power of attorney for finances. Generally, the person named as the healthcare power of attorney is a spouse or child or other close family member. The finance power of attorney may also be a close family member, but it can also be a trusted friend, business associate or professional, such as an accountant or lawyer.

Before executing these documents it's important to talk with the person chosen as the agent to ensure that person is willing and able to serve in that capacity. A friend or family member will serve without compensation, but a professional will more than likely charge a fee to fulfill that role.

In order to ensure that the agent(s) make the best decisions when it comes down to your health and financial interests, it's vital to provide the agent with as many tools as possible that indicate your wishes in these matters. A living will is an excellent document for the agent with a healthcare power of attorney. And clear records and organized documents are much help to a finance power of attorney.

The Scoop

The key point to take away from this week's posts is that talking about and planning for the future, in regards to both finances and healthcare/end-of-life decisions, is the first step to estate planning. As always, the best way to go about making these arrangements and executing these documents is to talk to a lawyer. If you can't afford to do that, then find the appropriate forms/requirements for your state and get the powers of attorney, living will, etc. executed. Over and out...

Anna

Talk About It: Estate Considerations Part II

Memories of a Christmas Past

I remember a Christmas Eve 16 years ago when my cousin had lung cancer. She was 30; I was 21. Our family had celebrated together that evening, but she had not been feeling well. She got worse as the night wore on and ended up with a high fever. She and my aunt headed to the hospital about 45 minutes away in the city where my parents live. My cousin's husband had stayed back home with their two young children. After all, Santa would be coming in the morning.

We were headed back to my parents for the night, but detoured and made a stop at the hospital to be there with my cousin and my aunt late in the night on that Christmas Eve. As we stood awkwardly chatting while the nurses put in IVs and took notes and begin pumping drugs into my cousin's veins in an attempt to lower her fever, we talked about the sugar cookies my mom and I had made that morning.

I still vividly recall this conversation. Inside my head, I was hysterical over the absurdity of the conversation about sugar cookies. The mundane chatter about the ingredients and decorating and who we took the cookies to meant nothing at that moment. My cousin was dying, and we talked about sugar cookies.

Outwardly, I smiled and made small talk and nervously laughed and joked as if it was completely normal to be sitting in a hospital room on the oncology floor at midnight on Christmas morning. My cousin, always sweet and smiling, made us feel comfortable despite how miserable she was feeling.

My cousin survived that Christmas Eve infection, but it was her last Christmas here on earth. She died the following October at the age of 31; and it broke my heart.

Life does not always go as planned.

Talking about the What Ifs

It can be depressing and stressful to dwell on the negative, but if a serious health issue crops up or a terrible freak accident occurs, it will be less stressful and frustrating if all your ducks are in a row regarding treatment, last wishes and who is to make these decisions and who has legal authority to make these decisions, etc.

Please note that each state has its own requirements, just like wills and trusts, and may use varying terms for these documents. So, be sure to check your state's requirements and terms when preparing this information.

An advance directive can include several documents: living wills, powers of attorney (both medical and financial), do not resuscitate (DNR) order and the like. (See Monday's article for definitions of these terms)

In order to determine what you want your living will and any DNR to state, you must think about your own wishes and discuss them with your spouse and/or other close family and friends. Your family and friends certainly don't have to agree with your wishes about these matters, but it will help ease the tension in the moment when and if a quick decision must be made if those closest to you understand your position and know what to expect.

Getting Your Documents Straight

It's important to understand that a living will ensures that your wishes regarding giving and withholding medical care and end-of-life decisions, but it does not set out who will pay the bills or represent your interests while you are incapacitated or at your death. For these issues you will need a durable power of attorney for finances in addition to the living will.

Of course a durable power of attorney for finances in place will not give your agent the authority to receive your medical information and records. For that, you will need a durable power of attorney for healthcare. I will discuss more on powers of attorney later this week.

The Scoop

Again, it's best to talk with an attorney about these documents and the specific requirements of your state, but if you simply can't afford attorney fees, you can run an Internet search for your state's forms and instructions. If you fill it out yourself, be sure to follow the instructions for making the documents legally binding, i.e. witness signatures and/or notarized, etc.

So, start thinking about your wishes for medical care and end-of-life decisions and then talk to your family about your thoughts on these matters. Don't forget to think about who you would like to name as your agent(s) in the powers of attorneys, as well. That is the first step in making these estate considerations. Over and out...

Anna

 

 

What If....Estate Planning Considerations Part I

Premature Aging

There are little things that make me realize that I am no longer in my 20s. Heck I'm almost out of my 30s; and yet, most of the time I don't feel like I'm getting older. That is, I don't feel the years until I meet a mom much younger than I am who has kids the same age as mine; or I make a comment about a movie or music or style from the 90s to someone who has no clue what I'm talking about because she or he was just a toddler then; or I glance in the mirror and see all the gray strands in my hair; or I'm reminded of the mortality of us all and how fleeting youth truly is. Then, I feel older.

A New Perspective

A few weeks ago a friend of a friend suffered a heart attack He is only 42 years old. He has a wife and three young kids. He is the primary breadwinner of the family. Thankfully, he survived and is recovering while making big changes in his diet and exercise routines.

It certainly makes one think about the "what ifs" of life, specifically "What if I die when my kids are still young", "What if I die before my estate is in order" and "What if I am disabled and become dependent on my spouse and kids."

Estate Planning Terms

These questions and others can be answered with a little research and planning. We all know we should have a will, but whether we all do have a will is another story. Getting a will drafted by an attorney is the most error-proof method of going about setting out your last wishes, but can also prove to be costly. In fact, it may prove to be outside the realm of your budget, especially during this economic crunch. You can find a more detailed article on wills and trusts here.

Here are other legal terms that are important to know and understand regarding estate planning:

Advance Directives:

An advance directive takes effect when one becomes incompetent and designates someone to make decisions for healthcare issues while the person is incompetent. The Uniform Health-Care Decision Act of 1993 states that a power of attorney for health care must be in writing and signed by the person making the designation.

Unless otherwise stated, an advance directive is in effect only upon incapacitation and ceases when the person regains capacity. The agent designated as stand-in decision-maker must follow any relevant instructions provided, if in the patient's best interest.

Also called: directives, healthcare proxy, power of attorney for healthcare

Living Wills:

This is an instrument, signed with the same formalities as is statutorily required for a last will and testament, allowing the person to give instructions as to whether he or she would like his or her life artificially prolonged by extraordinary means when there is no reasonable explanation for recovery from extreme mental or physical disability.

Also called: declaration of a desire for natural death, directive to physicians

Power of Attorney:

A power of attorney is an instrument that grants a person authority to act as an agent or attorney-in-fact for the grantor. An ordinary power of attorney is revocable and terminates upon the death of the grantor. There are different types of powers of attorney documents, which I will elaborate on later this week.

Guardian:

A guardian has the legal authority and duty to care for another's person or property due to the infancy, incapacitation or disability. A guardian may be appointed for general purposes or specific purposes. Again, there are quite a few of different types of guardians. I'll go into more detail about guardians later this week.

Also called: conservator

These definitions come from Black's Law Dictionary, Ninth Edition

The Scoop

This week I will be discussing more about the issues surrounding these terms and more. The key is to be prepared if illness, accident or other catastrophic event occurred. It's not difficult to get up to speed on these time and heart-ache saving documents. It may take a little money, but if you can't afford it, which many simply cannot, then you can always search online for state specific forms and examples. If you can afford it, it's best to go to an attorney who specializes in estate planning.

Answering the "what ifs" will give you peace of mind that your family will be provided for  and you will cared for in the way you wish and in the event of incapacity Over and out...

Anna

Life After Death: Your Online Digital Legacy

On Death & Dying

By the sound of the posts this week, I'm dwelling on death lately. I'm really not any more than my over-active, paranoid brain usually thinks about what would happen if...{fill-in-the-blank with any horribly sad newspaper headline ending in "leaving behind a devoted husband, two small boys, two giant dogs and three aging cats."} Regardless, these issues of estate planning must be attended to during our active lives to make everything easier on those who we leave behind if....

An Online Presence

I can count on one hand my friends and family members who don't have at least a Facebook account. Yet most have Facebook, Twitter, maybe an old MySpace page, a YouTube account, a blog {or two}, a Flickr or Tumblr account, a LinkedIn page and/or a host of lesser known social media networking sites. And I am going to venture a guess that just about everyone in this country has an email address; even my 87 year old grandma checks and sends email daily. Many people have e-trade accounts with passwords that change frequently or simply do all of their banking and bill paying online, etc. The list of online accounts is endless. We are one big online community.

To which of these groups do you belong? Do you have your accounts and passwords written down somewhere safe? Does your spouse or significant other, parent, child, friend or sibling know your passwords to these accounts? Your answer is probably no. More than likely you keep the passwords in your head and have shared them with no one.

So, what happens if you go to bed and don't wake up in the morning; or on the way home from work, your car is struck and you die? What will happen to your online digital legacy? Will your pages and accounts remain open and online? What do you want to happen to your blog(s) or other online writings, photos, etc.?

Last Digital Wishes

These are issues that have not traditionally been addressed when getting your estate plan in order, but these are now important issues if you have any online accounts. You might want information and photos from Flickr, Tumblr, YouTube, a blog, Facebook, etc. to remain visible and public for friends and family to continue to view, remember, feel close and mourn, but perhaps, you want an investment account, LinkedIn and a PayPal account closed.

On the flip side, if you don't record your wishes regarding your digital legacies, your family might think they should remove all online accounts, pages, etc. immediately. Yet, friends and family, especially those across the miles, may feel doubly sad and lost, losing all written and photographic memories of your times and experiences together.

Regardless of what you wish to be done with your accounts, you must record the information, share it with someone or use a service that will store, back up, secure, get rid of and/or notify loved ones with pre-written letters or videos, etc.

There are several services that have multiple levels with various price points depending on what services and the number of accounts you have. Here are a few to check out: Legacy Locker and Entrustet.

The Digital Afterlife Experts

Evan Carroll and John Romano run the site The Digital Beyond that is dedicated to all things regarding online digital legacies. They recommend naming a digital executor to handle all of your online information. A digital executor must understand the technology involved and that may not be the executor of your estate. Carroll and Romano further suggest making an inventory of the name of the account, passwords, etc. and what you want done with each of the accounts. You could use my free Financial and Legal Documents Records Book download for this purpose.

Terms of Use and Privacy Policies Regarding Death

It's important to review the terms of the online platforms you use to ensure your directions to your digital executor or other pre-designated arrangement upon your death do not violate the Terms of Use of Privacy Policies. For instance, you may not be able to transfer some online accounts to another person.

Twitter and Facebook do have policies handling the death of a site participant, which have some good points and are lacking in other ways. Facebook apparently allows for a memorialized page, but based on the number of comments from distraught family members of deceased Facebook users whose profiles have suddenly been removed or locked, Facebook needs to revisit its policy terms on this subject. The Digital Beyond lists other sites and their policies here.

Other Resources

This is a developing area of information. In the last few months there have been a number of articles written about this topic:

After Death, Protecting Your 'Digital Afterlife'

Digital Estate Planning: The Importance Of Giving Access To Online Accounts

Cyberspace When You're Dead 

2011 is Heating Up!

If you are concerned about digital information left on computers, but not online, such as financial records, photos, articles, drafts of literary or scholarly works, etc. read this article from the Wisconsin Lawyer by Nathan J. Dosch and Joseph W. Boucher where they address property rights, transferability, copyright issues and other matters concerning digital records stored on a deceased computer.

The Scoop

All in all, the moral of the story when it comes to estate planning is to, well...plan ahead. So, be prudent in how and where you list account numbers, passwords, user names and PINs, but do provide an inventory whether it's a list left with your attorney, in a Financial & Legal Records Book like the one in yesterday's post or through an online service, as referenced above.

It's a relatively simple process, but it does take time to keep it up-to-date and involves more than a pen and a stack of post-it notes stuck around the house {which is my preferred method of reminders and bits of important information}. Although 1 or 2 post-it notes left in strategic locations reminding you to take care of your online digital legacies is probably a good idea. Over and out...

Anna

Searches, Queries and Key Words: Most Read Post Based on Traffic from Search Engines

Top Post

This last week of 2010 I'm highlighting the top read posts based on searches. The Motherly Law post with the most searches is Last Will and Testament: Why It's So Important for a Parent and How to Get One of Your Very Own.

Last Wishes

This is a most important subject, and I'm glad to know it's an issue on the minds of those who have yet to get their last wishes down on paper; or on the minds of those dealing with their parent's or grandparent's wills or lack thereof; or perhaps on the minds of those wishing to change something in a will... Here are a few searches which have led people to the last will and testament post:

1. "funny stories about last wills and testaments"
2. "can you change last will and testament after father's death"
3. "can a conversation make a last will and testament"
4. "are last wishes without a will legally binding"
5. "does a last will and testament have to be followed"
6. "considering kids with wills"
7. "last will and testament for traveling parents"
8. "last will and testament. I don't want my child to get any money"
9. "last will and testament how to make sure it's carried out"
10. "how to ensure visitation rights in a will"

Some queries make me chuckle; some make me wonder; and some concern me, like #8. Sometimes the meaning of the search is obscure and other times it's quite clear. When I read #7 I think of parents who travel around to different kids; like a traveling circus or traveling carnival. And #9, well, the thing about a last will and testament is that if and when it's carried out, you're no longer around to ensure it's properly carried out. However, the very nature of a last will and testament is that your wishes will be carried out when you die as you intended and provided in the will. If, the person meant "how do I ensure that someone knows I have a last will and testament and knows where it's located at the time of my death," then the answer is, have your attorney keep a copy at his or her office; keep a copy yourself; and be sure to tell a spouse, a child or other confidant where you keep it.

Have you gotten your last wishes in writing and your estate in order? If not, take a look at this post and the related links below. This post is one that I will be expounding upon in a Motherly Law Year in Review post in March. So, stay tuned for more about Last Wills and Testaments.

The Scoop

Tomorrow I will highlight another often searched subject. Since I decided to take off the entire Christmas weekend, I will summarize the last Sunday Spotlight Article and post a new article next weekend. Thanks to those who have commented thus far. I've gotten a number of great, very opinionated comments on this article; keep 'em coming!

Anna

Other Related Posts You Might Like:

Death and Johnny Cash: Tips for Getting Your Estate in Order

April Showers Bring May Flowers: Estate Planning You Do Now Will Benefit Your Special Needs Child Later; Plus Supporting Autism Awareness Month

Putting All the Pieces Together: Ways You Can Support Autism Awareness, Plus a Supplementary Estate Planning Document