Hanging By a Thread

That Striped Tradition {The Candy Cane}

Traditional Treat

Candy Canes; a stick of peppermint candy with a curved hook on top. My kids love these candies at this time of year. They're a familiar Christmas symbol, but have you ever thought about their origin?

There's no mistaking the red and white striped candy cane; a candy that appears only during this holiday season. I never thought much of it until a few years back when I read something about the candy cane that gave me a different perspective.

Jesus is the Reason for the Season

Now, each time I give my kids a candy cane I say, "Turn it upside down and it makes the letter "J" and whose birth do we celebrate during Christmas?" They reply, "Jesus."

I continue, "Flip it right side up and it's a shepherd's hook, and who do we call "the Good Shepherd?" They reply, "Jesus."

"The red stands for the blood he shed; the life he gave for us. The white stand for his purity and how Jesus washed our sins away when he died for us on the cross."

Legend Has It

These candies are sprinkled throughout our decorations, confections and traditions. They are handed out by Santas at malls, parades and special appearances. Candy canes bring back magical memories of childhood Christmases. They are simple and complex, young and old, traditional and hip all at one time.

Legend tells us that in 1672, the Choirmaster at Cologne Cathedral in Germany asked a local candy maker for sweet candy sticks to give the children during the living crèche performance on Christmas Eve. The Choirmaster wanted the children to be quiet and thought a stick of hard candy would do the trick. Legend goes on to say that he asked the candy maker to put the crook on the top of the candy stick to link it to the Christmas service, being reminiscent of the Shepherds who traveled to Bethlehem to see the Christ child, and justify handing out candy during mass.

The Scoop

Some of this may be truth; some could be folklore; either way, the candy cane has been around a long time. A recipe for this candy first appeared in 1844, and its first mention in literature was in 1866.

So, next time you eat a candy cane or hand one to your child think about all the tradition and history and symbolic meanings that this simply candy holds in its shepherd's hook. Over and out...

Anna

God is with Us {Always and Everywhere}

In the aftermath of this horrible tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School I have seen various posts on Facebook and scattered through articles saying this massacre has nothing to do with stricter gun laws. Instead, these posts, remarks, quotes insist we need to "put God back in schools."

These statements sadden and confound me.

I am a Christian. I love my Lord. It matters not where I go, my God is with me always and everywhere.

To me, these statements imply that since our schools are secular, God abandoned these children and teachers in their hour of greatest need; as if God couldn't step through those shattered glass doors because our government adheres to the separation of church and state, respecting all religions.

Pardon me, but that's not the God I know. No, I know God was in that school on Friday, December 14, 2012 at 9:40 am.

God stood at those locked school doors, weeping as the gunman {whom I refuse to dignify by mentioning his name} made his way toward the school, resolute in his gruesome mission. God was there in the hall giving strength and courage to Principal Dawn Hochsprung and School Psychologist Mary Sherlach as they lunged for the gunman in an effort to protect every child and teacher and staff member in the building.

God was there in each classroom as the teachers realized what those popping sounds in the hall were. God was there guiding the teachers, holding their hands and steadying their voices. God was there wrapping his arms around the frightened children huddled in darkened closets, corners of rooms and cramped bathrooms.

Rest assured God stood with those teachers in those two classrooms where all those young lives were suddenly and tragically taken from this earth. I'm sure God wept as he held their tiny, broken bodies. God was there when barricaded classes quietly prayed at the suggestions of students.

God was there, as the police began to arrive and quickly and efficiently combed through that school. God was there helping to lead the frightened and shocked students and teachers from the building.

God was there waiting for the terrified families to arrive at the school searching for their children, spouses, parents, siblings and friends; looking for the familiar faces; hoping for a comforting word. God was there holding up the parents, siblings and friends when those 26 didn't appear.

God was present at every prayer vigil and service that has been held for these lives taken. God is with the family of the gunman helping them to cope with this terrible burden. God walked alongside those first responders who witnessed the tragic result of a mad man with an assault weapon.

God remains with those families who have been forever wounded and altered. God stands in judgment of the gunman's soul. And God silently waits with us as we, as a nation, ask what can be done to prevent this from happening again.

God is always with us everywhere. That is what I believe as a Christian, and that is what I teach my children.

Evil does lay in wait; looking for the opportune moment to strike and cause us horrible pain; hoping we will say that God has forsaken us; plotting to turn us against one another; pointing out our differences and preying on our weaknesses.

I refuse to give Satan that satisfaction. For Jesus tells us in John 16:33, "In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."

God is with us...always and everywhere!

Anna

Tradition, tradition! Tradition! The Importance of Rituals

Don't Belittle Traditions

The other day I was chatting with a preschool teacher about one of our family holiday traditions, and I mentioned that I might change part of the tradition until the boys were older because that part was not as enjoyable for me at their ages. And she said to me, "Well, aren't traditions really for us, not the kids?"

I laughed and said I agreed, but I kept thinking about that statement. And I don't agree.

Traditions are important to the kids too. It may mean something different to a 4 year-old than it does to me, but doing an activity or attending an event or going on a trip every year is important to all members of a family.

If we ever miss one of our traditional events or consider altering it a bit, the kids keep us in check. It's the kids who say, but it's our tradition to.....

In fact, it was Darling 1 who reminded us on Tuesday night that it's "our tradition" to get gingerbread cookies after going through the Macy's Santaland exhibit and getting the picture with Santa. Clearly, the cookie getting is an important part of the tradition for him.

Our Christmas Traditions

We have traditions we uphold throughout the year, but during this season, in which our family celebrates Christmas, we have quite a few traditional activities. Here are a few of them:

1. Macy's 8^th Floor Santaland
2. Holidazzle Parade
3. The Santa & Albert Holiday Play at Bachman's
4. Making Beeswax Candles at Woodlake Nature Center
5. Reindeer Day in Linden Hills
6. Candlelight and Ice New Year's Eve Celebration at Woodlake Nature Center
7. Putting up our Christmas Tree
8. Building a gingerbread house
9. Baking Christmas Cookies
10. Driving around the neighborhood looking at Christmas lights while sipping hot chocolate and listening to Christmas music
11. New PJs on Christmas Eve

And a couple I'd like to add this year...

1. Holiday Lights in the Park at Lake Phalen and
2. Night Trains at Twin Cities Model Railroads Museum

And eventually, we'll add midnight mass, when the boys are older and can make it past 10 pm. This is one I'm really looking forward to.

Not just a Repeated Activity

What's in a tradition? Why are these rituals so important to us? They're memories to call upon, stories to tell; they shape our childhoods and perhaps the childhoods of our children; they comfort us; make us laugh and cry and feel close to friends and family, even when those people can't be near us or we aren't able to experience a closely held tradition due to circumstances that can't be helped. Our traditions are a part of us.

It matters not what season it is, traditions abound; whether it's a personal tradition, a family tradition; traditional activities with a group of friends or co-workers or even a local, state or national tradition; traditions are everywhere. And yet, it's this holiday season that seems to bring out the most personal, memorable traditions.

The Scoop

It can be as simple or as complicated as putting up a Christmas tree. Is your tradition to have a real tree or an artificial tree? If it's real, do you cut it down yourself? Is it potted? If so, do you re-plant it? Do you always get a fir or pine or a short one or a fat one? These things may not be significant to you....unless it's part of your tradition.

So, while it may not feel important to all members of the family at this point in time, the traditions you create in your family ARE important. I bake cookies every year, just like my mom always did; we have stockings on Christmas morning, just like Will and I always did as kids; and we always have a big, fat real tree.

What are your family's traditions? Over and out...

Anna

Love: This Little Light of Mine, I’m Gonna Let it Shine

LOVE

True LOVE

Real LOVE

Deep as an Ocean

All encompassing

Love does not conform; Love won't be stopped by laws

LOVE does not Discriminate; LOVE understands; LOVE Forgives

LOVE Survives

Love Heals

Love Saves

God is

LOVE

As we near this year's very heated, passionate election day, please take a moment to remember to Love your neighbors, your friends, your family regardless of what they believe or advocate for or who they vote for or whose signs are firmly planted in their yards.

Love is the most important thing we have. Live by example; let your love be a roaring fire that shines out for the world to see; don't hide it under a bushel. Love is not shameful. Over and out...

Anna

Collage: Creating Something New from Something Broken {A Lesson in Persistence and Love}

England Summer of 1996

Back in 1996, I spent a magical, amazing summer in London. I toured a number of cathedrals and castles and towers in London and the surrounding countryside while there. All were impressive and beautiful; some left more of an impression than others. One story that has stayed with me all these years came from the tour of Winchester Cathedral; one of the oldest and longest cathedrals in England.

In 1642, Cromwell's troops smashed the huge stained glass windows in this cathedral. The women of Winchester gathered all the pieces of the shattered glass and tried to put the pictures back together, but they couldn't. So, instead they simply used all the pieces to make a collage of sorts.

The pieces are there, but they're just in a different order; creating a completely new work of art. It was one of the most beautiful stained glass windows I've ever seen.

This story really touched me; the care and love that went into that window must have been great.

Texas Summer of 2011

In the summer of 2011, I wrote about the end of the marriage between my sister-in-law and brother-in-law and my anger and grief over losing my sister-in-law in the process. It was a gut-wrenching, broken-hearted, confusing time for our family.

My sister-in-law and brother-in-law kept saying they were praying for a miracle.

Half of me thought with a smirk what kind of miracle? The divorce petition had been filed and served; my brother-in-law had moved out; hearts had been torn in two. The other half of me thought why can't this story end like a country love song {my favorite kind of country song} and they vow to love each other and make it work.

But mostly, I thought it was over and we would all learn the new rules of family gatherings, holidays and loss from divorce.

Texas Summer of 2012

Well, I was wrong. They got their miracle. A year after thinking it was over for good a crazy, miraculous thing happened. They fell in love; a love like they had never had. This love is deep and wide and puts goofy smiles on their faces.

Persistence and New Designs

Sometimes something can be so broken; so crushed down and ripped into little pieces that it becomes unrecognizable. Often those pieces are swept up and thrown into the garbage. But sometimes those pieces are carefully gathered and preserved until they can be put back together again. And like the Winchester Cathedral, you can't always get those pieces to look like it did before. No, instead, it becomes something completely new and more beautiful than before.

And that's what happened here. There was a marriage before, but it never looked like this. Now, it's a beautiful work of art that was hand-wrought from hard lessons learned, a new common aim and a deep and abiding love for each other and their family that was ignored and forgotten in the past, but came shining through when the shards were pieced together in this new design.

The Scoop

So, when something is broken and appears to be beyond repair, remember the Winchester Cathedral stained glass window that was pieced into an amazing new design in 1660; 18 years after it was shattered during a civil war. All it takes is a fresh perspective and an enduring persistence; and maybe a country love song or two.

I can't deny that this pleases me beyond words, brings a tear to my eye and puts a goofy smile on my face. Miracles happen every day.

Ironically, it was the summer of 1996 that this marriage began; just 1 month before I traveled to England and toured the Winchester Cathedral. Over and out....

Anna

My Life...So Far {38 Lessons}

Life is a constant lesson. Just when you think you've got a hold on it and you've learned everything the world can teach you, a new saga begins. But without these adventures, trials, heartbreaks and triumphs life would be dull and lifeless; at least that's what I keep telling myself.

I have lived almost 38 years on this earth, and I've been thinking about the lessons I've learned over the years. And here they are; 39 of them:

1. Stepping out of your comfort zone is always worth it;
2. Quietly taking in your surroundings and evaluating the situation can be very helpful in future dealings;
3. Always take each opportunity that comes your way; it may not present itself ever again;
4. Surround yourself with pets; you will always feel loved and understood, even when the world doesn't get you;
5. Be true to yourself; this can be hard when your heart falls hard and leads the way {in the wrong direction};
6. Fall in love, even if it might mean getting hurt; it's worth it;
7. Stand up for what you believe is right;
8. Never compromise when it means giving up on a dream;
9. Even if dreams have to be shelved for a while, don't let them stay on the shelf so long that they become unrecognizable;
10. Never give up...not ever; not even on the darkest nights; the morning will come;
11. When one road is closed, start searching for alternate routes....there's always at least one;
12. Be your own cheerleader;
13. You can always come home...or call home; my parents are my rock, my life support, my ultimate fans;
14. My relationship with my brother is one of the most important ones in my life;
15. My sorority sisters are my sisters and true friends; I love them and when I'm with them we are still 20 and the years and miles between us are erased;
16. My husband does more for me, our family and our home than most husbands do, and I should show more appreciation than I do;
17. Brand new love is the most exciting, but old love is the most reassuring;
18. Love at first sight...or first dance...or first conversation happens;
19. Say what you mean and mean what you say;
20. Sometimes it's best to bite your tongue and leave a few things unsaid {a tough lesson for me};
21. Life can be disappointing, but whether it continues to be disappointing is up to you;
22. Loss hurts...acknowledge it....feel it...grieve and then get back to living life;
23. Take a chance...again....and again...and again;
24. Move...live in different cities... states...countries, if you can;
25. Being a mom has filled my life, but being a mom is not my whole life;
26. Be present; soak up the here and now because the days, months and years fly by;
27. Kids complicate things, bring out the best and worst, but the joy they add and lessons they teach are worth it;
28. Waiting to have kids was one of the best things we did for our marriage;
29. Never miss the chance to tell your child you love him;
30. Advocate for your children; you know them better than anyone else;
31. Always say you're sorry when you've made a mistake or said something that was hurtful;
32. Swallow your pride; you won't choke on it, but you'll end up playing the part of the pompous fool if you don't;
33. Dance anytime you have a chance....who cares what you look like {this took me a long time to realize};
34. Pray without ceasing;
35. Believe in miracles;
36. Speak from your heart; everyone has something important to say; don't be afraid to tell your story;
37. Sleep when you can;
38. Read only books you love; books that speak to you; otherwise, you're wasting your time; and one to grow on....
39. You don't have to live every minute of every day because that's exhausting, but do your best to live while you can.

I think I pretty much covered the big ones, but there are more, of course. And I the older I get the more transparent the life lessons become. What has life taught you? Over and out...

Anna

Communicating with the Dead: Smoke and Mirrors or the Real Deal?

Do You Believe in Mediums?

What if some people can communicate with spirits from beyond? What if spirits have consoling, touching, sometimes funny messages for us? What if mediums are real?

If you believed this, would you go see a medium? Would you reach out to a loved one; would you try to "hear" the words of your beloved one more time?

Last week, while traveling, I found myself in an exhausted stupor, in my hotel room, flipping channels, trying to find something I wanted to watch since I had the chance. We don't have cable, and I rarely watch TV because I am usually working on my computer during the evening hours.

I landed on TLC and was drawn into the Long Island Medium. I didn't know what to expect, but what I found was comforting and sometimes funny. I found myself believing that Theresa Caputo was truly delivering messages from spirits to their loved ones. To my surprise, tears streamed down my face, just as they did the intended recipients of these messages.

But, do I believe there are no smoke and mirror tricks involved? I'm not so sure. And yet, I want to believe and I do believe that some people can "feel" and "communicate" with souls; I know some who do.

Reaching Out

Who hasn't felt that overwhelming sense of loss from time to time for no apparent reason or been flooded with memories of a deceased loved one at random times or experienced that tingly feeling that they are nearby or dreamed a dream so real, so vivid that when you awake, you're sure you had been talking with that loved one, not simply dreaming. I certainly have.

And what's the harm in believing that Theresa, the Long Island Medium, is legit? She allows the families to feel peace and contentment, resolves questions, and melts away guilt. The people who encounter her by choice or by coincidence go on their ways with lighter hearts, happy tears and a connection to their loved ones' spirits.

The Scoop

Sometimes that's all it takes to move on, to let go and to live life fully again. And for that, I say, it's worth it, whether real or imagined. For now, I'll be watching {when I can} and wondering whether Theresa is the real deal or a great fake. Over and out....

Anna

5 Things You Should Know {Writing an Obituary}

I have always skimmed the obituaries in newspapers, and honestly most leave a lot to be desired, in my opinion. Rarely do I feel sorrow for the family or really any emotion at all when reading the mostly stale recitation of dates, locations and names.

I'm also an avid reader of The Week. Each week there are 2 to 3 obituaries of notable people in the back of the volume. While those people are prominent in some aspect and often of celebrity status, the write-up always includes little known facts or tales and a few well placed quotes. Regardless of what I thought of the person in life, I have found that these obituaries give me a new perspective and appreciation for the person.

Oddly enough, in the past, I've had a subscription to Alaska magazine {it's a long story.} And I did enjoy reading the articles for multiple reasons, but one of the best parts of this publication was the obituaries. These pieces were on life-long, or at least close to it, AK residents, but they were not necessarily widely known or particularly extraordinary individuals. And yet, the details and stories of these people made me wish I had known these men and women for the sense of adventure, bravery, pioneering ways, sense of human, etc. Now that's a sign of a great obituary.

Here are 5 Things You Should Know about Writing an Obituary:

An obituary:

1. Should tell a lively and interesting story of the person's life, complete with anecdotes, both touching and funny, trivial and significant;
2. Should Not just provide the statistics of born, schooled, worked, and is survived by;
3. Should make every person's life seem remarkable, because every person's life is remarkable to those who loved this person and presented well can be remarkable even to those who didn't know the person;
4. Should be written by someone who knew the individual well and deeply loved the person who is no longer on earth; and
5. Should make anyone who reads the writing mourn the loss of this person, regardless of whether the reader knew the deceased.

Who's going to write yours? Over and out...

Anna

 

New School Year: A Prayer

For the Teachers, Lord, Grant them Patience, Understanding and Enthusiasm.

For the Students, Lord, Grant them Confidence, Open Minds and Good Friends.

For the Parents, Lord, Grant them Peace, Assurance and Time.

In Your Name we Pray,

Amen.

Anna

On Fried Chicken and Casting Stones

Framing the Issue

This has NOTHING to do with fried chicken.

I have been mulling this over in my mind for a long time trying to find the right words to address this topic.

When we go to the polls in November, the voters in my state will be asked to make a number of important decisions. One of those questions regards an amendment to our state constitution concerning the definition of marriage within MN.

This topic has gripped our nation in recent months based on various ballot questions, the presidential election and the prospect of court rulings from the highest courts in the country in the coming year or two.

What am I talking about? Well, if you haven't figured it out yet, I'm referring to same-sex marriage. For the record, I am a heterosexual female and I'm married to a heterosexual male, but this debate coursing through our country has me steaming. So, why do I care?

For me, there are multiple layers to this issue.

Fueled by Fear

I don't generally argue about religious issues here on Motherly Law, but for me this discussion has absolutely nothing to do with religion. For me, this is a legal issue, just like other laws that regulate who can and cannot marry, when, where and why.

However, for some people this is a religious issue. What I can't figure out is where in the world these people got the idea that God would want them to use His name in this hateful, fear-based argument against other human beings.

What is clear to me is that this is exactly that: a hateful rant born out of fear and misunderstanding.

I ask you, do you know any same-sex couples? Well, I do, and you know what? They are exactly like "opposite-sex" couples. That's right. They casually chat with each other over a quiet dinner; they argue over whose turn it is to do the dishes or take out the trash or get up with the crying baby; they share inside jokes; they take their kids to the park; they buy groceries; they go to church on Sunday; they live their lives just like any other family in the neighborhood.

Fear of "these people" corrupting our kids and our "family values" is misplaced.

And for the record, I have known a number of "opposite-sex" couples who should have never been allowed to get married; who made a mess of their marriage; who destroyed their families; who certainly stained our idea of "family values"; some of these people are church-going, God-fearing people...for the record.

Historical Instances of Suppressing Rights

From a historical and legal review, I would ask you to think about all the laws that have sought to restrict the rights of other groups of people and have eventually been rectified and those laws amended or overturned in court. Two groups that certainly come to my mind are women and black people.

For far too many years a woman's rights to vote, to hold certain positions, get paid an equal amount for the same work, own property and make decisions concerning her own body were held in check by laws; laws made by white men. And for the record, women's suffrage was considered a religious issue in that fight too; it would ruin "family values" and all...for the record.

Our country felt so strongly about whether white men had the right to control, nay...own other human beings and treat them as property, as the laws referred to slaves, simply because their skin was darker than the men who made the laws, that our divided nation went to war to resolve this issue.

It may have taken hundreds of years, but we have finally reconciled these wrongs. We have finally recognized the rights of all human beings...oh wait. That's right. We are now fighting hard not to allow two adults who love each other the right to get married and raise a family as a married couple with all the rights a married couple has.

From a different legal perspective, many of the laws we have on our books are there to protect people from physical or mental harm, protect their property and be sure that basic human rights are not quashed. Laws are not intended to harm a particular group of people who believe something different than the majority or single out people of a certain creed simple because some of the people in the country don't understand or agree with their beliefs or lifestyle choices.

A legal union between two consenting adults of full mental capacity, regardless of gender, national origin, religion, etc. is a basic right that harms no one, at least in my book. How would you feel if your right to marry your spouse was suddenly in question?

The Scoop

You know, as I ponder this hateful rhetoric, I think that perhaps the real fear is that same-sex couples do act like "traditional" couples. I think the real fear is that "they" raise families like the rest of "us"; "they" are just like "us" when it comes to spousal duties, in-laws, career aspirations, planning the summer vacation, etc. And if "they" are like "us" then what? I think this elicits fear of the unknown for some people.

I would liken this fear to the uncomfortable, uneasy feelings that predominated white families as minority families began moving into "their" neighborhoods years ago. While most neighborhoods and communities are quite multi-cultural now and that fear has greatly subsided, the original prejudice was based on ignorance and misunderstanding of each other's cultures and values.

If we could all be loving, peaceful and kind to one another, as the Bible teaches us, then we would get along, learn from each other and live happily ever after. While that is clearly not possible, at least not yet, I suggest that we all follow the advice of Jesus found in John 8:7 when Jesus said,

If any of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone...

This was in reference to a woman who had been caught committing adultery; a crime punishable by stoning. And in case you don't know the rest of the story, not one of the men present cast a stone at her or condemned her, especially not Jesus.

The point is, we have all sinned in various ways, and it's not for us to judge each other's actions and decisions and determine what's a sin and what's not and how each sin ranks on a scale 1-10.

This has NOTHING to do with fried chicken. We're talking about people, just like you and me.

And for the record, this is my opinon; a view I have a right to express thanks to our Constitution. What's your opinion? Over and out...

Anna

For more about this topic from me, please read: There's a Storm a Brewin' in Minnesota: NOH8MN