Motherly Law

The View from the Passenger’s Seat: Distracted Driving {On a Soapbox}

Dallas Morning Traffic

As we sped along in the Dallas morning traffic, my mom noticed that he seemed to be texting. I was seated directly behind him and couldn't see his phone. She spoke up; prompted by all the information she's absorbed from Motherly Law over the last two years.

She kindly, but firmly explained {our} strict no phone use while driving policy. She told him I'd been on a national panel on distracted driving; I had done research; I'd written articles; and we were serious. He said he wasn't texting. He seemed surprised by our hard line stance. He said he wouldn't use it.

He still answered the phone and then placed a quick call while he drove on the highway. He wasn't even using a hands-free device; not that it matters to me. My rule is NO PHONES while DRIVING...Period. Later, he fussed and fiddled with his GPS mechanism that had stopped working en route to my destination.

I didn't say anything after our first explanation of no phones while driving. All the while I was wrestling with myself as to what to say; what to do. Here I was a passenger in a vehicle where the driver was using his handheld phone, texting or checking email or something that looked like that, messing with his GPS settings, and I felt trapped.

Paying Passenger

Here's the part that really bothered me; I was in a taxi. I was paying this person to drive me. Shouldn't I be able to tell him if I didn't like the way he was driving if he was being reckless or distracted; driving too fast or going out of the way or missing a turn, etc.?

I'm not speaking about legal issues here. Civil and criminal negligence involving a crash and injuries or death are one thing and laws cover those issues. What I'm pondering is while riding as a passenger is it considered rude or overstepping to tell a paid driver whether or not he can use the phone while driving me?

Part of me says absolutely not. I have a right to be safe while in a vehicle regardless of who is driving. In fact, part of me says that I have even more right to tell him how to drive since I'm paying him to drive me. The other part of me doesn't want to anger the stranger driving me by having strict rules regarding his driving habits.

By the by, in the end, I had to use my GPS on my phone to direct him to my destination since his GPS locked up. I felt safer and in control; two things I like.

Federal Government's Crusade

Incidentally, on Thursday the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) proposed guidelines for vehicle manufacturers that would aid in their development of electronic devices and in-vehicle technology; helping to balance what the consumers want with sufficient safety.

These guidelines also suggest disabling a number of the electronic devices available while the vehicle is in motion with exception to passenger devices or those that can't be reached or viewed by the driver, including "visual-manual text messaging, Internet and social media browsing, 10-digit phone dialing, navigation system destination entries by address and displaying more than 30 characters of text unrelated to the driving task."

While these proposed guidelines are voluntary, the Alliance of Automobile Manufacturers, a coalition of 12 car and light truck manufacturers, helped craft these guidelines and are not expected to be burdensome to the manufacturers.

If you have an opinion regarding these proposed guidelines published in the Federal Register, the public has 60 days to comment before public hearings are held in D.C., L.A. and Chicago to discuss the proposed guidelines.

U.S. Transportation Sec. LaHood has been on a crusade for the last several years, as have I, to raise awareness to the reckless, needless tragedy of distracted driving. Over 3000 people died in 2010 as a result of distracted driving. President Obama has called for $330 million over 6 years to aid distracted driving awareness programs.

The Scoop

It's my position that while this is an extremely important issue it shouldn't take a single dime to convince drivers to do the right thing; the thing that saves lives; lives that could be theirs or their families' lives. That is, simply put the phone away while driving. Nothing is more important than a life. These are words I have repeated over and over in the last two years, and I stand by them. Words to live {& not die} by: Phone Down, Eyes Up! Enough Said.

Psst! Grab my Phone Down, Eyes Up Button {copy the code under the distracted driving button on the top right column and put it on your blog/website} and check out the links to all my distracted driving posts from the past two years, plus my 2012 Phone Down Eyes Up Challenge. Thanks for your support. Over and out...

Anna

Making Ends Meet; Moms Turning to Phone Sex Industry {On a Soapbox}

Have you ever had to choose between paying the mortgage and buying groceries? Have you ever had to swallow your pride whole and ask family for financial help? Have you ever looked at the amount in your bank account and prayed that nothing went through until you had a check or known that you were at the bottom of the barrel and if even one unplanned and unforeseen expense came up, you were done for? Have you ever tasted the bitterness of desperation?

If you have, then you know what this dark, swirling vortex feels like when it begins to pull you under? If you haven't, then say a prayer of thankfulness.

In this economy, there is a lot of need; a number of people without jobs or in a low paying job; without resources; losing ground every day. These are people like you and me; they are not lazy, good-for-nothing bums looking for a handout. I'm talking about hard working, educated people; young graduates, parents of young kids, those nearing the years that were supposed to be golden; all ages; all demographics.

I recently came across an astounding statistic that I think is quite telling of the economic state of our country. Good Morning America reported in December 2011, "The number of mothers pursuing sex work has increased by 400 percent over the past 18 months alone, according to Rat Race Rebellion, an organization that specializes in finding jobs for mothers who need to work from home."

A surge of 400 percent is a big deal. Thousands of moms are now working as phone sex operators because the pay is good, ranging between $10 to $50 per hour or much more, the hours are flexible, they can work from home and it's legal. While the phone sex industry has benefitted the most from this demographic, strip clubs and other adult entertainment industries have reported a surge in the number of applications received from women.

Place judgment and blame where you will, but unless you've experienced absolute desperation, not knowing how you're going to support your family, pay bills and keep a roof over your head, don't judge these women. A mom's primary goal is to survive in order take care of her family; this is a survival mechanism. This work, just like any other job, ensures that there are meals on the table, beds to sleep in and clothes on their backs.

Many say that if they could afford to walk away from this work they would, but they simply cannot. When politicians and religious leaders speak of family values, I doubt this is what they have in mind, but these are parents who are doing whatever it takes to keep their family together. To me, that's what family values are about; loving each other and working to make it work; beating the odds; making it to the other side without drowning. Over and out...

Anna

House Rules: Dropping the F-Bomb {On a Soapbox}

Dirty Words

Each household has its own version of "Seven Dirty Words." Often words like "shut up" or "poopy head" or "stupid" or "fart" are on this list. Of course, there's the R rated adult versions too; you know the words I'm talking about. I don't think I have to outline George Carlin's list of words you can never say on TV {or in this case, in front of your child}.

This week's episode of Modern Family that aired on Wednesday drew much fire before it aired because it was to have a toddler saying her first expletive. "Lily" is actually saying "fudge." The word was to be bleeped out and her mouth obscured by pixilation during that portion of the episode.

A Parenting Thing

An 18 year old college student who began the "No Cussing Club" in 2007 was asking ABC to pull this episode due to the F word issue. ABC had no comment, but the creator and executive producer of the sitcom told the Television Critics Association that he was "proud and excited" about this plotline. He added that the show is not sexually charged; instead this is a very natural story since most parents have been through this scenario.

I agree. Who among us hasn't experienced an awkward situation when the 2 year old says a naughty word {over and over} while in public or an older child, trying to assert his or her power tries on an adult size naughty word in front of grandma, having overheard it from mom, dad, the babysitter, the TV, older cousins, from classmates, etc. OK, we both know that more than likely the offending source was one of the parents. But, sometimes it's not me {for the record}.

I know I've certainly been there when the toddler won't heed your glares and silent threats to stop the shouts of "poopy head" as you careen up and down the aisles of Target trying to keep your head low and get in and out when nothing works to quell the 2 or 3 year-old's loud outbursts. {And FYI, I don't say poopy head...that one seems to have come from the preschool set.}

Naughty Words

Whether you're one to drop the so-called f-bomb or substitute fiddlesticks or fudgesicles or shitake {mushrooms}, fashizzle or some other word, you still mean the same thing and it carries the same impetus. You're kids aren't dumb; they know what you mean. And in my opinion, it's the same thing, regardless of the word you use. {But that is actually an entirely different argument than the one I mean to make here.}

The point here is that this is a "parent thing"; something the 18 year-old "King of the No Cussing Club" wouldn't know anything about. In fact, if anything, parenthood has actually increased my inclination to use words from Carlin's Dirty Word List; well, parenting and golfing.

Kids will repeat the naughty words you use; no matter what you classify as a "bad word." This is a lesson that you and your child will have to learn; probably many times over through the years. This is an area we've already visited...several times.

The Scoop

Friends, no need to comment about my {sometimes public} lessons I've learned on this topic.... Oh, and Your Royal Highness of No Cussing, all you did was get more people to watch this episode. I don't normally watch Modern Family or any TV for that matter, but you have now drawn attention to this particular episode and the sitcom altogether. In the name of class, I'm resisting the urge to include an expletive laced witty title, but I've got some good ones. Over and out....

Anna

Let It Go: The Mom I Never Meant to Be {On a Soapbox}

Does Any of It Really Matter?

As my devoted readers know, I am careful and attentive and fierce in my parenting ideals. This is not to say that I am perfect. I am not; not even by a long shot. But I am deliberate and constantly doing research, reading articles and labels and warnings and studies, etc.

And yet, does any of it really matter? Does it matter whether my kids don't ever eat high fructose corn syrup in their foods or that I limit hot dog consumption to the once or twice a season trips to major league baseball games or that I didn't send them to day care, but had a part-time nanny for one-on-one fun or that I insist on good and properly fitting bike helmets or that I don't allow my kids alone in the front yard yet or that when they were babies I gave them almost %100 organic food and now as much as I can afford or that I limit screen time{DVDs , Netflix streaming} and held off completely as long as possible? {Yes, this is a run-on sentence – but it's really more like a stream of consciousness statement.}

I think of the kids I know who don't eat fresh fruits and veggies, consuming great quantities of processed crap with no nutritional value whatsoever and yet still function quite well in school and on the field. I see kids at my son's school and can't tell which ones had mom or dad or grandma home full-time compared to those who had nannies on a part-time or full-time basis or those who had full-time daycare from infancy. I see a group of kids all happily playing at the park, climbing and swinging and sliding, all healthy, fit, strong and agile with good large motor skills and it doesn't matter who was breastfed or who was formula fed as an infant.

Lowering Standards

As the years fly by, I know that my guard as a mom has come down; my "rules" are more relaxed; my ideals less stringent. Often I am the mom I never meant to be. I don't always respond in a loving, affective way. I am not always attentive; and some days are wasted days with lots of mindless cartoons. Sometimes we eat at McDonalds; sometimes I bribe with chocolate; and sometimes my kids go to bed after 9 pm. Some days I feel terrible for something I said or how I handled a situation; agonizing over it long after my kids have completely forgotten my little meltdown.

But other days I patiently and enthusiastically explain things in great depth; I spend hours looking up information on Google; I sit and read stacks of books with them; I play super heroes or Cars longer than I care to; I respond to requests, questions and demands in ways that would make the Mother of all Mothers proud; some days I do everything "right."

Does this make me a "good" mom or a "bad" mom? No, it just makes me a human mom.

The Important Stuff

I don't paint a rosy picture of the world. I tell my boys how it is; I tell them how the world works; sometimes it just sucks and sometimes it's amazing; better than anyone could have imagined. I do give my kids credit for understanding difficult concepts. I believe they are wise little beings that I can certainly learn from; and I do on a daily basis.

So, does any of it matter? I don't think much of it does. I think the kids who eat dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets weekly and play video games every evening could be as brilliant, creative and healthy as my boys who have NEVER had any kind of chicken nuggets and who rarely play video games. I think the kids who have very strict rules and those who have the run of the place will all grow up to be productive, responsible adults. And those who watched hours and hours of TV won't be mushy brained deadheads.

I think for the most part what matters is love, forgiveness, security, kindness, second chances and the promise of a new day.

The Scoop

It can be hard to forgive yourself for losing your cool and snapping something petty and mean or having to check out for a few hours while your kids sit with eyes glued to episode after episode of Phineas & Ferb. You know, when you sound like a possessed, hormonal witch from hell or walk around like a blank-minded zombie? This doesn't make you a possessed, hormonal witch from hell or a blank-minded zombie; it means you are a sleep-deprived, over-stressed, probably hormonal mom. Let it go; ask for forgiveness and move on. There's nothing more stressful than trying to be the "perfect" mom.

If you feel like this too; or even if you disagree, please share this post. Over and out...

Anna

The Land of Opportunity No More {On a Soapbox}

That Which is Lost

Where is this land of opportunity our forefathers have written about? Where is this land of plenty where ingenuity and hard work are rewarded? Where is this land of promise where those who want to work and strive to grow and create and help are given the chance? Once, this place was the United States of America, but I would argue those days are gone.

Gone are the days that bright, young professionals full of dreams and ideas could by chance meet a big wig executive in an elevator on the 1^st floor and have a job working under this exec by the 21^st floor. Gone are the days that a person without exactly the right qualifications, but with the drive and smarts to excel in a particular job applied for and got an {in-person} interview and was hired. Gone are days that people could do something simply because it was the right thing to do and not worry that some red tape somewhere down the road would cause a conflict.

A rather dreary outlook, you say? Perhaps, but would you argue with these statements? I am certainly not saying that these things never happen, but in today's world luck, connections and wealth are the most important components to succeeding in life.

What Has Happened?

I realize that everyone has a different idea of how to define the word "success", but even still stop and think about the most powerful people in our country {and by power I mean influence, dollars paid and amount of control} and you will see what I mean. Ultimately, it comes down to luck, connections and wealth.

The legislators, the courts, corporate America and human resources departments have placed so many limits and restrictions and have driven up costs and requirements and forms to be submitted that we have lost much of our willingness to give people a chance and our spirit of enterprise.

It's unheard of to actually go to an office and drop off a resume in hopes of catching the boss in and having an interview right at that moment or scoring some points based on your appearance or just happening to walk in the right place at the right time. And chances are if you did drop off your resume in person, the receptionist at the front desk sitting in front of the big doors that lead to all the other employees would politely tell you to please fill out the e-application on their website.

Even if you are given a chance at an interview, chances are, you'll first fill out an online "survey", move on to a boiler plate Q &A with the HR rep over the phone and then just maybe score an in-person interview with the most junior person on the team. And if you don't match every single qualification listed; you will never be contacted in any form.

Those Without a Job Need Not Apply

One of the most discouraging, completely lunatic policies recently emerging from the corporate back rooms is that they will not hire someone who doesn't have a job at the time of the interview or have for a very short time been without a job. The argument is that people who have been laid off, fired or have taken some time off for any reason are lazy, dull-headed and overall poor employees, having been out of the work force.

This is utterly ridiculous considering the economy we are living in. I recently read an article that contradicted that assumption. A study had been done that showed that in the first two weeks or so of losing a job for any reason, the person floundered a bit, watched more TV, read books and was basically inactive. After those two weeks, the vast majority of those people began looking for work and/or taking on more house duties, such as cleaning, taking care of kids and elderly family members, doing the laundry and cooking and running errands. Others began volunteering or helping neighbors, working on projects that had been put off due to work schedules, etc. Very few of those without jobs continued to pursue a lazy lifestyle.

It is shocking to me that those who could very well be in that same position the following day, week or year, would introduce such a policy. What kind of message does this send to college students or recent grads; what kind of future are we offering our children if the parents can't get jobs because they are out of a job through no fault of their own or even because of a fault of their own, but are looking for work?

All Hail the Almighty Dollar

To me, this screams of elitism, fascism and narrow-mindedness. For today, our country is still a democracy, at least in name, which means we are still free to think and dream and create our own opportunities.

These entrepreneurs who create their own opportunities are bright, feisty, fresh and diligent, but that's often not enough today. Regardless of how brilliant an idea or how perfect a plan or how amazing a dream NOTHING speaks louder than the Almighty Dollar. And cold, hard cash is something most unemployed, under-employed and freshly graduated would-be leaders of industry do not have enough of.

The Scoop

Which brings me to this question; is the poem inscribed at the base of our Lady Liberty still relevant?

Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. The wretched refuse of you teamming shore. Send these, homeless, tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door.

 

From New Colossus by Emma Lazarus

I would argue no. Those who are in control of our country do not want to deal with those who are wanting of anything, especially those who come from outside our shores. Even those who want to work in order to not be tired, poor and homeless {or those who are nearly homeless, as in the case of foreclosure} will find that they are cast aside by the captains of industry and the "pawns" in the capitols of our country. Over and out...

Anna

Sexual Harassment Among the Elementary School Set {On a Soapbox}

Name Calling

The first time I remember hearing the phrase "sexual harassment" was the fall of 1991 during the Clarence Thomas confirmation hearings. I was in high school. It seems to me that since that time, the phrase "sexual harassment" gets tossed around quite a bit. Of course, some of these accusations are warranted; others are not. Just recently, we've heard that term over and over again in conjunction with Herman Cain, a would-be Republican candidate for the office of President. Generally, that term is not referred to when discussing elementary school students.

A friend alerted me to two distressing news stories from the past week. Both incidents involve young children being accused of sexual harassment. Both are absurd allegations aimed at a 7 year-old and 9 year-old, respectively.

The 9 year-old boy in Gastonia, NC, was suspended after he called a teacher "cute" and "fine" and his actions were labeled as sexual harassment. The 7 year-old boy in Boston, MA, kicked a boy in the groin after he was attacked by a bully on his school bus who was trying to steal his gloves. These are not instances of sexual harassment.

After the story went viral, the NC school district directed that an apology be sent to the 9 year-old and his family and gave the principal the choice of quitting or being fired. The principal chose to step down and retire, while disputing his actions as being termination worthy. The school district reported that the child could immediately return to school and would receive any additional instruction necessary to get caught up with his classmates after missing a week of school.

The youngster from Boston told his mother that the bully on his school bus was choking him and he couldn't breathe. So, he kicked him in the groin to make him stop choking him. The mother reported that this boy has repeatedly bullied her son. This time he was after the 7 year-old's gloves. The mother reiterated that her son doesn't know anything about sexual harassment; he was merely trying to defend himself.

The school told the boy's mother, "Your son kicked a little boy in the testicles. We call that sexual harassment." The mother said that given the facts, she calls that self defense. After a disciplinary hearing on Monday, it was decided that the 7 year-old and his sibling would transfer to another Boston elementary school. The school has determined that no charges will be filed concerning this matter.

Flawed System

Surely, the school administrators have better things to do with their time and better ways of sorting out disagreements between students or minor infractions of school rules. Just how is it that men like Jerry Sandusky get away with abusing child after child for years, but a 7 year-old trying to stop a fellow student from choking him and a 9 year-old who says a teacher is "fine" get labeled as sexual harassers? 

Clearly, we are hyper-sensitive in some instances and willing to pull the wool over our eyes in other instances. Sexual harassment/offender labels shouldn't be taken lightly. When there is truly sexual harassment, action should be taken to stop it immediately.

Sexual harassment is defined as unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors or other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature that tends to create a hostile environment. The above-referenced instances certainly do not appear to be sexual harassment.

Overly Litigious Society

School administrators and other organizations have become so sensitive about getting sued that they tend to jump the gun in many instances; as was the case in these two accounts. And yet, I often see headlines about schools missing the in-school abuse of a special needs student or violence occurring between boyfriends and girlfriends on school property, etc.

The system seems to be flawed. However, should the principal in NC have been forced to retire or be fired? I'm not so certain. Unless there had been other issues with his judgment and leadership, the split decision to eliminate him seems a bit over-the-top.

The mother of the suspended 9 year-old said that she would likely pursue a legal action over this. Is that the right answer to this issue? Absolutely not. That response only perpetuates snap decisions and knee jerk reactions in an attempt to avoid lawsuits. Indeed, the termination of the principal may very well have been caused by the school district's fear they would be sued regarding this issue. 

The Scoop

Can't we call it what it is; a bully getting what he deserves and a young boy making an inappropriate, but not harassing, statement about a teacher. So, maybe the bully will stop messing with that boy {& others}. And someone can sit the 9 year-old boy down and talk with him about appropriate and inappropriate statements at school. School administrators don't need the fear of a lawsuit hanging over them at all times; clearly it inhibits their abilities to make good decisions and teach proper lessons to the students. Over and out...

Anna

Occupiers: Go Home {On a Soapbox}

Honestly, when I read the accounts of what's happening at various Occupy {Take your pick of cities} all I see if a bunch of unruly kids acting poorly. Let me stress that I am nowhere near being included in the 1% of the wealthy Americans. I join the protesters in their frustrations of Wall Street and all it has come to represent. We work hard and never seem to get anywhere; gas, groceries, clothes, healthcare and everything else just keep rising in cost, even when income does not.

That being said, I don't think this protest is the way to accomplish anything. I see people trashing public streets, parks and plazas; I see police being called away from other areas of the various cities where police presence is essential to protect people from crime; I see criminal activity, such as drug use and even a drug overdose at the "campsites"; I see rudeness and crudeness to employees who are simply trying to get inside a building to their offices and do their jobs so that they can make a living; I see people injuring police officers who are just following their orders so that they may keep their jobs; I see people who may have started with good intentions looking a lot like the bad guys now.

The destruction of public property and need for extra police detail is only using up precious taxpayer money; money that could have gone to help those who go to bed hungry; those who can't afford heat in the winter; those who have no coats; those who have no shelter; those who are searching for jobs; those who are trying to make ends meet despite working countless hours day in and day out; those who are the furthest from the elite 1%.

When it's all said and done, when we move on and this is but a vague memory, will Occupy Wall Street and its offspring Occupies have accomplished anything positive? I think not.

I'm disappointed in the way these people, who I think mean well, have conducted themselves. While I agree with the idea with which they hatched this plan, I don't condone how they have gone about trying to make a statement. They are beginning to harm those whom they are technically representing; police, those "fighting for the cause", employees who are not part of the 1%, but happen to work in the financial districts and industries, etc.

So, Occupiers, I speak to you. Pick up your water bottles, coffee cups, sleeping bags, tarps, pillows, bullhorns and cardboard signs, repair any damage you have done to publicly owned statues, benches, roads or paths, replace any uprooted or smashed flowers, shrubs or trees, leave things as they were when you arrived and go home. There are other ways. You're creative and inventive; you can think of something more peaceful and less destructive. Over and out...

Anna

 

 

Choose Your Side Carefully: A Word to the Students of Penn State {On a Soapbox}

Kill the Messenger?

Hold the stinkin' phone. I just found my soapbox. I had been planning to note the various sad, ludicrous state of affairs repeated over and over again on every news medium concerning myriad subjects. Then, I read that Mike McQueary, the one-time grad student who gave the most damning testimony before the grand jury, had been sidelined and won't be at tomorrow's Penn State game due to threats. In fact, PSU has now placed him on administrative leave.

I was already quite disappointed to read how a number of the PSU student body reacted to the firing of Head Coach Joe Paterno by rioting in the streets. This demonstration was ridiculous. Paterno may have met his legal obligation, but his moral compass was off....perhaps for a good many years, with regards to Jerry Sandusky.

What I can't find is additional information about the threats received by McQueary, and who is threatening him. My assumption is that it's past and/or present students and diehard fans who have misplaced their fury involving this far reaching university shakedown.

Making Sense of It All

The anger, resentment and disgust should be placed firmly on the shoulders of Sandusky. The disappointment falls to the PSU administrators who knew of these sick and illegal actions perpetrated by Sandusky, but did nothing to stop it and failed to alert authorities to these crimes. Sadness shelters these vulnerable boys, known as victims 1 – 8. The utter disbelief goes to students who reacted so inappropriately at the news of the PSU Trustees' decision to fire Paterno and the University President.

How deep with festering sore reaches into the heart of this University is yet to be seen, but this must serve as a reminder to all of us that when we see or hear of an injustice, an inappropriate action or questionable situation, we must not turn a blind eye simply because we can't believe it, because it might be difficult for a family, a church, a business, the adoring public, a school to accept or that it will bring down a respected, prestigious, wealthy, well-known figure. These are excuses and are irrelevant.

The focus must be on what is right and wrong; whether a person is being harmed; whether some wrongdoing is afoot. It matters not who is committing the crime; no one is above the law. And eventually that person will be exposed for who he or she really is and this might mean bringing down a whole institution, but so be it.

A Message to the Students

To the students of PSU*, don't be fools; stand on the right side of this playing field. It takes a strong person to support the weak, the unheard, the forgotten; it takes weak, insignificant, superficial person to say we don't care about the morals, the crimes, the children; the game must be won at all costs. So, students of PSU, one day when you have children, what will you think of your actions? What will you tell your children about this chapter of your college career? There is still time to rectify your misguided stance. I believe you are better than this; prove me right. Over and out...

Anna

*I realize that PSU is a very large campus and not all of the students are acting in this way, but these few are destroying the image of the student body as a whole.

A Fine How Do You Do: Theft or Slip of the Mind? {On a Soapbox}

Where to Draw the Line

It's against the law to take anything you haven't paid for from a store. It doesn't matter whether the item cost $2 or $20,000; it's still a crime. Some people do steal. And when they do they should be punished. But sometimes people make a simple mistake. Sometimes it's just a slip of the mind.

Should that person still be punished? Or should that person be able to pay for the item that he or she forgot to pay for, but meant to, and go on about his or her business?

Before you answer that question, let me tell you a story.

Welcome to Hawaii

A family moves from CA to HI, after a few weeks, they are still trying to figure out their new surroundings. The mom, dad and almost 3 year old daughter take the bus to the grocery store, getting lost in the process, finally arriving at a Safeway.

The mom is 30 weeks pregnant. She is famished; the whole family is hungry since they got lost and their trip to the grocery store took much longer than expected. As they shop, they pick up two chicken salad sandwiches, open the packages, saving the wrappers for the checkout line, and eat the sandwiches in plain view.

The family finishes shopping, pays for their groceries and exits the store. At this point, store security approaches them. It is at this point that the couple realizes they forgot to pay for the sandwiches they ate. They offer to pay the $5 for the sandwiches, but are taken to the manager's office.

Again, they try to pay for the sandwiches, explaining what happened. The manager refuses to allow them to pay for the sandwiches, citing store policy regarding theft. Instead, the store manager called the police. Four hours later, the police arrive.

The police arrested the mom and the dad, and child protective services arrived to take the almost 3 year old into custody. The mom kept her composure until her little girl was gone. At that point, she became hysterical, got sick and threw up due to her concern for her child who had never spent a night away from them.

The police booked them, took mug shots and then released the two on a $50 bond each. The parents walked back to Safeway, retrieved their groceries and walked home. At this point, it was almost midnight. The couple sat up that night waiting for the first minute they could get their daughter back. Eighteen hours after their little girl was taken from them, she was returned.

They retained an attorney. And at the attorney's advice went to the media about this. Safeway's corporate office is backpedaling fast.

My Take

Where's the humanity? I got sick to my stomach and tears welled up in my eyes as I read this account. I placed myself in this mom's shoes and I know that could have very well have been me. My heart went out to her thinking about her child being taken away from her by a person who her daughter did not know, having never spent the night away from mom and dad.

Who among us, especially while pregnant, has not opened a package of food for us or our child while shopping? And who among us, especially while pregnant, has not had a slip of the mind while running errands, particularly with a child?

I am all for punishing crimes; crimes of any degree. But there was no intent here; there was no crime here.

Safeway, have a heart; have some decency; listen to your paying customers. They may have a valid explanation. I don't have any Safeways around me, but you can bet your beans that if I did, I wouldn't give them any of my business ever again.

Safeway, this is the kind of debacle people remember. This kind of thing makes me fighting mad! Let me tell you another story, with a different flavor.

Several days ago, I saw a tweet from someone that said her aunt in MA was having back trouble and had phoned her local grocery store and asked if they could help her out. They took her list, shopped, checked out, bagged and delivered her groceries to her; all just because they value their customers.

I tweeted this woman's niece to ask her what grocery store it was. She said it was a small, local store and they didn't even have a website, but she was volunteering to create one for them since they had been so nice to her aunt.

Now that's good customer service. Trust others; give people the benefit of the doubt; have some humanity! You just might be wearing the other shoe one day and need human kindness yourself. Now, how would you answer the question? Theft or slip of the mind? Over and out...

Anna

 

I Hit a Child with My Car: Distracted Driving {On a Soapbox}

A Birthday Request

Today is my birthday. I've been thinking about what I really want, and I've come up with something that won't cost you a cent. But first I want to share this story with you.

This is a difficult story to tell. This is a story that I've never shared with anyone. To my knowledge only my mom and my husband know this story other than those involved.

My Story

Several years ago, my mom and I had a chance to go to dinner alone. Since the Darlings were born, we so rarely have time alone together since she's in TX and I'm in MN. We chose a low-key, elegant, local spot; we got dressed up; and we left Will with the Boys for the evening.

As I drove, we casually chatted. A few blocks from my house I noticed an ice cream truck parked on the side of the street, but didn't see anyone else nearby. As I drove past the ice cream truck a child suddenly appeared around the front of the truck. He was running...fast.

The next few seconds are a blur in my mind and always have been. I'm aware that my mom was screaming. I don't recall screaming, but she said I was. I remember pushing the brake pedal as hard as I could. I recall pleading with God not to allow this to happen. And I saw my children flashing before my mind's eye.

As I was practically standing on my brake pedal, willing my minivan to stop, I hit that kid with my car. He must have been about 10 years old. He seemed tall and skinny. My vehicle struck him at his waist. He was running so fast that he couldn't stop even after he saw me. He was at the front center of my vehicle at the time of impact. He must have turned toward us as he realized he was about to be hit because I hit the front of his body. He was thrown back about eight feet from my car and hit the asphalt.

As long as I live, I will never forget the look on his face at the moment of impact. It was a look of horror as he realized he was being hit by a car; it was a look of utter betrayal; his questioning eyes imploring why I would do this to him. It all happened within seconds, but in my mind it felt like an eternity; his face seems to stay frozen staring at me.

What happened next is utterly amazing. The boy flew back onto the asphalt, and then immediately leaped up and continued running across the street to his house. I and his family, standing in their yard, called 911; an ambulance came; police came; the boy was examined and found to be totally without injury save for a few minor bruises. The ambulance left; the police left; we left, completely rattled, but thanking God everyone was fine.

An Accident

How it happened that I hit this child while he was running, he was thrown back and popped up immediately can be explained in my mind only as a miracle from God.

This event and this memory are painful to me. I do not speak of it; I do not drive down that street. I tell you this story because I want to point out to you that I was merely driving down a street I drove down every day, having a casual conversation with my mom who was sitting in the passenger seat next to me. I had seen the ice cream truck, but I could not see the kids on the other side of the parked truck. I was not distracted in the least. I quickly reacted to the situation the instant the child emerged from the blind side of the truck.

I did not do anything wrong. I was not criminally or civilly at fault. I was abiding by all traffic laws. I was not having a phone conversation. I was not reading a text or typing out a text. I was not distracted. A child simply darted out in front of my moving vehicle.

What If

What if I had been lost in conversation on the phone? What if I had been looking at my phone and not the road when the boy ran out into the street? What if I had not looked up in time to even begin to brake? If any of these "what ifs" had been reality that day that child would have more than likely been killed.

A Risk Too High

A child, a biker, a runner, a person walking a dog, a person pushing a stroller, another car; if you are using your phone for talking, texting, checking information or any other purpose while driving a heavy metal vehicle you have a high risk of hitting, injuring and/or killing another human being. That human being could be a stranger; it could be your child; it could be you.

Do you want to take the risk of killing another human being just because you thought of something "important" to tell someone or felt the need to check the text you just received or find an email that has the address you're searching for? I think not.

There is nothing more important than life. There is NOTHING more important than life.

The Scoop

Please pledge today to take my Phone Down, Eyes Up Challenge. This is what I ask of you for my birthday gift today. It's not a hard decision to make. When you think about picking up your phone while driving, just think of me and my story and what might have been if I had been distracted that day. Do it for me; do it for youself; do it for your child(ren); do it for all the other drivers on the road; just do it now.

Distracted driving kills. End of Story. Over and out...

Anna

You might also be interested in the rest of my distracted driving posts:

Challenge Reissued: Simulated Distracted Driving & Teens

Phone Down; Eyes Up: Distracted Driving Statistics Update & Driver Challenge

Distracted by Technology: Are Hands-Free Devices in SYNC with Safe Driving?

Driving to Distraction: The Hazards of Texting While Driving and the Laws Restricting This Habit

Old Habits Die Hard: Must Read Tips and Web Sites to Help Break the Habit of Texting While Driving

Driving to Distraction Part II: Why Using Your Cell Phone While Driving is as Dangerous as Driving Drunk

The Distracted Parent: Must Read Tips and Websites for Staying Focused and Driving Safely