Motherly Law

Tis the Season: PSA on Female Drinking and Driving

In a Flash

One minute you're having a blast and not thinking about the grand scheme of life and perhaps being a bit reckless in your revelry and the next minute something happens that changes lives forever. It's like when you're watching a movie and everyone is having a great time laughing and full of bliss and life is just perfect, but you know something bad is about to happen to end all that happiness because you have the benefit of observing the whole scene from the outside, plus the soundtrack usually gives it away too. This is what having too much to drink and then choosing to drive home could look like.

A Focus on Women    

Much of the emphasis on drinking and driving has traditionally been put on teens and men. However, this is an issue that can affect both female and male; both young and old, including parents.

While both parents should use extreme caution when drinking and getting behind a wheel, this post is focused on women who have a drink and drive later. In 2008, women drivers who were drunk were involved in 1,837 road deaths.

A mom is less likely to take risks when his or her children are present than after a night of fun out on the town with friends, coworkers or a spouse. And generally, a mom out of the house without her children wants to relax, cut loose and perhaps have a drink. I certainly understand that and consume in a drink or two when out with my friends or my husband.

Consider these scenarios: a woman out to dinner with her friends misjudges how much she had to drink or how it affected her; or stops by for happy hour with co-workers at a bar on the way home and has several drinks on an empty stomach; or mom and dad leave the kids with a sitter and go out to dinner for a much needed date night and a bottle wine. These situations are probably easy to imagine because you have more than likely experienced them first hand.

In each of these scenarios, there is the possibility that the person will drink enough to become intoxicated and unfit to drive a vehicle. And in each case, the person is highly likely to drive home anyway. This issue is a problem at any time of the year, but here we are just a few days from New Year's Eve; one of the most alcohol saturated nights of the year. So, I thought this was especially on-point this week.

Women and DWIs

The number of women arrested for DWIs and/or involved in alcohol related accidents has dramatically increased over the years. The Century Council reports that in the 80s women accounted for only 9% of those arrested for DWIs, but from 1997 to 2007 that number had risen to 29%; and in the past decade has increased to 36%. So, what is causing this increase?

The social culture of our country and the role of women has changed significantly since the 80s. More women have full-time jobs in addition to the family duties at home. The pressure to be a super mom often manifests itself through alcohol consumption. There are books, blogs, twitter handles, and twitter parties devoted to a mom's need for a drink at the end of the day.

While our society has become more accepting of mom's Facebook post or tweet suggesting that she can't wait for her #wine, women are still quite adept at hiding actual addictions to alcohol and drugs. Most women are multi-taskers by nature and it appears that drinking is one of the things that women can do without anyone at home or work really noticing.

Studies show that women arrested for DWIs tend to be middle-aged or older, more educated and single, separated or divorced. The average female first time offender is 31 years old.

Affect of Alcohol on a Woman's Body & the Law

Addictions are one thing (& quite another blog post) and driving after drinking is quite another. It doesn't matter if you are drunk every night or once a year, women must be cognizant of that fact that our bodies are not the same as a man's and the effects of alcohol can be different too.

Women have less body water to dilute alcohol as it passes through the digestive tract; less of the liver enzyme, dehydrogenase, that metabolizes alcohol; and are therefore, more exposed to the alcohol and its harmful effects longer than males. Source: The Fix

Alcohol is tricky; its effects can depend on weight, gender, genetics, amount of food consumed, amount and type of alcohol consumed, medications taken, lack of sleep, stress levels etc. What many of us don't realize is how much {or how little} alcohol our bodies can handle when it comes to being intoxicated and unfit to drive, depending on all of these factors and more.

Blood Alcohol Level (BAL), or Blood Alcohol Concentration (BAC), means the amount of alcohol in the bloodstream. All 50 states and the District of Columbia have laws that say a person is too intoxicated to drive when his or her BAC is .08 % or higher, which is .08 g of alcohol per 100 ml of blood.

When you drink an alcoholic beverage, the alcohol goes from your stomach into your blood, then to the liver heart and brain. Alcohol is not digested, but absorbed. Interestingly enough, an older adult consuming an alcoholic beverage raises the BAL 20% more than it does for a younger adult. However, a younger person with a .10 % BAL has a significantly higher risk of being involved in a fatal crash than an older adult with the same BAL.

As noted above, women have less water in their bodies, but they also have more fat. Alcohol does not enter fat cells as easily as other types of cells, which mean that the alcohol stays in a woman's bloodstream longer. And this can mean that a woman may still be drunk at the end of the evening out with friends, even though she stopped drinking long before.

Even our states of mind or menstrual cycles can have an affect on our level of intoxication. In fact, if it's a person's intention to drink to get drunk, it will take that person less alcohol to feel the impairment, as is also the case with a person who is overly tired or overly stressed. We can't fool our bodies.

The Scoop

As my husband's family has joked about for many years now, "Tis the Season" to drink during this month of holidays. Whether it's a cocktail over apps, a glass of wine with dinner and liquored up coffee or cocoa or simply 2 glasses of wine during a meal with friends or a beer on an empty stomach or an overly exhausted parent consuming one cocktail, we need to think twice before consuming alcohol and getting behind the wheel.

Don't let this happen to you. One careless mistake after a night of fun and laughter can fracture your world and forever alter the lives of your kids, spouse and perhaps someone else's family forever.

Think ahead, think twice, monitor the number of drinks you have consumed and don't be ashamed to call a cab, your spouse or a friend to drive you home. We must also not be timid about telling a friend that is clearly too drunk to drive that you are taking her keys and offering a ride, having her spend the night or calling a cab.

This is something we can control, whether before or after the drinks have been drunk. Drink responsibly; drive sober or not at all. Over and out...

Anna

 

Where are you, Christmas Joy? Dealing with the SADness of Seasonal Affective Disorder

The Cruelest Month

December is the cruelest month. I have always loved winter and Christmas, but since moving to Iowa and then Minnesota 11 years ago, I have felt the blues begin to settle in come end of November and beginning of December when the days get exceedingly short and dark and dreary. I drag around completely exhausted, with bags under my eyes. I have no energy or "unction" to do anything. I feel low and down and sad.

Each year it seems to get a little worse. A number of years ago, I began to notice the pattern and acknowledge my blues. I would tell myself I wasn't going crazy; it would pass. And it does...eventually. I have come to realize that I suffer from SAD; that is, Seasonal Affective Disorder.

This year, with Ben's death, one month ago, and the many stresses of 2011, I have really begun to feel the SADness deepen and settle all around me like thick, black fog. I feel as though I am slogging through wet cement, hot tears roll down my cheeks as I drive along running errands or sit typing out articles, I can't get enough rest and I can't muster the joy of the season no matter how much I try.

A Ray of Light

This year is especially low, but this year I have a SAD lamp. Years ago, my brother lived in AK and suffered from SAD too. He now lives in sunny and humid Houston and I am now the proud owner of a big, bulky, very bright and sunny SAD lamp. I have used it only a few times, but I am working on getting into a schedule of using it on a regular basis in an attempt to brighten my mood.

Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD affects people in winter or summer, spring or fall, year after year. It can happen at different times of the year, but often occurs during the winter when a person with otherwise normal mental health suffers from episodes of depression.

SAD occurs more often in women than men, and those who live in places with long, dark winters have the greatest chance of suffering from this type of depression. Apparently, it's estimated that 20% of SAD sufferers are Irish; about 10% of those in Netherland are afflicted with SAD and 8.9% of Alaskans suffer from this disorder. Other factors include hormones, genes, amount of light exposed to each day and body temperature.

Symptoms of SAD

While there is no test to determine if one does indeed suffer from SAD, a health professional can make a diagnosis based on symptoms of the patient and by ruling out other illnesses. A person with SAD usually presents these symptoms:

• Increased appetite and weight gain;
• Irritability and unhappiness;
• Lack of energy;
• Difficulty concentrating and remembering details;
• Fatigue;
• Difficulty sleeping or oversleeping;
• Sad, anxious or empty feelings;
• Social withdrawal;
• Loss of interest in work or other activities; and
• Sense of hopelessness.

Phototherapy

There are a number of treatments that can be very helpful for SAD sufferers. The most common treatment comes in the form of light; a very bright light. It helps to get outside and exercise during the hours with sunlight, but light therapy is best way to get the "sunlight" needed. This is accomplished with a special lamp with fluorescent lights up to 10,000 lux.

Studies have shown that light therapy of 3,000 lux for 2 hours a day for 5 weeks or 10,000 lux for 30 minutes a day for 8 weeks is effective for many. By sitting a few yards away and glancing at the light occasionally, the "rays" can help ease the SAD symptoms.

However, commercial light boxes are not regulated by law in the U.S. So, use caution when selecting a phototherapy lamp. They are not all the same.

And, of course, neither are we humans all the same. Therefore, light therapy does not work for everyone. In fact, 20 to 50% of SAD sufferers do not feel a difference with the light box. If that is the case and the symptoms are severe and unrelenting, other treatment could be sought; that is, vitamins or supplements, occupational therapy or antidepressants. As with any medical diagnosis or treatment, seek the advice of a medical professional before beginning any treatment.

For now, I'm sticking with my light box and trying to find the right time and place to use it each day. I have been told that starting off each dark morning for a 30 minutes of light and/or 30 minutes of phototherapy each evening when it's already dark will be helpful.

The Scoop

I am optimistic, as always, even through this very low time. I give myself pep talks and try to force myself to keep up my social calendar, but it's extremely difficult getting through each day. Much of the time, I feel like I am accomplishing only the mandatory tasks of each day and going through the motions, leaving much undone.

This may sound backwards and crazy to some, but I really feel that some bright and beautiful snow would lift my spirits. There is more light reflected and less darkness when there is snow. Now, where are you snow? Where are you Christmas? Please come to me in Minnesota and light my very dark winter, and lead the way to a soggy spring and beautiful summer.

Does this sound familiar? Do you or someone you know suffer from SAD? How have you dealt with the lack of sunshine during the winter months? Over and out...

Anna

Making an Informed Decision: Alternative Medicine Part II

As I was thinking about yesterday's post on homeopathic remedies, I decided that perhaps I should have provided more background information and definitions regarding alternative medicine choices. To be clear, honey, as referred to yesterday in the opening paragraph, is not a homeopathic remedy. My point was simply that I, personally, use a combination of types of treatments; whatever I think is the best approach given the symptoms and issues at the time.

Here is a bit more information on a few alternative medicine approaches:

Holistic Health is looking at the body as a whole and working cooperatively with all systems and practitioners to achieve optimal health in mind, body and spirit. This means taking stock of your health on a spiritual, physical, nutritional, social, environmental, emotional and lifestyle level. For more information on holistic health, check out this page of the American Holistic Health Association site.

Homeopathy is medical science that is based on the "law of similar"; that is, the idea that like cures like. So, the theory goes that any substance that will produce certain symptoms in a healthy person can cure like symptoms in a person who is sick. For instance, take an onion: when you chop an onion, the juices will make your eyes water and nose run; now think of a person with hay fever; suffering from watery eyes and runny nose; a homeopathic remedy made from an extremely diluted onion can relieve these symptoms. There over 3,000 substances used as homeopathic remedies that treat the mundane cold, annoying allergies, painful arthritis and much more. Read more about Homeopathy here.

Herbal Medicine uses herbs to produce dietary supplements that improve a person's health. The supplements are sold over the counter in tablets, teas, extracts, powders and dried plants. However, many herbal remedies can also produce adverse effects in certain people. Herbal remedies should not be taken without consulting with a medical doctor.

There are many different approaches for each of us to choose from when trying to attain the best possible healthy, in both mind and body. Of course, there are other choices, including modern medicine, other than those listed here.

Watch for my announcement about the Motherly Law Virtual Cookie Exchange later; I would LOVE for you to participate. Over and out...

Anna

Losing It: Mental Illnesses and Child Custody Issues

Some Days

There are some days; days that I feel that I am one step away from completely losing my marbles. The chaos, the lack of sleep, the stress, the ups and downs of life, it can be overwhelming. But I keep it together...for the most part. I know that these days are just that; one day ever so often in a life full of many days. I don't have a mental illness, and I have a spouse who can take the helm for a bit while I sort through my feelings, get some rest and move past the funk.

Mental Illnesses

And yet, there are parents out there who do struggle with mental illnesses. For some of these parents just making it through each day is a challenge; every day. For other parents with mental illnesses, medication can alleviate the symptoms and bring balance back to that parent's life; and the family's lives, for that matter.

Some of these parents have to find a way to cope with their illnesses and handle divorce and/or custody issues too. And other parents struggling with mental diseases are single parents dealing with everything on their own; work, finances, illness, parenting, medications. Many questions arise in these situations.

Custody Issues

For parents with severe mental illnesses the rate of losing custody is between 70 – 80%. Some states have laws that list mental illness of a parent as a condition for losing custody. The severity of the illness, combined with the symptoms of the particular mental illness, side effects from medications and the absence of another parent in the home are among the determinants for removing a child from the house of a mentally ill parent.

While all parents have a right to raise their children without government interference, the courts must weigh what's in the best interest of a child with a parent's mental disabilities and the impact on the family. If it's clear to the court that a child will be endangered by the parent's incapacity to care for his or her child, the court must remove the child from that parent's home and award custody to the other parent {in a divorce situation}, a grandparent or another competent adult.

In order for a court to determine what's in the best interest of a child, extensive mental health evaluations are ordered for the parent. The mere presence of a mental illness does not determine whether that parent will completely lose custody rights. In some cases, the court will find that based on all the evidence presented, a parent with a mental illness is still capable of caring for his or her children, at least some of the time.

A court's concern is that a child living with a mentally ill parent may suffer from neglect or abuse, be subjected to unsafe conditions or situations or be forced to take care of the parent instead of the other way around. Courts take these situations very seriously.

Due to these concerns of the courts and the high chance of losing custody, some parents in this situation may attempt to hide the illness or minimize the effects of the disease or the medications. Parents may even avoid needed treatment for mental diseases for fear of losing custody. While this is understandable considering how painful it would be to lose custody of a child, the parent must keep his or her focus on the child's safety and general well-being.

It's important to be forthright with any investigation, whether you are the parent being assessed; or the parent being evaluated is your spouse or soon-to-be ex-spouse, a friend or a family member. Again, the focal point must always be the best interest of the child.

The Scoop

No matter the determination or outcome of any case involving a parent and/or child with a mental illness, it's a heartbreaking situation; and not one taken lightly by the courts. Termination of parental rights is final, but a custody situation is changeable, depending on circumstances. For instance, if a parent seeks treatment, becomes stable on medication, etc. the parties could revisit the custody arrangements, if so desired.

No matter how you look at it, a case involving a parent suffering from a mental illness is never easy for anyone involved. Over and out....

Anna

Profile of a Stranger in a Coffee Shop: Mental Health Issues

Her pale green eyes gazed out at her surrounding without truly seeing what lay before her. She systematically without thought or feeling plucked small clumps of hair from her thick, wavy, salt and pepper mane; twisting the bits into wads and stuffing them into the front pocket of her jeans.

She sat with the book, Resume Writing for Dummies, draped across her lap and on occasion would glance at the pages intently and take a note or two before returning her blank gaze outward, sipping her hot coffee intermittently. Her expressions were as blank as her stare.

What was going on behind that placid, but sad face? What thoughts were forming; what decisions were being made?

Moving with halting steps and small ticks of her head she whispered disapproving messages to herself as she made her way out the door, to her car and slowly, ever as haltingly, drove away.

Her pain was palpable to me. The way she pulled her hair out made me wince and twisted my stomach. I watched her and felt her heartache. And yet, she was all but invisible to everyone else there.

I wondered if there was anything I could have done; something I should have done. But I did nothing. It seemed she had a mental illness of some sort. It was apparent that she was wrestling some demon in her mind; working hard to keep the destructive forces at bay.

Did she win the battle that day? I'll probably never know. I'm a regular at that coffee shop, but it was the first time I'd ever seen this woman. What brought her there to that coffee shop to sit and ponder life as she gave deep, yet fleeting, thought to the Resume Writing for Dummies spread open across her lap?

I often think of her when I look at the chair that she once sat in; and I wonder about her whereabouts, her mental health, whether she had a spouse or kids and what her resume held.

On Wednesday, I'll explore legal issues regarding parents with mental illnesses. Tune in again tomorrow. Over and out...

Anna