Hanging By a Thread

5 Things You Should Know {On the Secret to Being Happy in Life}

This list just came to me one afternoon. As I age and become more comfortable in my skin, these are the "rules" I try to adhere to, in general.

Of course, there more to each of these succinct statements and these few words are not the be all and end all of a happy life, but I have been reading a lot about happiness v. joy and what makes us happy, etc.

And when it comes down to it, it's pretty simple. These points say nothing about work or faith or economic status or age or stage of life. These 5 (really 6) statements can apply to anyone and everyone, regardless of the level of ease of comfort of one's life.

 

1. Say No when you need to
2. Say Yes when you want to
3. Be present in the moment as much as possible
4. Don't feel guilty when you need to retreat from the world around you and be alone with your thoughts
5. Embrace where you are now and where you have come from, who you are now and who you are becoming, what you are doing and how you are getting where you are headed by refusing to give up or give-in, learning from your mistakes, continuing to move forward step by step, day by day and always offering a smile to everyone you meet.

Oh, and indulge a bit here and there! These moments are the cherries on top; shiny and sweet.

 Life is simple if we learn to travel lightly and ride the waves. This is not always an easy task, but one worth striving for. Over and out... {now humming "Don't Worry, Be Happy"}

Anna

Related articles

5 Things You Should Know {New Moms}

5 Things You Should Know {How to Pretend Spring is Here or Trick Yourself into Believing it’s Actually a Mild January}

Here in Minnesota my calendar reads mid-April, but when I look out the window I see a cold, wet, blustery, often snowy landscape more reminiscent of early March or late November. It's been a long winter and while snow frequently makes its appearance here in April, it's also not uncommon to have a few sunny days that hit 65 degrees sprinkled through late March and April.

Not this year. No, this year the tail end of winter lingers, the sun hides behind a thick, bland curtain of clouds that often opens only to reveal more snow and sleet. And now, we have yet another winter storm taking aim at us.

Well, it's getting to me the same way that early winter gets to me. It drags me down and makes me sleepy and irritable and sluggish, but I have decided to fight back.

Here are 5 things you should know about how to pretend Spring is here or trick yourself into believing it's actually a mild January:

1. Dress for the season you want it to be, regardless of what the thermometer reads. I tried this on Tuesday, and I was a bit chilly, but I flatly refused to wear my coat or gloves. And later in the afternoon the sun came out and felt so nice!
2. On the worst of the faux spring days {perhaps today would be a good day for this one} claim a mental health day; stay in your jammies all day; drink hot chocolate and watch movies; and just get all your dreary moping done in that day. The next day move on and be cheerful knowing that spring has to be very near, if not summer.
3. Find a photo of the sun or a beach or plants budding out and tape it to the window you most frequently look out during the day. Focus on that photo instead. Maybe you can trick your mind into thinking it's real.
4. Roll your calendar back to January. When you do look outside, you will be pleasantly surprised by how little snow there is for "January."
5. Put shorts and a t-shirt on, layer on sweats and boots and a coat; stick sandals in a bag and high tail it over to Como Conservatory. Strip down to your shorts and tee, slip on the sandals and find a warm, humid spot to sit, whether among the palms or gazing at the beautiful blooms or near an exotic plant and stay there until you've convinced yourself that you're sitting outside.

Oh, and one more thing, avoid all Facebook friends who live in warm places or have traveled to warm destinations and feel the need to share photos of their sunny escapades! You are only risking severe depression if you indulge in such unhealthy temptations, especially for the next several days! Over and out....

Anna

Inside My Head

There's a lot that goes on inside my head. I make lists; I sing songs and hum along with an imaginary orchestra; I write posts; I referee debates between my head and my heart; I justify; I reason; I pray; I run through worst case and best case scenarios; I calculate, often having to do with time; I speak with an accent, usually British; I shut out the rest of the world.

We all need this alone time. And "alone" can mean many different things to each person. I can be completely alone at my desk, in a silent house, in the middle of the night; at the kitchen counter while chopping vegetables and surrounded by dogs, cats and little boys all needing different things from me at the same time; in the middle of a busy airport with people rushing to and fro, heading home or getting away or running to close a deal or visit grandma, as I sit with earbuds in, magazine open and oblivious to the perpetual motion; while shopping for groceries, wandering up and down the aisles without my kids and without a clock ticking for me to somewhere or do something. I can be quite alone in many places.

Being alone recharges my battery, clears away the webs of schedules, to-do lists, deadlines, the have-tos and need-tos, the push and pull of everyday. I can think again. I can put things into perspective. I can get back in the game of life.

Shutting off. Being Still. Meditating. Writing. Taking a walk. Just sitting without speaking. It shouldn't be so hard to do. Why does it feel so selfish sometimes to take this time to be alone?

For a mom this can be a difficult task....but it's a necessary one too. Today I'm celebrating taking the time to be inside my head and start the week off with a clear perspective of the tasks that must be tackled, taking into account that there will be very little alone time. Over and out...

Anna

God is with Us {Always and Everywhere}

In the aftermath of this horrible tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School I have seen various posts on Facebook and scattered through articles saying this massacre has nothing to do with stricter gun laws. Instead, these posts, remarks, quotes insist we need to "put God back in schools."

These statements sadden and confound me.

I am a Christian. I love my Lord. It matters not where I go, my God is with me always and everywhere.

To me, these statements imply that since our schools are secular, God abandoned these children and teachers in their hour of greatest need; as if God couldn't step through those shattered glass doors because our government adheres to the separation of church and state, respecting all religions.

Pardon me, but that's not the God I know. No, I know God was in that school on Friday, December 14, 2012 at 9:40 am.

God stood at those locked school doors, weeping as the gunman {whom I refuse to dignify by mentioning his name} made his way toward the school, resolute in his gruesome mission. God was there in the hall giving strength and courage to Principal Dawn Hochsprung and School Psychologist Mary Sherlach as they lunged for the gunman in an effort to protect every child and teacher and staff member in the building.

God was there in each classroom as the teachers realized what those popping sounds in the hall were. God was there guiding the teachers, holding their hands and steadying their voices. God was there wrapping his arms around the frightened children huddled in darkened closets, corners of rooms and cramped bathrooms.

Rest assured God stood with those teachers in those two classrooms where all those young lives were suddenly and tragically taken from this earth. I'm sure God wept as he held their tiny, broken bodies. God was there when barricaded classes quietly prayed at the suggestions of students.

God was there, as the police began to arrive and quickly and efficiently combed through that school. God was there helping to lead the frightened and shocked students and teachers from the building.

God was there waiting for the terrified families to arrive at the school searching for their children, spouses, parents, siblings and friends; looking for the familiar faces; hoping for a comforting word. God was there holding up the parents, siblings and friends when those 26 didn't appear.

God was present at every prayer vigil and service that has been held for these lives taken. God is with the family of the gunman helping them to cope with this terrible burden. God walked alongside those first responders who witnessed the tragic result of a mad man with an assault weapon.

God remains with those families who have been forever wounded and altered. God stands in judgment of the gunman's soul. And God silently waits with us as we, as a nation, ask what can be done to prevent this from happening again.

God is always with us everywhere. That is what I believe as a Christian, and that is what I teach my children.

Evil does lay in wait; looking for the opportune moment to strike and cause us horrible pain; hoping we will say that God has forsaken us; plotting to turn us against one another; pointing out our differences and preying on our weaknesses.

I refuse to give Satan that satisfaction. For Jesus tells us in John 16:33, "In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."

God is with us...always and everywhere!

Anna

Falling Through the Dark Portal: Seasonal Affective Disorder {SAD}

Words Elude Me

The words slowly float by on the low, gray clouds. I reach up to capture them, but I'm too slow. The fog is thick; my legs feel like they're stuck in cement. It's hard to think; it's hard to act; it's hard to write or cook or get up or accomplish much of anything.

A bad dream? Unfortunately, no.

It happens every year, and yet it takes me by surprise every year. I sit confused and bleary eyed at first trying to figure out what has happened; what's wrong with me. Then, I look outside at the gray nothingness and it hits me; I have stepped into that dark portal between fall and winter and am free falling into that black hole.

The Darkest of Days

You know, that time of year when you get up and it's dark; you take the kids to school and it's gray, damp and dreary; you go to pick up the kids and the dull sun has started to slip down behind the low, dark clouds; you run a few errands and emerge to find what little sunlight there was has slipped below the horizon; you glance outside and realize you better turn on the porch light for the husband because it's completely dark and the clock has yet to strike 5 o'clock.

Up in the northern regions, this happens in late October and lasts through the winter, but November and early December are the hardest as the days are especially dark and dreary. By mid-December the snow begins to make an appearance, lightening and brightening the night and day and this helps me immensely.

But at this moment, I am stuck in the dark fog that permeates my being.

Seasonal Affective Disorder

This is Seasonal Affective Disorder. Here's what the U.S. National Library of Medicine says about it:

Symptoms usually build up slowly in the late autumn and winter months. Symptoms are usually the same as with other forms of depression:

• Hopelessness
• Increased appetite with weight gain (weight loss is more common with other forms of depression)
• Increased sleep (too little sleep is more common with other forms of depression)
• Less energy and ability to concentrate
• Loss of interest in work or other activities
• Sluggish movements
• Social withdrawal
• Unhappiness and irritability

This about sums it up, but this year my appetite has decreased, which is a plus for me.

Treatment includes managing symptoms by sleeping enough, eating healthy foods, exercising, getting out in the sunlight, when possible and light therapy. I started using a lamp last year for treating my SAD symptoms.

These lamps use a very bright light (10,000 lux) that mimics light from the sun. The U.S. National Library of Medicine makes this recommendation regarding light therapy:

• Start treatment during the fall or early winter, before the symptoms of SAD begin.
• Follow your health care provider's instructions about how to use light therapy. A common practice is to sit a couple of feet away from the light box for about 30 minutes every day. This is usually done in the early morning, to mimic sunrise.
• Keep your eyes open, but do not look straight into the light source.
• Symptoms of depression should improve within 3 - 4 weeks if light therapy is going to help.

The Scoop

As I mentioned, I am caught by surprise each year by this annual visitor. I should have already started light therapy, but I will begin it now. And I will try to remember to pull out my lamp next September in anticipation of this dark portal.

How about you? Do the dark days affect your mood, upset your rhythm and break your spirit like it does mine? Over and out...

Anna

Making It Through the Dark: Joy Cometh in the Morning

I still remember every minute detail about the day; Friday will mark 12 years. I had just graduated from law school and I was already studying for yet another final exam; the bar exam. We would be moving to Sioux City, IA, in just over a month, and I was starting to cull through our things to ready the house for our big move from Norman, OK.

On this particular day in May of 2000, my brother-in-law was on his way to visit us for a few days, having just completed his sophomore year in college. He had arrived only a few minutes before we received a devastating phone call.

My husband's cousin had been found dead; an apparent suicide. This cousin had also just completed his sophomore year, alongside my brother-in-law. He seemed to have his whole life ahead of him; and yet, there must have been dark demons lurking somewhere just below the surface, unseen and unheard by others.

We were stunned, perplexed and deeply saddened by this completely unexpected news. I still think about him often; I still question the depths of despair he must have felt; and I simply wonder why.

On that day, as I have so often, I turned to my faith. I reached for my devotional; the one I've been reading since March of 1998. And of all the 365 passages in that compact volume, the shortest one of all, dated May 17^th, the day that our cousin drew his final breath, is the one I remember best of all.

This is the entry for May 17^th:

"Sorrow may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."

My bravest are those who can anticipate the morning and feel in the night of sorrow that underlying joy that tells of confident expectations of the morning.

That's it. Nothing more or less.

And every time I read these words, I think if only he had read this; if only he could have found that underlying joy of knowing that the morning light would bring clarity to his thoughts.

But he didn't.

Instead, he sat alone in the dark and decided that he couldn't face another day. He was unable to see even the faintest light beginning to streak across the night sky.

If ever you feel the deep despair as black as the night, please know that everything always looks better in the dawn's golden light. And that's a promise.

There are no second chances with suicide. It doesn't just end one life, but forever leaves all the lives around that person broken like a window that's been smashed with a bat. You can try to tape all the pieces back together, but there will always be a few pieces missing.

If you have final thoughts about ending it all, please reach out to someone; anyone. Help is near. Over and out...

Anna

5 Things You Need to Know {When Bullying Leads to Suicide}

As parents, we have a lot to juggle every single day, and it's easy to miss little signs that could signal big trouble for our kids. Whether you have a child in elementary school, middle school, high school or college, please take a second to read these 5 warning signs; it could save the life of your child.

5 Things That Might Mean Your Kid Needs Help:

 1. Withdrawal from friends and family;

 2. Lack of interest in things they used to enjoy;

 3. Coming up with excuses to be late or miss school;

 4. Change in performance in school or extracurricular activities; and

 5. Talks about or refers to death or dying.

My thanks to my sister-in-law, Susan Berend, who is the Counselor at Burgess Elementary in Wichita Falls, TX, who contributed these 5 Things You Need to Know today. Not only does Susan deal with bullying issues often in her capacity as school counselor, she has also weathered the crushing blow of suicide in her family.

 In the words of Rachel Ehmke, "I'm fine = I wish I could tell you how I really feel." Talk to your kids and find out how they really feel! Over and out...

 Anna

 

 

Motherly Advice: My Cup is Empty

My cup is empty.

My river has run dry.

I scream out in shattering silence.

I run through scenarios and scribble notes, numbers and nothing.

I work.

I try.

I do.

I think.

Dark waves crash over me and wash me in stinging, salty momentum.

My feet stay planted in the shifting sand as I sway to and fro without actually moving forward or backward.

The water rises deeper and deeper.

I'm not sure I remember how to swim.

Tis the Season: PSA on Female Drinking and Driving

In a Flash

One minute you're having a blast and not thinking about the grand scheme of life and perhaps being a bit reckless in your revelry and the next minute something happens that changes lives forever. It's like when you're watching a movie and everyone is having a great time laughing and full of bliss and life is just perfect, but you know something bad is about to happen to end all that happiness because you have the benefit of observing the whole scene from the outside, plus the soundtrack usually gives it away too. This is what having too much to drink and then choosing to drive home could look like.

A Focus on Women    

Much of the emphasis on drinking and driving has traditionally been put on teens and men. However, this is an issue that can affect both female and male; both young and old, including parents.

While both parents should use extreme caution when drinking and getting behind a wheel, this post is focused on women who have a drink and drive later. In 2008, women drivers who were drunk were involved in 1,837 road deaths.

A mom is less likely to take risks when his or her children are present than after a night of fun out on the town with friends, coworkers or a spouse. And generally, a mom out of the house without her children wants to relax, cut loose and perhaps have a drink. I certainly understand that and consume in a drink or two when out with my friends or my husband.

Consider these scenarios: a woman out to dinner with her friends misjudges how much she had to drink or how it affected her; or stops by for happy hour with co-workers at a bar on the way home and has several drinks on an empty stomach; or mom and dad leave the kids with a sitter and go out to dinner for a much needed date night and a bottle wine. These situations are probably easy to imagine because you have more than likely experienced them first hand.

In each of these scenarios, there is the possibility that the person will drink enough to become intoxicated and unfit to drive a vehicle. And in each case, the person is highly likely to drive home anyway. This issue is a problem at any time of the year, but here we are just a few days from New Year's Eve; one of the most alcohol saturated nights of the year. So, I thought this was especially on-point this week.

Women and DWIs

The number of women arrested for DWIs and/or involved in alcohol related accidents has dramatically increased over the years. The Century Council reports that in the 80s women accounted for only 9% of those arrested for DWIs, but from 1997 to 2007 that number had risen to 29%; and in the past decade has increased to 36%. So, what is causing this increase?

The social culture of our country and the role of women has changed significantly since the 80s. More women have full-time jobs in addition to the family duties at home. The pressure to be a super mom often manifests itself through alcohol consumption. There are books, blogs, twitter handles, and twitter parties devoted to a mom's need for a drink at the end of the day.

While our society has become more accepting of mom's Facebook post or tweet suggesting that she can't wait for her #wine, women are still quite adept at hiding actual addictions to alcohol and drugs. Most women are multi-taskers by nature and it appears that drinking is one of the things that women can do without anyone at home or work really noticing.

Studies show that women arrested for DWIs tend to be middle-aged or older, more educated and single, separated or divorced. The average female first time offender is 31 years old.

Affect of Alcohol on a Woman's Body & the Law

Addictions are one thing (& quite another blog post) and driving after drinking is quite another. It doesn't matter if you are drunk every night or once a year, women must be cognizant of that fact that our bodies are not the same as a man's and the effects of alcohol can be different too.

Women have less body water to dilute alcohol as it passes through the digestive tract; less of the liver enzyme, dehydrogenase, that metabolizes alcohol; and are therefore, more exposed to the alcohol and its harmful effects longer than males. Source: The Fix

Alcohol is tricky; its effects can depend on weight, gender, genetics, amount of food consumed, amount and type of alcohol consumed, medications taken, lack of sleep, stress levels etc. What many of us don't realize is how much {or how little} alcohol our bodies can handle when it comes to being intoxicated and unfit to drive, depending on all of these factors and more.

Blood Alcohol Level (BAL), or Blood Alcohol Concentration (BAC), means the amount of alcohol in the bloodstream. All 50 states and the District of Columbia have laws that say a person is too intoxicated to drive when his or her BAC is .08 % or higher, which is .08 g of alcohol per 100 ml of blood.

When you drink an alcoholic beverage, the alcohol goes from your stomach into your blood, then to the liver heart and brain. Alcohol is not digested, but absorbed. Interestingly enough, an older adult consuming an alcoholic beverage raises the BAL 20% more than it does for a younger adult. However, a younger person with a .10 % BAL has a significantly higher risk of being involved in a fatal crash than an older adult with the same BAL.

As noted above, women have less water in their bodies, but they also have more fat. Alcohol does not enter fat cells as easily as other types of cells, which mean that the alcohol stays in a woman's bloodstream longer. And this can mean that a woman may still be drunk at the end of the evening out with friends, even though she stopped drinking long before.

Even our states of mind or menstrual cycles can have an affect on our level of intoxication. In fact, if it's a person's intention to drink to get drunk, it will take that person less alcohol to feel the impairment, as is also the case with a person who is overly tired or overly stressed. We can't fool our bodies.

The Scoop

As my husband's family has joked about for many years now, "Tis the Season" to drink during this month of holidays. Whether it's a cocktail over apps, a glass of wine with dinner and liquored up coffee or cocoa or simply 2 glasses of wine during a meal with friends or a beer on an empty stomach or an overly exhausted parent consuming one cocktail, we need to think twice before consuming alcohol and getting behind the wheel.

Don't let this happen to you. One careless mistake after a night of fun and laughter can fracture your world and forever alter the lives of your kids, spouse and perhaps someone else's family forever.

Think ahead, think twice, monitor the number of drinks you have consumed and don't be ashamed to call a cab, your spouse or a friend to drive you home. We must also not be timid about telling a friend that is clearly too drunk to drive that you are taking her keys and offering a ride, having her spend the night or calling a cab.

This is something we can control, whether before or after the drinks have been drunk. Drink responsibly; drive sober or not at all. Over and out...

Anna

 

Where are you, Christmas Joy? Dealing with the SADness of Seasonal Affective Disorder

The Cruelest Month

December is the cruelest month. I have always loved winter and Christmas, but since moving to Iowa and then Minnesota 11 years ago, I have felt the blues begin to settle in come end of November and beginning of December when the days get exceedingly short and dark and dreary. I drag around completely exhausted, with bags under my eyes. I have no energy or "unction" to do anything. I feel low and down and sad.

Each year it seems to get a little worse. A number of years ago, I began to notice the pattern and acknowledge my blues. I would tell myself I wasn't going crazy; it would pass. And it does...eventually. I have come to realize that I suffer from SAD; that is, Seasonal Affective Disorder.

This year, with Ben's death, one month ago, and the many stresses of 2011, I have really begun to feel the SADness deepen and settle all around me like thick, black fog. I feel as though I am slogging through wet cement, hot tears roll down my cheeks as I drive along running errands or sit typing out articles, I can't get enough rest and I can't muster the joy of the season no matter how much I try.

A Ray of Light

This year is especially low, but this year I have a SAD lamp. Years ago, my brother lived in AK and suffered from SAD too. He now lives in sunny and humid Houston and I am now the proud owner of a big, bulky, very bright and sunny SAD lamp. I have used it only a few times, but I am working on getting into a schedule of using it on a regular basis in an attempt to brighten my mood.

Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD affects people in winter or summer, spring or fall, year after year. It can happen at different times of the year, but often occurs during the winter when a person with otherwise normal mental health suffers from episodes of depression.

SAD occurs more often in women than men, and those who live in places with long, dark winters have the greatest chance of suffering from this type of depression. Apparently, it's estimated that 20% of SAD sufferers are Irish; about 10% of those in Netherland are afflicted with SAD and 8.9% of Alaskans suffer from this disorder. Other factors include hormones, genes, amount of light exposed to each day and body temperature.

Symptoms of SAD

While there is no test to determine if one does indeed suffer from SAD, a health professional can make a diagnosis based on symptoms of the patient and by ruling out other illnesses. A person with SAD usually presents these symptoms:

• Increased appetite and weight gain;
• Irritability and unhappiness;
• Lack of energy;
• Difficulty concentrating and remembering details;
• Fatigue;
• Difficulty sleeping or oversleeping;
• Sad, anxious or empty feelings;
• Social withdrawal;
• Loss of interest in work or other activities; and
• Sense of hopelessness.

Phototherapy

There are a number of treatments that can be very helpful for SAD sufferers. The most common treatment comes in the form of light; a very bright light. It helps to get outside and exercise during the hours with sunlight, but light therapy is best way to get the "sunlight" needed. This is accomplished with a special lamp with fluorescent lights up to 10,000 lux.

Studies have shown that light therapy of 3,000 lux for 2 hours a day for 5 weeks or 10,000 lux for 30 minutes a day for 8 weeks is effective for many. By sitting a few yards away and glancing at the light occasionally, the "rays" can help ease the SAD symptoms.

However, commercial light boxes are not regulated by law in the U.S. So, use caution when selecting a phototherapy lamp. They are not all the same.

And, of course, neither are we humans all the same. Therefore, light therapy does not work for everyone. In fact, 20 to 50% of SAD sufferers do not feel a difference with the light box. If that is the case and the symptoms are severe and unrelenting, other treatment could be sought; that is, vitamins or supplements, occupational therapy or antidepressants. As with any medical diagnosis or treatment, seek the advice of a medical professional before beginning any treatment.

For now, I'm sticking with my light box and trying to find the right time and place to use it each day. I have been told that starting off each dark morning for a 30 minutes of light and/or 30 minutes of phototherapy each evening when it's already dark will be helpful.

The Scoop

I am optimistic, as always, even through this very low time. I give myself pep talks and try to force myself to keep up my social calendar, but it's extremely difficult getting through each day. Much of the time, I feel like I am accomplishing only the mandatory tasks of each day and going through the motions, leaving much undone.

This may sound backwards and crazy to some, but I really feel that some bright and beautiful snow would lift my spirits. There is more light reflected and less darkness when there is snow. Now, where are you snow? Where are you Christmas? Please come to me in Minnesota and light my very dark winter, and lead the way to a soggy spring and beautiful summer.

Does this sound familiar? Do you or someone you know suffer from SAD? How have you dealt with the lack of sunshine during the winter months? Over and out...

Anna