Hanging By a Thread

Love Wins {Marriage Equality in MN}

And then there were 12

I had just parked at the library. The boys had unbuckled and were bouncing around the van, ready to go pick out some books. I decided to check Facebook one more time to see if the MN Senate had voted yet.

The first five or so posts that met me as I scrolled through my stream immediately told me that Minnesota had indeed passed the Marriage Equality Bill (which Gov. Dayton will sign today), allowing for gay marriage in our state.

I happily announced it to the boys. I explained once again what that meant for the people of our state. And tears flowed from my eyes.

The boys said, "Why are you crying? You're already married." They asked me, "Why are you sad?"

I explained that they were tears of joy. And yes, while their dad and I are already married, this law will mean that many loving, devoted couples can now be married, as we are, if they so choose.

I couldn't help but think of our friends and family who are affected by laws that discriminate against them and their loved ones. I couldn't help but think of all of those who feel liberated and empowered by this new law. I couldn't help but think of the future generations and what this law will mean to them.

Marital Status

This law has nothing to do with sexual relations. This law is about the basic rights of a married couple both in life and in death. This law is about giving adults of sound mind, regardless of sexual orientation, the right to marry whom they choose. This law is about giving couples basic rights regarding insurance coverage, hospital visits and medical information, testamentary rights, tax status and deductions, and more. This is a legal distinction; this is a human rights distinction.

People can live together, sleep together and spend their lives together without a marriage certificate, so long as they choose to and are of legal age. That wouldn't change whether this law had passed or not.

In addition to the legal rights afforded by this law, what changes is the legitimacy of these relationships from the perspective of others. The level of commitment won't change for the couple who has devoted the last 20 years to each other, regardless of legal marital status, but it will change the way the world views them. They will be married; they will be connected in the eyes of the state; they will be one unit for all to know and recognize.

Marital Injustices

It wasn't that long ago that the issue being discussed and legislated was marriage between a white person and a person of color.

In Loving v. Virginia, the 1967 U.S. Supreme Court case that made inter-racial marriage possible in every state, Justice Earl Warren wrote, "Marriage is one of the 'basic civil rights of man,' fundamental to our very existence and survival.... To deny this fundamental freedom on so unsupportable a basis as the racial classifications embodied in these statutes, classifications so directly subversive of the principle of equality at the heart of the Fourteenth Amendment, is surely to deprive all the State's citizens of liberty without due process of law. The Fourteenth Amendment requires that the freedom of choice to marry not be restricted by invidious racial discrimination. Under our Constitution, the freedom to marry, or not marry, a person of another race resides with the individual and cannot be infringed by the State."

Yes, Justice Warren was specifically discussing racial discrimination, but in so many ways, we're talking about the same thing. Opponents of Marriage equality among gay couples fear that it will ruin the institution of marriage; that it will hurt our kids and damage our country's morals. Opponents of inter-racial marriages made of a lot of those same arguments.

The Scoop

I'll tell you what hurts our kids and damages our country... It's hate and fear and closed hearts and minds. It's the idea that one group knows what's best for another group. It's failing to love each other regardless of our differences and our similarities and in spite of them.

And so it was with tears of joy and gratitude and pride that my Christian, hetero-sexual, happily-married-to-a-man, heart swelled with rainbow-colored pride when I heard the news that MN had just become the 12^th state in the U.S. giving all adult couples the option of marriage! Thank you, MN Legislators!

I will respect your opinion, even if I don't agree. Will you respect mine? Over and out...

Anna

Love: This Little Light of Mine, I’m Gonna Let it Shine

LOVE

True LOVE

Real LOVE

Deep as an Ocean

All encompassing

Love does not conform; Love won't be stopped by laws

LOVE does not Discriminate; LOVE understands; LOVE Forgives

LOVE Survives

Love Heals

Love Saves

God is

LOVE

As we near this year's very heated, passionate election day, please take a moment to remember to Love your neighbors, your friends, your family regardless of what they believe or advocate for or who they vote for or whose signs are firmly planted in their yards.

Love is the most important thing we have. Live by example; let your love be a roaring fire that shines out for the world to see; don't hide it under a bushel. Love is not shameful. Over and out...

Anna

Collage: Creating Something New from Something Broken {A Lesson in Persistence and Love}

England Summer of 1996

Back in 1996, I spent a magical, amazing summer in London. I toured a number of cathedrals and castles and towers in London and the surrounding countryside while there. All were impressive and beautiful; some left more of an impression than others. One story that has stayed with me all these years came from the tour of Winchester Cathedral; one of the oldest and longest cathedrals in England.

In 1642, Cromwell's troops smashed the huge stained glass windows in this cathedral. The women of Winchester gathered all the pieces of the shattered glass and tried to put the pictures back together, but they couldn't. So, instead they simply used all the pieces to make a collage of sorts.

The pieces are there, but they're just in a different order; creating a completely new work of art. It was one of the most beautiful stained glass windows I've ever seen.

This story really touched me; the care and love that went into that window must have been great.

Texas Summer of 2011

In the summer of 2011, I wrote about the end of the marriage between my sister-in-law and brother-in-law and my anger and grief over losing my sister-in-law in the process. It was a gut-wrenching, broken-hearted, confusing time for our family.

My sister-in-law and brother-in-law kept saying they were praying for a miracle.

Half of me thought with a smirk what kind of miracle? The divorce petition had been filed and served; my brother-in-law had moved out; hearts had been torn in two. The other half of me thought why can't this story end like a country love song {my favorite kind of country song} and they vow to love each other and make it work.

But mostly, I thought it was over and we would all learn the new rules of family gatherings, holidays and loss from divorce.

Texas Summer of 2012

Well, I was wrong. They got their miracle. A year after thinking it was over for good a crazy, miraculous thing happened. They fell in love; a love like they had never had. This love is deep and wide and puts goofy smiles on their faces.

Persistence and New Designs

Sometimes something can be so broken; so crushed down and ripped into little pieces that it becomes unrecognizable. Often those pieces are swept up and thrown into the garbage. But sometimes those pieces are carefully gathered and preserved until they can be put back together again. And like the Winchester Cathedral, you can't always get those pieces to look like it did before. No, instead, it becomes something completely new and more beautiful than before.

And that's what happened here. There was a marriage before, but it never looked like this. Now, it's a beautiful work of art that was hand-wrought from hard lessons learned, a new common aim and a deep and abiding love for each other and their family that was ignored and forgotten in the past, but came shining through when the shards were pieced together in this new design.

The Scoop

So, when something is broken and appears to be beyond repair, remember the Winchester Cathedral stained glass window that was pieced into an amazing new design in 1660; 18 years after it was shattered during a civil war. All it takes is a fresh perspective and an enduring persistence; and maybe a country love song or two.

I can't deny that this pleases me beyond words, brings a tear to my eye and puts a goofy smile on my face. Miracles happen every day.

Ironically, it was the summer of 1996 that this marriage began; just 1 month before I traveled to England and toured the Winchester Cathedral. Over and out....

Anna

My Life...So Far {38 Lessons}

Life is a constant lesson. Just when you think you've got a hold on it and you've learned everything the world can teach you, a new saga begins. But without these adventures, trials, heartbreaks and triumphs life would be dull and lifeless; at least that's what I keep telling myself.

I have lived almost 38 years on this earth, and I've been thinking about the lessons I've learned over the years. And here they are; 39 of them:

1. Stepping out of your comfort zone is always worth it;
2. Quietly taking in your surroundings and evaluating the situation can be very helpful in future dealings;
3. Always take each opportunity that comes your way; it may not present itself ever again;
4. Surround yourself with pets; you will always feel loved and understood, even when the world doesn't get you;
5. Be true to yourself; this can be hard when your heart falls hard and leads the way {in the wrong direction};
6. Fall in love, even if it might mean getting hurt; it's worth it;
7. Stand up for what you believe is right;
8. Never compromise when it means giving up on a dream;
9. Even if dreams have to be shelved for a while, don't let them stay on the shelf so long that they become unrecognizable;
10. Never give up...not ever; not even on the darkest nights; the morning will come;
11. When one road is closed, start searching for alternate routes....there's always at least one;
12. Be your own cheerleader;
13. You can always come home...or call home; my parents are my rock, my life support, my ultimate fans;
14. My relationship with my brother is one of the most important ones in my life;
15. My sorority sisters are my sisters and true friends; I love them and when I'm with them we are still 20 and the years and miles between us are erased;
16. My husband does more for me, our family and our home than most husbands do, and I should show more appreciation than I do;
17. Brand new love is the most exciting, but old love is the most reassuring;
18. Love at first sight...or first dance...or first conversation happens;
19. Say what you mean and mean what you say;
20. Sometimes it's best to bite your tongue and leave a few things unsaid {a tough lesson for me};
21. Life can be disappointing, but whether it continues to be disappointing is up to you;
22. Loss hurts...acknowledge it....feel it...grieve and then get back to living life;
23. Take a chance...again....and again...and again;
24. Move...live in different cities... states...countries, if you can;
25. Being a mom has filled my life, but being a mom is not my whole life;
26. Be present; soak up the here and now because the days, months and years fly by;
27. Kids complicate things, bring out the best and worst, but the joy they add and lessons they teach are worth it;
28. Waiting to have kids was one of the best things we did for our marriage;
29. Never miss the chance to tell your child you love him;
30. Advocate for your children; you know them better than anyone else;
31. Always say you're sorry when you've made a mistake or said something that was hurtful;
32. Swallow your pride; you won't choke on it, but you'll end up playing the part of the pompous fool if you don't;
33. Dance anytime you have a chance....who cares what you look like {this took me a long time to realize};
34. Pray without ceasing;
35. Believe in miracles;
36. Speak from your heart; everyone has something important to say; don't be afraid to tell your story;
37. Sleep when you can;
38. Read only books you love; books that speak to you; otherwise, you're wasting your time; and one to grow on....
39. You don't have to live every minute of every day because that's exhausting, but do your best to live while you can.

I think I pretty much covered the big ones, but there are more, of course. And I the older I get the more transparent the life lessons become. What has life taught you? Over and out...

Anna

Motherly Advice {The Dot to Dot of Life}

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

    ~Robert Frost, the last stanza from The Road not Taken

I'm not sure how I feel about the idea of destiny. I think that we are the architects of our lives, based on the decisions we make, the passions we pursue and the roads we travel. And yet, there's an element of fate to life too.

An old flame recently stumbled across Motherly Law, and sent me a message after realizing a post he'd read was written by me. It has been years since we've had any conversation. It took me back to college and the road I took to get where I am today.

I realized that if it hadn't been for my former boyfriend, I doubt I would have met my husband. In high school, I made the decision to follow him to the university he had chosen the year before. I applied only there. I had no desire to go anywhere else.

Fortunately, it was a good school. It was in the city where my husband grew up. It was his choice for college too.

Eventually, the relationship that had brought me there ended and I met my husband, but if it hadn't been for a couple of friends urging me to go out with them one evening, I may not have ever spoken to this cute, skinny freshmen {I was an older, more mature sophomore at the time}.

And if it had not been for my gutsy resolve to call that cute, young {but spineless when it came to calling me} freshman, we may not have ever spoken again.

And if it had not been for all of these things, there are two little boys who would have never existed.

Life is full of "if it hadn't been for this, then this would or would not have happened" kinds of circumstances. So, are we predestined to be or go or do certain things? Can you escape your destiny by making different choices?

This reminds me of a conversation my brother and I once had. These kinds of questions lead to more questions and each answer leads you to the original question; it's like spinning in circles on ice. These are questions I can't answer.

But I can connect the dots. And these dots will eventually form the picture of my life. Over and out...

Nota Bene: It's worth reading The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost in its entirety. It seems like such a simple poem; it's one we know the lines to, but there are many layers there; definitely food for thought. This is one of my favorite poems; one I like to contemplate as I pass milestones and make choices as life trudges on.

Anna

On Fried Chicken and Casting Stones

Framing the Issue

This has NOTHING to do with fried chicken.

I have been mulling this over in my mind for a long time trying to find the right words to address this topic.

When we go to the polls in November, the voters in my state will be asked to make a number of important decisions. One of those questions regards an amendment to our state constitution concerning the definition of marriage within MN.

This topic has gripped our nation in recent months based on various ballot questions, the presidential election and the prospect of court rulings from the highest courts in the country in the coming year or two.

What am I talking about? Well, if you haven't figured it out yet, I'm referring to same-sex marriage. For the record, I am a heterosexual female and I'm married to a heterosexual male, but this debate coursing through our country has me steaming. So, why do I care?

For me, there are multiple layers to this issue.

Fueled by Fear

I don't generally argue about religious issues here on Motherly Law, but for me this discussion has absolutely nothing to do with religion. For me, this is a legal issue, just like other laws that regulate who can and cannot marry, when, where and why.

However, for some people this is a religious issue. What I can't figure out is where in the world these people got the idea that God would want them to use His name in this hateful, fear-based argument against other human beings.

What is clear to me is that this is exactly that: a hateful rant born out of fear and misunderstanding.

I ask you, do you know any same-sex couples? Well, I do, and you know what? They are exactly like "opposite-sex" couples. That's right. They casually chat with each other over a quiet dinner; they argue over whose turn it is to do the dishes or take out the trash or get up with the crying baby; they share inside jokes; they take their kids to the park; they buy groceries; they go to church on Sunday; they live their lives just like any other family in the neighborhood.

Fear of "these people" corrupting our kids and our "family values" is misplaced.

And for the record, I have known a number of "opposite-sex" couples who should have never been allowed to get married; who made a mess of their marriage; who destroyed their families; who certainly stained our idea of "family values"; some of these people are church-going, God-fearing people...for the record.

Historical Instances of Suppressing Rights

From a historical and legal review, I would ask you to think about all the laws that have sought to restrict the rights of other groups of people and have eventually been rectified and those laws amended or overturned in court. Two groups that certainly come to my mind are women and black people.

For far too many years a woman's rights to vote, to hold certain positions, get paid an equal amount for the same work, own property and make decisions concerning her own body were held in check by laws; laws made by white men. And for the record, women's suffrage was considered a religious issue in that fight too; it would ruin "family values" and all...for the record.

Our country felt so strongly about whether white men had the right to control, nay...own other human beings and treat them as property, as the laws referred to slaves, simply because their skin was darker than the men who made the laws, that our divided nation went to war to resolve this issue.

It may have taken hundreds of years, but we have finally reconciled these wrongs. We have finally recognized the rights of all human beings...oh wait. That's right. We are now fighting hard not to allow two adults who love each other the right to get married and raise a family as a married couple with all the rights a married couple has.

From a different legal perspective, many of the laws we have on our books are there to protect people from physical or mental harm, protect their property and be sure that basic human rights are not quashed. Laws are not intended to harm a particular group of people who believe something different than the majority or single out people of a certain creed simple because some of the people in the country don't understand or agree with their beliefs or lifestyle choices.

A legal union between two consenting adults of full mental capacity, regardless of gender, national origin, religion, etc. is a basic right that harms no one, at least in my book. How would you feel if your right to marry your spouse was suddenly in question?

The Scoop

You know, as I ponder this hateful rhetoric, I think that perhaps the real fear is that same-sex couples do act like "traditional" couples. I think the real fear is that "they" raise families like the rest of "us"; "they" are just like "us" when it comes to spousal duties, in-laws, career aspirations, planning the summer vacation, etc. And if "they" are like "us" then what? I think this elicits fear of the unknown for some people.

I would liken this fear to the uncomfortable, uneasy feelings that predominated white families as minority families began moving into "their" neighborhoods years ago. While most neighborhoods and communities are quite multi-cultural now and that fear has greatly subsided, the original prejudice was based on ignorance and misunderstanding of each other's cultures and values.

If we could all be loving, peaceful and kind to one another, as the Bible teaches us, then we would get along, learn from each other and live happily ever after. While that is clearly not possible, at least not yet, I suggest that we all follow the advice of Jesus found in John 8:7 when Jesus said,

If any of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone...

This was in reference to a woman who had been caught committing adultery; a crime punishable by stoning. And in case you don't know the rest of the story, not one of the men present cast a stone at her or condemned her, especially not Jesus.

The point is, we have all sinned in various ways, and it's not for us to judge each other's actions and decisions and determine what's a sin and what's not and how each sin ranks on a scale 1-10.

This has NOTHING to do with fried chicken. We're talking about people, just like you and me.

And for the record, this is my opinon; a view I have a right to express thanks to our Constitution. What's your opinion? Over and out...

Anna

For more about this topic from me, please read: There's a Storm a Brewin' in Minnesota: NOH8MN

Motherly Advice {The Perfect Life}

This is what I thought my life would look like. Seriously. It may sound naïve and silly and immature, but this house is an actual house in the town where Will and I went to college; where we met and fell in love; where we spun sugary strands of silken dreams of how our lives would go and what we do and where we would live, and the kids we would have and the trips we would take.

And this is what I thought it would look like....perfect, cozy, neat and precise; a comfortable life with lots of sure things and laughter and dinner parties and fun and very little not-sure-what-our-next-move-is-in-this-game-of-Life; Real Life, that is.

But...as you all know, there are no sure things in life.

No, our life has been bumpy and gravelly with good times, bad times and in-between times, but a home like that has never been in sight; not yet, at least.

I was reminded by my silly, inexperienced projection of "our beautiful life together" when I was in that town visiting my in-laws recently. I absent-mindedly passed by that house and it caught my attention. Suddenly, those ideas came flooding back to me.

It would have been a beautiful life; the life I had imagined for us. Yes, indeed.

There are days I think, "Ah, this is the life I wouldn't change a thing about this moment" and then there are other times that I yearn for a more picturesque life of more of this and less of that, if even for just a short while.

I'm not complaining though; only reviewing, reminiscing and re-thinking.

We each take different roads; each leading to different places; some are long and winding and lovely, but really only take you in one big loop, never truly getting anyway; some are short and sweet, but the scenery never changes; and others are hilly, then flat, then curving, up and down, high above the coastline, then through the mountains, with a short stretch of desert, then through lush valleys, across great blue lakes, always continuing, always an adventure, with new lessons to be learned at every turn and dead end.

The latter is the road we have taken. Where it ultimately leads, we won't know til the bitter {or sweet} end. So, we may never call a "perfect" storybook house like this one home, but we will have truly played the game of Life and taken chances along the way. Over and out...

Anna

Less Than Perfect Behavior: Temporary Orders

While we were visiting Texas, we celebrated Darling 1's birthday. My sister-in-law had gotten a gift for Darling 2, as well, since his birthday is in a few months and it would be easier on her to give it to him now in-person and easier on him to receive it now while his brother was getting lots of gifts; it's hard to understand these kinds of things when you're still a little guy.

Well, Darling 2 knew about this gift, and he wanted to open it right away because he's 3 and impatient with a single-focus when there are presents to be had.

Darling 2 didn't care about the schedule of the evening or the reasoning behind waiting. All he knew is that he wanted that gift. Darling 2 felt angry and distraught and powerless in his situation; and he couldn't think of anything else.

As the evening advanced, he became more and more difficult and more and more upset knowing there was something he wanted in that bag, but wasn't able to have it until someone in charge gave the OK.

Eventually, he got to open that present and was ecstatic to find a Transformer. He quickly forgot the agony he had been in having to wait to get what he wanted once he had.

Well, adults can behave this way too.

Often, when a marriage has come to an end, but no formal divorce proceedings have begun, the once couple, now two separate beings have a single-focus of getting out of the marriage and holding on to whatever dear is left whether it's the kids, the house, pets, grandma's china, the big screen TV or a big bank account. And often, both spouses feel angry, sad and powerless in their situations.

That's not a good place to be. It's a confusing time and sometimes the result is a whole lot of...inaction. Perhaps, each person is waiting on the other to make a move; or worried that the other will act faster and more aggressively than the other; or just plain stuck, not knowing where to go next.

Many times once a couple has decided that marriage is no longer an option for them, the concern turns to custody and finances. There are questions about who will pay the mortgage, the insurance, the bills, etc. And if there are children involved the biggest tension point is most often who will the kids live with and who will pay child support and how much, etc.

The easiest and best way to answer all these questions is to get a Temporary Order in place once one party has filed a petition for dissolution of marriage.

A Temporary Order is a court order that establishes temporary custody of children and visitation schedules, amounts of spousal support and/or child support; ensures that valuable assets won't be sold; allows for who will be living in the home, paying the bills, etc. This order can remain in force until it is amended at a subsequent hearing or until the Divorce Decree is filed and takes the place of the Temporary Order.

Once the petition for dissolution is filed and one spouse is moving out, the two spouses can decide these issues on their own and then present it to the court for approval or if the two are unable to come to an agreement about these key issues, the court will decide these matters, at least on a temporary basis.

So, if you find yourself feeling powerless and confused as you face divorce and are concerned about what will happen when your spouse moves out or whether your spouse will drop you from the insurance policy or who will be responsible for making house or car or credit card payments and most importantly how will the children be taken care of, by whom and where, then you should promptly contact an attorney about filing a petition for dissolution and getting a temporary order in place.

The Temporary Order involves filing a few documents, answering some questions, working out a few things with your soon to be ex-spouse or leaving it all up to a judge and agreeing to abide by this court order until further notice. *Exact details vary by jurisdiction. Over and out...

Anna

Standing Still While Time Passes in a Blur: Laws of Time & People

On my recent trip to Texas I have come up with a few "laws" concerning the passage of time and its effect on people. As I've mentioned in the past, Texas is my homeland; where my people reside. I was fortunate enough to have the chance to visit with family, both young and old, by blood and by marriage, as well as see friends from college; even more importantly, my sorority sisters.

I have known these people at most for my entire life and least for several decades. I am not a stranger to them and they are certainly not unfamiliar to me. These are people I have shared my life with, the good times and bad times. There have been many laughs and just as many tears. These are some of the most important people in my life.

As time marches on, much seems to stand still. We all move along the continuum of time entering new phases of life as we leave other stages behind, and yet some things just never change. Here are the observations I've made on the "Laws of People and Time":

1. People don't really change; time softens the hard edges or chisels deep, sharp chasms into the soul; and sometimes life does both at various times;
2. Even though time, life {and kids} have long since ravaged our young, svelte, wrinkle free bodies, we still look the same to each other;
3. Those close knit friendships forged during those formative college years are friends for life;
4. No matter how old you are, you are always your mom's child;
5. Old wounds can be as raw as when the dagger first struck if flooded with old memories;
6. Family ties don't have to be broken by divorce;
7. We are products of our roots, surroundings and experiences;
8. Our love for such friends and family is not diminished by time, distance or circumstances, but remains for a lifetime.

We can't stop time from ticking away second by second, minute by minute, day by day, or year by year, but that's alright because there are some things that time can't take away or ever change. These things simply define who we are, strive to be or have overcome.

Clearly, I'm still feeling nostalgic after my trip to Texas. Over and out...

Anna

Celebrity Watch: Our Emotional Connections {Inspired by Klum v. Seal}

Hollywood Divorce

So, Heidi Klum filed for divorce from Seal this week. Why is this headline news? This is certainly neither the first, nor the last celebrity divorce in the news. We watch them all with interest. Why are we concerned with the affairs of people we don't know; people we have never even met and more than likely will never meet?

The breakup of a marriage and a family is always sad, regardless of who the people are or the reasons why. People are people no matter their profession or social status, and all people feel anger, loss and sadness. But what makes the general public feel such an intense interest in a celebrity's life; whether it's a marriage, a divorce, a birth, a death or other event?

Feeling a Kinship

Clearly, much of the general public does feel this way. There are numerous blogs, publications, televisions shows and books devoted to this very topic. It's a multi-million dollar industry. We love to see what a celebrity is up to; how they live their lives. This seems to be particularly true about certain celebrity couples; couples deemed to be "normal" or "down-to-earth"; couples who stay married more than 5 years; couples who seem private and quiet; couples who seem to be happy and in love.

From all the media coverage sharing the romantic tidbits, the private moments, the glamorous getaways, the special gifts displayed for all to see we think we know them; we connect with them. I think that for many this exposure gives them a feeling of kinship with the celebrity couple; as in "if they can do it, so can we" or "we're rooting for you" sort of way.

Great Expectations

Or perhaps we are projecting our own relationships onto the celebrity couples and relying on them to pull through and make it and live happily ever after just like in the movies. Often that is not the case, especially for those matches made in Hollywood.

We know this. It's always been the case. There aren't many of these marriages that last a lifetime. Celebrities don't usually mate for life; instead many of them change spouses as often as they change movie roles.

Too harsh? Perhaps. But stop and think about the celebrities that we put on pedestals; those whom we feel disappointed in or let down by when we hear that he or she cheated or that he or she was abusive, etc. ; why do we put faith in these people? Why do we expect more from them? Why do we need them to stay married, be good husbands and wives and ride off in the sunset together?

Hollywood Splits Good for Our Marriages?

These celebrity marriages {& dissolutions} have nothing to do with our lives; with our marriages. And yet, we continue to buy People magazine; we continue to tune into to the celebrity gossip sites; and we continue to discuss their engagements, weddings, parenting choices and breakups with our friends and have an opinion about it all.

As it turns out, psychoanalysts say we do identify with various celebrities or perhaps see a particular celebrity couple as having things in common with our own marriages, and we have an emotional connection to them because of these similarities. So, when something like a divorce occurs, we do feel a little like it's happening to us. We feel the sadness and heartbreak as we imagine they are feeling too.

However, experts say this can also encourage us to look at our own marriages and learn positive lessons from the demise of our favorite celebrity couple. These breakups may prompt us to ask questions like, "could this happen to us?" In fact, the report of a celebrity couple filing for divorce could be a good way to bring up issues in your own relationship that are of concern to you or areas that need improvement, etc.

The Scoop

So, if you're feeling a trace of sadness over the announcement that Heidi Klum has filed for divorce after 7 years of marriage to Seal, you're only human and it could actually be good for your marriage. Over and out...

Anna