Hanging By a Thread

Marketing to Moms {PSA Re: Mother’s Day}

Marketing Departments everywhere consider this a Public Service Announcement from moms everywhere (or at least this mom).

Moms do not wish to visit the zoo, the children's museum, the science museum, the amusement park or the ballpark with the little wrecking crew on Mother's Day. Moms do not desire to eat breakfast, brunch, lunch or dinner out with the whole cranky, hyper, picky gang on this day honoring her.

These are the things moms do on a regular basis; this is mom's life. This is NOT mom's idea of being treated, pampered or relieved of duty.

Offering mom free admission to such places and a free meal with the family is not a brilliant idea; in fact, for this mom it's not even the tiniest bit enticing.

So, listen up. Lean in close, I'm going to let you in on secret. Are you ready?

Moms want to sleep in late (in a quiet house); moms want to go to her favorite coffee house and settle in with a book and a latte (alone); moms want to go out to brunch with their moms or best mom buddies and then come home and take a nap (in a quiet house); moms want to sip champagne while getting mani/pedis ; moms want to sit and do nothing for once (in a quiet house); moms want to stroll around the lake or go shopping for groceries or clothes or shoes (alone).

Keep listening; I'm going to give you some brilliant marketing advice; simple, brilliant marketing advice.... give dad free admission to take the kids to the zoo, the museum, the amusement park, the ballpark, etc; give dad a free meal when he dines with the kiddos (mom's fine; she's sipping a mimosa).

This is a gift to mom; let dad take the kids on an adventure and leave mom to relish the silence in a quiet house or enjoy a day out with her girlfriends or her mom.

Go ahead give it try. I think I'm right; at least I know that's what this mama would like for Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mommies out there who get it done every single day; day in and day out with minimal complaining and only a few glasses of wine. Over and out...

Anna

Working to the Bone {Motherhood Fail}

Darling 2 brought this home from preschool for me for Mother's Day. This breaks my heart.

I don't like to work. I don't even do it well. But, the truth is my son is right. I work all the time. I work from home....at the kitchen counter, at the dining room table, sitting on my bed, at my desk in my basement office.

My work is never done. I work long after they've all gone to bed. I work in between running errands and making meals. I work before I read a book to him or sit down to play something with him. I work.

To say I have flexibility is a lie. Oh, sure I have the flexibility to compose an email or send a text while making a pb&j sandwich or check the status of something before turning on PBS kids or run a search while running and up and down the stairs checking on dinner or sit at my computer in my pjs all day and night or work every single day for weeks at a time. But who am I kidding; I am not flexible; I am rigid; unbending.

I hate that he thinks that work is what I prefer to do.

What I'd rather be doing is exploring and having adventures with my kids. I'd rather sit and read book after book with them. I'd rather tell stories and listen to their play and soak up the memories of it all.

But I can't. Right now I work because I have to. I work to catch up. I work to break even. I work to pay off. I work to move up.

It hasn't always been this way, but he doesn't remember that. It won't always be this way, but he doesn't know that.

So, I will forge ahead; working myself to the bone; unconvincingly balancing my time as mom and consultant and contractor; doing what I must do, until I can change that scenario once and for all. Over and out...

Anna

Brothers; A Close Bond {The Glue that Binds Together or the Wedge that Breaks Apart?}

A Close Bond

My boys are 2 years and 2 months apart in age. They are not twins as they sometimes say they are. And yet, they are not so different in size. They often dress alike. They share a bedroom and often a bed. They have amazingly similar and wildly different likes and dislikes. They are protective and concerned and loving towards each other. They are overly competitive and hateful and rude and bullies towards one another. They are forever linked by their DNA, their upbringing and their tight love/hate relationship.

They are brothers.

Bad Seeds or Good Apples

Brothers have been on my mind lately.

We have begun a new tradition of reading a passage from a Children's Bible at the dinner table each evening. I recently remarked on the number of brothers who despise and kill or set out to ruin the other; something that I had failed to ponder so much before giving birth to two brothers.

I recently picked up a magazine and read an excerpt from a book about brothers. There were many interesting connections, observations and theories regarding brothers and their birth order in this article, but what struck me was the conclusion that brothers are not necessarily alike, despite similar DNA and their shared parents and experiences don't mean much; it's more about their personalities, birth order and one's perception of a shared experience, which is often quite different from that of his brother.

I saw a headline that said something to the effect of "Two Brothers become dads within minutes of one another just a few doors apart at the same hospital." The article said the brothers were best friends; they saw each other quite frequently; lived near each other and were thrilled to add this experience to a list of many others.

Then, just this past week, I read something about the Boston terrorists; the brothers. And this article outlined the number of terrorists in recent and past history that were brothers; apparently, a shared closeness, such as that of a brother, can aid in shutting out the rest of the world and help them to believe their own flawed perceptions are true and right.

Of course, those shared experiences and likenesses and differences can also create amazing, beautiful, imaginative, innovative industry, ideas, art, etc. Think of the Wright Brothers, the Coen Brothers, the Marx brothers, the Gershwin Brothers, the Rockefeller Brothers, etc.

The Scoop

Perhaps, one day people will add the Berend Brothers to such a list for a great achievement in something. Or perhaps they will grow up, split up and take up very different lives, barely seeing each other during their adulthoods.

I see their similarities and the differences. I see how they comfort each other and rile each other. I see how they take up for each other and guide each other and encourage each other through difficult tasks or feelings. I see how they taunt and compete and physically strike out at each other.

I see all these things. And I think about my two sweet, stubborn, creative, boisterous, tough, sensitive boys sound asleep tangled up together in the lower bunk and I wonder will they be close and protective and loving when they are adults; will they always need each other; will they never plot to do evil; will they always understand each other?

This mother's heart prays for a loving, peaceful, steadfast relationship for these Brothers; a relationship that does no harm to each other or their families or to strangers, but one that produces only beautiful and inspiring and inventive outcomes, whatever they may be.

Brothers; there is no other relationship quite like it. Over and out....

Anna

*Coincidentally, we have a shortage of sisters in our household.... we don't have a daughter; I have a brother, but no sisters; my dear husband has only 2 brothers; no sisters.

Nanny Files {A Public Advert}

We're looking for a part-time nanny to start ASAP! We have failed to find a good fit since our beloved Katrina left the country to teach school! So, I thought long and hard, and this is what I came up with. Here's my description of the perfect {or nearly so} candidate for this position in our home:

Please don't apply unless you fit the following points:

1. MOST IMPORTANT! Must adore – and I stress ADORE – dogs, cats and boys!!
2. In college with 2 afternoons available (give or take a bit, noon to 5) and some evenings on the rather rare occasion that the Dear Husband and I get to have a date night;
3. Should be kinder and more patient than I am;
4. Enjoy playing at the park or in the yard, weather permitting;
5. Know the difference between Captain America and Captain Rex;
6. Enjoy sports;
7. Understand boys and the rough parts and tender parts;
8. Understand me and get along with me, the mom {not difficult at all if you are the right one for this job};
9. Realize that chaos and order can both reside simultaneously in one small home;
10. Not freak out about a little {or a lot} of Saint Bernard slime on your clothes; it happens...frequently. Relax, we have towels;
11. Really and truly like our family;
12. Have a sense of humor and a sharp wit and a knack for sarcasm;
13. Understand the 5 food groups and preparing a balanced meal/snack;
14. Have a vehicle of your own!
15. NOT text/talk/use for any purpose your phone while operating a vehicle – or at least be willing to adhere to this strict rule when any member of my family is in the vehicle or within viewing distance of you;
16. Understand the importance of picking up....toys, crumbs, crayons, bits of paper, dishes, etc;
17. NOT smoke;
18. Not show up earlier than your scheduled start time.

Am I asking too much? Is this list much too Mary Poppinsish? Perhaps, but maybe, just maybe there's another Katrina out there for our family!

If this sounds like you, then we just might be the family for you! Please email me (acberend@gmail.com) ASAP for more information about this position! I look forward to chatting with you!

Dear local readers, if you know of anyone who fits this description, please do forward this to that person!

Thanks,

Anna

Motherly Advice {Celebrating Imperfection this Easter}

Pinterest Perfect

Yesterday the boys and I worked for hours on our Easter eggs. We created intricately stenciled eggs, using henna and handmade stencils; we worked to make delicate blown eggs that looked like the 12 disciples; and made our own dye from vegetables. It was such great family togetherness. We laughed, sang old gospels and helped each other. No one spilled the homemade, organic dye and the boys helped me to clean up at the end. And, of course, I captured it all on my camera to post later so that you'd all be jealous of our perfect day.

Yeah, right. Not in a million years would this ever happen in our household.

And I'll tell you what else, if someone describes a scene like this on Facebook or in a blog post or on Pinterest, I'd be apt to disbelieve that it went down that way.

Perfect Reality

This is more like it for our family, as we have yet to dye our eggs, and most likely this won't happen until Saturday evening, probably just before bedtime.

We will use the tablets of dye that come in the cheap dye kits that are full of all sorts of artificial colors. Half of the colors won't dissolve properly and a third of the brightly colored liquid will splash out on arms, clothes, the table, the rug, the dog, and the inquisitive kitten before a single egg gets dunked.

The kids will mix colors, plunking their eggs into several of the cups and bowls of color, if not all of them, ending up with bunch of grayish, purplish eggs. Our fingers will be stained to this same hue after ditching the flimsy metal "egg holder" that is about as useful as chopsticks would be in this instance.

Once the eggs are colored the boys will put stickers on their eggs; probably a mix of super heroes, Angry Birds and a variety of holidays, mostly Christmas.

Along the way, several eggs will get cracked. This, of course, will necessitate the eating of those broken eggs.

The boys will probably argue about the number of eggs, the colors of eggs, the stickers used, etc at some point. I will get frustrated with the mess and/or the arguing. More than likely, I will threaten to halt the egg decorating if the arguing doesn't stop. They'll stop fighting. And I'll be glad when it's all over.

In the end, we'll have two sets of grayish, stickered, slightly dented and cracked eggs to put in their soccer ball patterned Easter baskets filled with paper grass.

Somebody get the camera, this might be Pinterest worthy!

The Scoop

May your Easter be an imperfect and glorious celebration of love, life and redemption. Over and out...

Anna

 

5 Things You Should Know {New Moms}

My friend just had her first baby this past week after a long and grueling labor. It made think back to that time in my life. While it was just six and half years ago that I first became a mom and then just four and half years ago that I added baby #2, it seems like ages ago.

Even still, I can recall those raw nerves and the exhaustion of waiting and laboring and waiting and laboring....motherhood so close and yet still eluding me.

But once my little bundle of joy finally popped out into this world my fierce sense of protection, my devotion and motherly intuition were immediately melded into my core. I didn't doubt myself or my husband and our abilities and instincts to care for our new child.

I loved my babies' infancies. There was time to just sit and stare at each other; time for me to memorize every contour of their little bodies, every expression, every movement, every sound. It's a time to embrace the here and now and just wallow in every single moment. It's such an amazing, but short period of time.

Here are the 5 {OK...6} things I would pass along to new moms:

1. Trust your instinct! You know more about your child than the nurse, the doctor, your mom, your friend, your neighbor or the stranger who feels compelled to comment.
2. It's OK, and matters not if it sounds rude, to tell strangers, "Please don't touch!" Why do people come up and touch newborns!?
3. Give yourself a break when you are ready! No guilt trip allowed! Daddy and baby need that time alone too.
4. Find a Mommy & Baby group ASAP! I'm so glad a friend steered me toward the ECFE programs here in MN! Early mommyhood would have been a very different and isolating experience without these fellow moms.
5. By baby #2 early infancy will seem like a breeze and you will wonder why the heck you thought this period was so hard the first time around.
6. OK, I have one more... Accept from the git-go that you will make mistakes. Everyone does. You don't have to be perfect. But you do have to remember this: Put your baby down and walk away if you feel that you are about to erupt!

Now, relax, enjoy and stare at your baby for hours! This time is fleeting and before you know it they are walking, talking, going off to school and growing up. And those things are awesome too. So, try to live in the moment as much as possible. You will cherish the small, insignificant moments that get tucked away in your memory box. Over and out...

Anna

Inside My Head

There's a lot that goes on inside my head. I make lists; I sing songs and hum along with an imaginary orchestra; I write posts; I referee debates between my head and my heart; I justify; I reason; I pray; I run through worst case and best case scenarios; I calculate, often having to do with time; I speak with an accent, usually British; I shut out the rest of the world.

We all need this alone time. And "alone" can mean many different things to each person. I can be completely alone at my desk, in a silent house, in the middle of the night; at the kitchen counter while chopping vegetables and surrounded by dogs, cats and little boys all needing different things from me at the same time; in the middle of a busy airport with people rushing to and fro, heading home or getting away or running to close a deal or visit grandma, as I sit with earbuds in, magazine open and oblivious to the perpetual motion; while shopping for groceries, wandering up and down the aisles without my kids and without a clock ticking for me to somewhere or do something. I can be quite alone in many places.

Being alone recharges my battery, clears away the webs of schedules, to-do lists, deadlines, the have-tos and need-tos, the push and pull of everyday. I can think again. I can put things into perspective. I can get back in the game of life.

Shutting off. Being Still. Meditating. Writing. Taking a walk. Just sitting without speaking. It shouldn't be so hard to do. Why does it feel so selfish sometimes to take this time to be alone?

For a mom this can be a difficult task....but it's a necessary one too. Today I'm celebrating taking the time to be inside my head and start the week off with a clear perspective of the tasks that must be tackled, taking into account that there will be very little alone time. Over and out...

Anna

Motherly Advice {Risky Business}

I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.

~from Invictus by William Earnest Henley

There was a time I took more risks; risks that were trivial. You know, the kind of risk you take when you're 20 and think you know more than you do. For example, I once got into my car the morning after a Texas Panhandle snow storm and headed back to college from my parent's house {because I couldn't wait one more day to see my boyfriend again - you know him as my husband, Will}. I was sure the roads would be clear and I'd be fine. I was wrong; the highway hadn't been plowed at all.

It was just me in my little Pontiac and the truckers. It took me a nerve wracking 4 hours of creeping through the thick snow to get to a point that should have taken only 2 hours; and that was just half way home. I was shaky, exhausted, scared and very focused.

There was no turning around; no alternate route; no pulling over (I couldn't even see where the shoulder was...); and this was in the days before cell phones. No one knew my progress or what conditions I was driving through or where I was.

There have been other risks that I alone or Will and I have taken that in retrospect we realize was just plain stupid. These risks were unnecessary and pointless.

I no longer take risks like that. I'd like to think that's because I'm older and wiser, but mostly it's simply because I'm a mom; and as a mom, I don't think I have the right to take pointless risks. My responsibility is to my children; my family.

Last night, there was a meeting I was planning on attending. There was a snow storm on the way. It wasn't to start until around the time I needed to head that way and the storm reports forecast heavy snow by the time I was heading home. Without traffic or bad weather it takes me 30 to 45 minutes to get there, and the meeting was in an area of the Twin Cities that I am unfamiliar.

There was pressure for me to attend this meeting. I wanted to be there, but not badly enough to take the risk. In the scheme of life this meeting was not important. I opted not to go out into the wind and cold and snow and dark. I could have gone and been fine; or I could have gone and found myself stuck in a very bad situation or worse.

I have the power of making choices that keep me and my family safe. I exercise that power. I have also learned to listen to and trust my gut instinct, and I know that I regret it when I don't. So, I made the safe choice and listened to my gut.

In life, there may be some who don't understand your choices and try to persuade you otherwise, but those people aren't necessarily wiser than you. They simply don't have the same experiences, priorities, or gut instincts as you do. Stand your ground. Do what is right for you.

This was just a meeting, but it could be job, a relationship, a big move, a financial investment, or myriad other things. Listen to your inner voice and be confident in your decision. The only thing you have to lose...is you. Over and out...

Anna

Parenting Challenge: Selfish Kids {During the Season of Giving}

If you are looking for tips on raising selfish, egotistical, sassy, disrespectful kids, look no further. Apparently, I'm pretty good at parenting in a way that produces these results.

Lately, our household has been stuck in a bad place. I don't enjoy being around my kids; they don't seem to enjoy being around me or their father or each other either; they don't listen; they bicker; they argue; they are primarily concerned with their own needs above all others at all times; they love "bathroom" words and find bodily functions the funniest thing ever; they love each other one minute and hate each other the next; when I'm serious they're cutting up, a united front against me; when I'm trying to have fun or do something special as a family they're moody, crabby and can't stand each other; they yell, slam doors and cross their arms in defiance.

It's frustrating; I'm exasperated and exhausted; it's making me crazy and sad and disappointed. And these things make me a poor mother.

Let's just say that I will certainly not be winning any parenting awards any time soon...or ever for that matter. Awards I couldn't care less about; a happy, healthy, joyous, prayerful, giving, compassionate, loving family is what I strive for.

I'm not one to read parenting books; I shoot from the hip and jump in with two feet. So, yes, I guess this is what I get. And when you combine my genes with that of Dear Husband Will you don't get quiet, lay down and take it, go with the flow kind of kids; you get impassioned, loud, talking back, arguing, moody, brooding, stubborn as a goat kids; and that's exactly what we are working with.

While I know these traits can be desirable as adults {and even as a child}, they are also extremely hard to work with on a daily basis, as the parent entrusted with raising "good people.". While I love my kids and will defend them to my death, I do not like my kids right now.

They are sucking me dry of patience; leaving me incapable of delivering mature, levelheaded parental edicts; rendering me speechless with hands raised in submission in one minute and ranting, issuing parental threats and seeing red the next.

I find that parenting is always hardest for me in the deep, dark, dead winter months when we are closed in and seeing less sunlight, which also coincides with Darling 1's half-year mark and is closing in on the half-year point for Darling 2, as well, which is always a more volatile time of year; none of which is a comfort to me.

However, when I did seek out what the professionals say about 4 to 4.5 year olds and 6 .5 to 7 year olds and these difficult periods of life when they are a challenge, to put it politely, that was consoling. I even found some tactics I could employ when dealing with my impish offspring.

Now, my greatest challenge of this dark, cold season is upon me; winter break! I'm looking at 3 weeks of kiddos without school; 1 week with the 4 year-old and 2 weeks with the 4 year-old and the 6 year-old.

So, I am trying to approach this with an open heart and a kind and gentle tongue and lots of planned activities out of the house. And maybe by January, I'll like my kids again. Over and out...

Anna

Tradition, tradition! Tradition! The Importance of Rituals

Don't Belittle Traditions

The other day I was chatting with a preschool teacher about one of our family holiday traditions, and I mentioned that I might change part of the tradition until the boys were older because that part was not as enjoyable for me at their ages. And she said to me, "Well, aren't traditions really for us, not the kids?"

I laughed and said I agreed, but I kept thinking about that statement. And I don't agree.

Traditions are important to the kids too. It may mean something different to a 4 year-old than it does to me, but doing an activity or attending an event or going on a trip every year is important to all members of a family.

If we ever miss one of our traditional events or consider altering it a bit, the kids keep us in check. It's the kids who say, but it's our tradition to.....

In fact, it was Darling 1 who reminded us on Tuesday night that it's "our tradition" to get gingerbread cookies after going through the Macy's Santaland exhibit and getting the picture with Santa. Clearly, the cookie getting is an important part of the tradition for him.

Our Christmas Traditions

We have traditions we uphold throughout the year, but during this season, in which our family celebrates Christmas, we have quite a few traditional activities. Here are a few of them:

1. Macy's 8^th Floor Santaland
2. Holidazzle Parade
3. The Santa & Albert Holiday Play at Bachman's
4. Making Beeswax Candles at Woodlake Nature Center
5. Reindeer Day in Linden Hills
6. Candlelight and Ice New Year's Eve Celebration at Woodlake Nature Center
7. Putting up our Christmas Tree
8. Building a gingerbread house
9. Baking Christmas Cookies
10. Driving around the neighborhood looking at Christmas lights while sipping hot chocolate and listening to Christmas music
11. New PJs on Christmas Eve

And a couple I'd like to add this year...

1. Holiday Lights in the Park at Lake Phalen and
2. Night Trains at Twin Cities Model Railroads Museum

And eventually, we'll add midnight mass, when the boys are older and can make it past 10 pm. This is one I'm really looking forward to.

Not just a Repeated Activity

What's in a tradition? Why are these rituals so important to us? They're memories to call upon, stories to tell; they shape our childhoods and perhaps the childhoods of our children; they comfort us; make us laugh and cry and feel close to friends and family, even when those people can't be near us or we aren't able to experience a closely held tradition due to circumstances that can't be helped. Our traditions are a part of us.

It matters not what season it is, traditions abound; whether it's a personal tradition, a family tradition; traditional activities with a group of friends or co-workers or even a local, state or national tradition; traditions are everywhere. And yet, it's this holiday season that seems to bring out the most personal, memorable traditions.

The Scoop

It can be as simple or as complicated as putting up a Christmas tree. Is your tradition to have a real tree or an artificial tree? If it's real, do you cut it down yourself? Is it potted? If so, do you re-plant it? Do you always get a fir or pine or a short one or a fat one? These things may not be significant to you....unless it's part of your tradition.

So, while it may not feel important to all members of the family at this point in time, the traditions you create in your family ARE important. I bake cookies every year, just like my mom always did; we have stockings on Christmas morning, just like Will and I always did as kids; and we always have a big, fat real tree.

What are your family's traditions? Over and out...

Anna