Hanging By a Thread

Brothers; A Close Bond {The Glue that Binds Together or the Wedge that Breaks Apart?}

A Close Bond

My boys are 2 years and 2 months apart in age. They are not twins as they sometimes say they are. And yet, they are not so different in size. They often dress alike. They share a bedroom and often a bed. They have amazingly similar and wildly different likes and dislikes. They are protective and concerned and loving towards each other. They are overly competitive and hateful and rude and bullies towards one another. They are forever linked by their DNA, their upbringing and their tight love/hate relationship.

They are brothers.

Bad Seeds or Good Apples

Brothers have been on my mind lately.

We have begun a new tradition of reading a passage from a Children's Bible at the dinner table each evening. I recently remarked on the number of brothers who despise and kill or set out to ruin the other; something that I had failed to ponder so much before giving birth to two brothers.

I recently picked up a magazine and read an excerpt from a book about brothers. There were many interesting connections, observations and theories regarding brothers and their birth order in this article, but what struck me was the conclusion that brothers are not necessarily alike, despite similar DNA and their shared parents and experiences don't mean much; it's more about their personalities, birth order and one's perception of a shared experience, which is often quite different from that of his brother.

I saw a headline that said something to the effect of "Two Brothers become dads within minutes of one another just a few doors apart at the same hospital." The article said the brothers were best friends; they saw each other quite frequently; lived near each other and were thrilled to add this experience to a list of many others.

Then, just this past week, I read something about the Boston terrorists; the brothers. And this article outlined the number of terrorists in recent and past history that were brothers; apparently, a shared closeness, such as that of a brother, can aid in shutting out the rest of the world and help them to believe their own flawed perceptions are true and right.

Of course, those shared experiences and likenesses and differences can also create amazing, beautiful, imaginative, innovative industry, ideas, art, etc. Think of the Wright Brothers, the Coen Brothers, the Marx brothers, the Gershwin Brothers, the Rockefeller Brothers, etc.

The Scoop

Perhaps, one day people will add the Berend Brothers to such a list for a great achievement in something. Or perhaps they will grow up, split up and take up very different lives, barely seeing each other during their adulthoods.

I see their similarities and the differences. I see how they comfort each other and rile each other. I see how they take up for each other and guide each other and encourage each other through difficult tasks or feelings. I see how they taunt and compete and physically strike out at each other.

I see all these things. And I think about my two sweet, stubborn, creative, boisterous, tough, sensitive boys sound asleep tangled up together in the lower bunk and I wonder will they be close and protective and loving when they are adults; will they always need each other; will they never plot to do evil; will they always understand each other?

This mother's heart prays for a loving, peaceful, steadfast relationship for these Brothers; a relationship that does no harm to each other or their families or to strangers, but one that produces only beautiful and inspiring and inventive outcomes, whatever they may be.

Brothers; there is no other relationship quite like it. Over and out....

Anna

*Coincidentally, we have a shortage of sisters in our household.... we don't have a daughter; I have a brother, but no sisters; my dear husband has only 2 brothers; no sisters.

Motherly Advice {Celebrating Imperfection this Easter}

Pinterest Perfect

Yesterday the boys and I worked for hours on our Easter eggs. We created intricately stenciled eggs, using henna and handmade stencils; we worked to make delicate blown eggs that looked like the 12 disciples; and made our own dye from vegetables. It was such great family togetherness. We laughed, sang old gospels and helped each other. No one spilled the homemade, organic dye and the boys helped me to clean up at the end. And, of course, I captured it all on my camera to post later so that you'd all be jealous of our perfect day.

Yeah, right. Not in a million years would this ever happen in our household.

And I'll tell you what else, if someone describes a scene like this on Facebook or in a blog post or on Pinterest, I'd be apt to disbelieve that it went down that way.

Perfect Reality

This is more like it for our family, as we have yet to dye our eggs, and most likely this won't happen until Saturday evening, probably just before bedtime.

We will use the tablets of dye that come in the cheap dye kits that are full of all sorts of artificial colors. Half of the colors won't dissolve properly and a third of the brightly colored liquid will splash out on arms, clothes, the table, the rug, the dog, and the inquisitive kitten before a single egg gets dunked.

The kids will mix colors, plunking their eggs into several of the cups and bowls of color, if not all of them, ending up with bunch of grayish, purplish eggs. Our fingers will be stained to this same hue after ditching the flimsy metal "egg holder" that is about as useful as chopsticks would be in this instance.

Once the eggs are colored the boys will put stickers on their eggs; probably a mix of super heroes, Angry Birds and a variety of holidays, mostly Christmas.

Along the way, several eggs will get cracked. This, of course, will necessitate the eating of those broken eggs.

The boys will probably argue about the number of eggs, the colors of eggs, the stickers used, etc at some point. I will get frustrated with the mess and/or the arguing. More than likely, I will threaten to halt the egg decorating if the arguing doesn't stop. They'll stop fighting. And I'll be glad when it's all over.

In the end, we'll have two sets of grayish, stickered, slightly dented and cracked eggs to put in their soccer ball patterned Easter baskets filled with paper grass.

Somebody get the camera, this might be Pinterest worthy!

The Scoop

May your Easter be an imperfect and glorious celebration of love, life and redemption. Over and out...

Anna

 

Motherly Advice {Risky Business}

I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.

~from Invictus by William Earnest Henley

There was a time I took more risks; risks that were trivial. You know, the kind of risk you take when you're 20 and think you know more than you do. For example, I once got into my car the morning after a Texas Panhandle snow storm and headed back to college from my parent's house {because I couldn't wait one more day to see my boyfriend again - you know him as my husband, Will}. I was sure the roads would be clear and I'd be fine. I was wrong; the highway hadn't been plowed at all.

It was just me in my little Pontiac and the truckers. It took me a nerve wracking 4 hours of creeping through the thick snow to get to a point that should have taken only 2 hours; and that was just half way home. I was shaky, exhausted, scared and very focused.

There was no turning around; no alternate route; no pulling over (I couldn't even see where the shoulder was...); and this was in the days before cell phones. No one knew my progress or what conditions I was driving through or where I was.

There have been other risks that I alone or Will and I have taken that in retrospect we realize was just plain stupid. These risks were unnecessary and pointless.

I no longer take risks like that. I'd like to think that's because I'm older and wiser, but mostly it's simply because I'm a mom; and as a mom, I don't think I have the right to take pointless risks. My responsibility is to my children; my family.

Last night, there was a meeting I was planning on attending. There was a snow storm on the way. It wasn't to start until around the time I needed to head that way and the storm reports forecast heavy snow by the time I was heading home. Without traffic or bad weather it takes me 30 to 45 minutes to get there, and the meeting was in an area of the Twin Cities that I am unfamiliar.

There was pressure for me to attend this meeting. I wanted to be there, but not badly enough to take the risk. In the scheme of life this meeting was not important. I opted not to go out into the wind and cold and snow and dark. I could have gone and been fine; or I could have gone and found myself stuck in a very bad situation or worse.

I have the power of making choices that keep me and my family safe. I exercise that power. I have also learned to listen to and trust my gut instinct, and I know that I regret it when I don't. So, I made the safe choice and listened to my gut.

In life, there may be some who don't understand your choices and try to persuade you otherwise, but those people aren't necessarily wiser than you. They simply don't have the same experiences, priorities, or gut instincts as you do. Stand your ground. Do what is right for you.

This was just a meeting, but it could be job, a relationship, a big move, a financial investment, or myriad other things. Listen to your inner voice and be confident in your decision. The only thing you have to lose...is you. Over and out...

Anna

Motherly Advice {Stand Up}

Never for the sake of peace and quiet deny your convictions.

~Dag Hammarskjold, Swedish Diplomat, Economist and Author, Nobel Peace Prize Winner

Are you guilty of this? I think we all are at some time or another.

The subject of the conviction could be a religious belief, a political stance, a societal or cultural or personal issue. It could be a conviction shared by many or only you.

The point is that it's important to stand up for what you believe and for what is right, whether it's a popular stance or not. The point is not to make a lot of noise and pick a fight for the sake of attention.

This may be a fine line in some cases.

I have found that for me personally, when it's a deep conviction, standing up to bully, detractor or source of authority is a knee jerk reaction, not something I have think about.

That is not to say that I have never made a lot of noise just to make a point. I have.

I make many mistakes as a parent, but one thing I have always been purposeful about with my kids is telling them what I stand up for and why. And they understand this and expect me to be strong and tough when the situation calls for it. They should never fear voicing their convictions or defending the rights of others who are mistreated or standing tall in the face of injustice or wrongdoing.

Do you take responsibility for upholding your convictions through words and actions or quietly stand in the corner biting your tongue because you don't want to cause a scene or you fear looking like a fool or think it's not your place to say something?

My philosophy....always speak what's on your heart and you can't go wrong. Your heart won't betray you over fear; your head might, but not your heart. Over and out...

Anna

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Motherly Advice {Living Fearlessly}

Motherly Advice {On Aging}

Motherly Advice {Living Fearlessly}

There is nothing to fear but fear itself.

    ~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

I held his arm as he took wobbly, but determined steps. I wondered if this was the right decision. But when I looked into his face, I knew it was.

These weren't his first steps ever, but they were his first steps wearing ice skates. About a month ago, Darling 2, my four year-old son, decided he wanted to play hockey. I offered up every other sport I could think of, but to no avail. {Hockey is rough and expensive and time-consuming, and really not what I'd like him to pursue.} Darling 2 was sure.

So, I registered him for pre-beginner skate lessons. And here we were; him standing in the middle of the rink with a handful of other pre-beginners and me standing behind the glass, praying for the best.

He stood there beaming with determination, enthusiasm and pride. And then he slipped and fell. I braced with a thumbs up and an encouraging smile as he attempted to stand again. He slipped and spun and slipped again, but then he got it and stood up. He turned and looked at me. I watched for crumbling confidence, a changed mind, waves of doubt, but what I saw made my heart swell with love and pride.

Darling 2 was resolute. He knew that learning to skate is the first step to playing hockey. He never faltered in his determination or excitement during that lesson as he followed his teachers' instructions and did what was asked of him no matter how many times he tumbled and slid down to the ice. He always got back up on his own with a smile on his face.

Now, that is living without fear. He was not worried about failing; he was not concerned about what he could not yet do; he did let others sway his opinion. He knew this was the first step to his goal.

For many, it is this fear of failure that holds us back; whether it's in our careers or personal goals or ideas or dreams or relationships. It is fear that holds our hands and whispers words of doubt and self-pity and blame into our ears.

We may call it being cautious or working out a plan or hedging our bets. We may say that once this or that happens, then we'll do it. We may blame it on finances, time or circumstances. But really those are just the seeds that fear has planted; seeds that will never take root or sprout or grow; never to be harvested. Fear knows the power it holds.

Living past fear is going for it regardless of anything else; keeping the goal in sight even when fear tries to block your vision; getting back up every time fear trips you; keeping an open mind even when fear works to distract you with petty snags; and keeping a smile on your face even when fear taunts you.

How many of us can say we live this way? Not many. But what if we all lived this way?

Now, if Darling 2 had come off that ice and told me he was wrong it was not his dream to play hockey and skating was not his thing, I'd still love him and be proud of him for trying. And he may still make this decision after learning to skate and learning the game of hockey, but at least he will have gone out there and given it a shot.

And really it's just as important to realize when something is not right; when something is no longer your goal or that your intended path has veered from this present course. But you won't have been pushed around by fear; you will be plotting your own way. Over and out...

Anna

Motherly Advice {On Aging}

Be on the alert to recognize your prime at whatever time of your life it may occur.

~Muriel Spark

It's when I'm in a conversation with a 20 something year-old and make a reference to style or a movie or ad slogan or newsworthy event from my childhood and realize this person has no idea what I'm talking about. Or while in a coffee shop, I listen in on the conversation of several 20 somethings and hear them sharing life's dilemmas and dramas and sense their {false} certainty of having already figured everything out about who they are and where they're going.

That's when I feel my age.

This is not a bad thing, but merely a gentle reminder of where I am on this path we call life.

When I hear and see interactions with younger adults it makes me smile and remember when I was where they are now; when I thought I had it all figured out; when I thought I knew where I was headed.

It turns out that with age you realize you don't have a f****** clue. All you can be sure of is where you have been. And if you're lucky, you have an inkling of where you'd like to go next.

I have found that with age comes enlightenment, acceptance and self-reflection. Of course, I have also found that with age come lots of wiry, crazy, gray hairs in this dark mane of mine; and with it questions of whether I should for the first time ever put color on my hair.

I recently saw a photo of my almost 21 year old self. There is no mistaking that it's me. I still resemble that very thin version of me in ways, but there's something dissimilar about my face too. My cheeks are still full and child-like; the angles are somehow different. And honestly, while I'd love to have that figure back, I like my features now better than my younger visage.

Upon my face now, you'll find the ups and downs of life and experience and authenticity and assurance delicately etched. It can be seen in small lines or ripples or wrinkles around my eyes, in the depth of my eyes, the firmly set jaw and lips that easily turn upwards into a smile.

I still don't have it all figured out and now accept that I may never accomplish that. But I feel optimistic and confident as I march on, gray hairs and all, for I feel, my prime has yet to be.

To me, there is no shame or disappointment in getting older and looking the part. It happens to everyone, if he or she is lucky enough to get to stick around that long. Besides, it really matters not what the numbers say, it's how you live and what you do with the days and years that truly makes a life well lived.

And um, regarding the photo, I'm sure my mom can't believe that I'd post a photo of me with no makeup, not even lipstick, with hair looking like that, still wet from the shower, but I wanted a stripped down, true photo of my aging face and hair. Over and out...

Anna

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Motherly Advice {On Faith}

Motherly Advice {The Gift of Love and Warmth and a Fleece Blanket}

Where we love is home – home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.

~Oliver Wendell Holmes

If you ask my kids which Christmas gift was their favorite, I'm not sure what they would tell you. But I know which gift of theirs was my favorite.

This year I made each of my boys a fleece blanket. I wanted them to have something to cozy with whenever they feel the need for a warm, soft blanket.

Oh, it didn't take much skill or planning, and it wasn't as if I made a quilt, cutting, and pinning and sewing or whatever all goes into quilting. I don't have much skill when it comes to handmade crafts, but I figured I could handle a fleece blanket.

Darling 2 helped me pick out the pieces of fabric for each blanket; there are a surprising number of patterns of fleece to choose from. I decided to make them extra large in hopes that my big boys will still use these blankets when are extra tall. They were so excited to see the finished products.

The night before Christmas Eve, after everyone except one curious kitten had gone to bed, I spread the big pieces of fleece on the floor and went to work. I cut and tied and straightened and cut and tied and straightened for several hours, and voila I had two super soft blankets. And I was proud of what I'd done.

I spread the blankets over their new owners as they slept. And when they awoke and found them, the boys were elated. Unlike many of the gifts they received this season, they have used them just about every night {and a few movie watching days too} since they received them.

Of course, I left out all my scrap pieces for them to use in whatever creative and inspired way they came up with. And this was my favorite part of Christmas. Christmas Eve morning was full of making belts, karate kid style head bands, a parachute and more with the various pieces of fleece. Their creative juices were flowing, and they were having fun performing in their inspired outfits.

What I do know is that there are some gifts that last for years, sometimes even a lifetime; gifts that warm the soul and body; gifts that hold memories of home and mom. That gift for me was a blanket when I was 12. I still have it and still use it.

My hope is that the boys will feel the love and warmth from my heart and hands that went into making these blankets and carry that with them always. And yes, that is Hello Kitty on one side; Darling 2 was hell bent on choosing that for one of his sides, and if you have a problem with that, You
can read
this post.  Over and out...

Anna

Motherly Advice {On Faith}

Faith is a knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof.

~Khalil Gibran

Faith. Faith is planning for the future even when you have enough money for only 1 more month. Faith is knowing that the sun will rise even after the darkest of nights. Faith is loving and opening up even when a high number of relationships end in heartbreak. Faith is boarding an airplane even when your mind hands you a list of a 100 reasons why you should be frightened. Faith is being the best parent you can be, flaws and all, and believing your child will grow up to be a good person, in spite of your flaws.

Faith is stepping out, plunging in, climbing up, getting out or getting in even when you can't see how it all ends. Faith is living...one day at a time...each and every day.

Faith may start out very small; a tiny wisp of smoke, but as long as you don't allow fear to cast a dark cloud above your tiny seed of Faith, it will grow and grow and take hold. The bigger Faith gets, the harder it is to crush, shrink, shatter or put out. Faith will remain and sustain us.

Do you have Faith? I think you do. Over and out...

Anna

Motherly Advice {Finding Your Way to Tomorrow}

When the world pushes you to your knees, you are in the perfect position to pray...

~ Rumi

I've had a rough week. I've been fighting a cold that seems to have taken up residence deep inside my head; I found out a friend died; I had a migraine; My kids were cranky, crabby, ungrateful little devils; I've been hurting for my sister-in-law's family as her mom battles cancer and related maladies; my dog splashed water from her bowl in the kitchen and I slipped in it and fell and bruised my knee; and all of this has pushed me down; down to my knees.

Yes, it could be worse. It could always be worse. It's all in the perspective; how it's framed, right?

There are some weeks that I could take all of these things in stride; and then there's a week like last week when that's about all I can take.

When there is hurt; when there is uncertainty; when everything is too much and too big to understand how do you process it? How do you find your way from the shadowy oblivion to the soft, shady light of the living?

I seek words of wisdom. I seek meaning in death and life. I seek solitude to think.

I ponder the past, the present and the future.

I wallow in the dark pools of sadness.

And then I resolve to get up and move forward; forward to where the light dwells.

So, I spent my week, scanning signs, headlines and Facebook posts for meaningful words and messages. I spent much time in prayer and with my scriptures and devotions. I ran, yes, people, ran on my treadmill several times. I shed tears. I slept. I played mental tapes of old memories. I laughed. I watched Lars and the Real Girl {and strangely enough, this helped}. And I kept getting up and moving forward.

Tonight, as I lay in between the two Darling, Devilish Boys for bedtime reading, I chose Lily and Her Purple Plastic Purse by Kevin Henkes as our 3^rd book. We love all of the books by this author. The boys love them because they are silly and relatable. I love them because there is always a touching sentiment hidden within the story that we all need to be reminded of on occasion.

In this book, after Lily has a disappointing day at school, her teacher writes her a note that says, "Today was difficult. Tomorrow will be better."

So, if you've had a rough week too. Get up and get out there because tomorrow will be better! Over and out...

Anna

 

 

Motherly Advice {On Setting Goals...and Reaching Them}

A goal properly set is halfway reached.

    ~Zig Zigler

Setting a goal is easy; just pick something that sounds good; perhaps write it down and be on your way; got that out of the way.

Setting a goal this way is a good way to ensure that you will repeat the setting of the same goal over and over again without ever making any progress toward accomplishing that goal.

When setting a goal that you truly intend to meet, you must first believe in the goal. You must believe that you will accomplish your aim; your heart and soul must be in this goal.

You must then break your goal down. If it's a year- long goal, break it down by months or weeks or even days; if it's a month long goal break it down into weeks, then days. Remember everything is easier to swallow one bite at a time.

This reminds me of the Shel Silverstein poem, Melinda Mae, the girl who ate a whole whale because she said she would. It took her 89 years, but she did it bite by bite and accomplished her goal.

Once your goal is set and broken down, you must take action. You must take action every single day; attacking your tasks with focus and fervor as you see your goals coming closer into sight with each step you take.

Your goal must never be far from your view. Post it on the bathroom mirror; on the fridge; on your computer; next to your bed; memorize it; make it your mantra. Your goal will become a part of your being; your actions will become your habit; and you will reach your goal....every time.

If you don't truly believe you can do it, you won't. If you don't take time to envision each step you are taking, you'll trip and tumble down. If you do nothing but write the words down; words that impress; words that promote; words that have no meaning to you, your goals are simply words, not actions, and those words are wasted.

Whether endeavoring to lose weight, get promoted, overcome an obstacle, start new career, change a pattern, learn something new or anything else, embrace your goal, believe it, cut it up into bite sized pieces and get the job done, one day at a time.

It isn't easy, but how glorious it feels to meet your goal. If for only a brief time, you feel as though you have reached the summit and there is nothing more you'd like to reach for. But then you see an even higher point with an even more beautiful vista, and you start the climb again at the very bottom, but you know wrung by wrung you will be closer, and this time you know what that rush of getting to the top feels like; so you pick up the pace and make better time. And you know you have what it takes to make it there even if you encounter bad weather or big obstacles. Over and out...

Anna