Motherly Law

Let the Words Out: Writing From the Heart & Finding Your Voice

Acknowledge Your Voice

A half written novel hidden away in a drawer or stored on a forgotten disc; song lyrics on paper napkins; beautiful prose or poetry composed in your head.

Long before I clicked the "Publish" button, I was scribbling out works in my head and on occasion in a small lined notebook.

Almost two years ago, I started typing the words, letting them out of my head, and I've been letting them flow ever since. As I write, everything becomes clearer and clearer to me, and yet there is even more that remains shrouded in shadows, which has yet to be explored. Writing has been such a blessing to me; so cathartic; so liberating.

Tonight I'm giving a program on "Writing From Your Heart and Finding Your Voice" and I thought I'd share some of my thoughts with you as I prepare for tonight.

Start writing

Writing is a way to express yourself, share your thoughts and ideas, tell a story and release your emotions, come clean about something that's too hard to say out loud, etc. It can be a letter, an email, a journal, a blog post, an article or a book, etc. The only way to write is to... well, write. I have found that writing begets writing. That is to say that the more you write, the more easily the words will come.

I write something almost every day and have been doing so for about a year now and the year before that I was writing about 4 to 5 times a week. It has become a habit. Sometimes I write for pay; sometimes I write for me; and sometimes I write for my audience.

Find Your Muse

Every artist needs a muse; and writing is connecting and molding words into works of art. For me, it's music, natural beauty, my family, my passions and my feelings that often inspire me to ponder questions from the depths of my soul and explore the perplexities of the world we live in.

Inspiration can come from anywhere: a bulletin board, a chance meeting, an overheard conversation, a friend, a book, a movie, an experience, the lyrics of a song, a particular mood, a news story, an idea, a walk around the lake; you name it. Once you start writing, you might be surprised where you find inspiration.

Use Your Senses

After I had been writing for a while, I began to notice that I am always ticking off mental notes about how something looks or what had been said or what something sounds like or how something made me feel, etc. for me to draw upon later if it fits with something I am writing. You must allow yourself to truly experience how and what you and others feel, see, hear, smell and taste.  

Writers are in touch with their emotions and all of their senses. This brings authenticity to your writing; this helps others relate their experiences to yours.

It will also allow you to explore your own thoughts and perceptions. You might be surprised to find how you feel about something or find that your reaction to something is not what you would have imagined, which leads to my last point.

Be Honest with yourself {& your audience}

Some days I sit down to write something on a particular topic and end up writing something totally unrelated. But if the words or emotions are there, I allow them to come out. I have been surprised by the thoughts and feelings that have bubbled up during my writing sessions. There are times my writing reduces me to tears and other times I am reminded of a poignant time in my life or a funny story from years ago.

Whatever it is that works its way to the surface, you must be willing to allow it to come to light and you must be honest with yourself. If others will read what you have written, forging a story or veiling your true feelings will be apparent to your audience. If you are writing for you, then there is no sense in being dishonest with yourself.

When you are honest, your story will mean more to you and your readers. It will give them a sense of who you are and will allow the reader to stand in your shoes for a bit. When you are honest with your feelings, your critics will find it hard to pick at you. It's hard to disparage a respectful, sincere account even if you're in disagreement with the subject. 

The Scoop

When you start writing allow yourself to be awash in your feelings and observations and let down your guard, your voice will emerge from your words. You can expect that your voice will change as your perspectives change. Don't fight it; just keep writing.

It's alright if that voice is angry or afraid or sassy or funny, all of these things or none of these things. All you can be is you. Writing shouldn't be forced; have patience with yourself as you begin gathering words and searching for your voice; it will come.

And don't get too caught up in the grammar. Use Spell Check and do your best. You might miss your timidly emerging voice for the worrying about the rule on semi-colons v. colons or whether it's OK to end a sentence with a preposition; don't. The words hold all the power; unleash them.

To borrow a line from Ratatouille and slightly modify it: Anyone can write. Over and out...

Anna

Wifely Advice: On Being a Kite or an Anchor {One of My Fave's from 2011}

We’ve got to hold on to what we’ve got

Cause it doesn’t make a difference

 If we make it or not

We've got each other and that's a lot

For love – we'll give it a shot

 Whooah, we're half way there

Livin on a prayer

Take my hand and we'll make it I swear

Livin on a prayer

~ Chorus from Livin' On a Prayer by Richard Sambora, Jon Bon Jovi and Desmond Child

Sometimes a song says it best. It's true; I've been a Jon Bon Jovi fan since the 7th grade, but when I heard this song on the radio as I drove home last night and I cranked it much louder than a middle-aged mom in a mini-van should ever crank any music and sang along for the umpteenth time, I took the words to heart and really heard the words of the song for the first time.

As I thought about these words, I was reminded of the wise words Will's aunt bestowed upon me over 15 years ago as she and I sat in a church pew during my brother-in-law's and sister-in-law's wedding rehearsal. She told me that a couple is made of two parts; one is the kite and one is anchor. It won't work if both of the people in the relationship are the kite or both are the anchor; you'll either fly away and get tossed around at the will of the wind or not go anywhere and hold each other back.

I thought this was an interesting observation and have held on to this nugget of wisdom all these years, thinking of it from time to time, pegging someone a kite and another an anchor. But over the years what I have come to realize about this description is that this is only half of the story.

Here's the other half; the two parts, the kite and the anchor, are not always played by the same person; they are not lifetime roles. Sometimes the wife is the anchor and the husband is the kite; and sometimes the wife is the kite and the husband is the anchor. That's the beauty of it.

We all have times that we are barely hanging on, flitting this way and that in the high winds of indecision and doubt. Other times we are so rock solid that nothing can permeate our strong, protective layers. In these times, if we are both playing our respective part, there is nothing that can break us or sever the ties that bind. Together, we are unsinkable.

The kite must trust the anchor and allow the anchor to hold tight during the storms of life. And the anchor must allow the kite to fly for a while and test the currents above, knowing that the kite will return and take on the anchor role when the winds shift.

Lately, it feels like we've been livin' on a prayer" for a while, but Baby, just take my hand, we're half way there. I can be the anchor right now. Over and out...

This post is dedicated to my alternating kite and anchor, Will, who I've been "livin' on a prayer" with for a long time and I'll keep taking my turn as kite and anchor for the rest of my days, and I know he will too; to my much loved brother-in-law and sister-in-law who seems to have forgotten to take turns being the kite and the anchor and need to be reminded; and my dear, wise aunt-in-law, Carol, who is most often the kite, but is fortunate to have found her anchor long ago. I love you all.

 

Note from Jan. 6. 2012: When I published this, I found out that my husband nor my in-laws had ever heard this story about the kite and the anchor, but the wise Aunt did remember telling me that story. The rest of the Berend family was impressed with her wisdom.

Anna

Motherly Advice: Musical Inclination

All deep things are song.  It seems somehow the very central essence of us, song; as if all the rest were but wrappages and hulls! 

~Thomas Carlyle

It makes me want to cry, jump for joy, shimmy and shake; it's a call to action, a mournful goodbye, the start of something beautiful; it brings memories of laughter, tears, victories, defeats, friends, foes, a day in a life, a year in a life, a night, a hour, a moment; it's the root of my passion; it's always in the background and often in the forefront of my mind; it's something I couldn't live without; it's intrinsically entwined into the very fiber of my being.

What is this necessity of life? Music. Simply music. There is a tune for any situation and any mood under the sun. There is a rhythm and beat to everything; just ask a child.

I didn't grow up in a musical household. My parents weren't opposed to music, but there wasn't always a radio playing or songs being sung or impromptu dance parties, but for me, music has always been essential to my existence.

These are music highlights of my life: I remember playing Christmas music on my family's big, clunky cassette player when I was 4. When I was 5, I had a Crystal Gayle cassette I listened to on the way to preschool. Oh, how I loved her beautiful long hair. I can still recall the cassette case with her photo; what I don't remember is where it came from or why I had the cassette. When I was 6, I donned my mom's flowing, colorful zip-up robe, tuned my parents' radio to a classical music station and "sang" along with operas.

When I was 10, I received my prized Sony clock/radio. I could listen to music in my own room whenever I pleased. And I did; I had music playing while I played dolls or Barbies or doodled pictures or pretended to be a doctor or a movie star. I had that Sony clock/radio for 23 years; that is, until Darling 1 repeatedly knocked it off the bedside table when he was a toddling 9 month old, eventually breaking it.

By age 11, I had a small jam box and was totally devoted to Amy Grant and Sandi Patty. Very quickly, my world of music broadened, as I moved into the teen years and started listening to rock stars like Bon Jovi and Guns and Roses and Madonna and country stars like Garth Brooks and Faith Hill. When I was 21, I attended Phantom of the Opera in London and fell hard for Andrew Lloyd Webber's music portfolio. And as an adult, my love of music continues to branch out thanks to Minnesota Public Radio's 89.3 The Current.

In our family, music is a given; it's fundamental. We all go around singing little ditties; humming tunes; moving to the beat of any musical notes; making our own music with real and makeshift instruments. Music is completely ingrained in the Darling Boys' brains and bodies; it always has been.

They adore Johnny Cash, Bruce Springsteen and Vampire Weekend to name a few. They are students of music. They even have a band. Their performances are small and exclusive. Destructive Kids, as the Boys so aptly named their group, can usually be seen singing, dancing, drumming and strumming in our living room. They sing original pieces such as Watching a Wedding and other composed-on-the-spot numbers. Music is in the cores of their beings.

I can't spout off song titles, album names, concert tours, music trivia, etc. No, for me it's simply the music itself; the lilt of a tune, the fast-paced beat, the slow love ballad. What's music to you?

It's Saturday…. Go eat some chocolate {this actually applies to everyday}. It's good for you, and you deserve it!

Anna

Nota Bene: I hold these truths to be self-evident, that all parents and kids are not created equally, but are wholly individual in personality and style. Regardless of these differences, the basic needs of love, patience and support remain constant. Here are the weekly affirmations, tips and reminders. Unless otherwise noted, these are entirely my opinion. Take them with a grain of salt, or not!

The List: Sources of Inspiration

For me, inspiration is something that causes great excitement and joy to the core of my being; inspiration can make me dizzy with thoughts and plans. To be inspired is truly a gift. I feel as though I have won a great prize; I feel as though I can conquer all the obstacles in my way; I feel as giddy as a child on a sugar high.

It's important to be inspired in every stage of life. There are always dry patches, inspiration droughts, if you will, along the way, but then when the inspiration arrives, it's like a much needed rain shower pouring down on the parched earth.

Every person is inspired by something different. The sources of inspiration are as unique as a person's character traits. Here are some things that inspire me:

1. Creating new recipes while cooking and baking in my kitchen {this is also a great diversionary tool, while waiting to be inspired};
2. A good idea;
3. Beautiful landscapes, both natural and man-made;
4. Music {anything with a great beat, but no R & B or Heavy Metal, please}
5. Jane Eyre;
6. Bible Verses;
7. Cool, crisp fall air;
8. IKEA;
9. Art;
10. Going on an adventure with my family;
11. Meeting new people;
12. Following my dreams; and
13. Watching my kids grow into individual beings with their own ideas and inspirations.

What inspires you? Are you allowing your creative channels to be open to receiving the rain of inspiration? Did something inspire you this weekend? Talk to me, friends. Over and out...

Anna

The List: End of the Summer Bucket List

The end is upon us. In exactly one month, summer will have ended and school will begin for us. It will be starting sooner than that for many. This year, with Darling 1 starting kindergarten, the end of the summer is even more significant for us.

It's been an outrageously hot summer for most of the country, and the humidity in the Twin Cities has been thick as a wall and as heavy as an iron weight pressing down from the heavens. This kind of weather puts a damper on summer fun in the sun.

With that said, there are still some things I really want to do before the summer is completely gone. So, despite the humidity and heat, I want to get out and get at least some of these things checked off the list.

1. Nine Nights of Music: MN History Center;
2. River Rats Ski Show: Mississippi River;
3. Movie and Music: Walker Art Center ~ Open Field;
4. A to Z Pizza Farm We did this on Tues & you can read about it here! We will go back again;
5. MN State Fair;
6. Swim at Bryant Lake Beach – We did this last weekend. We had so much fun. Again, we will be going back;
7. More Picnics at Lake Harriet;
8. St. Louis Park Splashpad;
9. Pick Fall Raspberries;
10. Breakfast on the Farm; Gale Woods Farm in Minnetrista
11. Paddle Boat Ride: Centennial Lakes.

I didn't have time to link to these things, but I'll do it later.

I really dislike the term "bucket list." But I can't think of another way to convey what I mean. So, I'm using it. Can you think of another way to say it? And what's on your list...whatever you call it?

I'm already working on my fall fun list. Over and out...

Anna

The List: Essentials for Road Tripping with Kiddos

We're leaving on our road trip. I'm a chronic over-planner, over-packer, over-thinker, and I always have been. So, this doesn't make it easy when getting ready for a family trip. I usually do pack more than we need, but I'd rather have too many than not enough underwear, snacks, toys, clothes, etc.

Part of preparing for this trip is thinking of as many time occupying activities that can be done while strapped into a seat as possible. We have many hours ahead of us on the road. This is important!

Now if I can just make it all fit in the car and work out logistically as we travel along.

 

Here is my list:

1. Snacks, snacks & more snacks {I'll have mashed fruit, cheese crackers, pretzels, yogurt covered raisins, wheat thins, dried berries, string cheese, Pirate Booty & a wee bit of chocolate};
2. DVDs {Our preferences at the moment: Curious George, Diego, Cars & Cars Toons, Clifford, Muppets Take Manhattan & Bob the Builder};
3. Apple Juice & Milk {Packed in a cooler with ice, along with the string cheese and our picnic lunch};
4. Books {I'll scavenge the bookshelves and ask the kids to do the same and fill two totes bags, one for each kid, with a variety of books. I like to take books that have not been read recently and may have been forgotten about, as well as current faves. Lately, they have been all about the Elmo & Sesame Street books I've gotten over the past year from the $1 area in Target.};
5. Small Toys {In our case, Pixar Cars & McDonald Happy Meal Super Hero Figurines};
6. Music CDs {A mix of everything, but ABSOLUTELY NO KID MUSIC. That's just how I roll. We have a brand new mix CD that our sweet friends Jan and Hilary made for us to start the trip off with.};
7. Water & Caffeine for Mama;
8. A Few New Toys from my stash of sale items and Target $1 Area toys {It's always good to have a few toys they have never seen before to pull out at dire moments.};
9. Two Lap Desks {for coloring & drawing, playing cars, eating a snack and looking at books while driving.};
10. Coloring Books, Activity Books, Stickers, Notebooks, Pencils & Crayons;
11. Small Backpack for Each Child {filled by the child with whatever essential toys he deems necessary for the long trek in the car};
12. Favorite Snuggly, Stuffed Animal of the Moment;
13. Lots of Wipes & Target Bags for wet/dirty clothes and diapers.

I am going to arm my 5 year-old with the toy pincher/grabber thingy and a butterfly net for picking up dropped items from the floor. We experimented with this technique, and it's working about 50% of the time, depending on the object. The biggest issue while driving may prove to be all the dropped items they can't reach and want me to get right away, not when we stop in an hour or two.

I also plan to have a reserve of car games in my head for emergency diversions. I Spy is always a good one. One of our favorite made-up games is looking for cars that resemble Pixar Cars characters. This can be played in the city or on the open highway.

I am hoping and praying that Darling 2 sleeps in the car, at least on occasion. I have no hopes of Darling 1 sleeping in the car at all. I have strategically planned stops for eating and getting out for active play. Of course, we'll also stop 18 million times to go to the bathroom along the way.

OK! We're off and away and about to have a great adventure! I'll be checking in on Thursday. Over and out...

Anna

Motherly Advice

All men dream; but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible.

    ~T.E. Lawrence {best known as Lawrence of Arabia}

The other day, as Darling 1 sat strumming his little guitar, remembering a long ago lesson, he said to me, "I think I should be a musician." I agreed that he would be a good musician if he put his mind to it.

He and Darling 2 are currently wild about the band Vampire Weekend. They know the sound of the band and the voice of the lead singer, Ezra. They love to listen to all music, but at the present time they're infatuated with this particular band. In fact, they have formed their own small band, which they, all on their own, aptly named, Destructive Kids.

In this house, we are dreamers. It's what keeps us going day after day. At this very moment in our lives, if we didn't have dreams, we wouldn't have much. We never limit our Darling Boys' dreams, aspirations and plans, but instead we do our best to foster their passions, interests and talents.

During a recent discussion with friends about dreams while sleeping, I realized I couldn't remember the last time I had had a dream while I slept. One friend pointed out that I don't sleep long enough to get to the dream state. This is most likely true, but as long as I'm dreaming with my eyes open, I can keep going.

May we never cease to dream with our eyes open and to act on those dreams.

It's Friday…. Go eat some chocolate. It's good for you, and you deserve it!

Anna

Nota Bene: I hold these truths to be self-evident, that all parents and kids are not created equally, but are wholly individual in personality and style. Regardless of these differences, the basic needs of love, patience and support remain constant. Here are the weekly affirmations, tips and reminders. Unless otherwise noted, these are entirely my opinion. Take them with a grain of salt, or not!

Some Call It Worrying, I call it Accident Prevention

Mommy Brain

As a mom, part of my brain is dedicated to coming up with worse-case scenarios of what might happen to my Darling Boys if.... and then devising plans and solutions to avoid and/or survive such imagined occurrences.

Much has been written, spoken and tweeted about the death of Osama bin Laden this week. I'm thrilled he is out of the picture and that the U.S. has been able to thwart so many terrorist plots over the last 10 years, but interestingly enough, as much as I'm horrified of being caught in a terroristic attack, that's not the kind of scenario that usually pops into my head.

It's the everyday, freakish, what-are-the-odds-of-that-happening kind of catastrophic event that really concerns me.

Here's What Really Scares Me:

I'm scared to death of the day they are old enough to take off on their bikes {wearing well fitting, undamaged bike helmets} on adventures up and down and across streets; streets with no sidewalks or shoulders where drivers recklessly careen about in their vehicles without concern for the well-being of my children.

I'm petrified my Boys will choke on popcorn, marshmallows, tomatoes, small Lego pieces, Star Wars figurine heads {why, oh why do they detach from the body} or a million other items. Darling 2 did choke on a tomato just a few weeks ago. I did not freeze up and was able to perform the Heimlich maneuver on him and get the tomato unstuck. Thank God! I have played this scene over and over and prayed I would be able to do what I needed to do out of instinct; and I did.

I worry that my children won't get the proper servings of veggies per day or enough of the right kind of veggies or that the veggies they do eat will be contaminated with pesticides which will lead to cancer in the prime of their lives.

I contemplate what I will say when they come to me with broken hearts because their true loves don't love them back or kids they thought were their friends did something or said something that was not at all friendly. I fret about whether they will be well liked, well mannered, well accepted, well adjusted and happy as they grow and mature and become young men who never think this world is too much and contemplate their own demise.

I pray that a driver distracted by sending a text, reaching for coffee, putting on makeup, looking for a CD or having an in depth discussion over the phone does not cross into the lane I'm driving in and smash us to smithereens, but should this happen I pray that I will not die or be critically injured and leave my babies; and that the hand of God would protect my precious boys securely and lovingly strapped into their seats behind me.

I hope they never ride their bikes or run while listening to music through earphones that could muffle the sound of a trash truck, train or rapid dog fast approaching.

I take measures to ensure they don't accidentally ingest a poisonous plant or mistake a bleach bottle for a milk bottle or have access to brightly colored pills of medicine that look eerily like candies.

Crazy Lady?

Whew! I said it. Sometimes I even worry that by actually voicing these fears, they could come true. This list is not exhaustive and it changes as they grow, but this is how my heart and brain work; this is how I get through the horrible things that happen all in our world. And then I can focus on the beautiful, wonderful, magical things that also happen every day.

I think through these things; I take precautions; I implement plans; I teach my boys safety; and I pray a lot! Now don't mistake me for saying that I dwell on these things constantly and am all-consumed by tragedy and disaster. I'm not. Intense; paranoid; empathetic; analytical; planner; prayer: yes.

The Scoop

I cannot always be there. I cannot stop everything from happening to them; and nor would I want to. In the words of a spunky, blue fish named Dory, "Well, you can't never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him. Not much fun for little Harpo. {Nemo}" From Finding Nemo.

I want them to take risks; the kind of risks that lead to innovation, creativity, discovery, love, laughter, success and sometimes failure. After all, it's from good, bad, happy, sad, interesting, boring, small and big happenings that a person learns and grows and experiences. These are good things, but, Please Lord, no shattering events that would break my heart in two forever!

You can tell by the links in this post that I've written posts about many of my motherly fears. What do you worry about? Or maybe you don't! Here's to a safe Thursday! Over and out...

Anna

You might also like:

The Right to Bear Arms in Your Home: McDonald v. City of Chicago

Celebrating the Red, White and Blue: Be Prepared to Follow the Law

Not Even for a Minute: Children Left Unattended in Vehicles

Motherly Advice

How can I tell you what is in my heart?

How can I tell you how much I love you?

How can I measure just how much I do?

 

How much do I love you?

I'll tell you no lie

How deep is the ocean?

How high is the sky?

 

How many times a day do I think of you?

How many roses are sprinkled with dew?

 

How far would I travel

To be sure where you are?

How far is the journey

From here to a star?

 

And if I ever lost you

How much would I cry?

How deep is the ocean?

How high is the sky?

~ How Deep is the the Ocean by Irving Berlin (1932)

My friend, a docent at the Walker Art Center in Minneapolis, gave me a copy of these lyrics during a tour she was conducting in conjunction with a piece of art we were discussing. I don't recall hearing it before, but if I had, the words had not registered. Seeing the words written out and listening to her read the words, I was struck by the depth of love described here. These words make me feel the joy of loving so deeply and the sadness of losing the one so dearly loved simultaneously. It leaves me feeling speechless; trying to decipher my feelings.

In my mind's eye, I picture it being sung as a lullaby over a sleeping infant, then toddler, older child and on up through the ages. My visions are similar to the book I'll Love You Forever, which leaves me feeling the same way as How Deep is the Ocean does. Yet it also implies a romantic love too; or it could encompass a whole family.

I have kept the thin copy paper version my friend gave me almost a year ago stuck in my planner. Every once in a while when looking for some particular slip of paper also stuck there, I come across these lyrics and read the words. These words have been impressed upon my heart, and I wanted to share them with you.

It's Friday…. Go eat some chocolate. It's good for you, and you deserve it!

Anna

Nota Bene:I hold these truths to be self-evident, that all parents and kids are not created equally, but are wholly individual in personality and style. Regardless of these differences, the basic needs of love, patience and support remain constant. Here are the weekly affirmations, tips and reminders. Unless otherwise noted, these are entirely my opinion. Take them with a grain of salt, or not!

How can I measure each and every part?

How Far Are You Willing To Go: Taking Risks

Guest Post by Dear Husband:

Risk

I've always fancied myself as a risk-taker. You know, the type of guy who would go skydiving or eXtreme river rafting; or even ride a bull. Yeah, that's right. I'm a care-free kind of guy who gets his kicks by taking risks. Nobody can stop me. Heck, while I'm at it I think I'll quit my job without another one lined up.

Who am I kidding? I have always wanted to do the aforementioned risk-taking activities and many more. I have even spent time planning out the things I would do, but for whatever reason I have never followed through. And now I realize I'm a fraud!

The closest thing I did to riding a bull was chasing a poor calf around a rodeo arena as a kid, trying to grab the ribbon off its tail. Now that calf was a risk-taker. Can you imagine the adrenaline he must have felt while close to a hundred kids hyped up on funnel cake and caramel corn in cowboy boots chased him around the arena?

The Real Deal

I respect those who take risks. I'm not only talking about physical risks, but also life-changing risks; the type of change that requires months and sometimes years of planning; the type that comes with a chance for failure and perhaps a possibility of great success. I've been thinking about all of this lately due to the recent decision a friend and her husband have made.

Shane Wyatt is a local Country Singer/Songwriter who grew up in Oklahoma only a couple of hours East from where I did in North Texas. In August 2009, Shane made a move that many only fantasize about doing. He quit his day job as Vice President of Development and Support to become a full-time musician. After a couple of years of songwriting, promoting his album The Last Cowboy and touring, he's taking the ultimate risk and chance of a lifetime. He's moving to Nashville, TN; Music City USA.

I can only imagine the amount of time, planning, patience, persistence and money it took to pursue this goal. This commitment took him a step closer towards realizing a dream he had been envisioning since he was a kid playing the fiddle back in Oklahoma. Of course, without the complete support from his wife I'm sure he would still be "pushing the paper" at his day job.

Which leads me to another important factor of risk-taking; a single person has more freedom to take risks. On the other hand, a person who is married or has a child or two must be a bit more cautious when it comes to taking risks; carefully weighing the outcomes and variables. And most importantly, the risk-taker must have the go-ahead and encouragement from his or her partner and kid(s) before taking the plunge.

Getting it Done

After a bit of careful self reflection, I've determined that I rarely let a situation go far enough to be considered a risk. Why is that? There are many reasons: lack of focus and drive; lost interest; too scared; the wife says no (bull riding, for example) and many more. But after I read the below list I also realized that I shouldn't always be so reluctant to take a few risks.

Tips for Effective Risk-Taking

1. Don't risk everything. You should only risk something that, in the event it doesn't go your way, won't ruin you financially, emotionally or physically.
2. Ask for what you want. More often than not, you will get it.
3. Avoid unhealthy risks. The risks you take should be positive. They should not put you, or others, at risk of physical or emotional harm.
4. Learn from failures. Inevitably, some of your risks won't pan out. Turn these failures into a positive by figuring out where you went wrong, then applying what you learned to your next risk.
5. Start right away. The more risks you take, the easier it will become. Remember, it doesn't need to be a huge risk to make a meaningful impact on your life. Some small risks to get you started include trying a new type of food, wearing a different style of clothing, changing your hairstyle or taking a weekend trip to someplace you've never been before.
6. Don't worry about what others think. Remember, this is your life, your desire, your risk. Keep moving ahead with what you want, even if those around you have different views.
7. If there's nothing to lose, take the risk. Oftentimes a risk may seem scary, but when you really examine it you'll find you have nothing to lose. If this is the case, always take the risk.

   (Source: www.sixwise.com)

Of course, there are many times a risk is just not worth it. Shari Peace, president of Peace Talks, a professional speaking firm, says there are signs that tell you when a risk is NOT a good idea:

1. There's a good chance you could lose everything.
2. You have to put a lot on the line to get only a little.
3. There are too many factors you can't control.
4. You feel the odds are against you.
5. There is no way to fix the outcome if it doesn't turn out how you want.
6. You have to take the risk before having a chance to prepare and/or evaluate it.

(Source: www.sixwise.com)

The Scoop

Within the last week I've been thrust into a risk-taking situation. Although not by choice, it has the potential for a very positive outcome. So, I'll be considering these steps while I plot the best route for me and my family. And I'll be using this list when a new opportunity with some risk rears its head. The trick will be to follow through by staying focused and interested, not being scared to risk a little in order to gain something.

Are you a risk taker? What steps do you take when planning to take a risk? Please go check out Shane Wyatt.

Dear Husband

You might also like:

Competitive Fire: Tips for Preventing Injuries in Youth Sports

Striking a Balance: Tips for Effective Decision Making

Taking the Plunge