Motherly Law

Motherly Advice {Boys...Not What I Had Planned}

Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.

~Plato

Boys. I never meant to have any. That was not part of my plan. I am not a boy kind of gal. I am a girly girl. I like pink and red and dainties and breakables. I like tea parties and dolls and Barbies. I'm not sporty or nature-y at all. I was so certain I should not have boys that we considered adoption simply to ensure we could have a daughter.

Eventually, we got to the tick tock internal clock do it or forget it question. We didn't have the money to pursue adoption. So, we took our chances.

Everyone said, "Oh, I'm sure it's a girl." I said, "Oh, I don't know."

And then, at 20 weeks, I did know. It wasn't a girl. I have to admit I needed a little time to grieve the loss of the images of me and "my daughter" having tea parties, shopping, comparing makeup and style notes, having that bond that my own mom and I have always had.

This is not to say that I wasn't thrilled to have conceived and to have a healthy pregnancy and baby. I was. And as soon as I let those images go, I was over it. The second time around I truly hoped for another boy. I was ready. I {kind of} knew what I was doing with a boy.

I had also realized something that God had known all along; I am better suited to be a boy mom. I may not be sporty, but I am rough and tumble. I may not like bugs and camping and hiking, but I love taking my boys out into nature and sharing the beauty and tragedy of it all {and I have my 3 year-old to kill the spiders for me}.

I like being the queen of the house. My place is secure...at least until they meet their own princesses one day. And one day, when my little princes are a bit older, I will take them to high tea with me {one of my favorite indulgences}, and we will enjoy the special time together.

God also knew that I have enough trouble getting myself put together and out of the house to have to worry about styling a daughter's hair. This is something that I am thankful for every time I glance into the rearview {backseat} mirror and realize I forgot to even comb their crazy cow licked hair.

Until I had my babies, I was certain I wanted girls, but felt as sure that I would have boys. As it turns out, two boys were exactly what I needed and wanted. Life is a matter of taking a chance, accepting what you end up with, and realizing that's what you needed all along. The thrill of it is rolling with it and learning from it; whatever aspect of life this applies to.

Boys. It's what my future was. God must think I have a lot to learn. Over and out...

Anna

The List: Baked Oatmeal

When I was pregnant with Darling 1 I suffered from morning sickness for a quite a while. Will and I devised a plan to combat this ailment. Will got up extra early and made oatmeal with a little butter, brown sugar and milk and piled high with fresh and dried fruits. Then, he woke me; I got up and ate the oatmeal, then went back to bed. When I got up the next time, I wasn't sick.

Now, this system got trickier when I was pregnant with Darling 2 since I had Darling 1 to keep up with, but we still got up and ate oatmeal to stave off the waves of nausea. Now I'm not talking about instant faux oatmeal pasty crap. I mean Old Fashioned Quaker Oats.

I have always loved a warm bowl of slightly sweet, buttery, creamy oatmeal. And whether it was this early morning, early pregnancy breakfast of champions or something else, my Darlings have also always loved oatmeal. It's a stick-to-your-ribs comforting food for us; breakfast, lunch or dinner.

Years ago, I found a recipe for a baked oatmeal soufflé. It was quite tasty and a nice variation to our oatmeal. Recently, while searching for that recipe, I found another baked oatmeal recipe. I've now made it several times; and it's worth sharing.

This dish is a combination of traditional oatmeal, bread pudding and banana bread. Feel free to experiment with the fruits used. Skeptical? Go ahead, give it a try. It's delicious and hearty and good for you!

Baked Oatmeal

• 2 cups rolled oats
• 1/2 cup chopped walnuts/pecans or sliced almonds
• 1/3 cup maple syrup, plus more for serving {I use Buckwheat Honey in place of syrup. A dark as molasses, thick, rich honey. We get it from our "Honey Man" Scott of Scott's Bees & Honey of Chaska, MN. Scott's is the best honey around these parts, by the way!}
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• Fair Sprinkling of cinnamon{about 2 teaspoons}
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 2 cups milk
• 1 egg
• 3 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted and cooled slightly
• 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
• 2 ripe bananas, thinly sliced
• 1 1/2 cups or so dried or fresh berries, raisins, craisins, etc. {or whatever you have on hand}

I almost never have everything a recipe calls for. I am the Queen of Substitutions, and my dishes always come out tasty. So, don't be afraid to try different variations of fruit and nuts.

Preheat the oven to 375°F. Generously butter the inside of an 8-inch square baking dish or pie plate.

In a bowl, mix together the oats, half the nuts, baking powder, cinnamon and salt.

In another bowl, whisk together the maple syrup or honey, the milk, egg, half of the butter and the vanilla.

Arrange the bananas in a single layer in the bottom of the buttered pan. Sprinkle two-thirds of the fruit over the top. Cover the fruit with the oat mixture.

Pour the milk mixture over the oats and make sure it is evenly distributed and soaks through to the bottom.

Scatter the remaining berries and nuts walnuts across the top.

Bake for 35 to 45 minutes, until the top is nicely golden and the oat mixture has set. Drizzle the remaining melted butter on the top and serve with a drizzle of the maple syrup or honey if you want it a bit sweeter.

This is perfect for a brunch with friends and/or family on a cold, snowy morning ...or as a cozy evening meal. Enjoy!

Anna

Mississippi Underestimated: Answering the Question of Personhood

Free Choice

I recently saw a quote from a conservative governor stating that he had vetoed a particular bill because he didn't want to micromanage the actions of adults. This quote struck me as odd for a number of reasons. To name one, it's conservatives who typically are trying to take away the choice of abortions for all women. Isn't this also micromanaging adult women's actions?

Let me be clear. I am not a proponent of abortions. I don't know a single soul who is. I am a proponent of free choice. Abortion is not something that I would choose, as far as I know. But then again, I've never been in a position to have to make this decision; so I can't say for certain. I am certain that I cannot make that decision for anyone else though; it's not for me to say what others do with their bodies.

I think that a woman or a man should have the choice of making decisions regarding her or his body without the state interfering with this choice because someone else living in that state may disagree with the choice that person makes. The decision to have an abortion for any reason is one of the most personal choices I can think of.

An Argument for Conservatives

I liken my argument to that of gun rights. I, personally, don't think that people should own guns for personal safety or hunting. I, personally, think that people with guns make our society less safe. However, not everyone agrees with me. There are those who think it's vitally important to have firearms in the home in order to protect the family. There are others who enjoy the sport of hunting.

I will leave them to their sport and their sense of security. I will not tell them they can't own guns, even if they are safe with them and follow all the laws regarding firearm ownership and don't threaten others or commit crimes with their firearms. That is their right.

MS 26

Well, it's also a woman's right to decide what happens to her body. Yesterday, the people of Mississippi went to the polls to vote on a number of items, one of which was Initiative 26. "MS 26" as it was termed may have been on the MS ballot, but it was an issue that could have affected all women across this country. I spent my evening watching my Twitter stream with the hashtag #MS26 {I met some lovely ladies from MS too.} and monitoring MS election results.

If MS 26 had succeeded it could have opened the flood gates rushing toward the eventual overturn of Roe v. Wade. Well, it didn't. The people of Mississippi came through in the name of women's rights.

The exact wording of MS 26 is this:

Should the term 'person' be defined to include every human being from the moment of fertilization, cloning, or the equivalent thereof?

57% of the voters in MS answered this question with a resounding, "NO" despite the time and money spent by Personhood USA in hopes of a "yes" vote.

Personhood USA

Personhood USA is a Colorado based "Christian" nonprofit organization that "serves the pro-life community by assisting local groups to initiate citizen, legislative, and political action focusing on the ultimate goal of the pro-life movement: personhood rights for all innocent humans."

What this means is that a grassroots team showed up in MS and planted the idea of putting this question to the vote of the people in hopes of stirring the pot into a frenzy that could lead other ultra conservative states to do the same. The Personhood Mississippi website says if the vote was yes, a legal challenge would be set up to challenge Roe v. Wade. Of course, the website also says that the most important reason to vote yes is that it will honor God and show love to their neighbors in the law system. Clearly, Personhood USA was appealing to the conservative Christian voters of that state.

Strong Southern Women

Mississippians responded with their own grassroots fight, explaining to would-be voters that MS 26 could have more far reaching effects, such as infertility treatments, access to contraception and women's health, in general. Personhood USA thought it could appeal to the deeply conservative, Christian, low-income and uneducated citizens of MS. They were wrong. Mississippians are smarting than that.

The idea of the personhood question evolved from U.S. Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart's observation during Roe v. Wade oral arguments when he said, "If it were established that an unborn fetus is a person, you would have an impossible case here." Now Personhood USA is trying to do just that. 

The Scoop

There are a number of laws in place that regulate the how, when and where abortions are performed, by whom and upon whom. It's not a spur of the moment, lightly taken, frivolous decision....ever. And the laws in place protect those who for whatever reason have come to a clinic for an abortion. Without these laws, providing this right, abortions would still take place, but behind the scenes, without safeguards, without regulating the who or what or when or where.

In the past I wrote about laws with unintended results. If the voters' answer to MS 26 had been yes, this would have been one of those laws. This issue is not about choosing abortion; this issue is about choosing for one's self. The people of Mississippi have chosen for themselves. Over and out...

Anna

 

A Story About Poop: Life’s Messiest Moments

Pre-Parenting

Before you have your own kids, there are those who have kids already who love to tell stories involving poop, puke and pee in hopes of freaking out the non-parents. It's like a badge of honor earned by the new parent after the first tour of duty cleaning up human excrement: you've had to wash poop off the wall and clean puke off junior's favorite book, your shirt, all the stuffed animals, sheets, blankets, pillows and the rug, and you get to talk about it in public. Well, before I had done my tour in Babyland I laughed it off and made a mental note to never discuss my child's poop with anyone.

My Messiest Moment

Well, here I am writing about one of my messiest moments of my life and it involves none other than my son's poop. Now wait a minute, before you click away, hear me out. I've never written about poop before {and probably never will again}, but when I heard about the Clorox Bleach It Away campaign I knew which messy moment I'd write about. Listen, I could win $25,000 or a $750 Canon Rebel camera, either of which I could really use. So, here it goes.

Poop All Around

When my son was around 6 months old, he was over the moon about bouncing in his Jumperoo. He cared nothing for swings or saucers, but he loved to jump and he's got the calf muscles to prove it too, even 4.5 years later. Well, during one such bouncing session, we realized he had indeed filled his diaper because we could smell it. Yet, as only a parent can appreciate, my husband and I decided to wait to change him because we were in the basement away from the diapers and wipes supply, he was enjoying his exercise routine and we were watching a movie that was almost over.

After a few minutes, our dog, a very expressive, motherly canine, approached our little bouncing bundle of joy, gave him a few sniffs and gave us a look. Her look said, "For the love of Pete, change this baby's diaper and give us all a break! What kind of parents are you?" The admonishment from the dog was enough to make us further check the situation.

Upon inspection, we realized the stench was pretty bad; and yep, the poop had gone up his back. Seriously, that's really enough, but hang on, there's more. As we pulled our sweet muffin out of the Jumperoo, we noticed that the poop had also run down his legs all the way into his adorable little soft leather shoes and had soaked through the seat of his pants and was all over the fabric of the Jumperoo seat.

So the disapproving look from our dog regarding our parenting skills was well deserved. This was a royal, stinking mess. Thankfully, I was not alone in this situation. My husband set about the task of cleaning up our soiled child and I began cleaning the filthy clothes and fabric seat.

The Scoop

These days, if something has poop on it, I toss it in the trash. But back then, I dutifully rinsed, treated, washed, bleached, etc. I was able to salvage the clothes and the Jumperoo seat, but those cute little leather shoes were goners, despite all of my efforts to save them. Our child cleaned up quite nicely, and we all survived that messy moment of life and many more that followed.

One day, I'll tell my son that story while he cuddles his sweet-smelling {for the time-being} infant and he'll think, "Mom, why must you talk about {my} poop!" And then, when he least expects it, his time for cleaning up an explosion of poop will come and he'll have a poop story of his own.

It's not just the pristine, sunshiny moments of life that make us who we are; it's all the moments, even the messy ones. And I'm a mom, with two boys, ages 5 and 3. I've become better acquainted with bodily fluids than I ever intended to; such is life. Over and out...

I received information about Clorox's Bleach It Away campaign and am sharing my messy moment for the chance to win prizes from The SITS Girls. To learn more about the messy moment program, check out www.BleachItAway.com.  Sharing your story on the Clorox fan page gets you entered for the chance to win $25,000 and daily prizes, and you can grab a coupon for Clorox® Regular Bleach.

Anna

A Fine How Do You Do: Theft or Slip of the Mind? {On a Soapbox}

Where to Draw the Line

It's against the law to take anything you haven't paid for from a store. It doesn't matter whether the item cost $2 or $20,000; it's still a crime. Some people do steal. And when they do they should be punished. But sometimes people make a simple mistake. Sometimes it's just a slip of the mind.

Should that person still be punished? Or should that person be able to pay for the item that he or she forgot to pay for, but meant to, and go on about his or her business?

Before you answer that question, let me tell you a story.

Welcome to Hawaii

A family moves from CA to HI, after a few weeks, they are still trying to figure out their new surroundings. The mom, dad and almost 3 year old daughter take the bus to the grocery store, getting lost in the process, finally arriving at a Safeway.

The mom is 30 weeks pregnant. She is famished; the whole family is hungry since they got lost and their trip to the grocery store took much longer than expected. As they shop, they pick up two chicken salad sandwiches, open the packages, saving the wrappers for the checkout line, and eat the sandwiches in plain view.

The family finishes shopping, pays for their groceries and exits the store. At this point, store security approaches them. It is at this point that the couple realizes they forgot to pay for the sandwiches they ate. They offer to pay the $5 for the sandwiches, but are taken to the manager's office.

Again, they try to pay for the sandwiches, explaining what happened. The manager refuses to allow them to pay for the sandwiches, citing store policy regarding theft. Instead, the store manager called the police. Four hours later, the police arrive.

The police arrested the mom and the dad, and child protective services arrived to take the almost 3 year old into custody. The mom kept her composure until her little girl was gone. At that point, she became hysterical, got sick and threw up due to her concern for her child who had never spent a night away from them.

The police booked them, took mug shots and then released the two on a $50 bond each. The parents walked back to Safeway, retrieved their groceries and walked home. At this point, it was almost midnight. The couple sat up that night waiting for the first minute they could get their daughter back. Eighteen hours after their little girl was taken from them, she was returned.

They retained an attorney. And at the attorney's advice went to the media about this. Safeway's corporate office is backpedaling fast.

My Take

Where's the humanity? I got sick to my stomach and tears welled up in my eyes as I read this account. I placed myself in this mom's shoes and I know that could have very well have been me. My heart went out to her thinking about her child being taken away from her by a person who her daughter did not know, having never spent the night away from mom and dad.

Who among us, especially while pregnant, has not opened a package of food for us or our child while shopping? And who among us, especially while pregnant, has not had a slip of the mind while running errands, particularly with a child?

I am all for punishing crimes; crimes of any degree. But there was no intent here; there was no crime here.

Safeway, have a heart; have some decency; listen to your paying customers. They may have a valid explanation. I don't have any Safeways around me, but you can bet your beans that if I did, I wouldn't give them any of my business ever again.

Safeway, this is the kind of debacle people remember. This kind of thing makes me fighting mad! Let me tell you another story, with a different flavor.

Several days ago, I saw a tweet from someone that said her aunt in MA was having back trouble and had phoned her local grocery store and asked if they could help her out. They took her list, shopped, checked out, bagged and delivered her groceries to her; all just because they value their customers.

I tweeted this woman's niece to ask her what grocery store it was. She said it was a small, local store and they didn't even have a website, but she was volunteering to create one for them since they had been so nice to her aunt.

Now that's good customer service. Trust others; give people the benefit of the doubt; have some humanity! You just might be wearing the other shoe one day and need human kindness yourself. Now, how would you answer the question? Theft or slip of the mind? Over and out...

Anna

 

A Case of Misidentification: Ultrasound Mistake Leads to Court

A Sneak Peek

Some of the best parts of my pregnancies with Darling 1 and Darling 2 were the ultrasounds. I vividly recall each of them; a sneak peek at my tiny baby. I had two ultrasounds with each son. We were anxious to get a look at them, but mostly we wanted to know if everything was developing correctly and working properly.

At Darling 1's first ultrasound we thought everything was perfect. He was active, had all his limbs and organs and his heart and kidneys were functioning well. Then, the obstetrician told me that the there was one "soft marker" for chromosomal defects, a Calcium buildup in his heart. We were referred to a perinatal specialist obstetrician for a more detailed, second ultrasound.

At the second ultrasound, the doctor assured us all was well. She had seen at least 5 others with the same issue just that day. She said our doctor was just erring on the safe side. She explained that this phenomenon was relatively new and it was thought that perhaps these Calcium blips have always been there are now showing up due to our advanced technology. It causes no problems and often is absorbed later.

A Shattering Thought

We were so incredibly relieved to know our unborn baby was healthy, and grateful to have another look at our mover and shaker. However, the first night after the first ultrasound with the possibility that something was wrong with my baby hanging over my head was excruciating. It was so painful that I tried to forget about it; I tried to ignore the constant nagging in my brain; I tried to talk the worry away with Dear Husband; I tried to fill my mind with positive research information concerning this tiny bit of Calcium.

To no avail; I cracked in the middle of the night that night. All of my fears and concerns came rushing out, flooding the room with sadness, as if a dam had broken in the dark of night without any warning to the town below the dam. After letting all my terrors escape out of my brain, I was able to wait the two weeks until the second ultrasound that set us free. And 4.5 months later, my baby was born and was perfectly formed.

What Would You Do?

There are many opinions about what one should/would do if met with a severe disability, abnormality, medical condition or other conundrum during an ultrasound or subsequent amniocentesis. If you could or would have known something would you have decided to end the pregnancy? Would you ever choose to end a pregnancy?

I know some who felt certain about terminating a pregnancy should a disability be detected. I know others who would have never terminated a pregnancy, regardless of the prognosis or issue found. Thankfully, I never had to make this decision or even think about it. No matter which way you view it, there are no easy answers.

Large Award for Defects

I just read about a case out of Florida that awarded 4.5 million to Ana Mejia and Rodolfo Santana, the parents of a child born with severe defects, back in September. This child was born with no arms and only one leg. The couple had two ultrasounds performed during the pregnancy and were told everything was fine with the baby. They were told there was an extremely minor chance of a chromosomal disorder; the same remote chance that most people have.

When their son was born so severely disabled they were shocked and terribly upset that this information that escaped the ultrasound technician and obstetrician. They were saddened for their son who faced a life of hardship. They sued the two obstetricians they felt were responsible for this oversight and negligent in failing to provide such important information.

The couple claims they would have terminated the pregnancy had they had this information in hand after the ultrasounds. The couple sued in order to provide the care and medical procedure and prosthetics for their young son, now 3 years old.

They asked for 9 million, but the jury came back with a 4.5 million dollar award that will provide for his needs for the rest of his estimated 70 years of life, even if something happens to his parents.

A Case of Negligence

Now, perhaps you fall in the same camp as Mejia and Santana; or maybe you'd accept the fate of your child and the cost of caring for this severely disabled child and not blame the doctors for dropping the ball and neglecting to detect these very obvious defects. Whether you would have sued or not, it's clear {to me and the jury, at least} that these doctors were negligent.

As illustrated from my experience with Darling 1 and the tiny Calcium buildup in his heart, ultrasound technology is quite advanced these days, and my ultrasounds were 5.5 years and 3.5 years ago. It should be quite clear to a trained ultrasound technician whether a child is missing limbs. And even if a technician missed it, then an obstetrician reading the films should for sure catch such a grave defect.

However, this case is not for you or for me to decide. It was for the jury. And the jury found the obstetricians at fault and decided this award of damages was in order, based on the testimony heard, evidence presented and instructions provided by the court.

A Call for Humanity

I happen to find the lawsuit, the jury finding and the award in order. What surprised me were the 159 comments {OK, I didn't read all 159, but I read a number of them}. The majority of the comments were hateful, rude and disrespectful. The comments were overwhelmingly against these parents. Some comments remarked that the parents should have been aborted. Other comments made the parents out to be gold diggers, trying to win big money for themselves. And on and on, the comments attack these parents.

I was surprised and shocked by these comments. I know, I shouldn't have been, but I'm a bit Pollyanna-ish when it comes to humanity. I always expect people to treat others with more respect and kindness than they do. But it seems that the anonymity of leaving a comment online seems to bring out the worst in people.

If we could put ourselves in other's shoes and understand that we don't know what's it's like to live someone's life until we walk a mile in someone else's shoes. If you have not seen your idea of having a perfectly formed child dashed against the rocks, watched your horribly disfigured child, knowing he will never experience life like other children and realized that for the rest of your life you will be caring for this child, then you have not walked a mile in their shoes. I know I have not.

The Scoop

There are many overly-litigious lawsuits out there. I'll be the first to admit it. But a lawsuit such as this is not one of them. A lawsuit such as this will help ensure these doctors and hopefully others don't make this kind of mistake again. Over and out....

Anna

Motherhood: What I Didn’t Know

Moms Rule

I got an email from our local zoo about a drawing for a sizable gift certificate to a department store in honor of Mother's Day. All you have to do to enter the random drawing is write a short essay on why moms rule. I asked my 4 year-old how he would answer this query. His reply, "Moms rule because sometimes they stop the dads from putting kids in timeout." Hmmm, not quite the sweet, flowery, Hallmark-card answer I was hoping for, but there you have it that's why moms rule, according to my elder son.

As Mother's Day nears, I have been reflecting on my experience with motherhood. It is everything I thought it would be and nothing I thought it would be all in the very same second. Just as soon as I think I've got it mastered my Darling Boys throw me a curve ball, and I realize I don't have a clue.

I Wish I Had Known

I wish I had known how much to appreciate a quiet house or an uninterrupted shower or night's rest before my Darling Boys were born. I knew it would be exhausting, frustrating, maddening, magical, amazing and hilarious, but I didn't know how deeply and how often I would feel these emotions. I didn't know how little, helpless and scared I would feel when I had a sick boy with a fever that wouldn't budge at 3 in the morning. I didn't know how the deep, genuine, rolling on the floor laughter shared by two brothers could bring me to my knees in a prayer of thankfulness.

I didn't know how fine a line it is between a loving, good, holding-it-together mom and a loving, good, about-to-lose-it mom. I've walked that thin line many times now, and I'll continue walking the line for years to come. They say kids bring out the best in a person. I agree with that statement, but I also think kids bring out the worst in a person.

Survival

I have survived this gig, so far. I have survived because of my girlfriends who are themselves mothers in the trenches, my mom who has been there and raised kids very similar to my own and my husband who abidingly gets up with the boys at night, changes diapers on airplanes and not-so-clean public bathrooms, cleans up puke, pee and poop and lets me be alone more than his fair share of the time. If I was alone in this role of motherhood, I would be failing miserably. This much I know is true.

There are days I adore being a mother and days I loathe being a mother, but I always completely, whole-heartedly, without question love my kids. They are my world. By saying this, I don't mean that I have nothing else going on during my day or week; no other goals, deadlines or aspirations in my life; no coffee dates, dinner dates or weekend getaways planned. I most certainly do. The other things in my life are what keep me sane as a mom.

What I Know Now

Interestingly, being a mother has opened new doors, created new opportunities and tapped into new creative rivers for me. I don't think I would have gotten to this point without becoming a mom first. This may sound strange, but motherhood has heightened my senses; it has honed my resourcefulness; it has unleashed my imagination.

Don't get me wrong though. I've had to let go of a lot of my imagined world of motherhood. Some of my precious things have broken, the dining room rug is eternally dirty with bits of food from two messy eaters, toys are everywhere without regard to my neatly arranged, all-toys-assigned-to-a-specific-location system, my kids are not perfect, they rarely listen to me the first time I say anything and despite my pre-mom adamant rant my Darling Boys get in bed with us at some wee hour every single night.

The Payoff

So, what makes the bad, the ugly and the messy less noticeable to this mom? It's listening to my Darling Boys hatch out a whole story line based on a book we've just read or a DVD they've just watched and play it; it's watching the elation displayed on my son's face after making his first goal during a soccer game or catching his first baseball; it's seeing the wonder in my children's eyes as they watch giant machinery cut down a tree or dig a hole; it's watching my boys' reaction to their first taste of chocolate; and it's feeling the strong hold their whole bodies have on me when they run to greet me as I arrive home.

Those are the magical parts of the motherhood, and why I feel so grateful to be experiencing these things as a mom. Anyone can observe these things happen, but only a mom can feel them and understand the pure joy of it all. What I didn't know is that despite all the ugly parts, motherhood really is better than I ever imagined. Over and out...

Anna

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Motherly Law Year in Review: Updated Posts

Trial and Error

Parenting is largely trial and error, a learn-as-you-go, kind of job. It's been my experience that many times a well-thought-out plan for dealing with a developing issue or setting a goal or laying down the law may not work or have an unintended consequence and must be re-worked to some degree.

This is also the case with the law. As I have mentioned in the past, the law is ever-changing depending on current trends, new research, new technologies, and old lessons learned. Laws are passed, amended and repealed every year; for better or worse.

Updated Posts

Therefore, due to changes in laws, guidelines and recommendations over the last year, there are several posts that need to be updated. Here are a few words regarding the changes for each one of these posts, plus links to the changed, updated information. The posts themselves have also been updated with new links, etc.

Bisphenal-A {BPA}

My second post on ML was about BPA-free products and the laws banning this chemical in certain items. Most of the state laws in place regulate BPA in baby/child products. GreenBiz.com reports "17 states and the District of Columbia will be looking at new legislation to ban BPA from baby bottles, infant formula packaging, receipt paper or a combination of items." Currently, ME, MA, MN, CT, WA, NY, VT, WI and MD have state laws in place banning such products.

Birth Centers

Many women are turning to alterative choices when it comes to where to have babies and who is delivering babies. One choice that seems to be gaining popularity is a birth center. A birth center provides a homelike, comfortable setting in which to give birth with a midwife overseeing the pregnancy and delivery. Birth Centers are often covered by major health care plans and are an attractive alternative to a home birth or at the opposite spectrum, a hospital birth, for those who feel a hospital is too invasive and uncomfortable. Over the past year, accredited birth centers have been popping up all over the country. Click here for a current list of accredited birth centers.

Bike Helmets

There's been some discussion over whether bike helmet laws and recommendations are causing kids who can't afford helmets or find them "uncool" to simply stop riding bikes. This result, of course, was not what was intended by lawmakers who passed these state laws requiring helmets to ride bikes, scooters, skate boards, etc.

Regardless, 21 states, plus District of Columbia have bike helmet laws, covering various ages. Here is a table and accompanying maps that show what the helmet laws are for each state, whether it's for motorcycles, scooters or other low-power cycles and bikes.  

Pool Drain Safety

Last summer, I wrote about the new mandatory pool drain covers that were meant to ensure that people, and in particular, children could not become trapped under water or disemboweled by broken/malfunctioning pool drains. However, just last week there were reports that the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) is investigating whether the pool drain covers were improperly tested. After issuing subpoenas to three independent laboratories, the CPSC is reviewing more than 17,000 pages of documents to learn more about their testing methods.

Pool & Spa News reports, "The investigation has revealed that the testing protocols used by some laboratories may have been improper and, as a result, some covers certified by these laboratories may not comply with the Virginia Graeme Baker Pool and Spa Safety Act." This means that some drain covers may not have accurate flow ratings and may not prevent entrapment. CPSC is trying to have finished this investigation by the start of pool season, but warns pool owners to keep children away from drains, especially the shallow areas.

Car Seats

While my posts on car seats have been focused on booster seat laws and finding the car seat that best fits your car, there are new guidelines for rear-facing seats. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) now recommends that infants remain in rear facing seats until 2 years of age or until reaching the maximum weight or height allowed for the rear-facing infant, convertible or 3-in-1 seat being used. This recommendation may seem extreme, especially for those who have giant toddlers like I did, but it's based on research that shows this is the safest position for a small child to be in should a crash occur. And as parents, ultimately it's our kids' safety that matters most.

For additional information on this subject click on these links:

www.aap.org

www.heathlychildren.org

www.ghsa.org

The Scoop

It's interesting to watch the progression and/or reversal of laws, regulations, guidelines and recommendations on these and other issues. The great thing about a law or guideline is that it can continually be molded or completely done away with depending on the current school of thought, needs and purposes of our society. Many guidelines or recommendations of organizations like AAP do eventually become law and others retain their status as merely guidelines of a particular organization.

Next week, I will have a guest post on what to look for in finding an attorney to help you with your estate planning needs; how to approach your digital legacy and more. Over and out...

Anna

 

The Burning Question Answered: The Name Game

I was pleasantly surprised by the great response to the name posts during the first week of January. Last weekend, I asked you how you handled the last names when you married and had kids. I received many responses via comments, email, Twitter and Facebook.

Approximately half of those who responded said they took the spouse's last name and everyone in the family had the same name. The other half of the responders said they kept their last name or hyphenated. Each person in this group had a personal reason for doing so. The reasons varied from wanting to carry on the family name to the person was already established in her career and professionally known by that name. One person emailed me saying he was getting married soon and going to take his wife's name because professionally that was better for her.

Whatever the reason, a person's name, first, middle and last, is individual to that person and he or she should be able to be called and known by whatever name his or her parents or that person so chooses. For the most part, a handful of biblical and traditional names keep circulating through the generations, but it will be interesting to see what new names the next 20 years or so bring.

My mom found this cartoon in the USA Today last week from F Minus by Tony Carrillo and thought it was timely. I will post this week's Burning Question later today. Thanks to all who answered The Burning Question. Over and out…

Anna

In case you missed the name posts here are links to those:

Naming Baby: What do the Laws Say?

Roll Call: Baby Name Lists

Post Delay: Interesting Link Provided for Reader Enjoyment

Hello, My Name is________: Does Your Name Affect Your Life?

Hello, My Name is________: Does Your Name Affect Your Life?

What's In a Name?

Have you ever fantasized about having a different name? Would your life be different with a different name? Do you think your name has helped you or held you back in life? Have you ever thought of legally changing your name or going by a nickname or middle name? I haven't. Does that make me unimaginative or aptly named?

With a name like Anna you don't have to be very creative to think of a nickname for me. I've heard Anna Banana more times than you can imagine, but also Anne, Annie, Annie Bannie (my mom's preference) and Annabelle Lee (from Edgar Allan Poe's Poem).

The name Anna means "One of Grace." And let me tell you graceful is not a term I would use to describe myself. The name Anna has origins from Bible times. According to BehindtheName.com there have been several queens, a saint, a prophetess, a First Lady, a couple of mythological characters, a handful of hurricanes and tropical storms, and two Oscar winners named Anna. This name is used by English, Italian, German, Dutch, Scandinavian, Finnish, Estonian, Greek, Hungarian, Polish, Russian, Czech, Slovak, Bulgarian, Icelandic, Catalan, Provençal, Breton, Biblical, Old Church Slavic, Biblical Latin, Biblical Greek.

And yet, the name Anna is not necessarily one that sounds like a CEO. I'm not saying that someone named Anna couldn't be a CEO. In fact, there is at least one: Anna Chagnon, CEO of Bitstream Inc. But the name Anna, while widely used across the world for years upon years, does not conjure of images of a high power executive woman, at least not to me. Notice that I did not use the phrase "in charge" because I am definitely an "in charge" kind of person.

Articles of Studies Involving Names and Initials

The point is if you are given a list of names or a stack of identical resumes with different names you will infer things about the person based solely on his or her name. The research indicates that even in school a child's name can help him or her make better grades. The article Does Your Name Spell Success from www.jobs.aol.com highlights several interesting studies involving names, initials and perceptions. Based on several of these studies, my name is a good one for making top grades.

Another article, Name Discrimination! How It Affects Your Job and Career Choices, Life Status, Overall Status from www.thedigeratilife.com provides the analysis of several studies on the impact of a person's name and interview and job opportunities, career choices, housing options, etc. I was surprised to see that based on one study spotlighted in this article Anna is the second most feminine name.

Here is a chart from one study:

Positive Names

People Thought They Were…	Female	Male
Intelligent	Abigail, Eleanor, Lisa, Meredith and Rebecca	Clifford, David, Edward, John, Samuel, Ned and Tim
Leaders	Ruth	Alexander, Dwight and Lance
Hardworking	Ada, Ingrid, Marie and Margaret	Jake, Manuel, Ron and Todd
Entrepreneurial and Professional	Lorraine and Sylvia	Gregory and Ted
Talented	Tina	Neil
Wealthy	Audrey, Paige and Victoria	Lucius, Edmond and Claude
Blue-Collar	Roxy	Arnie
Refined	Indira, Calista and Grace	Nigel, Alistair, Vaughn
Ambitious	Leigh	Cedric
Organized	Julianne
Outgoing	Bernadette, Christy, Elaine, Gwen, Joy, Kathy, Kim, Patricia, Nancy and Wendy	Allen, Cole, Danny, Ed, Gary, Jim, Russ and Rob
Accountants (Nerdy)	Minerva and Ingrid	Myron and Reynold
Teachers	Trudy	Thomas
Wealthy Lawyers		Drew

Negative Names

People Thought They Were…	Name
Deceitful	Oswald
Awkward	Angus
Show-Off	Don
Bratty	Dennis
A Jerk	Ace
Stubborn	Rolf
Two-faced	Vera
Bossy	Joyce and Myrna
Opinionated	Rhea and Maud
Old and Overweight	Dolores
Dumb	Candy, Kiki and Vanna

Source: CareerBuilder.com and Behind the Name

Tips for Choosing a Name

Based on the articles, studies, suggestions and lists of names I have read on this topic this week, here are my tips for choosing a name. Take it with a grain of salt, or not:

1. Choose a real, established name (not Moon Unit, KFC#8, iPhone App, etc.);
2. Choose a name that is in the top 1000 or so of the lists of names, but not in the top 5o if you can avoid it;
3. Choose a name that clearly tells the child's gender;
4. Choose a name that starts with A or B;
5. If it's a girl and you want her to excel in math and the sciences, don't choose too girlie of a name;
6. Choose a name that is neither difficult to pronounce nor spell (for the sake of your child and all those who have to call it out and/or spell it);
7. Choose a name you like; even when you are yelling it at the top of your lungs;
8. And don't try to be cute with your child's name. He or she has to live with it the rest of his or her life (if your last name is Wood, don't name your daughter Holly and if your last name is Jordan, don't name your son Michael).

Name Consultations

Lastly, if you feel that your name needs some fine tuning or that you were ill named, you may wish to consult with a Nameologist. A Nameologist can help you figure out the best name, spelling and nickname for you based on your goals, your career, and your areas of struggle. My understanding of Nameology is that it's kind of like astrology, but all analysis is based upon your name. One such Nameologist offers name attunement and other name adjustments; you can read more about it at www.namestructures.com.

Another website with great information about names is http://www.behindthename.com. Behind the name provides the etymology and history of first names, plus other information about a name.

The Scoop

I felt that choosing our children's names was a difficult and weighty task and I didn't even use all of these resources. I did run Google searches of their first names and our last name, write out every variation possible and research the meanings of the names. DH & I feel that we made good choices, but the truth of the matter is that it's not just a person's name that determines which colleges he or she gets accepted or which career paths are followed or whether one gets a promotion. After all, our President's name does not follow many, if any, of the rules set out on most baby naming websites. Over and out…

Anna

You might also like:

For the Love of Books: How and Why Books Get Challenged & Banned Part I

Striking a Balance: Tips for Effective Decision Making

Blurring the Lines: Work/Life Balance