Motherly Law

Pulling Permits: Doing it Right if You’re DIY

Design Choices

We stood for what seemed like hours looking at the choices. There were various sizes, designs and materials to choose from. I knew what I wanted, but still once we got it and began cutting that was it. Will didn't quite see my vision and was concerned about the cuts.

We did finally choose base boards for our dining room. Then began the process of measuring, cutting, fitting, re-cutting and fitting again, painting, etc. It was a long process. We got better at cutting trim for corners, but this was our first experience, and of course, we went big with it.

It's about twice the height of most trim and I think it makes the room. I love the way it turned out. It was a labor of love, as was picking out the paint colors for each room of the house, changing the light fixtures out to match our style and breathing new life into an old, dark breezeway. That's the beauty of doing it yourself.

Doing-It-Yourself

We're generally do-it-yourself kind of folks. And that isn't because we're experts in home repair/remodeling, it's because I think we're industrious and resourceful enough {notice the stress on I. I always have to convince Will of this fact}; and we don't have the extra money to spend for someone else to do the work. That is, until it goes beyond our "expertise."

There are a few things we don't mess with. We have hired real experts to put in new windows, repair the heating and air systems and we do call the plumber when the problem is beyond our limited knowledge.

And yet, I am pretty proud of the work we've done in our house; mostly painting, adding trim and putting in new flooring and other things of that nature. Of course, this was all accomplished pre-kids and the house is now in sore need of a refreshing coat. We did take the first step and have sanded our doors and trim in an attempt to propel ourselves into this project, although that is the extent of the second round of the house re-do, so far.

We'll get around to it again....eventually.

We aren't alone in the DIY camp. As the economy crunches down on Middle America many homeowners opt to remodel instead of sell and buy again. A simple or complex re-do or new-do to your home can increase the worth of your home when you do sell or can make you, the homeowner, more content when it comes to living in this space that has either become a tight space for your family or just deteriorated with your day-to-day living.

Permits

But do you know when you should "pull a permit"? And do you realize that not knowing this could land you in a heap of trouble? Yep, you could end up owing a ton in fines or even wind up in court over failing to get permits for certain construction/remodel jobs in your home.

The good news is that it's simple to stay on the right side of the law. Here's what you need to know:

What Projects Require a Permit?

1. It's always a good idea to check with your municipality, but generally projects that involve structural changes, demolition, electrical or plumbing changes, etc. require a permit.
2. Often, large projects like a kitchen remodel and the like require more than 1 permit for the whole project.

Why Bother Getting a Permit?

1. If you don't get a permit and you get caught, you could pay a large fine; which will cost you much more than the original permit would have cost.
2. If you didn't get a permit/have an inspection {and should have} and later have a need to file an insurance claim regarding that work, they may not pay the claim.
3. Failure to get permits may even risk insurance coverage/rates.
4. You may have trouble with an inspection when/if you try to sell your home.

When Should the Permit be Obtained?

1. The first thing to do, before beginning the project, is to obtain a permit.
2. If a contractor is performing the work, it's probably best to have the contractor pull the permit; some cities even require that.
3. Be sure to properly display the permit while the work is being performed.
4. If work is started without a permit and the city notices this, all work will be halted until a permit is obtained, and a fine will be assessed.

The best rule of thumb? When in doubt, always check. In this case, it's better safe than sorry. Knowing this information and following the law will save you time and money down the road, especially if the work is not up to code when an inspector comes through when you're trying to sell.

In the Name of Safety

The purpose behind requiring permits is safety. If you have a permit, the work must be inspected by a city official when completed in order to close the permit. This requirement insures that the work was done correctly and is up to Code. If it wasn't, it can be fixed right away before causing damage, which could potentially harm the inhabitants of the home and perhaps even neighbors, etc.

The Scoop

If you choose to ignore your local government's code, you will be breaking the law; and in the end your project will cost you much more than you anticipated. It may seem like a hassle to have to "pull permits" and pay the permit fee(s) and have an inspector come, but in the long run, you'll be glad you did. Over and out...

Anna

 

Standing Still While Time Passes in a Blur: Laws of Time & People

On my recent trip to Texas I have come up with a few "laws" concerning the passage of time and its effect on people. As I've mentioned in the past, Texas is my homeland; where my people reside. I was fortunate enough to have the chance to visit with family, both young and old, by blood and by marriage, as well as see friends from college; even more importantly, my sorority sisters.

I have known these people at most for my entire life and least for several decades. I am not a stranger to them and they are certainly not unfamiliar to me. These are people I have shared my life with, the good times and bad times. There have been many laughs and just as many tears. These are some of the most important people in my life.

As time marches on, much seems to stand still. We all move along the continuum of time entering new phases of life as we leave other stages behind, and yet some things just never change. Here are the observations I've made on the "Laws of People and Time":

1. People don't really change; time softens the hard edges or chisels deep, sharp chasms into the soul; and sometimes life does both at various times;
2. Even though time, life {and kids} have long since ravaged our young, svelte, wrinkle free bodies, we still look the same to each other;
3. Those close knit friendships forged during those formative college years are friends for life;
4. No matter how old you are, you are always your mom's child;
5. Old wounds can be as raw as when the dagger first struck if flooded with old memories;
6. Family ties don't have to be broken by divorce;
7. We are products of our roots, surroundings and experiences;
8. Our love for such friends and family is not diminished by time, distance or circumstances, but remains for a lifetime.

We can't stop time from ticking away second by second, minute by minute, day by day, or year by year, but that's alright because there are some things that time can't take away or ever change. These things simply define who we are, strive to be or have overcome.

Clearly, I'm still feeling nostalgic after my trip to Texas. Over and out...

Anna

Anna the Enforcer: PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN {2012 Distracted Driving Challenge}

A New Job

A few months ago, Darling 1 and I were out running errands. I was pulling out of a parking lot when a car almost backed into my vehicle. I honked, and I stared at the rearview mirrors to get a good look at the driver. That's when I saw it. The driver was too busy talking on the phone to notice that my vehicle was directly behind hers when she started backing up; she was a Distracted Driver.

At this point, she had backed out and was now directly behind me. I slowed down and glared at her via the side mirror and then slowly proceeded to the corner. All the while, Darling 1 was aware what was going on. When I got to the corner, I stopped and intended to turn right. The woman who nearly backed into me intended to turn left; therefore, at the stop sign she was directly next to my car.

I looked straight at her, as she continued chatting away into her handheld phone. She was looking at me when I slowly and firmly said the words, "Put Your Phone Down!" to her through my rolled-up window. She saw me and gave me a completely shocked look. Then, I turned the corner.

At this point, Darling 1 said to me, "I think you need a new job, Mom." I said, "Oh yeah, what kind of job should I have?" to which Darling 1 responded. "I think you should a policeman." And I said, "Why is that?" and he said, "Because you have a big mean voice to tell people what to do."

The Absence of Distracted Driving Laws

I suppose I had sounded like a policeman, saying, "Put Your Phone Down" in a loud, authoritative voice, but it made me laugh. And yet, I am quite good at enforcing laws and rules; and I have always been very authoritative {just ask my brother}. In fact, I'm quite certain I'd do a good job enforcing a no phone use while driving policy.

However, I'm afraid that is one law that will never be passed and enforced. I don't think that we will ever see the day that all cell phones, both handheld and hands free are banned while driving in every state.

We are too connected to our technology; too convinced that we have to multi-task while doing anything and everything. We have persuaded ourselves that we are safe; we are able to focus on the road and the conversation; we are invincible. And lawmakers recognize this fact. It is my personal opinion that lawmakers themselves don't want to be held to such a standard as they race from location to location, meeting to meeting and "need" to use the phone while driving.

{No} Common Sense Safety

For me, this is not about a law. This is about common sense; this is about safety for ourselves, our families and strangers we come in close contact with on roadways. Why should we have to have a law to tell us to do the safe and reasonable thing?

Well, we had to have laws that tell us that we can't exceed certain speeds; we had to have laws that tell us we must wear seatbelts to protect us from injuries if there is an accident; we had to have laws that tell us to securely buckle our babies and young children into car seats and now booster seats; and we had to have laws that tell us that we can't drive while intoxicated. Clearly, we aren't capable of protecting ourselves from danger without laws to regulate our activity.

Interestingly enough, TX Gov. Rick Perry vetoed a bill last summer that would have banned texting in the state of TX. His reason for the veto: a law banning texting while driving would be micromanaging the behavior of adults; something he didn't want to do.

Pardon me if I don't see the difference between banning texting while driving and forcing drivers and passengers to use a seat belt while in the vehicle or limiting the speed of a vehicle or the amount of alcohol in one's bloodstream when it comes to driving. If it's micromanaging, so be it; apparently, that's what we need to be safer drivers.

When it comes to driving a vehicle on public roadways, it's not all about the driver. It's about taking care not to injure, cause harm or damage other people or their property. We must be considerate of the laws, but we must also use common sense in the way we operate our vehicles, weighing a ton or more; for our own sakes and for the sakes of others.

Phone Down Eyes Up Button

For those of you who are as serious as I am about distracted driving and putting your phone down and your eyes up on the road, I do now have a button that you can copy the code to place it on your website or blog too. You will notice it just to the upper right hand side with my slogan for this campaign; Phone Down Eyes Up. Thanks to my friends at Black Elephant Studios for creating it for me. If you click on the button, you will be taken to my Phone Down Eyes Up post.

I encourage you to spread the word about the dangers of distracted drivers. I see it over and over on the road; drivers chatting on the phone and driving too slowly, weaving in and out of lanes, not paying attention to the rate of traffic, not seeing a stop sign or a red light or failing to see the vehicle directly behind them as they back up.

The Scoop

Remember, I hit a kid with my car, and I wasn't distracted at all. Although, years ago, one evening while driving home from work and talking to my mom about a troubling issue, I drove 30 minutes south of my exit. When I finally became aware that I wasn't focused on my driving, I realized I had no idea where I was. I was, in fact, miles from home. I had not seen any exits or even noticed any of the cars around me; I had simply been on autopilots for miles upon miles.

This frightened me. And it should frighten you too. We should all be frightened at our often low levels of focus on the road. My 2012 challenge to you? You guessed it: Phone Down Eyes Up. Prove to me, to yourself and everyone you come in contact with on the roadways {and I hate to say it, but prove Gov. Rick Perry right too} that we don't need laws to wizen up and be safe about how and when we use our cell phones.

Tomorrow I will be addressing new distracted driving laws for 2012. Oh, and don't forget to grab the distracted driving button. Over and out...

Anna

Tis the Season: PSA on Female Drinking and Driving

In a Flash

One minute you're having a blast and not thinking about the grand scheme of life and perhaps being a bit reckless in your revelry and the next minute something happens that changes lives forever. It's like when you're watching a movie and everyone is having a great time laughing and full of bliss and life is just perfect, but you know something bad is about to happen to end all that happiness because you have the benefit of observing the whole scene from the outside, plus the soundtrack usually gives it away too. This is what having too much to drink and then choosing to drive home could look like.

A Focus on Women    

Much of the emphasis on drinking and driving has traditionally been put on teens and men. However, this is an issue that can affect both female and male; both young and old, including parents.

While both parents should use extreme caution when drinking and getting behind a wheel, this post is focused on women who have a drink and drive later. In 2008, women drivers who were drunk were involved in 1,837 road deaths.

A mom is less likely to take risks when his or her children are present than after a night of fun out on the town with friends, coworkers or a spouse. And generally, a mom out of the house without her children wants to relax, cut loose and perhaps have a drink. I certainly understand that and consume in a drink or two when out with my friends or my husband.

Consider these scenarios: a woman out to dinner with her friends misjudges how much she had to drink or how it affected her; or stops by for happy hour with co-workers at a bar on the way home and has several drinks on an empty stomach; or mom and dad leave the kids with a sitter and go out to dinner for a much needed date night and a bottle wine. These situations are probably easy to imagine because you have more than likely experienced them first hand.

In each of these scenarios, there is the possibility that the person will drink enough to become intoxicated and unfit to drive a vehicle. And in each case, the person is highly likely to drive home anyway. This issue is a problem at any time of the year, but here we are just a few days from New Year's Eve; one of the most alcohol saturated nights of the year. So, I thought this was especially on-point this week.

Women and DWIs

The number of women arrested for DWIs and/or involved in alcohol related accidents has dramatically increased over the years. The Century Council reports that in the 80s women accounted for only 9% of those arrested for DWIs, but from 1997 to 2007 that number had risen to 29%; and in the past decade has increased to 36%. So, what is causing this increase?

The social culture of our country and the role of women has changed significantly since the 80s. More women have full-time jobs in addition to the family duties at home. The pressure to be a super mom often manifests itself through alcohol consumption. There are books, blogs, twitter handles, and twitter parties devoted to a mom's need for a drink at the end of the day.

While our society has become more accepting of mom's Facebook post or tweet suggesting that she can't wait for her #wine, women are still quite adept at hiding actual addictions to alcohol and drugs. Most women are multi-taskers by nature and it appears that drinking is one of the things that women can do without anyone at home or work really noticing.

Studies show that women arrested for DWIs tend to be middle-aged or older, more educated and single, separated or divorced. The average female first time offender is 31 years old.

Affect of Alcohol on a Woman's Body & the Law

Addictions are one thing (& quite another blog post) and driving after drinking is quite another. It doesn't matter if you are drunk every night or once a year, women must be cognizant of that fact that our bodies are not the same as a man's and the effects of alcohol can be different too.

Women have less body water to dilute alcohol as it passes through the digestive tract; less of the liver enzyme, dehydrogenase, that metabolizes alcohol; and are therefore, more exposed to the alcohol and its harmful effects longer than males. Source: The Fix

Alcohol is tricky; its effects can depend on weight, gender, genetics, amount of food consumed, amount and type of alcohol consumed, medications taken, lack of sleep, stress levels etc. What many of us don't realize is how much {or how little} alcohol our bodies can handle when it comes to being intoxicated and unfit to drive, depending on all of these factors and more.

Blood Alcohol Level (BAL), or Blood Alcohol Concentration (BAC), means the amount of alcohol in the bloodstream. All 50 states and the District of Columbia have laws that say a person is too intoxicated to drive when his or her BAC is .08 % or higher, which is .08 g of alcohol per 100 ml of blood.

When you drink an alcoholic beverage, the alcohol goes from your stomach into your blood, then to the liver heart and brain. Alcohol is not digested, but absorbed. Interestingly enough, an older adult consuming an alcoholic beverage raises the BAL 20% more than it does for a younger adult. However, a younger person with a .10 % BAL has a significantly higher risk of being involved in a fatal crash than an older adult with the same BAL.

As noted above, women have less water in their bodies, but they also have more fat. Alcohol does not enter fat cells as easily as other types of cells, which mean that the alcohol stays in a woman's bloodstream longer. And this can mean that a woman may still be drunk at the end of the evening out with friends, even though she stopped drinking long before.

Even our states of mind or menstrual cycles can have an affect on our level of intoxication. In fact, if it's a person's intention to drink to get drunk, it will take that person less alcohol to feel the impairment, as is also the case with a person who is overly tired or overly stressed. We can't fool our bodies.

The Scoop

As my husband's family has joked about for many years now, "Tis the Season" to drink during this month of holidays. Whether it's a cocktail over apps, a glass of wine with dinner and liquored up coffee or cocoa or simply 2 glasses of wine during a meal with friends or a beer on an empty stomach or an overly exhausted parent consuming one cocktail, we need to think twice before consuming alcohol and getting behind the wheel.

Don't let this happen to you. One careless mistake after a night of fun and laughter can fracture your world and forever alter the lives of your kids, spouse and perhaps someone else's family forever.

Think ahead, think twice, monitor the number of drinks you have consumed and don't be ashamed to call a cab, your spouse or a friend to drive you home. We must also not be timid about telling a friend that is clearly too drunk to drive that you are taking her keys and offering a ride, having her spend the night or calling a cab.

This is something we can control, whether before or after the drinks have been drunk. Drink responsibly; drive sober or not at all. Over and out...

Anna

 

Mississippi Underestimated: Answering the Question of Personhood

Free Choice

I recently saw a quote from a conservative governor stating that he had vetoed a particular bill because he didn't want to micromanage the actions of adults. This quote struck me as odd for a number of reasons. To name one, it's conservatives who typically are trying to take away the choice of abortions for all women. Isn't this also micromanaging adult women's actions?

Let me be clear. I am not a proponent of abortions. I don't know a single soul who is. I am a proponent of free choice. Abortion is not something that I would choose, as far as I know. But then again, I've never been in a position to have to make this decision; so I can't say for certain. I am certain that I cannot make that decision for anyone else though; it's not for me to say what others do with their bodies.

I think that a woman or a man should have the choice of making decisions regarding her or his body without the state interfering with this choice because someone else living in that state may disagree with the choice that person makes. The decision to have an abortion for any reason is one of the most personal choices I can think of.

An Argument for Conservatives

I liken my argument to that of gun rights. I, personally, don't think that people should own guns for personal safety or hunting. I, personally, think that people with guns make our society less safe. However, not everyone agrees with me. There are those who think it's vitally important to have firearms in the home in order to protect the family. There are others who enjoy the sport of hunting.

I will leave them to their sport and their sense of security. I will not tell them they can't own guns, even if they are safe with them and follow all the laws regarding firearm ownership and don't threaten others or commit crimes with their firearms. That is their right.

MS 26

Well, it's also a woman's right to decide what happens to her body. Yesterday, the people of Mississippi went to the polls to vote on a number of items, one of which was Initiative 26. "MS 26" as it was termed may have been on the MS ballot, but it was an issue that could have affected all women across this country. I spent my evening watching my Twitter stream with the hashtag #MS26 {I met some lovely ladies from MS too.} and monitoring MS election results.

If MS 26 had succeeded it could have opened the flood gates rushing toward the eventual overturn of Roe v. Wade. Well, it didn't. The people of Mississippi came through in the name of women's rights.

The exact wording of MS 26 is this:

Should the term 'person' be defined to include every human being from the moment of fertilization, cloning, or the equivalent thereof?

57% of the voters in MS answered this question with a resounding, "NO" despite the time and money spent by Personhood USA in hopes of a "yes" vote.

Personhood USA

Personhood USA is a Colorado based "Christian" nonprofit organization that "serves the pro-life community by assisting local groups to initiate citizen, legislative, and political action focusing on the ultimate goal of the pro-life movement: personhood rights for all innocent humans."

What this means is that a grassroots team showed up in MS and planted the idea of putting this question to the vote of the people in hopes of stirring the pot into a frenzy that could lead other ultra conservative states to do the same. The Personhood Mississippi website says if the vote was yes, a legal challenge would be set up to challenge Roe v. Wade. Of course, the website also says that the most important reason to vote yes is that it will honor God and show love to their neighbors in the law system. Clearly, Personhood USA was appealing to the conservative Christian voters of that state.

Strong Southern Women

Mississippians responded with their own grassroots fight, explaining to would-be voters that MS 26 could have more far reaching effects, such as infertility treatments, access to contraception and women's health, in general. Personhood USA thought it could appeal to the deeply conservative, Christian, low-income and uneducated citizens of MS. They were wrong. Mississippians are smarting than that.

The idea of the personhood question evolved from U.S. Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart's observation during Roe v. Wade oral arguments when he said, "If it were established that an unborn fetus is a person, you would have an impossible case here." Now Personhood USA is trying to do just that. 

The Scoop

There are a number of laws in place that regulate the how, when and where abortions are performed, by whom and upon whom. It's not a spur of the moment, lightly taken, frivolous decision....ever. And the laws in place protect those who for whatever reason have come to a clinic for an abortion. Without these laws, providing this right, abortions would still take place, but behind the scenes, without safeguards, without regulating the who or what or when or where.

In the past I wrote about laws with unintended results. If the voters' answer to MS 26 had been yes, this would have been one of those laws. This issue is not about choosing abortion; this issue is about choosing for one's self. The people of Mississippi have chosen for themselves. Over and out...

Anna

 

Falling Into the Reflecting Pool: Narcissistic Criminals

What Would You Do?

There is a saying that goes something like this, "What would you attempt to do if you knew you couldn't fail?" It is usually meant to inspire people to aspire to great things. Well, I have a slightly different question. What would you do if you knew you would get away with it?

After reading too many articles about greatly accomplished people who have money, status, respect and influence who eventually fall from grace and into criminal court, I have come to ask this question: what makes a person who has wealth, prestige and power commit a crime? Is it the belief that all that he has will redeem him of his crimes? Is it that he truly believes he is immune from criminal charges and above the law? Is it that he thinks no one could possibly believe that he, such a fine person, would commit horrible crimes? Or could it be something else?

Criminals at the Top

Yes, I realize I have used the masculine word "he" in the above paragraph. It's not that I don't think women would or could commit such crimes, they have. But the instances that come to my mind are overwhelmingly men. Just in the last few days, I have read several such articles and when I think back further over the years, the list seems endless; there are athletes, politicians, lobbyists, celebrities, businessmen and socialites.

Yes, I realize that people of all walks of life, regardless of the amount in the bank account, the size of the investment portfolio or the person's background, education, upbringing, religious beliefs, gender, profession or lack thereof commit all kinds of crimes. And there is almost always a question of why regardless of whom it is that commits the crime.

But to me, the most baffling are those who seem to have it all and then lose it all because they chose to break the law; those who are already in the limelight and more closely scrutinized even before allegations of crime emerge; those who are in leadership positions; those who command great respect; those who hold great monetary power.

Greed

My theory is that greed, pure and simple greed, is at the heart of this matter. The more you have, the more you want. The more you have, the easier it is to get what you want. The more you have, the bigger your ego. The more you have, the less you care about others.

The high and mighty do not steal to cover basic needs or provide for their families. They, generally, are not mentally deranged. They are not modern day Robin Hoods. They simply do it because they think they can. They do it because they don't care about how their crimes will affect others around them. They do it because they want to and it will benefit them in some way.

Narcissism

My hypothesis is that these people are narcissistic. Narcissism is quite complex, and just what it entails seems to depend on whom you ask, but basically it's inflated self-importance, lack of concern with what happens to others and a highly developed sense of entitlement. Put these things together and you could have a criminal mastermind.

Oddly enough it's probably these narcissistic traits that helped these people rise to the top of their respective professions. And sadly, it's these traits that will aid them in rebuilding their fame and fortune even after they serve their time and pay their fines and drop from view for a short period of time.

Almost all will return to the public eye and many with a spot on TV or a book or two in which they get to talk about themselves. What a surprise. After all, another characteristic of narcissism is a lack of shame.

The Scoop

The above description of narcissism sounds like a young child: self-centered, selfish, and self-important. The world revolves around the toddler. Fortunately, most kids grow out of this self centric universe and realize that others have feelings and needs and develop a sense of responsibility, service and compassion. Those who don't may grow up to be the president, a corporate giant, a celebrity and perhaps a criminal. Over and out...

Anna

A Fine How Do You Do: Theft or Slip of the Mind? {On a Soapbox}

Where to Draw the Line

It's against the law to take anything you haven't paid for from a store. It doesn't matter whether the item cost $2 or $20,000; it's still a crime. Some people do steal. And when they do they should be punished. But sometimes people make a simple mistake. Sometimes it's just a slip of the mind.

Should that person still be punished? Or should that person be able to pay for the item that he or she forgot to pay for, but meant to, and go on about his or her business?

Before you answer that question, let me tell you a story.

Welcome to Hawaii

A family moves from CA to HI, after a few weeks, they are still trying to figure out their new surroundings. The mom, dad and almost 3 year old daughter take the bus to the grocery store, getting lost in the process, finally arriving at a Safeway.

The mom is 30 weeks pregnant. She is famished; the whole family is hungry since they got lost and their trip to the grocery store took much longer than expected. As they shop, they pick up two chicken salad sandwiches, open the packages, saving the wrappers for the checkout line, and eat the sandwiches in plain view.

The family finishes shopping, pays for their groceries and exits the store. At this point, store security approaches them. It is at this point that the couple realizes they forgot to pay for the sandwiches they ate. They offer to pay the $5 for the sandwiches, but are taken to the manager's office.

Again, they try to pay for the sandwiches, explaining what happened. The manager refuses to allow them to pay for the sandwiches, citing store policy regarding theft. Instead, the store manager called the police. Four hours later, the police arrive.

The police arrested the mom and the dad, and child protective services arrived to take the almost 3 year old into custody. The mom kept her composure until her little girl was gone. At that point, she became hysterical, got sick and threw up due to her concern for her child who had never spent a night away from them.

The police booked them, took mug shots and then released the two on a $50 bond each. The parents walked back to Safeway, retrieved their groceries and walked home. At this point, it was almost midnight. The couple sat up that night waiting for the first minute they could get their daughter back. Eighteen hours after their little girl was taken from them, she was returned.

They retained an attorney. And at the attorney's advice went to the media about this. Safeway's corporate office is backpedaling fast.

My Take

Where's the humanity? I got sick to my stomach and tears welled up in my eyes as I read this account. I placed myself in this mom's shoes and I know that could have very well have been me. My heart went out to her thinking about her child being taken away from her by a person who her daughter did not know, having never spent the night away from mom and dad.

Who among us, especially while pregnant, has not opened a package of food for us or our child while shopping? And who among us, especially while pregnant, has not had a slip of the mind while running errands, particularly with a child?

I am all for punishing crimes; crimes of any degree. But there was no intent here; there was no crime here.

Safeway, have a heart; have some decency; listen to your paying customers. They may have a valid explanation. I don't have any Safeways around me, but you can bet your beans that if I did, I wouldn't give them any of my business ever again.

Safeway, this is the kind of debacle people remember. This kind of thing makes me fighting mad! Let me tell you another story, with a different flavor.

Several days ago, I saw a tweet from someone that said her aunt in MA was having back trouble and had phoned her local grocery store and asked if they could help her out. They took her list, shopped, checked out, bagged and delivered her groceries to her; all just because they value their customers.

I tweeted this woman's niece to ask her what grocery store it was. She said it was a small, local store and they didn't even have a website, but she was volunteering to create one for them since they had been so nice to her aunt.

Now that's good customer service. Trust others; give people the benefit of the doubt; have some humanity! You just might be wearing the other shoe one day and need human kindness yourself. Now, how would you answer the question? Theft or slip of the mind? Over and out...

Anna

 

Weird and Creepy: Laws Regulating Trick-or-Treating

Every year on Halloween, Will and I have the same discussion. He laments the fact that so many older kids come around trick-or-treating without costumes on, coming by later in the evening than the goblins, princesses, super heroes, cowgirls, furry animals and creatures from out-of-this world. I tell him the evening is all in the name of fun; it doesn't matter whether they have a costume on or not. Will continues to pester the candy-craving pr-teens queries like "What are you dressed as?" or "Where is your costume?" Dude, let it go....

Well, it turns out there are places where this would not be allowed, and DH is actually right {gasp}. There are cities that regulate the who, what when and where of trick-or-treating. Whether these laws are strictly enforced is subject for debate.

• In Walnut, CA you must have a permit to wear of mask or disguise of any type on a public street.
• In a handful of towns in VA restrict trick-or-treating to kids under the age of 12 years of age and define the hours of trick-or-treating from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m.
• Women can't wear corsets in Merryville, MO; so, plan costumes accordingly.
• No one can impersonate a member of the clergy in AL.
• In Dublin, GA those over 16 are not permitted to wear sunglasses, masks, hoods or other such get ups that conceal their identities.
• In Belleville, IL children up to 8^th grade are allowed to trick-or-treat; the mayor says trick-or-treating is for younger kids only.
• No goofy mustaches in AL; at least none that will make people laugh in church;
• In Rehoboth Beach, DE if Halloween falls on a Sunday, trick-or-treating will be on done on Saturday, October 30^th from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. instead.

Does your city have any restrictions on how you celebrate Halloween? Either way, use caution and good sense while trekking through the darkened, spooky streets of your neighborhood; statistically, it's a dangerous night. Need some safety tips? Here are two posts from last year on costume safety and general Halloween safety.

Have a creepy, fun night with your little creatures! Bwahahahahaha! Over and out....

Anna

Something Different: IDEA Part C Updates to Take Effect

Gawking Strangers

The stares. I'm still not used to the stares. And it's not kids; it's adults; it's other parents. We were surprised by this part of it. I suppose we shouldn't have been though. Three weeks ago, Darling 1 got two casts from below his knees down to his toes. He isn't hurt; he isn't in pain. He is a toewalker and has been since he began walking at 10 months.

I've been working on treatment for this since that time. Finally, he's getting treatment. He's growing new muscle in his calves that will give him more range of motion. We have a remedy. Every Tuesday he gets new casts, slowly, but surely changing the angle of his foot.

The Casts

The new casts each week is the fun part of this process. He is being very brave, and we are very proud of him. He has had only a few melt-downs about not being able to wiggle his toes or being itchy, etc. But he knows what the casts are doing, and he wants to be able to walk flat-footed. So, he endures.

His friends, classmates and teachers have been wonderful about it. They love to see what colors and designs will show up each Wednesday. They are totally accepting of his new look. Darling 1 gets around perfectly fine; he just can't run, but he can walk really fast.

Mind Your Own Beeswax

The adults we come in contact with, or merely pass by, are the ones who stare and ask questions; questions that make Darling 1 cast a fixed gaze to the ground. The stares have gotten to me. I stare back. I answer the probing questions from strangers with terse, vague answers. Darling 1 hasn't noticed that anyone is rubber-necking as they drive by as he happily walks along next to me on our way home from school or as we amble into the store from a parking lot or as he easily makes his way up, over, under and through the playground equipment at the park or while we wait to be called back for our appointment at Children's Hospital. Thank God.

I know these strangers don't mean any harm; they don't mean to be rude; they're simply curious. "Two casts?" "Wow, two broken legs?" "Oh, that must hurt?" "What did you do?" Well, when you're 5 years old and just want to fit in and you see the differences, those questions can be hurtful and perplexing.

I won't pretend to know all the heartbreak, the difficulties or the joys and the pride of raising a child with extreme disabilities. I'm sure they are many. But I now have a new appreciation for the outward appearance of something different from others, i.e. helmets, leg braces, etc.

IDEA Part C

If your young child has developmental delays or disabilities, you should be aware that on Friday, October 28, 2011, new, updated Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) Part C regulations will take effect. IDEA Part C applies to the youngest of those at risk; birth to 2 years. Part C has been around since 1986, but has not been fully updated since 1999 (there was a statutory update in 2004).

Well, a lot has changed in our world since 1999. Check for specific information or topics in this side-by-side comparison of new and old text. There is a lot of text (over 900 pages); so, I suggest looking up the subject you are interested in and viewing those parts, as opposed to reading through all the regulations.

There are agencies trying to wade through these new texts and get summaries and outlines out. Here are a few websites to watch for more information: National Dissemination Center for Children with Disabilities (NICHCY), idea Partnership and the U.S. Department of Education.

IDEA aides over 340,000 children and infants. This federal grant program provides over 400 million dollars to State run IDEA programs. This program assists States in facilitating early intervention programs for infants and toddlers with disabilities and developmental delays. The objective is to prepare as many of these kids as possible for preschool and kindergarten to ensure a greater rate of educational success for these high needs kids.

The Scoop

If your child falls into these categories be sure to monitor the changes on the sites listed above. I also don't pretend to know much about the laws governing special needs and disabilities, etc., but the sites listed above specialize in these areas. And if your child does not fall into these categories, remember... please don't stare when you see a child who is different in some way. Over and out...

Anna

Budget Cuts Hit Home: Topeka’s Prosecutorial Blunder {On a Soapbox}

No Experience

I usually fight with words. Fortunately, I don't have personal experience with domestic violence. While searching my brain for a personal story to tell involving domestic violence, there is only one that comes to mind, and even it was not necessarily domestic violence, but the potential for it. And it's not my story to tell. It (almost) happened to a friend. And I'm happy to say that she did not marry him in the end.

When I wrote about domestic violence last December, many of my regular readers did not read those posts. Hopefully, this means that domestic violence is not something you have any experience with.

Finding Strength to Report

For those who do live with violence or even the threat of violence from a supposed loved one it's degrading, devastating, depressing and dangerous. For many living with this secret, one of the hardest things they will ever have to do is pick up the phone and call the police on a spouse or significant other.

And yet, many will find the strength to call and report an assault. Some of those will later recant their stories and refuse to testify against their abusers, but some will keep that ire burning, still feeling the sting from the smack dealt to them from some who's supposed to be a protector and supporter. Those people will be willing to testify against their spouses/partners/significant others and aid the prosecution as best they can. Then, hopefully, those people can move on with their lives.

No Aid Available

Well, what if no one could afford to prosecute such cases? What if the city decided to repeal the law making domestic violence a crime? What if the county refused to prosecute these misdemeanors? What would be the point of calling the police? Who would help those in need?

Well, that's exactly what Topeka, Kansas, did. In an attempt to cut budgetary costs, the city government repealed a municipal law making domestic violence a misdemeanor. Back in September the Shawnee County District Attorney stopped prosecuting domestic violence cases due to budget cuts. The city says this is an attempt to get the district attorney to begin prosecuting these cases again. And it worked too.

Reckless Abandon

The way I see it, this is an awfully reckless move on the part of the county and city. If the county and city refused to prosecute misdemeanor domestic violence cases, then it would have been open season for abusers in Topeka. Thankfully, the Shawnee County DA, Chad Taylor, reluctantly agreed to begin prosecuting the domestic violence cases even though they have very few resources and are lacking in staff.

Of course, the dropped cases would have applied only to misdemeanor charges, not felonies. If a domestic violence case had escalated to a felony, let's say murder, then that case would have been prosecuted by the district attorney. Unchecked, unstopped, unprosecuted domestic violence could very well lead to murder, of either the abused or the abuser. And the authorities sure as hell will prosecute an abused spouse/significant other who kills her/his abuser. This is not a situation to take lightly.

Threatening the safety of its citizens to force the hand of the county district attorney's office is heartless and treacherous. I understand that everyone {individuals, small businesses, municipal, county, state and federal government agencies} is struggling to make ends meet, with the exception of the elite top 1% of our country, but taking it out on domestic violence victims is not OK.

The Scoop

Topeka, figure it out. While the Shawnee County DA has taken on these cases once again, there remains a budget issue. This could be a nightmare, both figuratively and literally, for citizens, the city and the county. Cut from an area of the budget that will not affect such a vulnerable, usually mute, segment of the community; perhaps a cut to your own salaries is in order, City of Topeka officials. Priorities must be set; the safety of people must be placed over other city projects. Over and out...

Anna